Press & Interviews
When journalists write about intimacy, desire and long-term relationships, they come to me for the expert view. Here is where that work has appeared.
Expert commentary
- VICE · May 2026, on the 7-7-7 rule: a date every seven days, a weekend away every seven weeks, a trip every seven months.
- GQ South Africa · October 2025, on the six-second kiss and why brief daily contact matters more than grand gestures.
- The Sun · June 2025, on parallel living, and how couples slowly stop sharing a life while still sharing a house.
- The Star · March 2026, on parallel living, and couples who become housemates without noticing.
- MSN · February 2026, on parallel living and the quiet drift that precedes it.
- Fatherly · December 2020, on keeping sex romantic once life gets busy.
- AskMen · July 2024, on kino, where the term came from and what it gets wrong.
- Newstalk · April 2022, on testicle sunning, and separating the practice from the hype.
Writing
- The Good Men Project · contributing writer on intimacy, masculinity and relationships.
Interviews & podcasts
- The Tantric Life · E10, on what it actually means to be a tantric man.
- The Tantric Life · E35, on tantra and masculine power.
- Authority Magazine · a long interview on why so many people feel unsatisfied, and what to do about it.
- Entrepreneurs on Fire · on building a coaching practice around intimacy work.
- The Authentic Man Podcast · episode 203, on reigniting passion and tantric masculine leadership.
- Fit for Joy · on tantra, presence and the inner work behind intimacy.
- The Chris Voss Show · on tantra for men and what it changes in a relationship.
- ByMaros · E11, on the myths people believe about tantra.
- The Self-Confidence Project · E81, on life force and where men lose it.
Why I Do This
I came to this work because I was the man I now coach, and I stayed that way a lot longer than I'd like to admit. Here's what happened.
How I Learned To Shut Down
My mother had bipolar disorder and she was an alcoholic. She couldn't take care of herself, so she couldn't take care of her kids either. I never knew which version of her was going to walk through the door, so I stopped relaxing around her, and after enough years I stopped relaxing anywhere.
What that left me with was an unregulated nervous system on high alert and no idea how to talk to girls. A therapist put a name to it years later, complex PTSD, and by then I'd had it for as long as I could remember.
I was cut off from my own body, so I spent most of my teens and early twenties on my own. Girls felt like a language nobody had taught me.
My First Relationship, And What I Got Wrong
Then I met someone, and I thought that was the problem solved. The first few months felt incredible and I called it love, but I was using her attention to feel okay about myself, and feeling wanted became something I needed a hit of.
It was a rough relationship because I couldn't let her near me emotionally, and I had never learned how to feel anything or say it out loud. Shutting all of that off was what kept me safe as a kid, so it was the only setting I had.
People told me I needed to open up. I had no idea what they meant. Open what?
Hitting Rock Bottom
One day she asked me to meet her at her friend's place, and I didn't think anything of it on the way over. She had chosen somewhere she wouldn't have to be alone with me, because she had something to tell me...
She had been seeing other men behind my back for the whole two years we'd been together.
It took me a few seconds to work out that not one month of that relationship had been what I thought it was. I screamed at her. She was crying and her friend was standing there looking worried, and I kept going anyway. That's the part I think about now, because right up until that day I had been telling myself I was the good guy in that relationship.
I went home and I got depressed. I was angry most of the time and felt alone the rest of it, and I spent weeks lying there running revenge scenarios in my head, working out how to make her feel what I was feeling.
The day she told me was bad, but the weeks after were worse, because that's when I saw how much of my life was going into planning revenge on a woman I said I loved. That was the bottom, and I knew I had to get out.
I've met a lot of men since who lose whole evenings to an argument they are having with a woman who is not in the room.
I Had To Get Out And Find Answers
Some time after that, my best friend died in an accident. He was my nextdoor neighbor and we were the same age, and we'd spent years pushing each other to grow.
A while before that he'd asked me to go traveling the world with him. I said no. I told myself I wasn't ready, and the honest version is that it felt far away and I was scared. So he went on his own, and we never got to do it together.
Then he was dead, and the thing I kept coming back to was that he had asked me and I had said no.
In the weeks after, something opened up that I have never had a better word for than an awakening, and I know how that sounds. What actually happened is that I could watch my own thinking for the first time. I'd spent my whole life inside my thoughts, and now there was a gap between me and them. It faded after a few days, but by then I'd seen it.
So I owed him a trip I'd been too scared to take, and I'd just had a few days of proof that there was more going on in me than I'd known about. Both of those pointed the same direction.
I Sold Everything And Bought A One-Way Ticket
So I gave up my apartment, and I sold my car and left with a backpack and no plan past the first flight.
My best friend had asked me to go to Mexico and I'd said it was too far. So I went to the other side of the world. The only rule I gave myself was that I wasn't coming home until I'd worked out what was wrong with me.
That is not advice. I was young and single with nothing keeping me anywhere. If I'd had a mortgage and two kids I would have needed a version of this that fits into evenings, which is more or less what I ended up building.
I spent the next several years traveling. I got to 25 countries and put over $100,000 into learning from teachers and mentors, and the reason it took that many is that every one of them had a piece of the solution and none of them had all of it.
I Finally Found My Calling In India
When I got to India I ran into tantra for the first time, and I was hooked immediately. I knew this was what I was going to spend my life on before I understood anything about it.
I was working with my body and breath, and mostly with the sensation moving under it that tantra calls energy. I could feel it working while I was doing it, and years of thinking about my problems had never once done that.
A few weeks in, things started moving in my body that I had no words for, and old weight I had carried since childhood started coming up and leaving. That was what convinced me, because nothing else I had ever tried had shifted anything at all.
