Think of someone you admire. Who do you really think has it all?
Maybe you are a sports fan. It doesn’t matter what sport – football, soccer, athletics, golf.
In all of them, if I asked you who the greatest player or athlete was you’d have a name. Tom Brady. Lionel Messi. Tiger Woods. Wayne Gretzky.
Table of Contents
- Men’s relationship coaches
- Why relationship coaching matters
- Who needs a men’s relationship coach?
- What does a men’s relationship coach do?
- Relationship Coaching for Men
- What to look for in a relationship coach
- A relationship coach should be a role model
- What Issues Does a Mens Relationship Coach Deal With
- The role of a sex coach
- Finding the right men’s relationship coach
- Where to start?
But they also all share something else.
They recognize that the best way to improve is to listen to and learn from those who have gone before them. They know that having a coach or a mentor is a key way to develop their own skills and confidence, no matter how talented they are.
Men’s relationship coaches
Well, whenever men hear about relationship coaches, they often shut down and stop listening. I get it. From being very young, men have a series of messages constantly reinforced to them.
- A real man is strong and doesn’t show emotion.
- A real man relies only on himself.
- A real man avoids intimacy and doesn’t ever need help from others.
Is it any surprise that when it comes to seeking help to move forward in life that many men are reluctant to ask for help?
But let me ask you this? Do you honestly think you are better at relationships than Tiger Woods is at golf, or Wayne Gretzky is at hockey? These absolute leaders of their profession know that asking for help to improve is a sign of strength and not weakness.
Why is it that men are entirely comfortable with the idea of coaching to improve a golf swing, but not when it comes to something that really shapes their everyday lives like the relationship that they are in or the healthy relationship that they want?
Why relationship coaching matters
If a man is in a fantastic relationship with a true soulmate who energizes every aspect of their life, then they probably don’t need a relationship coach. They have found a path that worked for them – often with help from people along the way that has helped them to grow.
These are the guys who really do have it all. A career and family that fills their life with purpose. A soulmate who is beside them every step of the way. A deeply spiritual and sexual connection with someone they love and who loves them in return.
Those guys exist, but they are the minority.
Who needs a men’s relationship coach?
In my experience, much more common than “guys who have it all” are “guys who look like they have it all.”
Let me explain what I mean.
There are very many men who on the surface appear to have everything that life can offer. They are financially secure. Nice home. Family. Friends. A career path that is seeing them rise up in their profession.
Superficially, they are “winners”. That is how other people might see them too. But in reality, they know that for all of the material things they have, for all of the promotions and new cars, they are still not happy. Maybe they have relationship issues. Perhaps they are in a relationship that started out fizzing with excitement but is now drifting hopelessly and has lost passion. Or perhaps they know that buying a new watch or a new car will make them happy for a fleeting moment, but the next morning they still wake up and look at the day ahead with a sigh.
This is incredibly common.
Even really high-achieving men find themselves stuck between how society sees them and how they see themselves.
This has a real impact. We can all name lists of celebrities who seemed to have it all but who tragically ended their own lives. Like many men they looked around them, at all of their material successes and thought “is this really all there is?”
What does a men’s relationship coach do?
A good relationship coach is a friend, a mentor, and a guide. They are there to help you find a path forward, support you as you take it, and hold you to account for the decisions you take that move you towards the goals you set yourself.
This is what makes a relationship consultant different from a therapist. A therapist listens and helps you understand how things in your past have shaped your outlook on life. This can be really helpful for some guys. Just as I think more men should seek support from a relationship expert, for guys with serious issues in their past therapy can also be an option. And it often takes courage and bravery to seek that help, which I would always applaud.
Relationship Coaching for Men
That means that therapy, which can spend a long time reflecting on the past, can feel frustrating. In basic terms, it focuses on helping men understand why they are unhappy rather than giving them strategies to move on from unhappiness and find a path in life that gives them true satisfaction.
Even Sigmund Freud, the father of modern therapy, saw the key aim of therapy as returning people to what he called “a state of ordinary unhappiness“.
A good relationship coach believes that you can do better than ordinary unhappiness. Instead, he will help you understand the past but mainly to help build the platform that can propel you forward into a happier future.
The big focus here is on growth. How can you understand the lessons of the past to become stronger and move forward today?
What to look for in a relationship coach
One of the main qualities that define top relationship counselors is experience. The best relationship consultant is a man who has been on that journey himself, who has learned the lessons from that journey and is willing to share that learning to help you find the quickest way to transform your own life.
