21 Best Ways To Turn A Woman On And Increase Her Arousal

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Aug 11, 2023
turn a woman on

In this article, we’ll be unpacking the 21 best ways to turn a woman on. 

And no, you don’t have to find the lost city of Atlantis and bring back a boat full of gold and riches to mesmerize her and spark her arousal. After this read, you’ll have a far better understanding of what really gets women in the mood.

Know that if you’re struggling with a lackluster relationship and her desire for you is plummeted— this article is for you.

Of course, you could scroll through random dating advice on Quora or Reddit, but here we’ve handpicked the 21 absolute best ways to ignite her passion for you. These are proven by thousands of clients from all over the world.

Mem How To Turn On Guy Woman

What are the best ways to turn a woman on?

You could have the biggest biceps and a deep, sexy voice. However, your woman may not be able to sense your masculine energy. 

Let’s explore how to turn a girl on and enter into your king energy so you are the man that she desires and craves.

Here are my top 21 best ways to turn a woman on:

1. Write her a gratitude list.

List out all the things about her that fill you with gratitude.

Details are also good— write a memory of when you appreciated something she did and its effect on you. 

What is goofy and cute about her? 

What are the small things she does that you think are sweet?

Showcase that you see her love in her actions and her words. So often, men internally appreciate how their woman enriches their lives but fail to express the sentiment.

Man Writing A Journal

Describe when she showed you love. Especially those times she went that extra mile to care about you.

You can then send this as an email or print a card. Another method is to create a month-long calendar where she receives a snippet of your gratitude for her each day.

2. Give her your grounded energy.

Your masculine energy is the container for her feminine. 

Give her your grounded energy, and she will allow herself to open up around you in many ways. 

It starts with showing up with presence. Being conscious and attentive when you are with her. Then, if you can care for her and take the lead, she will become your safe place for you to be authentic and emotionally open.

Polarity is essential between a man and a woman. If you don’t step into your masculine energy, she will have to step into it for the sake of the relationship. 

So, if you haven’t already, you need to take holistic steps to enhance your masculine energy. There is plenty to discover, from masculine energy meditation to yang yoga to finding a coach to help you become an integrated man. 

Your grounded masculine grounded energy will make you irresistible to your woman. This is because it will increase the polarity between you and your woman, creating that deliciously charged tension before a freefall into pleasure.

3. Support her and be on the same team 

Couple In New Home Putting Together Self Assembly

Being on the same team is hugely undervalued in the modern dating world. 

When your girlfriend is facing challenging situations with other people, you, as the man, shouldn’t be explaining why the other person is right or telling her she’s overreacting.

Instead, choose to side with your partner even if you agree with the third person.

Being on the same team also applies to decision-making. It’s crucial to have your partner’s best interests in mind. Relationships cannot thrive if you only look after yourself and your desires. You need to consider what is best for the relationship.

If a relationship is always focused on two individuals and never the partnership, the relationship just won’t move along smoothly. 

Things get much easier when a man and woman think of themselves as on the same team. Positivity moves freely. What’s more, score-keeping and resentment don’t come into it.

In turn, this makes her feel so much more supported, as you both quickly move out of:

  •  “You didn’t do this for me?”
  • “How could you forget about that?”
  • “I can’t believe you’re late again!”

Again, it only takes one person to begin the change within the relationship. As the man, take the lead. 

4. Getting oxytocin activation on the daily

Hugging Couple

Oxytocin is one of the sex hormones and causes women and men to feel affectionate and cuddly. It is vital for women because that is how women destress from a long hard day. So if you want a happy woman, it’s essential to help her deal with stress by increasing oxytocin.

A great way to get these natural hormones flowing in your women is to focus on low-intensity skin stimulation. 

For example, graze your fingers across her shoulders and arms while kissing her neck. A warm bath together is also an excellent way of stimulating oxytocin release. Romantic bonding is what oxytocin does best, and here is a list of ways to ramp up the oxytocin:

  • Long hugs
  • Cuddles on the couch
  • Meaningful conversations
  • Long 20-second hugs
  • Holding hands while walking

People experience greater perceptions of responsiveness and gratitude towards those who induce a boost of oxytocin with methods such as those we’ve outlined.

5. Adoration and admiration

Young Adult Couple In Love And Tenderness Outdoor

A considerable part of a woman’s attraction to a man is how she makes him feel. Women feel empowered when they can see the effect they have on their partners. 

