Sexual Mastery: 5 Steps To Become An Unforgettable Lover

Sexual mastery... it's a heavy term and a considerable statement to throw around.

Can one ever truly master anything?

Possibly not, for there are always more things to learn.

But when it comes to sex, there are some simple steps that you can take to move towards a more masterful, heartfelt way of lovemaking.

Sex in the 21st Century is gratifying but not satisfying.

Most people are experiencing sex that gives fulfillment only upon an elementary surface level. It is gratifying because it releases tension and gives a feeling of release. Sadly, these people have no idea what they miss out on. They are barely scratching the surface of what is possible.

This is especially true for men. It is a sad fact that the vast majority of males have no IDEA how MUCH pleasure they are capable of experiencing or giving. 

Suppose this sums up your attitude towards sexual intimacy. In that case, I am here to tell you that you have the potential to experience unlimited amounts of sexual pleasure, as well as provide it. You simply need to fine-tune your tools.

It is my joy to work with men worldwide and guide them on their journey toward a more masterful way of making love.

I'm going to share with you five easy, practical steps you can take to strive for sexual self-mastery. These real-world techniques are simple yet effective.

They are taken directly from my coaching program, which focuses on sacred sexual practices for men. I have seen them work repeatedly with my clients, moving them from mediocre to masterful lovers.

Putting on a poor sexual performance can ruin a man's confidence. But this means that the opposite is also true.

Want to transform yourself from the inside out and reach unimaginable levels of sexual confidence, prowess, and assertion?

If the answer is yes, keep reading!

What is sexual mastery?

Before we discuss the techniques, let's consider what being good in bed entails and does not entail.

Anything related to sex usually has some bravado and nonsense ideas attached to it. Sexual mastery is no exception. It has TONNES of nonsense attached to it. Let's debunk a bit of that right now.

Contrary to popular belief, sexual mastery is not:

• Having a big penis.
• Knowing the whole of the Kama Sutra.
• Being able to sweet-talk women into bed with you.
• Being particularly dominant or particularly submissive. 
• Having learned and perfected a specific 'technique' (such as how to give good head).

All of the above, of course, comes into the picture. But as standalone or cumulative factors, they do not make a man masterful at intimacy. 

What makes a man masterful in the bedroom is much more closely tied to his energy: his presence, his attitude towards his partner, and the lovemaking itself.

Ask any woman to describe her greatest, most extraordinary lovers.

It won't be the ones who had the best sexual techniques or the biggest physical attributes.

It will be those who were the most attentive, engaged, and tuned in with her.

To achieve that level of presence?

You need to learn to control your sexual energy. Once you have harnessed your sexual energy, a whole new world of lovemaking will be opened to you. Once you step through that door, you will never want to go back.

Another fundamental piece to gaining this presence is to understand your sexual blueprint and your lovers - to speak her sexual language.

The marrying of sex and spirituality

On the other side of that door, sex takes on a whole new essence. No longer solely about sexual satisfaction or multiple releases, lovemaking becomes a way to taste the divine. 

Taoist sexual health practices have been around for thousands of years. For the ancients, such work occupied a central place in their traditions. In their ancient texts, regular sex is considered the secret to remaining ever-youthful.

And indeed, when sex and spirituality become married, the result is an enlivening of one's being.

Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually...

• We are uplifted.
• Our eyes shine.
• Our skin glows. We radiate love from the inside out.

You have probably felt this in your own life. The day after some great sex, you feel charged with an invisible force.

Women, in particular, due to the variety and intensity of orgasms they can experience, feel particularly open, healed, and radiant after an incredible lovemaking session.

Through deep waves of orgasm, women can have transcendental experiences, laugh until their sides hurt, or cry rivers of healing tears.

This ability to transform a physical activity into a deeply profound one makes a man masterful in bed.

Sexual mastery = opening your partner’s heart to divine connection

But to be able to fuck her open to God, a man needs to be in control of his life-force energy. Male retention must come easily to him.

