I Have No Sex Drive and It’s Ruining My Relationship, Now What?

Feeling like you're whispering into the void with, "I have no sex drive, and it's ruining my relationship"?

Many men have been there. You're not alone in this silent echo.

Confronting your dwindling libido can be challenging. But it doesn’t have to be.

Unfortunately, most men go through a lack of libido unnecessarily. The education system hasn’t exactly shown us the ways to have a successful sex life.

A low sex drive is a hefty burden. In this guide, I’ll get to the roots of why you likely have no sex drive and how to rekindle the passion in your relationship.

Ready? Then, let’s not waste any more time and dive right in.

How Bad Is A Low Sex Drive In Relationships?

A thriving sex life is usually a sign of a healthy relationship.

But what happens when the spark fades and the desire for sex dwindles? The impact of low sex drive or decreased sexual desire in relationships can lead to the following:

• Being emotionally distant from your partner
• Feelings of rejection
• Guilt around intimacy
• Lower relationship satisfaction for both partners
• Increased risk of infidelity
• Decreased self-esteem

A low desire for sex may decrease intimacy and sexual frustration.

So, to answer the question, you could say that low sex drive in a relationship is pretty bad. But this isn’t always the case. What’s most important is whether your partner is satisfied.

If your partner is satisfied with the number of times you have sex, even if it seems small, then there’s no problem. On the other hand, it’s natural to be concerned when it’s clear to both of you that you’re not having intimacy as much as you’d both like to.

The emotional consequences of low libido and poor sexual health

The emotional consequences of a lack of sex and poor sexual health can be heavy.

After all, you might feel like you’re not good enough for your partner. The same can be said the other way around. This can strain the relationship.

Worse, you might start to doubt yourself.

And self-doubt can create a vicious cycle. You may feel stuck in a spiral of feeling unwanted and unattractive.

And that can lead to resentment and a troubled relationship.

Why You Have Little To No Sex Drive

Here are the common reasons why you have little to no sex drive:

• Psychological blockages
• Unresolved conflicts and trauma
• Hormonal factors

For most people, psychological blockages are the main reason for little to no sex drive. A combination of all three is also a possibility.

Mental and physical health conditions can also directly affect your sexual function. It’s normal for this to even cause ED and PE.

Psychological blockages

Mood disorders, as well as anxiety and depression, can lead to low sexual desire. It’s a common reason for sexless marriages.

Sometimes this meets the threshold for what clinicians call male hypoactive sexual desire disorder. The DSM-5 definition has two parts worth knowing: persistently absent or deficient sexual thoughts and desire, present for at least six months, and causing you real distress. That second part matters. Wanting sex less often than you used to is not a disorder on its own. It becomes one when it is costing you something.

These conditions and chronic stress can activate the body’s fight-or-flight response. This leads to sustained high cortisol. Under chronic stress the body prioritises cortisol production over testosterone, and research on the mechanism points to stress directly impairing testosterone synthesis in the testes. In plain terms: a nervous system stuck in survival mode deprioritises everything reproductive. This is not a mindset failure on your part, and it will not be fixed by trying harder in bed. The result? It can suppress the production of sex hormones. Then this is what can cause a decreased sex drive and sexual issues.

Negative emotions and limiting beliefs are also a significant problem.

Intense fear and unhealthy thoughts can cause performance anxiety. Your mindset and psychological blockages can be the root cause of low libido and sexual problems.

As previously mentioned, low self-esteem and poor body image perceptions are factors that diminish sexual desire.

If you are taking antidepressants or blood pressure medication, those can affect sex drive too. SSRIs in particular are well documented for it. Do not stop or change a prescribed medication on your own, though. Take it to the doctor who prescribed it, because there are often alternatives within the same class that suit you better.

Unresolved conflicts and trauma

Is there something that happened to you in the past that you can’t let go of?

