Top 8 Ways To Develop Masculine Energy And Become Irresistible To Women

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Apr 10, 2024
masculine energy

In this article, I am going to dissect masculine energy. 

Have you ever heard a female friend complain that a guy she met was good-looking, smart, funny, and kind, yet he just wasn’t enough of a man to hold and captivate her interest?

I guess that you have heard these words – and that they strike fear and uncertainty into your very heart.

“What if I am not manly enough either?!”

These days, the concept of masculinity and being a masculine man is gaining more and more attention. Type “how to be more masculine” into YouTube, and hundreds of videos are suggested. Some are offering hacks for how to speak with a more masculine tone. Others are giving ways to look more masculine and have a more masculine face.

From my experience working as a men’s coach in sex, dating, and relationships, these things can help, but they won’t have a huge impact. A guy with a six-pack and huge muscles can still come across as effeminate. This is no different from the way in which a beautiful woman with sexy curves and a delicate voice can feel masculine to a guy. 

From my experience, for women to perceive you as being a more masculine man, you need to work on cultivating and growing your masculine energy. 

What is masculine energy?

Your energetic imprint is about so much more than how you dress, the size of your muscles, or how deep your voice is. It is your flavor, presence, essence, the metaphorical taste you leave in a woman’s mouth after a conversation with her. In terms of relationships and finding love, your masculine energy is your ultimate weapon.

Masculine energy vs divine masculine energy

A common mistake is to confuse masculine energy with the divine masculine (and likewise, feminine energy with the divine feminine).

Masculine energy is a way of being and operating in the world. Whilst the divine masculine is more of an archetype

Divine masculine energy traits:

  • Shiva
  • Buddhahood
  • Consciousness
  • Stillness
  • Awareness

Divine feminine energy traits:

  • Shakti
  • Intuition
  • Creativity
  • Fertility
  • Kundalini Energy

What are feminine and masculine archetypes?

Masculine archetypes and feminine archetypes serve the purpose of giving us a Universal force, or energy, that we can tap into when we need to.

This idea comes from the traditional teachings of tantra. And hence all of the Gods, Goddesses, and deities are archetypal forms. For example, Shiva, Shakti, Kali, etc.

For this article, the divine masculine archetype would be Shiva, and the divine feminine archetype would be Shakti.

We can call upon these deities from time to time. With consistent practice, we can even download some of their energies into our being. Hence we can take on more divine masculine energy or divine feminine energy. But this is advanced tantric practice, and you are better off following the steps that I will give later in this article about how to embody more generalized masculine energy.

Masculine vs feminine energy traits and the shadow

masculine feminine polarity chart

Both feminine and masculine energies have strong archetypes. And both feminine and masculine archetypes serve an important purpose. That purpose is to help us understand what it means to be in our natural essence as men or women. 

If we are in our natural essence as men or women, this is known as our healthy masculine or our healthy feminine. This is the most desirable way to operate. But of course, most of us don’t operate purely from our healthy masculine or feminine 100% of the time. Occasionally, when we are triggered, reactive, or behaving in a less conscious way, our actions, behavior, and words can come from the shadow of masculine or feminine…

For a man, healthy masculine energy is associated with values and traits that are stable, predictable, and logical. A masculine person adheres to clear structures. They apply reason and rationale to problems rather than intuition. This helps them to think things through and solve them. Whilst shadow masculine energy is more related to things like jealousy, fighting, and a generally brash and overly-bold demeanor.


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Healthy masculine energy traits:

  • Dependable
  • Reliable
  • Solid
  • Resilient
  • High willpower
  • Clarity
  • Focus
  • Provider

Masculine shadow traits:

  • Dominance
  • Unnecessary aggression
  • Avoidance
  • Emotionally disconnected

On the other hand, feminine energy is associated with values and traits that are more flowing, dynamic, and volatile. A feminine person operates on intuition, feeling, and emotion. 

Healthy feminine energy traits:

  • Unpredictability
  • Home-making
  • Lightness of heart
  • Warm
  • Loving
  • Caregiver
  • Creative
  • Receptive
  • Nurturing

Feminine shadow traits include:

  • Playing the victim
  • Manipulation
  • Overly emotional responses

Masculine and feminine energy work in harmony

black man looking at the camera directly

As we can see, both masculine and feminine energy has positive traits. Masculine and feminine energy complement each other. When perfectly balanced between two individuals, they create one unstoppable force. But be aware that these two energies MUST always first be balanced within you to be able to create harmony with your partner!

