Top 7 Ways To Decode Female Nonverbal Communication Cues

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Aug 11, 2023
female nonverbal communication cues

Today, I’m going to reveal different types of nonverbal communication – and the oh-so-mysterious subconscious communication – that can massively boost your success in the dating and relationships arena. Not just that, though, learning about nonverbal communication will also help with your co-workers, boss, friends, and family. It’s a skill worth honing!

  • Are your chat-up tactics not quite hitting the spot with the ladies?
  • Find yourself going round and round in circles with your partner.

Then this article is for you! I have the secret sauce for you to communicate your way into any woman’s mind AND her heart.

Learn nonverbal communication cues through this video

Start by watching my video on how to understand the overview of women’s nonverbal signals, and then let’s dive into the details.

What if talking is not enough?

Many types of spoken and nonverbal communication skills can boost your dating success. Everyone knows that oral communication and communication skills are essential to relationships. And that they can have a profound impact on a troubled relationship.

But what if talking is not enough, especially at the beginning of a relationship?

When you get to know each other, you may not feel as comfortable openly expressing your needs. Women may not want to tell you what they want, especially in bed. So how can you overcome this and many other communication blocks?

In this article, we’ll cover different types of communication and all how you can improve it. We’ll also explore the somewhat murky realms of subconscious communication, which is also referred to as nonverbal communication, or nonverbal cues.

There are so many reasons to work on your nonverbal and verbal messages. So what are we waiting for?! Let’s get started!

How to improve your verbal communication

Poor intrapersonal communication between romantic partners leads to unmet expectations. And unmet expectations, I would say, are the source of the most suffering for all human beings.

Here are some steps that you can take to enhance your spoken communication and convey a verbal message most effectively:

Use voice tone and facial expressions to convey feeling, and generate appropriate emotional responses

Nobody feels engaged by a person speaking with a flat, monotonous drone. Passion is what inspires and attracts other people to us. Passionate people are magnetic.

To add to your perception as passionate, use a wide variety of facial expressions. Facial expressions such as a smile raised eyebrows, or a frown are so powerful! Many people underestimate the power of facial expressions alongside words. But facial expressions are an important nonverbal communication method that should always be used when talking.

Only use this when appropriate, though. Sometimes, you need to speak more softly.

Maintain eye contact to convey confidence and build rapport

focused on a persons eye

Never underestimate the power of eye contact when delivering a verbal message. Eye contact emulates confidence and can also convey care. It also shows that you are paying attention and that you are actively listening. It builds trust between two people and can generate feelings of empathy and understanding.

People who can maintain more sustained eye contact are perceived as having more empathy and attunement to others’ emotions. And usually, this is more than just a casual perception. It rings true.

The eyes truly are the windows to the soul. You can tell a lot about a person simply by looking into their eyes whilst you are talking to them. There is nowhere to hide or run when two people maintain strong eye contact.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

Refrain from too much physical contact and respect personal space

When you are too much in someone’s personal space, it can create a feeling of intrusion. Know when you are being invited to come closer. Learn how to feel when someone requires more physical distance. Both of these things will enhance people’s perceptions of you whilst talking to them.

Different people need different levels of personal space. Individuals will be more or less receptive to physical gestures. This is due to cultural expectations and their own personal boundaries.

You can always give a firm grip when you shake hands. This is another way to convey confidence and show that you are fully engaged. But sometimes anything more than this is unwelcome, and could even create fear in the person you are talking to.

Training yourself to pick up on this kind of message will make your verbal communication more impactful, without having to adjust anything to do with your words. A good example of a cue that someone needs more physical space is when they are moving backward as you come closer. This is a very obvious nonverbal message that you need to back off.

Subconscious communication

subconscious communication graphic

Now that we’ve discussed a little about how to improve your verbal communication, let’s look at how to improve your subconscious communication and your emotional awareness.

Non-verbal communication includes body language, eye contact, facial expressions, and tone of voice. To establish effective communication and communicate nonverbally with your date, you must learn to master all of these.

What is subconscious communication, or nonverbal communication types?

Nonverbal communication is something that we do automatically. We do it without even thinking.

