Masculine energy – what is it?
Have you ever heard a female friend complain that a guy she met was good-looking, smart, funny, and kind, yet he just wasn’t enough of a man to hold and captivate her interest?
My guess is that you have heard these words – and that they strike fear and uncertainty into your very heart.
“What if I am not manly enough either?!”
These days, the concept of masculinity and being a masculine man is gaining more and more attention. Type ‘how to be more masculine’ into YouTube and hundreds of videos are suggested. Some are offering hacks for how to speak with a more masculine tone. Others are giving ways to look more masculine and have a more masculine face.
From my experience working as a men’s coach in sex, dating, and relationships, these things can help, but they won’t have a huge impact. A guy with a six-pack and huge muscles can still come across as effeminate. This is no different from the way in which a beautiful woman with sexy curves and a delicate voice can feel masculine to a guy.
From my experience, in order for women to perceive you as being a more masculine man, you need to work on cultivating and growing your masculine energy.
Your energetic imprint is about so much more than how you dress, the size of your muscles, or how deep your voice is. It is your flavor, your essence, the metaphorical taste you leave in a woman’s mouth after a conversation with her. In terms of relationships and finding love, your masculine energy is your ultimate weapon.
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The magic of maintaining masculine-feminine polarity
Your masculine energy is your yang to her yin. It’s your hot to her cold. Polarity matters and opposites attract. Masculine men are inherently attracted to feminine energy and feminine women are in the same way attracted to masculine energy. Many relationships dissolve after a while because the polarity has not been maintained. Developing masculine energy (assuming your woman has predominantly feminine energy) is one way of ensuring that this does not happen.
We all have both feminine and masculine energy existing and circulating inside of us. This is necessary in order to be adaptable and to survive in the world of duality. However, we do tend to have predominance to one side – our core blueprint. This doesn’t always correspond with our gender.
Just as a woman can be operating from her masculine, a man can be operating from his feminine. A woman can diminish her true feminine sexual essence with a mask of yang energy ‘the burnt-out corporate professional’. In the same way, a man can diminish his true masculine sexual essence with a mask of yin energy, ‘the overly sensitive new age guy’.
Masculine energy traits vs feminine energy traits
Masculine energy is associated with values and traits that are stable, predictable, and logical. A masculine person adheres to clear structures. They apply reason and rationale to problems in order to think them through and solve them.
Masculine energy traits include:
- High willpower
Shadow aspects of the masculine include:
- Unnecessary aggression
- Emotionally disconnected
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Feminine energy on the other hand is associated with values and traits that are more flowing, dynamic, and volatile in nature. A feminine person is deeply intuitive, feeling, and emotional.
Feminine energy traits include:
- Lightness of heart
Shadow aspects of the feminine include:
- Playing the victim
- Overly emotional responses
Why should you work on developing your masculine energy?
As we can see, both masculine energy and feminine energy have positive traits and are important to have.
However, when a man with a masculine core is operating mostly from his feminine – or his wounded masculine – he is embodying less of the divine masculine essence. It is this very essence that attracts the kind of woman that every man wants – an irresistible, deliciously feminine woman. The kind of woman we just want to love, hold, take care of, protect and devour.
This is why developing masculine energy is so important. If you work on cultivating your healthy masculinity, you will naturally exhibit more masculine energy traits.
This will make you not only more attractive, but irresistible to women. If you are single, it will help you to find a relationship. If you are already in a relationship, it will increase the polarity between you and your woman. When there is more polarity, things will sizzle between the sheets. Sparks will FLY. You will have better and more electrical, plentiful, soul-shaking sex than ever before in your life.
Sounds like a worthy pursuit, right? If you agree, keep reading for my eight tips for building your masculine energy and becoming irresistible to women.
8 tips for developing masculine energy
1. Stillness practice: the divine masculine meditation
Stillness practices such as meditation help us connect with our true essence. Meditation can bring us closer to the eternal part of ourselves, expand our consciousness, and align us with our masculine nature.
Often we fall out of alignment with our essence simply due to a lack of conscious awareness. There is no exercise more powerful than meditation for bringing a little more consciousness into our everyday lives.
I created this divine masculine meditation for this very purpose. Use it each morning as soon as you wake up and observe the change in your mental state throughout the day.
Stillness practices such as meditation don’t just help to increase our essential masculine. The benefits reach far and wide into all corners of life. If you do one thing for yourself today – make it meditation.
2. Go into the man cave to recharge your masculine energy
Do you live with your partner or perhaps with one or more female housemates? Perhaps you are married with a wife and three daughters. Feeling a little dizzy from all of that estrogen around you?