Some of you might have said yes, and others might have said no. Regardless, there’s a chance that your past is holding you back. This can even happen on a subconscious level.

It’s common for people to sabotage their own relationship without knowing it.

If it concerns a fight you previously had with your partner, candid conversations can help fix this (more on this shortly). If not, it’s most likely due to a past conflict or trauma that still affects you today.

Confronting this truth isn’t easy. Yet, it’s a necessary step for personal growth.

Hormonal factors

Hormonal factors often lead to lower desire. This is normal.

Hormonal factors affect both men and women. During menopause, decreased levels of estrogen can lead to a lower interest in sex. It can also cause physical discomfort, such as dryness during intimate union.

Contraceptives such as the following are associated with a reduction in sex drive:

• Birth control pills
• Contraceptive implant
• Depo-Provera injection

For men, low testosterone reduces sex drive. It is also diagnosable with a morning blood test, so it is worth ruling in or out rather than guessing.

“I Have No Sex Drive and It's Ruining My Relationship” - What To Do Now?

Are you still asking yourself, “I have no sex drive, and it’s ruining my relationship, what now?”

If it went missing after years with the same woman rather than on its own, that is a different problem. My ten-question quiz will tell you which one you have.

Here are the following steps:

• Communicate with your partner
• Get your sexual energy back in control
• Balance your masculinity and femininity  
• Get professional help
• Focus on self-care
• Allow yourself to take a break
• Focus on pleasuring her

Following each of these steps can help you put your mind more at ease the next time your partner suggests sex. It will also help improve your low sexual desire and slowly restore the passion in your relationship. 

Communicate with your partner

Good communication isn’t just about listening to what your partner says. It’s also about listening and responding to their emotions.

Sit down and talk with your partner. Schedule a relationship check-in. Allocate time for a clear discussion about your sexual issues and needs.

For these conversations, make it clear that you’re taking full accountability. Use “I” statements to prevent your partner from feeling blamed or defensive about sexual satisfaction. Let her know that it’s you, not her.

Get your sexual energy back in control

Can’t get it up and feel no arousal whatsoever?

Whatever your case is, there’s a strong chance that your sexual energy is out of balance. This can lead to being unable to feel desire, even in a romantic relationship.

And sexual dysfunction is a sign that your sacral chakra is imbalanced.

Getting your sexual energy back in control isn’t exactly straightforward. It takes time and commitment.

Reassess your current lifestyle and do a life audit.

See what goes on in and outside of your life. Are all the things positive or toxic? Examples of negative things coming into your life are adult content addiction and drugs. These can affect your sexual health.

Balance your masculinity and femininity

A man full of masculine energy is sexy, and so is a man in touch with his feminine energy.

If you’re not in touch with your feminine side, you shouldn’t develop your masculine energy. I summarize this best in my short YouTube clip below:

The point is that both masculinity and femininity are essential. Being in touch with your sexuality means balancing both sides of the spectrum.

How your energies are internally can affect your sexual desire in a relationship. The understanding and balance between these two forces can take your sex life up a notch.  

Get professional help

When dealing with low sex drive, sometimes we need a little extra help. This is where professional guidance comes in.

Therapy and counseling are an option. Another option is working with an intimacy coach.

An intimacy coach or sex therapist can help you work through your sexual challenges. What’s important is that you work closely with someone whose way of working makes the most sense to you.

Going at it alone works. But it's worth considering professional support from a sex therapist or expert. They can help improve the likelihood of success and accelerate your progress.

Focus on self-care

Taking care of yourself is an obvious yet overlooked step.

A low sex drive can occur from neglecting your needs. I’m talking about the most basic essential things you need to stay sexually active. This includes things like the following:

• Regular exercises (especially Kegels)
• Balanced and well-rounded diets
• Maintaining a healthy mental state

Doing the simple things is a natural remedy for fixing a low libido and lasting longer.

