When To Walk Away From Sexless Marriage (11 Clear Signs)

Steffo Shambo

Published on Apr 12, 2024
when to walk away from sexless marriage

Are you wondering when to walk away from a sexless marriage?

Knowing when to walk away can feel like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube in the dark. It’s frustrating and complicated. You’re not even sure if you can throw it out the window.

But in all seriousness, the situation may feel heavy. The weight is on your shoulders, and you’re unsure what to do anymore.

Well, no more googling or researching.

This is your ultimate guide through the emotional labyrinth. I’ll share everything you need to know and when it might be time to finally say, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

If you notice any of these signs, it’s time to take a step back. Reflect on your love and sex life.  

What Does It Mean To Be In A Sexless Marriage?

Many question what it means to be in a no-sex marriage. This topic alone often brings confusion and hurt feelings.

A sexless marriage is when there is no physical intimacy. When there’s no intimacy, it leads to no attraction or desire. This results in no sexual activity.

In short, it’s when the married sex life is dead.

Sometimes, the lack of attraction can be a mutual choice. Reasons for this include sexual health issues, personal beliefs, or other concerns.

Leaving the void to grow is not a good idea. Doing so will dry out the emotional connection and closeness between any couple.

Why Do Sexless Marriages Happen?

The journey toward a sexless stage happens in a dying marriage. It’s a gradual journey marked where passion can wane under the crushing weight of stressors like the following:

  • Long work hours
  • Financial worries
  • Health conditions
  • Stress
  • Certain medications

These factors can take their toll on libido. This leaves partners in a state of sexual frustration despite their desire for frequent sex and shared sexual interests.

Even the natural conflicts that arise in relationships can dampen the desire for sexual intercourse. What’s also common is when one partner refuses to address the issue or intentionally engages in withholding sex.

sexless marriages starts to happen when the desire fades

Common causes of sexless marriages

Here are a few common causes that can lead to sexless marriages:

  • Physical health problems
  • Sexual dysfunctions
  • Mismatched libidos
  • Life stressors such as childbirth or financial difficulties
  • Complacency

Each of these can stifle sexual desire.

However, most couples may be on the path toward a sexless marriage without knowing it. It typically starts from a lack of intimacy and emotional bonding.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

The impact on both partners

Sexless marriages can negatively affect both the husband and wife.

Both partners may grapple with feelings of anger, disappointment, and loneliness. This can erode self-confidence and happiness.

Dealing with emotional turmoil caused by a sexless marriage often leads to:

  • Decreased relationship satisfaction
  • Resentment
  • Affairs
  • Divorce

Now, are you beginning to wonder how long is too long without sex?

Firstly, the number of times you have sex isn’t the sole contributor to marital satisfaction. A healthy sex life is essential—no doubt about that. However, a sexless marriage isn’t always the most crucial factor.

Some couples are capable of navigating through a sexless relationship. What’s important is to communicate with your partner and ensure their happiness.

11 Clear Signs Of When To Walk Away From Sexless Marriage

Now, deciding the exact moment of when to walk away from a sexless marriage is tricky.

Here are a few perceptions from Americans when it comes to divorce, according to the Pew Research Center:  

“A slight majority of Americans (55%) say couples who are unhappy tend to stay in bad marriages for too long, compared with 43% who say these couples tend to get divorced too quickly.”

With that in mind, it’s challenging to determine precisely when enough is enough. So, even if you notice these signs, take the time to self-reflect.

Ultimately, you can revive the passion in any unhealthy and sexless marriage.

No matter how downhill things might be, there’s a chance of bringing back the love and trust. But, more on that later after we go through these signs.

1. You’re losing your sanity and sense of self-worth

Constantly feeling rejected will impact your mental health.

As this goes on, it puts you in a vicious cycle of self-doubt and distress. Your sense of self-worth eventually deteriorates, and you can only take so much.

In some ways, it can feel traumatic. Think about it—the woman you once loved no longer acknowledges you.

Does that sound like you? If so, it might be time to consider whether walking away is the best choice.

2. Affection and compassion is non-existent

Love and emotional intimacy are about more than just sex. They’re about the small touches, the shared laughter, and the shoulder to lean on.

If your marriage lacks these basic expressions of affection and compassion, it will be less of a romantic relationship and more of a partnership. After all, the emotional bond you once shared will be gone.

When you reach a point of being too far apart, the question of when to walk away from a sexless relationship creeps in.

3. There’s no longer an interest to spend time together

its a red flag when neither partner wants to spend time together

Is your partner no longer in mind when you think of plans?

Do you always sigh in relief when you realize you have time for yourself without your partner?

Well, these are clear signs that the marriage has grown stale. If the thought of spending a quiet evening together doesn’t spark joy, it means the intimacy is weak.