How? For example, feminine strength is to care deeply about other people’s feelings. Meanwhile, masculine strength is being less sensitive to the feelings of others. And this complements the feminine strength by giving him the autonomy and freedom to protect and provide logical great ideas. 

As with many things in life and psychology, the origins of this take us back to the birth of our species. A woman’s feminine energy keeps her tightly bonded to children and older family members. A man’s masculine energy ensures he can detach (somewhat) and go hunt and provide food for his family.

Every man’s purpose is to protect and provide for his family or woman.

What happens when a man operates from his feminine?

When a man with a masculine core operates mostly from his feminine – or his wounded masculine – he cannot fulfill this purpose. The divine masculine essence does not exist within him

This is how men wind up with girlfriends or wives who constantly complain that they have to mother their partners and do everything for them. The wounded masculine attracts a more masculine kind of woman. And neither party feel comfortable or fulfilled in these flipped roles. 

This might stem from an anxious attachment style or unhealed mommy issues.

Why should I work on cultivating more masculine energy?

You will naturally exhibit more masculine energy traits if you work on cultivating your healthy masculinity. 

This will make you not only more attractive but irresistible to women. If you are single, it will help you to find a relationship. If you are already in a relationship, it will increase the polarity between you and your woman. 

When there is more polarity, things will sizzle between the sheets. Sparks will FLY. You will have better and more electrical, plentiful, soul-shaking sex than ever before in your life.

Sounds like a worthy pursuit, right? 

The magic of maintaining masculine-feminine polarity

Steffo looking at the woman lovingly

Your masculine energy is your yang to her yin. It’s your hot to her cold. Polarity matters, and opposites attract. Masculine energies are inherently attracted to feminine energy, and feminine energies are similarly attracted to masculine energies. 

Many relationships dissolve after a while because the polarity has not been maintained. Developing masculine energy (assuming your woman has predominantly feminine energy) ensures this does not happen.

We all have feminine and masculine energy. They are necessary to adapt and survive in the world of duality. However, we tend to have predominance to one side – our core blueprint. This doesn’t always correspond with our gender.

Both a woman can have too much masculine energy. Just as a woman and a man can have too much feminine energy. Whatever the dominant energy type is, it will prevail and be just that – dominant.

If you want to determine whether your dominant energy type is masculine or feminine energy, take my masculine-feminine energy quiz.

8 tips for developing masculine energy

mens group gathering with the coach

Here are my best methods for cultivating your masculine energy and becoming irresistible to high-quality women that you want to attract:

1. Stillness practice: the divine masculine meditation

Stillness practices such as meditation can connect us with our true essence. Spiritual traditions throughout history have advocated meditation for the reason that it can bring us closer to the eternal part of ourselves and expand our consciousness. 

But did you know that it can also amplify your masculine energy within?

Often we fall out of natural rhythms simply due to a lack of conscious awareness. No exercise is more powerful than meditation for bringing a little more consciousness into our everyday lives.

I created this masculine meditation practice for this very purpose. Use it each morning as soon as you wake up and observe the change in your mental state throughout the day. It should awaken the divine masculine archetypes within you.

2. Go into the man cave to recharge your masculine energy

topless Steffo in black and white

Do you live with your partner or perhaps with one or more female housemates? Perhaps you are married to a wife and three daughters. Feeling a little dizzy from all of that estrogen around you?

We are easily influenced by the people around us, particularly our partners. It is possible to merge and start taking on their characteristics. That is if we do not take measures to protect our space and spend time alone. 

This is why I recommend to any man wishing to build on his masculinity that he retreats into his man cave for a while each day. 

The man cave can be a study, a garden shed, or another room in the house. It simply needs to be a space where you can spend time alone and connect to your true masculine nature. Some of my clients do woodwork, maintenance, and ‘man things’ in their man caves.

Others simply read masculine books and call their male friends. Just make sure it is a space kept separate from the influence of the women in your life – and do whatever feels natural and enjoyable.

3. Practice masculine yoga postures 

Steffo doing yoga

Yoga asanas that focus on the higher chakras, such as vishuddha, ajna, and Sahasrara, will build masculine energy. These asanas will connect you with the qualities and attributes associated with the corresponding chakras. This will boost consciousness and awareness of your being.