If so, you may benefit from going into what I call ‘the man cave’ and spending a little more time alone.
We are so easily influenced by the people around us, particularly our partners. It is quite possible to merge and start taking on their characteristics – if we do not take measures to protect our space and spend time alone.
This is why I recommend to any man wishing to build on his masculinity that he retreats into his man cave for a period of time each day. Note: this doesn’t mean that you need to have separate bedrooms, although I do support this idea.
The man cave can be a study, the garden shed, or another room in the house. It simply needs to be a space where you can spend time alone and connect to your true masculine nature. Some of my clients do woodwork, maintenance work, and ‘man things’ in their man cave. Others simply read books and call their male friends. Just make sure it is a space kept separate from the influence of the women in your life – and do whatever feels natural and enjoyable.
3. Masculine yoga postures
Yoga asanas that focus on the higher chakras such as vishuddha, ajna, and sahasrara will build masculine energy. These asanas will connect you with the qualities and attributes associated with the corresponding chakras. This will boost consciousness and awareness of your being.
Some beginners’ yoga asanas that work on the higher chakras are:
- Shoulder stand
- Lizard pose
- Wide-legged forward bend
See this article on how to perform these yoga postures and many more.
4. Hang out with other men
After having worked with hundreds of men, one observation I have made is that masculine men tend to hang out with guys. Feminine men tend to hang out with women.
It doesn’t take a genius to work out what is going on here. As I stated above, we are easily influenced by the people that we spend time with. Men who hang out with women will be more like women. Men who hang out with men will be more like – well – men….
… If you are a man reading this and saying to yourself, “but Steffo, I just don’t enjoy the company of other men. All my friends are women and I like it that way” – you need to check yourself.
If you have issues regarding your father (commonly known as daddy issues), you may feel naturally more comfortable in the presence of women. There is nothing wrong with this, but over time it may diminish your masculinity. We absorb and take on the energetics and characteristics of those people we spend the most time with. You place yourself at greater risk of being ‘friend zoned’ by spending a lot of time socializing with women.
Although it may seem daunting, beginning to spend more time around men will help to heal father issues. You will absorb energy from and take on the masculine qualities of the men around you.
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From hunter-gatherers to modern-day men
In prehistoric times when we were living as hunter-gatherers, men would go out on hunts together. They would spend at least one if not several days together. The women would stay behind taking care of the homes with the other women in the tribe.
It’s not just thousands of years ago that we spent most of our time around people of the same sex. It was the case until relatively recently. Just 100 years ago, men would go out to work in factories, on farms or in coal mines (for example). They would work long hours and spend all of this time around other MEN. Women would be at home.
Due to the size and structure of family units and households, women would be at home with their sisters, aunts and other female family members. It is only in the last 50 years that the sexes have started mixing in the workplace. This has inevitably trickled over into our social lives.
Of course this is not entirely a bad thing. Having female friends certainly has its merits, but as with everything in life, balance is key.
5. Increase testosterone to increase masculine energy
We can build upon our own levels of testosterone by self-regulation and manipulation of the autonomic nervous system. This impacts the levels of sex hormones in our system. Diminished testosterone leads to diminished masculine energy.
The opposite is also true. Increased testosterone leads to increased masculine energy.
For example: in the middle of an argument with your partner and are feeling triggered? Remove yourself from the situation.
Get in the car and drive or go for a long walk to increase testosterone again.
Becoming overly emotional and fighting is a response connected to having high levels of estrogen – the female sex hormone – in the body. As estrogen rises, so do emotions. In tandem, as emotions rise, so does estrogen.
Driving or walking are very goal-oriented pursuits that require focus and attention – increasing testosterone – the male sex hormone. Thus doing so cuts the cycle of estrogen → emotions → estrogen.
Once you are feeling more level-headed and your endocrine system has been rebalanced, you can come back to the conversation and communicate from a more centered, logical place. She will appreciate this and respond to this. Your calm, rational approach will balance her more emotional approach. You will manage to solve the problem together.
Get your bloodwork done to check your testosterone
If you suspect you have low testosterone, or never done a testosterone test, you should definitely get tested. Low testosterone is a global pandemic in the modern man. Now, you can identify low testosterone in the privacy of your own home
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6. Take the lead!
Men with masculine energy thrive on taking the lead. Women with feminine energy thrive on being guided. It really is that simple.
It doesn’t go without saying that the opposite can also be true. A man with feminine energy wants to be guided, and a woman with masculine energy wants to lead. The same goes for same-sex couples, one is naturally the top and one the bottom.