Opening your partner’s heart to divine connection through lovemaking takes a great deal of presence and sexual confidence. If you are stuck in your head worrying about whether you will release, you will not be present or able to enter her for a long enough period for the deeper, more powerful orgasms to occur.

This is why life-force energy control is so vital.

When you have harnessed your sexual energy, you will be able to awaken your partner’s energy from head to toe. It is commonly recognized in the world of tantra that women are like crockpots and men are like microwaves.

Men are quick to heat up and quick to cool down (via quick release and the long refractory period).

Although they are slow to warm up and bring to a boil, women are also slow to cool down. They can last for hours and are often left feeling unsatisfied by 'standard' lovemaking.

Women are satisfied with unsatisfactory sex.

A British study reported by the Independent UK said:

"More than one in four British women report being unhappy with their sex lives, new research has found. The report revealed that those aged 25 to 34 were the least satisfied in bed, with 49 per cent complaining of a lack of sexual enjoyment."

Frankly, the proportion of men who are aware, let alone in control of their sexual energy, is tiny.

This is one of the major contributing factors to the orgasm gap, which is the massive disparity between men and women when it comes to orgasm during sex.

Most women are used to a bit of foreplay followed by 5-15 minutes of physical union, depending on the man's personal sexual stamina.

Maybe she will have an orgasm before physical union, but only perhaps. After foreplay, it's usually all about him...

...striding towards that finishing like a horse towards the finishing posts and then falling asleep. Women these days are chronically unsatisfied in bed. 

The sad thing is that most of them don't even know they are unsatisfied. They have a G-spot orgasm (maybe), and they think that' that's all the pleasure they are capable of.

But they are unsatisfied and capable of achieving so much more pleasant. Women are oblivious to the endless possibilities of sex and think they just don't like it very much.

This is something we men must strive to change. A woman will never forget the first man with whom she started to enjoy and look forward to sex, even if the encounter was just for one night.

What a privilege it would be - to be that man!

5 steps towards sexual mastery

But where on Earth should you start with all of this?

The idea of sex being a portal to God might be something that you have heard before. It could also be entirely new for you and quite overwhelming.

However, if the latter, I would be willing to bet that it resonates with you on some level.

Regardless of where you are in your spiritual journey, I will give you five easy steps you can take toward becoming a sexually masterful man.

The common thread between these steps is that they will help you to control your sexual energy.

Sexual energy is the most powerful force on Earth.

We must learn to work with it. Otherwise, we can suffer from too high or too low libido, addictions, dysfunction, compulsive behavior, and a host of other issues.

If you're ready to learn more about your sexual energy and how to control it, let's get going with the steps...

Step 1. Become emotionally open

You may wonder what being emotionally open means to be a better lover. The truth is, it has everything to do with it.

Unfortunately, a lot of men are emotionally shut down or unavailable. This is often (but not always) due to having an avoidant attachment style and, therefore, fearing intimacy.

Our soul yearns to drop the masks and surrender. But the mind resists in favor of remaining in safety.

And we remain safe, but at the expense of the innermost desire of our hearts: to merge with another.

When we are emotionally closed off, our partner feels it. Even if they are not consciously aware of what is happening, their response will be one of mirroring. They will not be able to let go and surrender themselves. And fantastic sex is about just that - surrender.

The emotional opening is another subject in itself. Admitting you have a problem is always the first step. After that comes educating yourself. Thankfully, society now broadly recognizes the issue of emotional unavailability.

Books such as The Emotionally Unavailable Man can be helpful. Sometimes, psychotherapy is also needed.

In all cases, communicate with your partner. Hearing you admit that you have a problem will likely bring them great comfort.

Step 2. Breathe slowly and deeply

The second step to sexual mastery is recognizing the inseparability of breath and sexual energy.

Our breath should flow through our body like an electrical current. When it does, sexual energy flows with it in tandem.

When our breathing is suppressed, as it is for most of us most of the time, our sexual energy is also suppressed. In today's society, we are more stressed than ever. The primary, automatic bodily response to stress is rapid and shallow breathing. That is sympathetic activation, the stress branch of the nervous system, and we become trapped in a vicious cycle.