Show her how much you mean to her. And start with the everyday things throughout the week:

  • Give her loving compliments.
  • Worship her mind, body, and soul.
  • Celebrate her wins.
  • Prioritize her in your life.
  • Give her a shoulder rub.
  • Text her to tell her she is sexy and that you are imagining her naked legs wrapped around her shoulders.
  • Make her feel sexy, beautiful, and wanted by you throughout the whole day. ⁠
  • Carry out kind, meaningful gestures just for her.
  • Acknowledge when she does the same for you.

Watch how these acts elevate your woman’s passion and sexual desire for you. Hot, sexy relationships start by making each other feel valued and valuable. 

Showing her that you see her worth is a surefire way to create new levels of sexual arousal.

6. Being led in the bedroom so she can surrender and let go of the daily chores and responsibilities.

There’s a reason why 50 Shades of Gray was such an international hit.

Taking the dominant role as a man encourages your woman to fully surrender and release during sex. For most women, it’s a massive turn-on.

It’s important that she feels comfortable sliding into erotic pleasure with you. Unfortunately, most couples never truly discuss their deepest desires, which means that as good as the sex is— it will never be as amazing and passionate as it could be. 

So, have that conversation with her. Be the man who takes over in the bedroom and makes her want you.

The divine feminine is a powerful force but also yearns to be held. And that’s what you’re bringing during sex. By leading during sex, your masculine energy holds and opens her divine feminine to pleasure.

7. Give her special attention by holding space

Man Cuddling A Woman

Can you hold space for all her emotions? 

Whether she’s bursting with rage, afraid out of her skin, jealous, or turned on?

Remember, very feminine women can change their mood like the weather. And just like the weather, it can change rapidly throughout the day. So don’t make any emotional storms blow you over. Know they will pass if you don’t take it too personally.

If she can trust you with her emotions and vulnerabilities as a guy— she will be able to trust you with her pleasure. 

Let your girlfriend know that it’s okay for her to be an emotional mess. Point out that you won’t ever hold it over her, but care for her and help her feel through it all. 

Most of the time, the last thing people need is advice. It’s far more empowering to hold space and let her work through her own struggles. 

Likewise, make sure that you give her undivided attention in the moment. Look into her beautiful eyes when she’s telling you about her day. Help her to feel seen. Respect her with active listening.

8. Be an integrated man.

An integrated man has reached a balance within himself between masculine and feminine energy. A protector and a carer. An integrated man is a tantric man, a heart warrior who fiercely looks after his kingdom and his partner.

Why does this turn a woman on?

In essence, this man is the whole package. 

Once a man finds this balance, he has an energy that turns heads and can build an insane emotional connection with women. So, it’s useful to keep in mind when you’re learning how to turn on a woman.

Moreover, having an integrated man in her life opens her up to finding balance within herself. The harmony makes for a deep relationship and heady, erotic sex life.

9. Deep, intelligent conversations. 

It’s all well and good to be the strong, silent type during the very initial phases of dating— but that allure dies off fast if she’s working to keep a conversation going with you.

Happy Young Couple Drinking Tea At Home

Also, it’s a well-known fact that women are hardwired to be attracted to intelligence. In tribal times, status and knowledge were seen as advantageous traits determining their survival and that of their offspring.

This is why teachers and gurus are often pedestaled by women and the unfortunate events of power dynamics that play out because of this.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

If you’re looking to supercharge intimacy, here are 13 relationship questions to build better intimacy. Learn to respond to her sexual needs, reignite connection, and create a surge of closeness between you and your lover.

You’ll have your partner in the mood and feeling closer to you than ever. 

10. Eye contact and presence 

Close Up Blue Eye

Italian psychologist Giovanni Caputo recently performed a study on 20 people and found that gazing deeply into someone’s eyes can alter consciousness, produce hallucinations and create feelings of dissociation. We rarely stare into another’s eyes for more than a moment. 

Lean into the intensity and let your partner see you in depth.

Eye gazing is a powerfully intimate tantric practice to strengthen the romantic bond between lovers. Here are the steps:

  1. Start by sitting across from your partner, or in the Yab-Yum pose.
  2. Stare intently into each other’s eyes. It’s better to pick one eye. Otherwise, your pupils’ flitting will distract the other person.
  3. Breathe deeply and allow your gaze to be soft and tender.
  4. See into their true essence. 
  5. Finish with a deep embrace, kiss, or move into foreplay.

Another great bonus to eye gazing is that it gets a woman out of her head. Kate Spring shares our stance on this in the video below.

11. Man-to-woman talk.

This is for those men looking to solidify where the relationship is going. You need to clarify that you are interested in this woman as more than just a friend. This is particularly crucial to stay firmly out of the friend zone.