Few things gnaw away at polarity between a man and a woman more than a man who cannot make up his mind or do things for himself.
If you are in a relationship or attempting to date women, yet you find yourself asking them again and again for help, or to make the decisions – YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.
Women are inherently attracted to men who know what they want and can go get it themselves. Men who are uncertain or hesitant in their decisions reek of a lack of confidence and women can smell it a mile off.
One of the most powerful, sexy things you can ever say to a woman is: “Honey, relax. I’ve got this taken care of”. She can then relax into HER true essence, feel safe with you and allow herself to be taken care of.
How to embody masculine energy in relationships and dating
Wondering how to take the lead more in your relationship or your dating life?
Organize a trip. Instead of asking her where she wants to go – take that decision yourself and put the necessary arrangements in place.
Pick the restaurant you are going to eat at and book a table for a certain time.
Decide which car you are going to buy for your family. Make her feel included by asking her opinion, but be bold and assertive. This is YOUR ground and she should appreciate being led in this way.
The list goes on. Guide you woman. Lead her. Take charge. Be the man!
7. Invest in a men’s coach
Sometimes we all need a little helping hand from a professional. Investing (both financially and in terms of time) in a men’s coach can often give us the motivation, inspiration and drive that we need in order to implement strategies to improve our lives.
I have dedicated my life to working with men from across the globe on their masculinity. This has helped their relationships, marriages and improved my single clients’ chances of finding incredible partners.
Through working with a men’s coach on your masculinity, you can begin to fully embody your true masculine nature. You will radiate with confidence on the inside that will soon be reflected on the outside.
A truly masculine man is nothing short of magnetising to a woman. He also has more success in business due to emulating honesty, integrity and dependability.
Anyone who is tired of the average and mediocre life, and wants to rise to greatness, MUST have a mentor.
Because let’s face it…
There’s no successful person that did not have a coach or mentor.
Micheal Jordan would not be the greatest basketball player without the mentoring of Phil Jackson.
Warren Buffet would not be the richest investor in the world without the mentoring of Benjamin Graham.
To believe you are an exception to the rule is nothing more than arrogance.
Can I give you any better reasons to work with a men’s coach?
8. Join a brotherhood or men’s group
If you don’t have the cash to invest in a coach and genuinely find it difficult to find more male friends, you can join a brotherhood.
Thanks to the internet, people from all around the world can now connect with each other, regardless of physical location.
There are plenty of brotherhoods and men’s circles taking place online and in person. A quick google search should help you.
These groups can be particularly helpful because of their structured nature, with specific purposes, conversation themes, and discussion topics. Whatsmore, although in friendships we tend to naturally gravitate toward certain kinds of people – brotherhoods will include men from all walks of life – including those you wouldn’t normally be friends with.
This will expose you to even more ideas, states of being and ways of seeing the world. This makes us more open-minded and likely to challenge ourselves out of patterned, self-destructive behavior.
If you can’t find any in-person men’s groups in your area, you’re welcome to join my supportive and thriving Facebook group The Tantric Brotherhood with over 5000 conscious men.
How to embody the divine masculine inside of you and become irresistible
Whether you identify as a masculine man or a feminine man, everything is OK. Some men can go their whole lives operating from their feminine and have a lot of success in their dating life.
Many of the greatest male artists, musicians and actors throughout history have been very feminine men and have had happy love lives.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to the individual – that’s YOU.
If you are struggling with the polarity inside of your current relationship, or find yourself being continually rejected or ‘friend zoned’ by women – you could benefit from building your masculinity.
The 8 points I’ve given above should be a great start, but if you want to go really deep and truly transform into a masculine man with a strong purpose, power, and passion, I suggest you can take my free training for men here.
Energy is all there really is. Luckily, energy is fluid and can always be changed or redirected.
ACTIVATE YOUR MASCULINE POWER 5-DAY COURSE
Unleash the secrets of your inner fire of willpower, harness your sacred sexual energy, and embody healthy masculine energy.
Men's Relationship Coach
Steffo is the founder of The Tantric Man Experience, the #1 masculine mentorship program in the world. There he helps men in relationships reignite the passion to restore their marriages from the brink of divorce. And single men attract their dream women naturally with success. He's on a mission to guide men towards an intimate and meaningful relationship, and end the war with their sexuality, so they can finally become integrated men, fathers, brothers, husbands, and leaders in the world.
“It meant a paradigm shift in life.” – Patrik, Sweden
“Life-changing experience.” – Antonio, Italy