When it comes to making love, shallow and rapid breathing means shallow and rapid(ly over) sex!

Ejaculation is a response of the sympathetic nervous system.

Have you ever experienced performance anxiety right before you were about to make love and then released extremely quickly after physical union?

The reason for this is simple.

It was because your sympathetic nervous system was all fired up. This caused hypersensitivity and poor seed control.

Am I making sense?

Thankfully, the reverse is also true. Slow and deep breathing means slow, deep, and powerful intimacy.

A visualization technique

While making love, inhale down the front of the body to the genitals. Exhale up the spine to the top of the head.

Visualize a white current of light flowing around your body with the movement of the breath.

This will bring you into your body and activate the delicious parasympathetic nervous system.

The parasympathetic nervous system relaxes us, allowing for greater control over our life-force energy and heightened pleasure.

Note: Most of us are so accustomed to rapid and shallow breathing that we don't even realize we are doing it. Before you take this new way of breathing into your sex life, try it alone first. By this, I mean during self-touch.

Synchronized breathing

Another breathing technique you can use during sex love is synchronized breathing. Synchronized breathing exercises feature highly in tantra, and this is no coincidence. It is one of the core practices in tantric sex. The joining of the breath is a wonderful way to create intimacy and presence.

The effects are heightened during sex. Couples do show measurable physiological synchrony during closeness, with heart rate and breathing drifting into step. Nervous systems harmonising is my shorthand for that rather than a precise description of it.

Synchronizing breathing with your partner will also bring you into a more significant presence. If she is anxious or watching herself from the outside, she won't be able to surrender or have an orgasm.

Through breathing together, you can help her to open up. The opening is critical for women for them to enjoy sex.

Synchronized breathing exercises feature highly in Tantra.

This is because they are wonderful ways to create intimacy between two people.

As we have already discussed, intimacy and presence are two must-haves of incredible sex.

Step 3. Build your tolerance to high levels of energy.

The third step towards sexual superpowers is again linked to the nervous system (see the pattern emerging here?). This time, we want to build our tolerance to maintaining high energy levels.

A master of sex can build and build sexual energy without feeling the uncontrollable urge to ejaculate and release the tension.

This can be trained by practicing edging while self-touching. This does not mean to stop touching yourself, just to change how you do it.

How to edge?

• Self-pleasure until you are at 70% of your personal arousal level.
• Remain at 80% for a while.
• Then, go down to 60% to cool down.
• When you're ready, do back up to 80% again.
• Eventually, you can rise to 90% and 95%.

When you reach 95%, the impulse to have a quick release will be almost too strong to resist. But you must eventually learn to sustain the high level of arousal without release. This is the hallmark of an extraordinary lover. Most men reach the tipping point and fall right over the edge.

From the bedroom to everyday life, stop energy leakages

As you begin to build your tolerance to high levels of sexual energy, copy this skill directly over into your everyday life. Rather than oscillate between periods of extreme highs and lows, try to remain balanced. Maintain a steady, consistent energy level throughout the day.

This usually starts with addressing your relationship with common crutches and addictions.

Caffeine is the biggest culprit in our society today. We use it when we are tired or craving a high. Eventually, the high energy level becomes unbearable, and we release it somehow. We feel anxious or antsy from the coffee, so we go for a run to shake it off. Then, we are left tired and depleted once again.

And so on...

If you want to enjoy sacred sexuality, you must move away from this addictive behavioral pattern.

Maintain a steady level of energy. When you do, sexual energy will follow and also flow steadily. You will be less susceptible to P.E. and, therefore, able to make love for long enough to ravish a woman truly.

Step 4. Positioning of the tongue

Believe it or not, your tiny tongue holds a lot of potential when it comes to sexual mastery. This is due to its crucial role in the free flow of sexual energy.