That is, it takes place within the realms of the subconscious mind. Our subconscious picks up nonverbal signals from other people and interprets them. It also sends out a nonverbal message to others. This is, in turn, interpreted. Such a message can also influence, and be influenced by emotions.

Most of the time, we are not even aware that ANY of this is happening.

It is particularly interesting to look at nonverbal messages in the contextual example of attraction. We will feel inexplicably drawn to people who make certain facial expressions expressing sexual desire. For example, someone who slightly narrows their eyes or bites their lip whilst talking to us.

This is because our subconscious mind is picking up the very clear (but subtle, unspoken) gestures indicating sexual appeal and interest. And this generates interest also within us.

The body often speaks what the mouth cannot. The tone of voice can express what the voice itself isn’t able to. And two people can be having a mundane conversation with words, but their bodies have an entirely different, nonverbal one.

How to decode female nonverbal communication cues

Decoding female (or male!) nonverbal communication doesn’t require telepathy.

Instead, you just need to learn the language of these unspoken messages. Building emotional awareness can also help improve nonverbal communication with another person. And to build more rewarding relationships too. Not to mention a boost in your social skills!

woman wearing red lipstick biting her lower lip

Women are constantly speaking without saying a word. They are having silent conversations with you.

If you’re able to read her gestures and interpret signs like her voice, you will have all of the information you need. Every bit of it.

This will help guide you in relating with another person. When dating, it will help you understand where you’re at, by revealing someone’s true feelings for you. People’s emotions are complex. And often we try to mask how we are feeling for protective reasons.

In bed, it will help you to become a better lover. And in building a lasting relationship, will also help you to fill in the gaps of what she needs from you to lead her.

Here are 7 ways, (including some quickfire bonus tips), which you can use to start to read and interpret female nonverbal communication cues today:

1. Use nonverbal communication skills rather than manipulation

Reading and sending out nonverbal cues are not to be confused with manipulation. Manipulation will only get you so far. It works very well to trick women into being infatuated by you.

But after that, there is nothing substantial or real to form a relationship around. So it always fails. And often incites anger when the other person realizes what has happened.

Manipulation is also something that I have a moral problem with. Neither my programs nor my personal ethos support manipulation tactics.

2. Become attuned to read her nonverbal communication cues

woman holding a bulb and pointing to her temple

What’s more, communication necessitates attunement. Most people interested in manipulation don’t have the time or energy for attunement.

Attunement is the practice of being in tune or reading and understanding your environment. This includes people. It is extremely important when it comes to reading nonverbal communication and nonverbal cues.

So, how do we become more attuned? That segways me neatly onto the importance of…

3. Embodiment

To become attuned and read body language, you must drop out of your head and into your body. This will help you to be more in sync with her.

When you’re in your body, you can read the signs and signals she is giving you, without needing to worry about her words at all. The sensations and feelings that arise inside your own body will tell you everything you need to know.

Feel into the cracks and crevices within your own physical body that are sensing nonverbal signals of desire or attraction.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

4. Ditch the self-analysis

It may surprise you to find out that men tend to be more stuck in their heads than women. At least when it comes to dating.

This tendency towards self-analysis disconnects you from your environment. It blocks your ability to notice the body language of your date. You can hear nonverbal messages whilst disconnected from your environment.

5. Pay close attention

nonverbal communication cues

You need to be present to be able to read her. The reading itself happens with your eyes. Within your body as it feels hers. It happens with the energy she’s giving off and the facial expression looking back at you.

Body language is subtle. It could be a tiny thing giving you a green light.

Nonverbal cues types include anything and everything that is not made up of words. Remember, body language makes up 90% of human-to-human interaction.

You cannot hear the small yes if you are imprisoned inside the confines of your mind. The walls are just too thick. Her silent words can’t penetrate.

The ‘small yes’. Blink, and you’ll miss it.

6. Distinguish between ‘yes’ and ‘no’

orange and green sticky notes with no and yes written on them

So what exactly is saying yes, and what is saying no?

The most important nonverbal cue is whether the body is open or closed.

An open body, or a ‘YES’, is one that has her chest exposed. It’s a type of informal communication that is giving you the green light. This can be accompanied by a wild-eyed facial expression too.