You also need to find a mens relationship coach who is comfortable challenging you. If your relationship coach is just telling you how great you are at everything then there is no learning, and no progress forward.
That is why men who get support from a relationship consultant really need to commit to the process and be open to straightforward, no-nonsense advice. A good men’s relationship coach will have the courage and experience to speak to you man to man. He will never shy away from speaking the truth about why your life is not in the shape you want it to be.
This is the reality check that many men need. It is the only way to hold yourself accountable for any self-sabotaging behaviors that are holding you back and stopping you from achieving everything that you are capable of.
You need to find a relationship coach that will respect your past but who is much more interested in helping you identify the future that you want and then support you in turning that into a reality. What that future is will depend on you. Maybe you are a single man looking for dating success or a romantic relationship. Or perhaps you are in a sexless marriage and want to rekindle your love life. A good relationship expert will be flexible enough to meet the needs of individual clients.
A relationship coach should be a role model
I see this all of the time. Guys who had nice guy fathers who did not chase their dreams and who taught their sons that the best way to be a man is to put other people’s happiness ahead of your own.
Look, there is nothing at all wrong with being a nice guy. And the fact is that your father will have been shaped by his father in turn. But breaking those generational patterns is not something you can do alone. You need someone with a different perspective who can give you the guidance and support that you might not have had as a child.
Often we only realize that this gap exists when we are adults – when we are husbands, lovers, or fathers ourselves. As we get older we realize that there are patterns in place that are really challenging to break.
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What Issues Does a Mens Relationship Coach Deal With
These differ between men, but the common ones I see the most in my work are:
These men often think that the best way to keep their relationship working is to bend over backward to do everything they can to keep their partner happy.
Right from the start, you are putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own. And let me level with you – this simply does not work. Feminine energy naturally responds to a man who is strong, dependable, can communicate openly, and who can provide leadership in the home. Being a people pleaser or just telling her she is right all of the time surrenders that leadership role to her. That does not fit with her natural feminine energy and over time can breed resentment and conflict.
A relationship coach can help guys stand up for themselves and their needs. I am not talking about macho posturing here – there are different ways of being strong. It is more about being able to speak openly and honestly about how you feel in any situation without trying to second guess “what is it this person wants to hear?”
Find out if you’re a people pleaser in this quiz.
Too many men are unable to do this because they are unable to deal with conflict. Instead, they will do all that they can to make sure that they don’t upset anyone or rock the boat. Learning how to deal with conflict is essential if you don’t want frustration to develop in your relationship. Otherwise, the pressure just builds and builds. This can lead to anger and resentment. Ultimately, it will put a strain on a relationship that will cause that relationship to buckle and break.
Top relationship coaches will help you deal with conflict assertively without being aggressive. They will show you how avoiding conflict by never expressing your own needs is holding you back.
Men who women don’t respect
If a woman doesn’t respect a man this says much more about him than it does about her.
This is something that affects both men looking to find a relationship with a true soulmate, and men who are in long-term relationships already. At the heart of this issue is a fundamental misunderstanding of how masculine energy and feminine energy need to balance in a relationship.
Let me put this as simply as I can: as soon as a man deprioritizes his own needs and goals to keep a woman happy he becomes less attractive to her.
This is because women want a man who is clear, decisive, and focused on achieving his own goals. That creates the space for her to be her true feminine self. That is why, in the coaching that I do, I am always clear that it only takes one person to transform a relationship that is drifting. If the man focuses on his own behavior that will shape the way that the woman in his life responds and reacts. You will change her by changing yourself. She will be naturally drawn to you.
It might sound unbelievable, but I have seen it happen so many times that I 100% know that it works. Guys who were one step away from the divorce courts, or living in a sexless marriage now achieving a level of sexual and spiritual connection with their partner that they never dreamed was possible. This all starts with men rediscovering their masculine energy and learning how to harness it across all areas of their lives.
Men who allow others to measure success
What do we do when we can’t find affirmation and validation at home? We look for it in other places. For a lot of men, that is in the workplace.
This is because men are not confident enough to set their own terms for what success looks like. Instead, they use the metrics developed by others – what car you drive, what suit you wear, what your bank balance is. These things are not unimportant, but if they were everything then no rich and successful man would ever be unhappy. This is clearly not the case.
In fact, what often happens is that when men have all of those things in place when those goals have been achieved, it is at that precise moment that they have a moment of realization that it simply is not enough. That the dreams that they have been chasing are someone else’s rather than their own.