Your sexual energy should flow through your body in one complete circuit. Just like an electrical current, if there is a breakage, the circuit is incomplete, and the flow stops. 

Keep your tongue resting lightly at the top of your mouth. It should sit just behind the front teeth. This keeps the energy circuit complete. Experiment with your tongue during sex. It is a compelling part of your body. Join tongues with your partner and feel your two individual circuits merge to become one. 

As your overall energy control and sensitivity improve, your tongue will become a master weapon in energy transference. Kissing you will give her shivers.

Step 5. Remove the goalposts

I have talked before about the importance of non-goal-oriented intimacy. But I repeat it because it's one piece of advice that makes a huge difference for my clients in the bedroom.

To be a fantastic lover, you need to forget about orgasms.

Sex these days tends to be masculine. That is, goal-focused. 

Men desperately want to be good lovers. To be so, they have a 'ladies finish first' attitude towards things. A man trying to be a good lover will typically bring his woman to release before physical union.

She has had an orgasm! Hooray!

Onto the next goal: his orgasm.

The sexual encounter then becomes all about him. Her release is ticked off, so the rest doesn't matter.

This can make sex feel transactional. A 'you get yours, I get mine' kind of affair. What's more, when a woman can feel that there is pressure and expectations to have an orgasm, she often won't be able to.

Pressure and expectations are anxiety-inducing. And even if you feel like you are being subtle and patient, she will feel it and be in her sympathetic nervous system. I used to explain this as sympathetic activation blocking orgasm. The research does not support that. Meston and Gorzalka found that sympathetic arousal induced by exercise actually increased women’s genital arousal, overturning the older assumption that it inhibits it. What gets in the way is not the branch of the nervous system but the anxiety and the self-monitoring, the sense of being watched and assessed. Which is exactly why taking the pressure off works.

The cycle of pressure and disconnection

Feeling pressured to reach a climax can easily become a challenging cycle for anyone who finds physical release difficult. The more pressure one feels, the harder it becomes to relax, which in turn makes connection even more elusive. Both partners can end up lost in their thoughts instead of being present with each other.

But this is not just about physical release, it’s about the deeper essence of genuine intimacy.

When we remove goals and expectations, both partners can relax and fully experience the moment. Without chasing a specific outcome, awareness heightens, and the natural rhythms of connection unfold more intuitively.

Each moment then becomes an opportunity to attune to one another, responding softly or passionately depending on what feels authentic and aligned. True union emerges not through effort, but through mindful presence and emotional connection.

Let it flow and be able to respond to her every movement.

The key is to relax and to let things flow naturally. This is a more feminine approach to lovemaking.

Feminine energy is dynamic and constantly changing, as any lovemaking session continuously switches gears.

Women are unpredictable.

If we are to strive for sexual mastery, the way we make love must account for this. Sometimes, she will only want deep intimacy, caressing, and a lot of eye contact.

Other times, she will just want to be held down and taken. To understand what she wants, you need to remove the goalposts.

Conclusion: how tantra can help you to achieve sexual mastery

Sexual mastery is about so much more than just the act of intercourse itself. It is about your energy and your attitude towards life itself.

A man who is truly masterful in the bedroom is a man who is present.

He is no longer a slave to his libido, addictive behaviors, or unsteady sexual energy. This gives him the presence and awareness to tune into his partner and respond to her every fleeting change of desire.

For him, lovemaking is about much more than fulfilling a primal urge. It is about oneness with God and witnessing the divine in his woman's eyes.

If you put the time and effort into developing this kind of presence, you will have a deeply fulfilling love and sex life.

It isn't easy, though.

Follow the steps in this article, and you will likely achieve your goal. Things like emotionally opening and working with the positioning of the tongue are mighty, but there is much more to be learned. 

If the contents of this article entice you and you want to get a taste of what Tantra truly has to offer, you can take my free training for men.

I have one for single men and one for men in committed relationships.

No matter what stage of life you are at, tantra can open the door for you to become an extraordinary lover - whether that is for your current partner or your future one.

Sexual Mastery FAQ