Some beginners’ yoga asanas that work on the higher chakras are:

  • Shoulder stand
  • Lizard pose
  • Wide-legged forward bend

See this article on performing these yoga postures for men and many more.

4. Hang out with other men

group of men in a field

After working with hundreds of men, I have observed that masculine men tend to hang out with guys. Feminine men tend to hang out with women.

It doesn’t take a genius to work out what is happening here. As I stated above, we are easily influenced by the people we spend time with. Men who hang out with women will be more like women. Men who hang out with men will be more like – well – men…

… If you are a man reading this and saying to yourself, “but Steffo, I just don’t enjoy the company of other men. All my friends are women, and I like it that way” – you need to check yourself.

If you have issues regarding your father (commonly known as daddy issues), you may feel naturally more comfortable in the presence of women. Nothing is wrong with this, but it may diminish your masculinity over time. We absorb and take on the energetics and characteristics of those we spend the most time with. You place yourself at greater risk of being ‘friend zoned’ by spending a lot of time socializing with women. 

Although it may seem daunting, spending more time around men will help heal father wounds. You will absorb energy from and take on the masculine qualities of the men around you.


Unleash the secrets of your inner fire of willpower, harness your sacred sexual energy, and embody healthy masculine energy.

5. Increase testosterone to increase masculine energy

benefits of alpha testosterone chart

We can build upon our levels of testosterone by self-regulation and manipulating the autonomic nervous system. This impacts the levels of sex hormones in our system. Diminished testosterone leads to diminished masculine energy.

The opposite is also true. Increased testosterone leads to improved masculine energy.

For example, if you are in the middle of an argument with your partner and are feeling triggered. Remove yourself from the situation.  


Get in the car and drive or take a long walk to increase testosterone again. 

Becoming overly emotional and fighting is a response connected to having high levels of estrogen – the female sex hormone – in the body. 

As estrogen rises, so do emotions. In tandem, as emotions rise, so does estrogen.

Driving or walking are very goal-oriented pursuits that require focus and attention – increasing testosterone – the male biological sex hormone. 

Thus doing so cuts the cycle of estrogen → emotions → estrogen.

Once you feel more level-headed and your endocrine system has been rebalanced, you can return to the conversation and communicate from a more centered, logical place. She will appreciate this and respond to this. Your calm, rational approach will balance her more emotional process. You will manage to solve the problem together.

Get your bloodwork done to check your testosterone

You should get tested if you suspect you have low testosterone or have never done a testosterone test. Low testosterone is a global pandemic in modern man. Now, you can identify low testosterone in the privacy of your own home.

As we have seen, testosterone is vital for maintaining a healthy relationship and dodging arguments. So check your levels with an at-home testing kit. Receive online results in 2-5 days. Order today and get 20% off with my unique code, “Tantric Academy.”

Click here to order.

6. Take the lead in your life and marriage

woman pulling Steffo while looking at him

Men with masculine energy thrive on taking the lead. Women with feminine energy thrive on being led. It is that simple. 

But it doesn’t go without saying that the opposite can also be true. A man with feminine energy wants to be guided, and a woman with masculine energy wants to lead. The same goes for same-sex couples; one is naturally the top and one the bottom.

Few things gnaw away at polarity between a man and a woman more than a man who cannot make up his mind or do things for himself.

If you are in a relationship or attempting to date women, yet you find yourself asking them again and again for help or to make the decision – YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

Women are inherently attracted to men who know what they want and can get it themselves. This allows them to relax into their feminine strength of being. And this requires a physically strong, capable man with self-discipline and a strong mind.

Men who are uncertain or hesitant in their decisions reek of a lack of confidence. They don’t have an adequate reserve of masculine power, and women can smell it a mile off.

One of the most potent, sexy things you can ever say to a woman is: “Honey, relax. I’ve got this taken care of”. She can then relax into HER true essence, feel safe with you and allow herself to be taken care of.

How to embody masculine energy in relationships and dating

Wondering how to take the lead more in your relationship or dating life? 

Organize a trip. Don’t ask her where she wants to go. Make that decision yourself and put the necessary arrangements in place. 

Decide which car you are going to buy for your family. Make her feel included by asking her opinion, but be bold and assertive. This is YOUR ground, and she should appreciate being led this way.

Being a masculine man involves taking risks. Pick the restaurant you will eat at and book a table for a certain time. 