The best relationship coaches will give you the tools and the confidence to really focus on what matters most to you, and then help you map a route to achieving it.
Men who can’t find a soulmate
All of us want someone to share our lives with, but for some men, nothing seems to work when it comes to finding a great relationship. Dating apps, online dating, a dating coach, or the real life dating scene are not delivering the long term relationship they crave.
Men who present themselves with confidence and certainty are always more attractive to the person they are with. That age-old advice to “be yourself” has some merit. Matthew Hussey, bestselling relationship coach says, “Having integrity is about knowing what your own standards are and being completely comfortable with them.”
But in order to “be yourself” you need to have a very clear idea of who that self is in the first place.
That is where relationship coaching comes in. By focusing on helping the guy know himself first and foremost that will allow him to share that self with the world. By turning up with masculine confidence men can be transformed from hopeful boys into strong, self-confident men that women are drawn to. These are the sort of relationship skills that can help a man find his ideal partner.
Men In a Drifting Relationship
For some guys, the challenge is not finding love and passion. It is maintaining it in a current relationship. After a while, things just fall into a tired pattern. Sex becomes something for holidays and anniversaries or their sex life becomes non-existent. Netflix replaces conversation.
Some people are told that this is just an inevitable feature of relationships. This is fundamentally not true. Some couples maintain the spark that was there when they first met right until they are holding hands in the retirement home.
What is their secret? Well, usually it will be about maintaining the right balance in the relationship. Both people need space to be the best version of themselves that they can be. This will usually involve the man having a clear role as the strong leader in the household – providing certainty that makes the woman feel nurtured, safe, and loved.
I have coached many men who thought that their marriage was all but over who have found new ways to reconnect with a person they thought had been lost in the mists of time.
The role of a sex coach
Part of that is also about acting as a sex coach for men. One of the big issues for guys is who can they talk to about the intimate relationships in their life? I don’t mean the sort of locker room talk that masks insecurities. I mean really opening up about issues around sex. Unlike women, men seldom talk about this stuff to their friends. This can mean that living in a sexless marriage can be a very lonely place indeed.
A good sex coach will not just focus on the ways to reconnect with your soulmate, they will also provide no-nonsense practical advice about how to harness your sexual energy in a way that will lead to regular, mind-blowing sex. Remember what it was like on your honeymoon? A skilled sex coach can help make sure that is not just a memory that you cling to.
Finding the right men’s relationship coach
The thing is, it can be tough to find the right person to provide relationship counseling and relationship advice. Nothing makes me more frustrated than badly qualified, ill-experienced, and unskilled people offering you solutions that do not work.
That is why you need to look carefully for an established relationship coach who can demonstrate their success through testimonials. If they can show that their approach has worked for other guys then that is a strong indicator that it can work for you too.
Also, be really cautious of relationship coaches who offer you easy fixes. My approach does deliver proven results measured in weeks rather than months, but it only works with men who are truly committed to the process. I never pretend that the process is easy.
Finally, find a relationship coach who takes a holistic approach that looks at the whole of you. Anyone who says they can “fix” a sexual problem without looking at wider issues is probably going to use approaches that seek to mask rather than resolve problems.
My own program, The Tantric Man Experience, has worked with countless men over the last decade. It builds on lessons from my own journey of self-development and it has worked for men who have tried everything else without success. Don’t take my word for it – my site is full of testimonials from men I have helped.
Where to start?
Firstly, by reading this blog, you have already started. You have started the process of thinking through how you set and achieve the goals that will make you happy. Even that step is something that not all men are able to do.
The next step, before you even think about finding a coach, is to find out more about the sorts of issues they address and how they work. This can help you begin to develop your own awareness of the way that a good relationship coach for men could help you.
Remember, life is too short to tolerate unhappiness. Ask yourself two questions:
- Am I happy at the moment?
- Am I capable of achieving more than I currently have – in work, relationships, and family life?
If you conclude that you are stuck or unhappy, and believe that you are capable of more, then a great starting point is the totally free masterclass training that I have put together for guys just like you.
Thousands of men have found this masterclass training incredibly helpful as they start to plot their journey towards a happier and more fulfilled life. It has helped guys just like you start to understand the issues that might currently be holding them back when it comes to finding a soulmate or rekindling the passion in a long-term relationship.
All journeys start with a single step and your journey has already started. Make sure it continues by checking out my free masterclass training. This uncovers some of the tools and techniques that can help guys understand the barriers holding them back and help you develop strategies to overcome them.