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Sexless Marriage Effect on Husband (8 Powerful Steps to Fix Your Sex Life)

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Apr 23, 2024
Sexless Marriage Effect on Husband

I talk to many men worldwide almost daily over the phone. 

One of the most common strain topics is their struggles in their love life. 

I will often hear from married men who have sex just a few times a year. While for others, it has been several years since they last made love with their spouse.

My opinion? It’s sad. 

There will be a sexless marriage effect on the husband.

Making love is one of the greatest pleasures available to human beings. It can bring a man and woman together like nothing else.

Sexual intercourse provides a massive boost of happy hormones. This includes oxytocin and dopamine. These improve our experience of life overall.

Hundreds of my clients have suffered from a lack of sexual intimacy and emotional connection.

But don’t worry. It’s fixable, and that’s what this guide is for. 

If you want to understand how you got to this place and what you can do to turn it around starting today, keep reading.

What A Sexless Marriage Looks Like 

A sexless marriage is when sexual intercourse is as rare as a blue moon. A couple’s sex life has dwindled to the point that the term ‘sexual intimacy’ sounds alien. 

Generally speaking, sexless marriages can be defined as marriages where the couple has not engaged in sexual activity for a year or more. 

The average couple engages in sexual activity about once per week. 

But in a sexless marriage? Nowhere near the same—sexual activity happens about less than 10 times a year.

The lack of sexual connection usually hints at deeper relationship problems. This drives emotional distance and marital discord. Lacking a healthy sex life can not only cause dissatisfaction but it also raises the likelihood of divorce.

Now, it’s critical to determine how long is too long without sex specifically for you.

The answer is different for almost every couple. Having sex 2-3 times a year can still be defined as a sexless marriage for some. 

Are you finding that there is a lack of physical intimacy in your marriage? 

Maybe you are no longer physically affectionate. Small things like a touch, a hug, or shared physical closeness can often start to fade away in a sexless marriage. 

You might share physical space but are in a relationship more akin to being roommates than passionate lovers.

Not quite sure if you’re in a sexless marriage? take this quiz

Are you unsure if you’re in a sexless relationship or marriage? 

Perhaps you’re wondering if you’re having less sex than you should or if there’s something wrong with you.

If so, take my sexless marriage quiz to find out today. It only takes a few minutes! 

And if you want the short answer to the solutions to fixing a lack of sexual intimacy, it’s this:

To reclaim balance and sexual polarity, one must do inner work. 

It’s an inside job that requires him to take ownership and actively lead the way in addressing issues. This transformative process involves reconnecting with his deepest self.

Hundreds of my clients have seen the transformations. It starts with you by reconnecting with your core. 

WATCH FREE TRAINING NOW

Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

The Sexless Marriage Effect On Husband And How It Changes A Man

Sexless marriages can change a man for better or for worse. It only improves once he begins taking the right action. But unfortunately, this isn’t the case for most men. 

Here’s a summary of the sexless marriage effect on husband: 

  • Loss of self-confidence
  • Anxiety, stress, depression
  • Loneliness and isolation
  • Sexual frustration
  • Feelings of resentment
  • Weaker communication

In short, I’ll explain here how a sexless marriage impacts a man. 

Firstly, many men associate their worth and identity with sexual intimacy. 

When facing frequent rejection from his wife, a man might feel undesirable and question his value. 

Do you know what this turns him into? Well, the answer is that stereotype of the grumpy, frustrated old man who feels reduced to just a provider.

This ongoing cycle of initiation without reciprocation can lead to resentment and questioning whether this is all there is to marriage. 

Over time, without the physical connection that many men equate with emotional openness, the relationship may suffer from increasing bitterness and disconnection. This often escalates conflicts and can ultimately lead to separation or divorce.

In essence, the absence of sex not only signals deeper relational issues but also threatens the romantic bond that keeps couples connected over the long term. Without addressing these underlying problems, couples may drift apart, become mere co-parents, or end their marriage.

Loss of self-confidence 

The dark cloud of a sexless marriage will cast a shadow on a husband’s self-confidence

No intimacy can make any man feel like sh*t. Most men in this situation I spoke to have told me countless times how worthless they feel. 

It’s a vicious cycle. 