No relationship can grow without spending time together. So, when there’s a lack of commitment on either side, the sex life erodes. It’s a telltale sign of a couple in trouble.

4. You and your partner have completely given up

There comes a point when the effort to rekindle physical intimacy stops altogether.

If both of you are no longer motivated to address the lack of sexual intimacy and the issue is met with a shrug, yikes. The marriage might be beyond repair.

However, the real issue is whether you genuinely give up. Your partner might’ve given up, but that doesn’t mean your situation can’t be reversed.

If you still have that will to repair the marriage, all hope isn’t lost. However, the same can’t be said when you no longer wish for things to improve.

5. You and your partner no longer desire each other

Having no sex drive can damage the sexual intimacy in a romantic relationship.

Desire is the lifeline of any marriage. Without it, you’re pretty much in a companionship devoid of passion.

Do you no longer want to commit to making your partner happy? Then it means the spark is fading. In this case, a lack of desire will slowly kill the marriage.  

6. There’s constant conflict 24/7

Are your days and nights filled with constant disagreements?

Perhaps you argue over the pettiest things, then sleep without ever patching things up.

Every day, the stack of past conflicts piles up. Whenever you try to express your needs, the past is brought up, breaking the relationship.

Let me tell you that constant conflict can manifest for several reasons. Sexual frustration could be one of those reasons.

Often, the conflict hints at an underlying issue in the marriage.

your wife might constantly challenge your masculinity

7. Lack of empathy and communication

Many relationship problems can be solved through good communication.

However, most people seem to misunderstand this.

Good communication isn’t just about presenting logical solutions to a problem. It’s all about responding to your wife’s feelings and being emotionally available.

Remember, the feminine tends to be more emotional. Therefore, focus on your wife’s feelings. Sometimes, all she needs you to do is listen and not say anything.  

But when empathy and communication are missing, it drives a wedge between the couple.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

8. You’re dealing with infidelity

Infidelity is a clear breach of trust. More often than not, this can be a direct consequence of a sexless marriage.

Have you been unfaithful? If so, the marriage is at risk.

After all, trust is the foundation of any successful marriage. However, infidelity can destroy the trust to pieces.

In this case, the marriage may get to a place beyond saving.

9. You strongly desire sex with someone else

Are your thoughts and fantasies involving someone who’s not your spouse? It means your needs aren’t being met. This highlights a flaw in your marriage. 

Desiring someone else while bound to your current marriage can create inner conflict. This gets worse the longer it goes on. 

Moreover, it can even end up with you resenting your wife for holding you back.

10. There are tonnes of unresolved issues weighing down the marriage

A sexless marriage is often just a symptom of deeper problems that have been left to fester.

Whenever there is conflict in a marriage, it should always be addressed. Failing to do so is a common mistake in relationships.

When these unresolved problems become too much, it might be time to consider walking away.

unresolved conflict and trauma can lead to sexless marriages

11. There’s a drastic change that’s led to sexual incompatibility

People change.

Your needs can change, as well as your sexual interests. Change isn’t always a bad thing. However, it can be when the change is simply too drastic.

If you change to the point where you’re no longer compatible, walking away might seem right. After all, the gap may seem impossible to bridge, which can signal the end of a marriage.

What To Do When You’re In A Sexless Marriage

There are steps to take when you and your wife stop having sex. In particular, I’m talking about the following:

  • Reflect on the gravity of your situation
  • Communciate with your partner
  • Show compassion and empathy

Now, facing a sexless relationship or marriage doesn’t necessarily signify the end. 

Take the steps listed to address the issue and leap toward restoring intimacy. Without the willingness to confront the problem head-on, you’ll never reach a solution.

Side Note: Remember that a lack of sex can mean a lack of intimacy. There’s a distinct difference between the two, as summarized in my YouTube clip below:

Reflect on the gravity of your situation

Firstly, understand your current reality. Embrace it. Denying it and choosing to stay ignorant means compromising the love in your relationship.

Before anything, you have to accept the current status of your marriage. Getting into the right frame of mind is the first step.

Once you’ve taken the time to self-reflect, move on to the next step. 

Communicate with your partner

A lack of communication likely causes a gap in your marriage. 

You can address the absence of sex by focusing on sincerity. But it doesn’t just work by snapping your fingers. You must create a safe space where you both can open up without feeling judged or blamed.

If you haven’t done so already, start having relationship check-ins with your wife.

Show compassion and empathy

Approach the situation with compassion. Show some understanding.

Don’t shrug off how she feels. This will only make matters worse. Instead, show affection and empathy. Actively listen to your wife. When she finally opens up, don’t interrupt her. Validate her feelings.

Your support means everything to your partner. So, be there for her not just physically but emotionally.