A closed body, on the other hand, is plastered with red tape from top to bottom. It’s a ‘NO’.

This is a body that is protecting its midsection. Generally, this will show you a collapsed body posture. Their arms can be crossed over her chest.

Look at the feet

If you’re unsure whether her signals are giving you a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, take a look at her feet. The feet are the most obvious of all human body language signs. Subtle yet glaringly obvious when you’re attuned to these nonverbal behaviors.

If her feet are pointed toward you, it’s probably a ‘yes.’

And the feet are pointing away from you, it’s probably a ‘no’.

7. Some other body language tips

A few other things to consider when reading a person’s body language are:

  • Placement of the hands: are her palms facing up, exposing her wrists? This is a sign of openness. The wrists are a delicate area, and we only expose them to people with whom we feel safe
  • Eyes: did her pupils dilate? This is something we have NO control over or awareness of, but it is usually a surefire sign of someone’s physical attraction to you. A person avoiding eye contact is a red flag. It can suggest they are not communicating the truth. Or that they have mixed emotions about listening to you
  • Hair: is she playing with it? If she is playing with her hair whilst talking to you, it’s a SURE sign that she feels attraction, and is inviting you in
  • Breathing: is it deep, slow, and regulated, or is she holding her breath? Is she excited and breathing rapidly?
  • Lips: lip biting during a conversation is a SURE FIRE example of someone showing sexual attraction towards you.

What nonverbal cues are you giving her?

It’s not just about reading her non-verbals. It is also vital to remain mindful of your own.

For example, is your vocal tone communicating signals of kindness and compassion? Or are you giving off brashness and dominance? If the latter, lower your tone of voice a bit – this is bound to make her feel uncomfortable. Women tend to feel safer around men with a lower, quieter tone of voice.

The feminine needs safety to open

Throughout every nonverbal conversation, women are deducing whether or not they feel safe. She’ll open it if you can give her a message via subliminal cues that she’s safe with you.

A quick word about attachment styles and nonverbal messages

If you are still struggling to build intimacy with a woman, despite being careful of your words and your nonverbal message? Well, there could be other factors at play, which you should be aware of.

Maybe she has a dismissive avoidant attachment style or mommy issues. Both of these can lead a woman to be more emotionally closed and decrease her nonverbal communication skills.

These women can be harder to spot and their body language can be downright confusing. With a woman who has an avoidant attachment style or mommy issues, you will need to become even MORE attuned and read between the lines of her body speak.


So, verbal communication is important and can be enhanced in a few ways. But its range is rather limited, and it can be misleading when taken at face value.

Studying nonverbal communication is paramount for building intimacy. Since 90% of our communication happens in this way!

Nonverbal communication includes things like sustained eye contact, facial expression, tone of voice, and hand gestures. If she is playing it cool with her words but chewing her lip whilst you are talking to her, and gazing into your eyes, she’s mad keen!!!

If you learn to interpret nonverbals, you will be more able to read a woman. You will be able to create and sustain an environment that makes her feel safe. And this will allow her to open up to you. I cannot stress enough the importance of being able to read and respond to such cues.

If you put the time in to verse yourself, many doors in the dating arena will open to you.

If you enjoyed reading this article, and want to find even more ways to build intimacy with a current partner or attract a new amazing one, I have just the thing. You might want to check out my free training

I have been a men’s relationship coach for many years and have combined all of my best techniques in helping men reignite the spark in a sexless relationship and single men attract their dream woman.


What are 5 examples of nonverbal cues?

Hair stroking or twiddling, pupil dilation, lip biting, positioning of the legs (someone attracted to you will point their feet and legs in your direction), frowning.

Is communication usually subconscious?

Yes. Although we like to think that we have control over everything and everyone we come into contact with, most of the time, our subconscious is controlling us. 90% of communication takes place within the subconscious mind. So only 10% of the time are we controlling it.

What is conscious and unconscious communication?

Conscious communication is usually the words that come out of our mouths. Unconscious communication comes from the body, for example, the look in our eyes as we gaze at someone or the licking of the lips. We can consciously use body language to indicate interest. But most of the time, it is completely unconscious, and you will not even realize the volumes that you are speaking.


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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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