Issues with sexual performance also fuel feelings of embarrassment, shame, and low self-esteem.  

Anxiety, stress, and depression 

The emotional toll of a sexless marriage is heavy. It can lead to the husband developing an anxious or avoidant attachment style. 

No longer having sex pretty much equals feelings of rejection. This sets the stage for concern and uncertainty about self-worth. All the pressure to resolve things can make any man lose or get grey hair. 

Loneliness and isolation

A husband can feel like an island in the middle of a vast ocean—isolated and alone. 

Even in the physical presence of their partner, they can experience emotional isolation. This loneliness stems from the consistent rejection and a diminished connection with their spouse. 

As a result, the man may slowly withdraw. Why? Because they’re unable to be in the present since they’re processing negative feelings.

a sexless marriage can leave both partners feeling rejected

Sexual frustration

Do you know what trail sexless marriages leave behind? 

Unfulfilled sexual desires. Hence leading to a lack of sexual satisfaction. This translates into sexual frustration. 

But can a sexless marriage survive these challenges? The answer is yes (more on solutions shortly).

Those in sexless relationships will also face similar issues. And yes, they’re also fixable. 

No sex doesn’t just affect the physical aspect of the relationship but also the emotional connection. 

Feelings of resentment

Feeling rejected because of no sex can sow the seeds of resentment. 

Over time, these seeds grow into a towering tree, casting a shadow over the relationship. The anger bottles up. When it reaches its tipping point, it becomes a disaster. 

As the resentment is contained within, it can lead partners to see each other more as roommates. At this point, it’s more like a partnership than a marriage. There’s no more empathy. Fighting, arguing, and constantly blaming each other for the pettiest things become routine.

Weaker communication

Weak communication is one of the main reasons that most relationships fail. 

Communication is the lifeline of any relationship. However, a sexless marriage can weaken this. Worse, it destroys this lifeline. 

Besides communication, there are other common reasons why relationships fail. Curious? Watch my short YouTube video below:

Stuck In A Sexless Marriage? Here Are 8 Steps You Must Take

Here are the following steps to take as a man in a sexless marriage: 

  • Don’t turn to porn 
  • Be completely honest with yourself
  • Let your reality sink in
  • Channel your masculine energy
  • Focus on your passions
  • Communicate with your wife
  • Invest more quality time into your marriage
  • Hold yourself accountable

Commit to these steps when considering walking away from your sex life. 

Do you perhaps look at your partner in a perpetually negative light? Maybe your thoughts of her currently are along the lines of: 

  • “She’s so lazy”
  • “Why does she always complain all the time?”
  • “She’s too dramatic” 
  • And more…

If so, pay attention to the following steps below. 

Before that, know this: where focus goes, energy flows. 

What you think about your spouse is what you will get more of. Analyze your connection to your partner outside the bedroom. It’s essential to understand that women want to feel a connection with their partner outside of sex.

If the lack of sex is getting you down, don’t rush into getting physical. 

Take stock of your relationship with your spouse. Without a solid connection between the two of you, your sex life will undoubtedly suffer.

And remember, you’re not the only one. The sexless marriage statistics reveal that it’s more common than you might think. 

WATCH FREE TRAINING NOW

Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

1. First, understand that porn is not the answer

One of the first things you may reach out for when living in a sexless marriage is to watch porn instead. 

But this is not a good solution. 

Don’t try to remedy a sexless marriage by turning to porn. This only causes more pain, disconnection, and unresolved hurt feelings. And eventually, you’ll become addicted to porn.

Why? It’s simple. 

What you’re going through is not a sexual problem. It’s a heart problem. 

And this is what you need to tackle – your heart and mind. 

We need to be careful about how we deal with sensitive issues.

Try to identify and get to the root of your problem. This brings us to the next step. 

jacking off to porn more is not the answer

2. Be completely honest with yourself

Your issues likely stem from an unresolved issue or experience, and trauma can play a big part in this. 

Now, I need you to come to terms with your current situation. The truth is, you’re most likely in a dying marriage.

Be honest with yourself. 

Have you been doing all the right things? Or, have you not done the best you could do? 

Don’t ignore your flaws and shortcomings. Acknowledge their existence. I know it’s not easy. 