The list goes on. Guide you, woman. Lead her. Take charge. Be the man!

7. Invest in a men’s coach

coach taking charge in a group session

Sometimes, we all need a little helping hand from a professional. Investing in a men’s coach can often give us the motivation, inspiration, and drive to implement strategies to improve our lives.

I have dedicated my life to working with men in my mentorship program on their masculinity. This has helped their relationships and marriages and improved my single clients’ chances of finding incredible partners.

By working with a men’s coach on your masculinity, you can fully embody your true masculine nature. You will radiate with confidence on the inside, which will soon be reflected on the outside. 

A truly masculine man is nothing short of magnetizing to a woman. He also has more success in business due to emulating honesty, integrity, and dependability.

Anyone tired of the average and mediocre life and who wants to rise to greatness MUST have a mentor.

Because let’s face it…

There’s no successful person that did not have a coach or mentor.

Michael Jordan would not be the greatest basketball player without the mentoring of Phil Jackson.

Warren Buffet would not be the world’s richest investor without Benjamin Graham’s mentoring.

To believe you are an exception to the rule is nothing more than arrogance.

Can I give you better reasons to work with a men’s coach?

8. Join a brotherhood or men’s group

Steffo talking to the participants

You can join a brotherhood if you don’t have the cash to invest in a coach and genuinely find it difficult to find more male friends.

Thanks to the internet, people worldwide can connect, regardless of physical location.

Plenty of brotherhoods and men’s circles are happening online and in person. A quick google search should help you.

These groups can be particularly helpful because of their structured nature. There are specific purposes, conversation themes, and discussion topics. 

Moreover, a brotherhood will bring you close to men from ALL walks of life. 

This paints a more balanced picture and will expose you to even more ideas, states of being, and ways of seeing the world. This makes us more open-minded and likely to achieve great things. Through a brotherhood, we can challenge ourselves out of patterned, self-destructive behavior.

If you can’t find any in-person men’s groups in your area, you’re welcome to join my supportive and thriving Facebook group, The Tantric Brotherhood, with over 5000 conscious men.


Whether you identify as a masculine man or a feminine man, everything is OK. Some men can go their whole lives operating from their feminine and have a lot of success in their dating life. 

Many of the greatest male artists, musicians and actors throughout history have been very feminine men and have had happy love lives.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to the individual – that’s YOU.

How to embody the divine masculine inside of you and become irresistible

If you are struggling with the polarity inside of your current relationship, or find yourself being continually rejected or ‘friend zoned’ by women – you could benefit from building your masculinity.

The 8 points I’ve given above should be a great start, but if you want to go really deep and truly transform into a masculine man with a strong purpose, power, and passion, I suggest you can take my free training for men here.

Energy is all there really is. Luckily, energy is fluid and can always be changed or redirected.


What is masculine energy as a woman?

The masculine energy in a woman is the same as that in a man. In its ultimate essence is consciousness; on a day-to-day basis, it’s the successful career-driven boss babe who gets shit done. But if out of balance, can get stressed and burned out from too much masculine doing and achieving. Masculine energy is not gender-based, it is a universal force found in nature.

What is masculine energy in men?

On a spiritual level, it is your awareness and consciousness, on a physical level, it is the protector who gets things done and solves problems.

What is masculine energy in dating?

Masculine energy in dating is the leading energy that will take charge of things like inviting her out, organizing the date, planning the activities, making the first move, and creating sexual tension. If you want to lead the communication and build connection, ask these questions on your next date.

What is toxic masculinity energy?

Toxic masculine energy is a man or woman’s unintegrated, shadow aspects that are not fully owned. Expressed in an unhealthy way, either passive aggressively or using force and insults to overpower others. This energy comes from a wounded inner boy. Shadow work can help to heal toxic traits.

Do I need both feminine and masculine energy?

There’s a misconception that men should only develop
masculine energy and women only develop feminine energy. But it’s rather important to balance masculine and feminine energies. But if you lack masculine energy, start there. We don’t want to get too much into one extreme but have access to all ranges of the human experience. Emotional awareness with conscious presence. Soft yet strong. This integration is what makes a tantric man.

What is the psychology of masculine and feminine energies?

Feminine energy usually seeks connection by enhancing love. Masculine energy seeks emptiness and freedom by solving problems.


Unleash the secrets of your inner fire of willpower, harness your sacred sexual energy, and embody healthy masculine energy.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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