Here's who I learned from: Sadhguru, Mooji, David Deida and Sri Prem Baba, along with plenty of others whose names would mean nothing outside the tradition. Between India and Thailand I've put in more than 1,500 hours of certified training in tantra and intimacy.
When I say tantra I mean all of it. The meditation and the yoga sit under it, and so does the shadow work. People hear the word and think it means sex, and sex is part of it, but it's a smaller part than they expect.
I started practice every day, like I was obssessed. I tried every weird method and tool I could get my hands on, because I still couldn't be close to a woman without it going wrong, and I had no idea which one would help.
Ten days of fasting without food. Two weeks of silence that I mostly hated. Dark retreats, purifications, ceremonies, sex magic, de-armoring and somatic bodywork, family constellation, and a lot of shadow work to get underneath what I'd been avoiding since I was a boy.
Some of it helped enormously, and some of it cost me a month for nothing. What I didn't know yet was which part was going to matter.
Most of the men I talk to have a list like that too, and like me, they got to the end of theirs and were still stuck.
How This Became My Work
Years later I was living with a woman I thought I would marry. Toward the end of that relationship she told me she wanted to feel taken care of, and that it was hard to feel that with me while I was broke. Tantra had taken over my whole life by then, and none of it paid the bills.
It landed hard, because she wasn't wrong. But what I heard was that I wasn't man enough. I was offended and I felt emasculated, and I sat in that for a while before I did anything useful with it.
I wanted to build something that could support us both, so I asked myself what I was actually good at. The honest answer was tantra and everything around sex and intimacy, which is not the career anyone's parents hope for. Friends had been asking me questions for years by then, and friends of theirs after that, and it had never once occurred to me that it was worth money. So I reverse engineered what had actually worked on me and built it into a coaching program a man could follow week by week. I launched it in Los Angeles in 2017, and it sold out from the start.
It started as me trying to prove something, and it turned into the thing I'm best at, and the part I didn't expect was how much I would end up caring about the men who came through it.
What Actually Changed
The part that isn't flattering is that I was teaching men about intimacy while my own love life still didn't work. I was meditating every day and practicing yoga, and I'd read all the books, and I believed I was showing up as the man I was supposed to be. The same arguments kept happening anyway. Distance, and fights that came out of nowhere, and sex getting less frequent. Nothing exotic about any of it, and they're the same arguments my clients bring me now.
For a long time I thought the problem was her. Then it happened again with a different woman, and it went the same way. Then again. At some point I ran out of women to blame and the common denominator was me.
That's where tantra finally paid off, because the practice had built one specific thing without me noticing. I could catch myself in the moment, and this time it did not fade. Watching my own thinking had lasted a few days after my friend died, and now it was something I could do whenever I wanted. Before, it took me about three days to realize I had messed up, and by then it was too late.
Once I could see a pattern while it was still running, I could get underneath it. That's what the shadow work is for, and it's where the change actually happened. I went after the wound my mother left and the fear of being abandoned that sat under it, and I went from fearful avoidant attachment to secure. If those words don't mean anything to you, it means I used to want closeness and run from it at the same time, and now I don't.
What that looks like now:
- I stopped needing a woman's attention and sex to feel like a man worth loving.
- I say what I want out loud, and women started responding to me before I opened my mouth.
- I found a level of sex I didn't know existed, where the sense of being two separate people drops away. Tantra calls that sacred union.
- I can be in a relationship now without my old wounds running it, which is the thing I couldn't do in my twenties and the thing most of the men I work with finds to be the hardest thing to fix.
What I Do Now
I coach men through a nine week program called The Tantric Man Experience™, built on a framework I call the Tantric Man Method. There are five levels because that's how many pieces I had to go and find. Every teacher I met was strong on one of them and thin on the rest, so I spent years and a lot of money assembling the whole picture out of parts.
It puts tantra together with the shadow work, because on their own each one only gets you part of the way. The tantra side builds your awareness and your energy, right down into the body. The shadow work is what you use that on.
Knowing why you do something and being able to stop doing it are two different skills, and this is built for the second one.
That's the real reason nine weeks can do what took me years. Most of those years went on finding the pieces and working out what to look for, and a man starting my program today gets all of it in one place.
If you're like most of the men I work with, you're somewhere between 30 and 50, you're good at solving problems for a living.
You might be married and you might be single. Either way there's a woman you want, and what you've been doing isn't getting you there.
Austin had been married twelve years and was thinking about divorce. Trust had gotten so bad that his wife told him not to touch her unless he asked first. In his own words, "I was acting like a needy boy and really not a man," and "I had always tried to change her by blaming her, by telling her she wasn't doing enough."
Freddy was 30 and had been on one date in his whole life, about five years earlier. He carried so much shame around sex that he had never talked about it with anyone. He finished the program dating again, and the first thing he mentions is that the overthinking stopped.
One of them was married and the other had barely started, and the work was the same for both. It's the same mistake I made in a friend's living room, and the same one I made again years later when I already knew better.
Why Nobody Ever Taught You This
Did anyone ever teach you how to do this?
Most of the men I ask say no, and their fathers weren't taught either, so there was nothing to hand down.
Which is why so many good men do the thing that pushes a woman away and then do it harder every year.
They try more help around the house, asking what's wrong, and every one of those makes the gap wider.
If you recognize yourself in this, that's who the program is for.
The Tantric Man Experience™ runs nine weeks. It's not therapy, it's training. Being with a group of men doing the same work, and for a lot of guys the group turns out to be the part that keeps them going.
What it asks is that you look honestly at your own part in this, because that's where the change comes from.
I can't promise you what she'll do, and neither can anyone else. But I can tell you what happens to the man who does the work, because I've watched 600 men go through it.