Consider where you might have gone wrong or what you could have done differently. It’s like standing in front of a mirror and seeing your true reflection.

3. Let your reality sink in

Have you acknowledged your reality? 

That’s good. The next step is to let it sink in. This is an essential step if you want to win your wife back

It’s a lot to take in and accept. Don’t beat yourself up over past mistakes. Dwelling on the past for too long won’t do much good. 

Right now, just digest everything. You can proceed to the next step only after entirely accepting the truth.

4. Channel your masculine energy regularly

There’s a good chance you’re in a sexless marriage because you’re not in touch with your masculine side

This is a powerful tool for addressing the issues in a problematic relationship or marriage. 

Meditation helps. Practice optimism. Do things that help you build your confidence and mental strength. 

5. Focus on your passions 

I’m talking about your hobbies and interests. 

Do you have any creative pursuits? If so, I strongly encourage you to work on them. Take some time out of your day to focus on these. 

Working on your creative passions will help you connect with your feminine side, which is key to restoring intimacy. 

creative pursuits can nuture your feminine energy

6. Communicate with your wife

Communication unlocks the door to a fulfilling marital life. 

This doesn’t just mean telling your wife what’s on your mind. It’s also about being a good listener. 

Words aren’t the only factor in good communication. It’s also about empathy and communicating well nonverbally

7. Invest more quality time in your marriage

It happens—men can get complacent. 

At the start of a relationship, you’ll likely make a great effort to impress your partner. However, this spark can wear down over time. This is because we feel secure – as if we have ‘snared’ them and don’t need to try anymore.

But doing things as simple as learning a new skill or exploring new experiences can impact libido. 

In other words, you can revive a dead sex life simply by spending quality time together. So, try to impress your wife like you once did when you first met her! 

Or do you not want to spend time with your wife? Ouch. This could be a sign that the marriage might be over

8. Hold yourself accountable

Are things slowly picking back up? That’s good. 

Progress is progress, which is great to see. However, you must hold yourself accountable. Otherwise, you could drag the marriage back down. 

Have the mindset that you’re fully responsible for the marriage. This will ensure that the progress you’re making is sustainable. 

I’d also advise you to start having more relationship check-ins

The Consequences Of A Sexless Marriage

Apart from the apparent sense of loneliness and abandonment, a sexless marriage can have devastating consequences for all partners. 

Here, I talk about some of the most common effects a sexless marriage has on the husband and wife:

The trust deteriorates

the trust is damaged when a marriage is sexless

When you connect with someone on a deeper level, you instinctively start to trust them. 

And having sex together is probably the most beautiful way to connect with your partner. Sex aligns your hearts and your spirit together.

Additionally, good sex helps release oxytocin, the feel-good hormone. So, cutting that off means denying closeness with your partner. 

It can be hard to trust your partner without this level of intimacy.

Anger builds up

Long periods without sex, combined with a drop in shared intimacy on that level can result in irritation. 

We’ll often see the stereotypical bickering in long-term marriages. This is generally a result of a lack of connection and intimacy. 

When the frequency of sex dramatically drops, a slow resentment may start to build up.

This resentment can be intensified to an even greater level if only one partner has lost interest in sex. The partner who has not lost interest and still wants to have sex may feel deprived and become bitter. Of all the things a relationship can cause us to feel – bitterness is one of the most toxic.

Of course, it is natural for our sex life to peak and trough. 

Factors such as stress and illness can cause our libido to drop. A good partner will be understanding of this and can find other ways to meet their needs (such as masturbation).

The actual difficulty arises when the lack of sex becomes chronic. 

If you are reading this and you haven’t had sex with your spouse for a couple of months, it might not entirely be time to worry yet.

However, if you’ve only had sex a handful of times over the past year – Houston, you have a problem. 

Internal rejection

Although a lack of sex does not directly mean rejection, consistently being withdrawn can feel like you’re being rejected over and over again. 

Even though the lack of sex may not have anything to do with you, it can be hard not to take it personally over an extended period. 

It can feel like a blow to your masculine pride and assertiveness. This can leave you feeling insignificant and unloved. 