Allow yourself to take a break

Stress affects the libido. Constantly getting into your head is compelling enough to make you stop having a sex drive.

So, what’s the antidote?

Well, it’s as simple as allowing yourself to take a break. Take a step back and just breathe.

To be specific, try tantric breathing. This helps you release any stored blockages and relieve any discomfort or tension.

Another way to step back while strengthening your body is by adding tantric yoga to your routine.

Focus on pleasuring her

Even if you have little to no sex drive, it doesn’t mean you can’t pleasure your partner.

An intimate union isn’t the only way to help your partner experience blissful release. It’s not the most common way to begin with. 

Here’s what was mentioned in an article on MedicalNewsToday:

“Self-appointed experts, mostly men, have long told women that they must orgasm from heterosexual intercourse. However, many women can only orgasm from clitoral stimulation.”

That said, you’re not entirely excused from satisfying your woman sexually because of no sex drive. There are still things you can do to make her 'O' and increase intimacy.

I’m talking about pleasuring your partner with your fingers and tongue. You don’t always have to be passionately connected with your partner.

Self-pleasure techniques and intimate connection practices go a long way in enhancing overall well-being. You can even add adult toys to the bedroom.

In short, don’t focus on yourself in bed. Focus on pleasing your partner.

Can A Relationship Still Work When There’s A Mismatch In Sexual Desire?

A mismatch in sex drive doesn’t necessarily mean the end of a relationship.

It’s still possible for couples to work their way through and find a middle ground.

But for some couples, sex is a dealbreaker. So, if you can’t feel your own desire or struggle to increase desire, it may lead to separation.

I know it sounds petty. But the reality is that having a strong sex drive can be a vital element of a passionate relationship.

Don’t believe me? Well, you’ll even find some of the sexless marriage statistics to be interesting.

If you’re curious about how a relationship can still work out despite the difference in sexual desire, see below.

Understand your partner’s perspective

A relationship fails without empathy. For a relationship to work when there’s a mismatch in sex drive, you must communicate.

Now, I’ve said this once, but I’ll repeat it: there is no definitive number on how many times you should be having sex. What’s most important is how you both feel as a couple.

Here’s what was stated in an article on Healthline:

“For others, sexual intimacy is either unimportant or has become a less important part of connection.”

In other words, talk with your partner. Understand her perspective and how she currently feels about your sex life.

There must be mutual understanding. If in doubt, consider sex therapy or coaching.

Find a compromise

Failing to find a compromise is one of the primary reasons relationships fail. There are other reasons, too. I summarize them in my short YouTube clip below:

If you’re not willing to find a compromise, the relationship won’t work out. In this context, how can you find a compromise?

Well, the only solution is to do the inner work. The truth is, you don’t have to suffer from having no sex drive.

Most men can transform their sex life and performance by committing to a proven program. This leads nicely into my concluding points and suggested next steps.

The Next Steps: Transform Your Sex Life By Committing To Tantric Practices

At times, your sex drive lies low.

It’s not every day that you have a high sex drive. Some days, you’ll have a low sex drive. And that’s completely normal.

But what’s unfortunate is that most men struggle in silence. When you’re unable to get aroused, you might convince yourself that this is something you have to deal with for the rest of your life.

And that could be why you’re pondering, “I have no sex drive, and it’s ruining my relationship.”

I’m here to tell you that that’s not the case. You can get through this. Turning your situation around entirely isn’t impossible. The path ahead is straightforward.

Remember, the whisper of a low sex drive is not a definitive reality. You can change that.

We’ve already covered a few strategies in this guide, but you can accelerate your progress by watching my free relationship training video. This is where you’ll learn tantric techniques to improve your sex life and achieve sexual mastery.

And if you want someone looking at your situation specifically instead of a general training, that’s what working with me as an intimacy coach for men looks like.

This is your call to action, and a chance to change your relationship. Rekindle the flame of passion and desire now. I’m rooting for you!

FAQs