Relationship Coach for Men

She stopped wanting sex, and you don't know why.

Maybe it's been a few months. Maybe it's been years and you stopped counting.

You still kiss her goodbye in the morning. She still asks how your day was. But she doesn't touch you the way she used to, she doesn't start anything anymore, and when you do, she finds a reason not to.

So you tried talking to her about sex. It turned into a fight, or she cried, or she said she was tired and you both let it drop. Now you don't bring it up at all, because it's easier than getting turned down again.

You live together.

You share the kids and the bills.

And you sleep in the same bed like two people who booked the same hotel room by accident.

If that sounds like your marriage, you're in the right place...

I'm a men's relationship coach, and this is the exact problem I help men fix. I've done it with over 600 of them.

Who I help

Married men and men in long-term relationships. Most are between 35 and 50. The average guy I work with is 41 and has young kids at home. Most of them are doing fine at work and fine with money, which is part of why this one thing is so confusing.

Here's what men usually say to me on day one:

• "She's not interested in sex anymore and I don't know what I did."
• "We're more like roommates than a couple."
• "I want her. She doesn't want me. Asking makes me feel pathetic."
• "I finish too fast" or "I can't stay hard, and now I avoid sex so I don't fail again."
• "She cheated on me, and I don't know if we can come back from it."

Almost every one of them already tried the obvious stuff:

• Talking about it.
• Being nicer.
• Doing more around the house.
• Date nights.
• A lot of them tried therapy.

Nothing changed.

Some men find me looking for a marriage coach. Some are looking for an intimacy coach for men, or a sex coach.

It's all the same work. What you call it doesn't matter much to me.

What we actually do together

My program is called The Tantric Man Experience. It runs for nine weeks.

One live coaching call every week. 

One hour, small group, on Zoom. You bring whatever happened at home that week and I coach you on it. You are not sitting there watching a webinar. You talk, I answer.

Work to do between calls. 

A 21-minute practice every morning. One video module a week, about two to three hours. And one challenge a week, which is usually something you've been avoiding. Someone checks in on you so you don't quietly stop in week three.

One-on-one sessions with me and my coaches. 

A few of them across the nine weeks, for the stuff you don't want to say in front of a group.

You can text me. 

Direct message inside our private app. So when it blows up on a Tuesday night, you're not sitting alone with it until the next call.

A private group of men doing the same thing. 

You keep access for life. Most men tell me it's the first place they ever said any of this out loud.

How the nine weeks go

Weeks 1 to 3 are about you, not your marriage. 

How you carry yourself, how you show up in a room, what you do with your energy. Most men come in wanting to fix their wife. We stop that first. By the end of this part you'll probably notice things are a bit calmer at home and she's a bit warmer. Small stuff. It's real though.

Weeks 4 to 6 are the habits that killed her attraction. 

Needing her approval. Going quiet when things get hard. Anger you've been sitting on for years without saying it. This is the part men want to skip, and it's why most men stay stuck. Guys tell me it's the hardest week of the program and also where things started to move.

Weeks 7 to 9 are you as a man and as a lover. 

Knowing where you're going, so you're not up and down depending on her mood. Then the sex itself: nerves, finishing too fast, losing your erection, checking out mentally halfway through. Most men are surprised how much easier that gets once the first six weeks have done their job.

The method behind all nine weeks is the Tantric Man Method, which I built over 15 years.

Why me

I've been coaching men for 9 years and worked with more than 600 of them.

Before that I spent 15 years doing this work on myself, including 1,500 hours of training in India and Thailand. You can read my story here.

My work has been in VICE, GQ South Africa, The Sun, AskMen, Fatherly, The Good Men Project and Newstalk.

A few of the men I've worked with:

• Brian hadn't had sex with his wife in 8 years. She started it herself four days in.
• Dave went from sex about once a month, and it felt like a chore, to his wife wanting it five or six times a week.
• Austin's wife had checked out completely. By the end she was crying in his arms saying she wanted to fight for the marriage.
• Will was sleeping on the couch. His wife later told him they were only still together because he did this program.

You can read more client stories here.

How to start

There are two steps and the first one is free.

Step 1. Watch the masterclass. 

It's 45 minutes. I walk you through the blind spots that are keeping your marriage stuck, and you get to see how I work before you spend anything.