The Lack Of Connection Is What Drives A Sexless Marriage Toward Divorce

a lack of good sex can actually lead to a divorce

The lack of sex doesn’t put you on the path to divorce.

Apart from physical pleasure, one of the most significant reasons human beings seek out lovemaking is for connection. 

Not having sex is not EVERYTHING, but it is an integral part of a happy and healthy relationship.

The chemicals that are released in the brain during orgasm and sex help you form a bond with your partner. That bond will form on a psychological, emotional, energetic, and spiritual level.

It is common for long periods of celibacy to result in one or both partners being open to attention from other people.

Now, I’m not saying a lack of sex always leads to an affair. 

But these thoughts suddenly can creep in a lot more than before.

Or maybe you’re wondering if your partner is cheating on you. So you allow yourself an emotional affair – be it with a coworker, a neighbor, or a friend – because it’s in our nature to feel loved and accepted. 

When we don’t receive these things from our partners, we look for ways outside our marriage to get them.

The bottom line is this: if you’re not having sex with your spouse, you’re setting yourself up for a disaster.

When you have good sex, you’ll exchange positive energy, as summarized in my YouTube clip below. However, you’ll miss out on this when there is no sex. 

How You Ended Up In A Sexless Marriage

There could be a million reasons why this has happened.

As you grow older and figure out who you are, you may drift away from your partner. 

Sometimes, married couples suddenly find that the initial connection they once shared is broken.

Maybe your goals are no longer aligned, and communication is almost non-existent. This could make you question your love for each other as you realize you’re no longer on the same page about things that matter.

Take a look at what you spend most of your time on. 

Are you working too much? Does your marriage revolve around your children? 

Try to look deep within the relationship and take ownership of the situation.

Your disconnect from your partner may also be the result of long-term repressed pain. This pain can develop over time from a lack of trust, or maybe there’s a lack of honesty in your relationship.

Sometimes, we make promises we cannot keep. We often say one thing but do another, which can also cause a disconnect in our relationship

It can be hard to overcome this disconnect and work on being more open in your relationship.

Another reason is that you find you are not fulfilling your dreams and goals in life. This can cause resentment to build up between you and your partner ultimately leading to a sexless marriage.

Sexual health issues like low sexual desire, ED, and PE can also cause a sexless marriage

Lastly, it’s worth noting that sexual health problems like the following can cause a sexless marriage:

All of these conditions could be the reasons you don’t want sex. 

And again, not having sex means missing out on physical and emotional intimacy. 

However, you can conquer this by mastering your sexual energy. I cover this in more detail in my sexual mastery guide here.

The Next Steps To Restore Sexual Intimacy

The sexless marriage effect on the husband is significant. It can feel like trying to dance ballet in boxing gloves—it’s awkward but not impossible! 

Remember, every storm can pass. It’s all about how you steer the ship.

Think of this journey as your quest for treasure. The gems you’re after are understanding, acceptance, and healing. 

So, grab your captain’s hat and do the inner work. 

But don’t just rearrange deck chairs on the Titanic! I’ve tossed you a life ring—a free marriage transformation video that teaches men how to repair the love, trust, and passion in their marriages.

I highly suggest watching my free marriage transformation video now. Build the foundations to turn that sexless marriage into a love festival.

Stay strong brothers. You got this!

WATCH FREE TRAINING NOW

Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

FAQs

How does a man cope with a sexless marriage?

Have a conversation about the issue with your spouse. Once you have communicated that there is a problem, take measures to address it. Try doing some activities together that make you feel emotionally close.

Couples who are more bonded tend to have better and more frequent sex. If that doesn’t work, I suggest working on developing yourself. You can navigate this by understanding, accepting, and positively channeling your energy.

What should a wife do in a sexless marriage?

Communicate. However, don’t just call your husband out. Listen with empathy. Give words of encouragement. Talk calmly and honestly with your spouse. Express your needs and desires in complete transparency with a soft tone. It’s also worth considering professional support from a men’s intimacy coach. 

Is it OK to leave a sexless marriage?

A sexless marriage can be a sign of deeper issues, but not always. It’s okay to leave if it genuinely makes you unhappy. When you’re severely depressed, it might be time to consider walking away. But most times, a sexless marriage is fixable. 

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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