No Matter How Far Gone The Marriage Seems, You Always Have A Chance To Bring Back The Sexual Desire

Do you feel hopeless?

Well, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how bad things seem, there’s always a chance to turn things around.

It requires commitment. Sometimes a bit of creativity, too. But the right approach makes it possible to reignite the spark that once united you.

However, if you’ve reached this point of the article but still feel unsure, then take my sexless marriage quiz. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.

being in touch with your sexual energy can save your marriage

Now, here are a few more things to focus on. 

Be a leader that takes full responsibility

Have the mindset of a leader. Recognize your role. Initiate the steps toward restoring emotional intimacy.

Either you will, or your wife will. But usually, it’s the man in the marriage who’s the captain of the ship. If you don’t step up, then it means your wife will have to. When that happens, it means she’s taking the masculine role.

For things to work out properly, as a man, you have to take the lead. Otherwise, you’ll always be stuck in a cycle of resentment. Your sex life won’t progress the way you want it to.

Harness your masculine and feminine energies

Chances are, you’re not in touch with your masculine and feminine energies. In this case, it’s no surprise why your marriage is sexless. 

Alright, I know that sounds harsh. But I’m telling you this because you deserve to know the truth. 

There’s a difference between a wounded man and an awakened man, as discussed in my short YouTube clip below: 

Real men are in touch with not just their masculinity but also their femininity. 

An awakened man doesn’t fear his vulnerabilities. He embraces it.

Spark sexual polarity

Without sexual polarity, you cannot attract your spouse.

At the core of a healthy marriage is polarity. Unfortunately, most men aren’t aware of this simple concept.

Once you realize how this works, you’ll soon understand that it doesn’t take both partners to fix the marriage. It only takes one. The other will naturally respond.

loss of attraction is a common reason for separation

Seek Professional Help And Support

Giving it everything you can but still no luck?

Despite your best efforts, you might not see any results. This can feel demoralizing. There might be a time where everything feels hopeless.

Then you might convince yourself that it’s time to throw in the towel.

However, that’s not the case. The other option is to seek professional help. Therapists and counselors are one option.

But, there’s another option that’s not talked about enough.

Is therapy not helping you improve your sex life? Try the art of tantra

For couples who find that traditional therapy isn’t quite hitting the mark, consider tantra.

Exploring the art of tantra can be a transformative experience. This is completely different from modern practices. It uses ancient techniques. There’s emphasis on deepening the emotional and spiritual connection between partners.

Some intimacy coaches might combine modern elements with spiritual practices. There are men and married couples who claimed this approach to be more effective than traditional therapy.

Conclusion: You Can Restore The Sexual Intimacy

Now, you’ve almost reached the finish line.

Reading this guide might leave you gasping for air, grappling with uncertainty, and longing for passion.

Have you noticed any of these signs? Are you still wondering when to walk away from a sexless marriage?

If so, what are you going to do about it?

Here are your choices:

  • Sit back and hope your sexless marriage somehow fixes itself
  • Do more research and keep trying to communicate
  • Get help from a tantric expert who’s helped hundreds of men in dying marriages restore the love, trust, and passion with their wives

If you’re serious about rekindling the love with your wife, then you’d probably fall into the third category.

And if that’s you, I’d like to invite you to my free marriage transformation training. You’ll learn how to naturally bring back the attraction with your partner and start having amazing sex again.

Even better, you’ll take the marriage to lengths you never thought was possible.

No more dreaming about a better marriage. Make it into a reality. Start by taking action today. Good luck!


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.


When should you end a sexless marriage?

Consider ending a sexless marriage when you’ve completely given up. Self-reflect and decide. Then again, your situation is likely fixable. No matter how bad your marriage might seem, there is a way to fix it. The biggest reason everything’s falling apart is a lack of polarity. Tantric solutions are incredibly effective. Unfortunately, most modern men aren’t aware of this.

How does a sexless marriage affect the man?

A sexless marriage can take a toll on a man’s self-esteem and emotional well-being. It can also lead to feelings of rejection, loneliness, and frustration. This all strains the marital relationship. The consequences may include infidelity or divorce.

What should a wife do in a sexless marriage?

Show empathy and compassion. Don’t just call your husband out blatantly with no emotion. Express your needs, feelings, and concerns with compassion. He’s less likely to listen if you constantly lash out at him. It’s also worth considering expert support from a men’s intimacy coach.

How long is too long to stay in a sexless marriage?

There’s only so much one can take. There’s no single answer to determine how long is too long. The answer is different for every couple. If you’re at a point where you feel like you can’t take it anymore because you’re not having enough sex, then it’s a sign that it’s been too long. Reaching this stage differs for every couple. It could be weeks, months, or even years. In this situation, it’s worth seeking professional help and guidance.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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