Watch the free masterclass

Step 2. Apply for a spot. 

At the end of the masterclass there's a link to read about The Tantric Man Experience and apply. It takes less than five minutes.

I read every single application myself. You'll get an email back from me within 72 hours either way, whether I think I can help you or not.

I keep each group small, because every man gets direct access to me and I won't water that down. When the group is full, I close it until the next one.

Questions men ask me before they apply

Does this work if my wife won't do it with me?

Yes. Your wife isn't in the program. That's on purpose.

Most men think they need her on board first, so they drop hints and wait for her to come around. Months go by and nothing happens. That's like sitting in a parked car waiting for the light to go green. You haven't started the engine.

Attraction isn't something your wife hands you. You build it by how you act. When you're calm, you know what you want, and you don't blow up or shut down when she gets emotional, she can finally relax. You'll probably notice her react before you've said a word about any of this.

One of my clients said it best. It was his thing, his wife wanted no part of it, and it still changed things for both of them.

How is this different from couples therapy?

Therapy on your own can be really good, especially for working through old wounds. Plenty of my clients see a therapist while they work with me and I'm not telling you to stop.

Couples therapy is a different thing. When your wife is sitting right next to you, you won't say what you actually need to say. You water it down and you watch her face. Men tell me it started to feel like two against one, and that they never got to the real problem.

There's also what therapy is built to do. It helps you two understand each other and talk better. That's worth having. It doesn't do much for attraction, because attraction doesn't run on understanding. Most men who come to me already talked about it for months or years, and they were still on the couch. If you want the longer version, I wrote about couples sex therapy here.

What does it cost?

It depends on your situation, and there's more than one option.

Before we talk about money I want to know we're a good match, because I turn men down when I don't think I can help. So watch the masterclass first. All the details, including what it costs and the payment options, are in the document you get at the end of it. Then you decide.

How do I know it will work for me?

You don't yet. Be careful with anyone who promises you it will.

What I can tell you is I've run this with over 600 men and I know what the pattern looks like. That's also why I turn men away. If I read your application and I don't think I'm the right guy for you, I'll tell you, and I'll try to point you at someone better. That's easier for both of us than taking your money and hoping.

Watch the masterclass first. It's free and it's 45 minutes. If what I'm saying doesn't make sense to you, you'll know, and it cost you nothing.

How long until something changes at home?

Week three is the most common answer.

That's usually when men tell me their wife said something out of nowhere. One client hadn't had sex in about a month when he started. Three weeks in she asked him for it and he nearly fell over. Another one was sleeping on the couch, and around the same point his wife told him she could see he'd changed.

Some men see something in the first few days. Don't count on it.

And it doesn't go in a straight line. That same client who got a shift at week three told me it got bad again around week five before it broke open at the end. That's normal. Nobody warns men about the dip in the middle, so I'm telling you now.

I'm not spiritual. Is the tantra going to be a problem?

No, and you're not the first to ask.

A lot of the men in my groups aren't spiritual at all, and a good number are Christian. I'm not asking you to believe anything. Nobody's going to make you chant in Sanskrit or sit cross-legged for an hour. The practices are physical. They work the same whether you believe in energy or not.

One client, a Christian dad who was worried about this before he joined, said it better than I can. He said he wasn't learning a religion. He was learning how to love his wife better.

What if we've already talked about divorce?

A lot of the men I work with are right there when they find me. One had been married twelve years, had two small kids, and was close to ending it. It had got bad enough that his wife asked him not to touch her without asking first. They're still together.

Your marriage is probably in better shape than you think.

I'll be straight with you though. Sometimes the gap is too big and no amount of work closes it. Even then, the men I've worked with come out of it clear about what they want, and able to make a real decision instead of hanging on and hoping. Either way you stop being stuck.

One thing I'd say: this gets harder the longer you leave it. It's much easier while you're both still in the house.

How much time does it take each week?

One hour on the live call. Two to three hours on that week's videos. And 21 minutes each morning. Most of my clients have a full-time job and kids, so it's built to fit around that.

Where to start

If your wife has stopped wanting you and you've run out of ideas, start with the masterclass. It's free, it's 45 minutes, and it'll tell you whether working with a relationship coach for men is the right move for you.

Watch the free masterclass

Or if you'd rather read about the program first, here's The Tantric Man Experience.