Most guys will find this a terrifying conversation to commit to. However, that’s why it’s worth learning if she’s interested. Women aren’t used to honesty from most men. 

Take the lead. Tell her what you’re feeling, and you’re far more likely to get a first date than the guy who keeps his attraction to himself.

12. Unexpected positive surprises.

Couple Having Breakfast In The Bed

If you want to win and keep her affection, have some fun keeping her on her toes!

Most articles will focus on what you can do for her. They make seduction out to be a checklist of thoughtful tasks sure to serenade every woman. Sorry to say, that just isn’t possible. You have to know what turns your women on.

You need to pick up on what excites your woman. Read her body language, and set aside time to be playful and surprise her. 

13. Plan an evening for her

Compile all you know about what she loves and start building an evening that amazes her.
Dat nights that become stale, mundane, and predictable won’t stand a chance in turning a woman on. 

Many men wine and dine during dating and into the relationship because they believe that once she’s comfortable and cared for, she’ll want sex. 

No. You can’t expect her to be dizzy on sexual arousal just because you brought her out to dinner. Women want excitement in their lives and a man who makes them feel electric. Nothing turns women on like letting loose and feeling free.

Romantic Couple Sitting Near Campfire

So, create an idea for a date that makes her second think she has you all figured out. And make her realize how much you really listen to her.

You will have your woman thinking about you for days after one of these dates. Not only because you went to all the trouble, but that you’ve shown you know her. Again, it comes up time and again. Being seen and heard is what women find intensely attractive

So, the next time she mentions something she’s always wanted to try— take note! 

14. Sexual innuendo and anticipation

How to satisfy a woman in bed

Men are turned on far more quickly than women. 

Most women need TIME to heat up and become warm— and wet. It’s why many women get turned more on by a sex novel rather than hardcore porn.⁠ But unfortunately, a lot of men overlook or simply don’t realize this. ⁠⁠

When men get turned on, their brain goes, ‘OMG, sex!’ So, they dive straight into dessert without even sampling the starter or the main course.⁠⁠⁠

If you want to become a master of pleasuring a woman in bed, you must become a master of innuendo.

Innuendo is your best friend when it comes to turning your woman on. ⁠

A good rule to remember is that foreplay has to start way before you even touch. Send sexy text messages telling her what you want to do to her when you get home. ⁠

Foreplay could also be taking her out for a romantic meal, spending time talking to her, or getting to know her on a deeper level.⁠

One thing I say to my clients about foreplay is that it starts in the morning. ⁠

Be flirtatious all day long. ⁠

Grab her hips and pull her ass against you while she is cooking. ⁠

Your lovemaking will reach new levels. ⁠

Trust me.⁠

15. Tell her, “you’re pretty without make-up”.

Man Kissing Woman In Neck

You don’t need to be told about society’s pressure on women to look a certain way.

Even the most confident woman must fight to believe and see her inner and outer beauty. 

Her man needs to counteract the onslaught of marketing demanding that she is only beautiful when she invests time and money into her appearance.

You need to tackle those lies to the ground! 

Grab the sides of her face in the morning and tell her just how amazing her bare face is in the morning light. 

Essentially, turn a woman on by reminding her of her beauty and building her self esteem.

16. Create a little mystery.

Couple Wandering Forest

Don’t take her for granted. Women who aren’t getting the attention they need from a relationship won’t stay around for long.

So avoid getting in a rut. 

Instead, try new things together— whether it’s a dance class or rock climbing. Even call in sick on a Tuesday and fool around in bed until 10 am!

New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine. 

These are the same brain circuits ignited in early romantic love, a time of exhilaration and obsessive thoughts about a new partner. Enliven those feelings again, and you’ll have cracked the code on how to turn a woman on.

17. Leave thoughtful love sticky notes on her computer.

I Love You Sign

Sexual desire for women can build from the smallest of thoughtful acts. Little things like this turn women on.

She will feel a thrill that she’s stuck on your mind, and a sexy reminder of that will likely have her looking forward to seeing you in the evening.

18. Make them feel safe to be themselves.

Handsome Black Man Flirting With His Girlfriend

If you want to become more attractive to her, you need her to perceive you as being trustworthy.

When a man radiates trust, he is ten times more attractive to a woman.

For a woman to want to have sex, she needs to first feel safe and trust her partner

Her heart and her yoni need to open to you. 

Without this – she most likely won’t desire sex often. Even if she obliges to please you and the sex is still plentiful – you will feel her energetic absence.

19. Let her orgasm before you.

Couple Lifestyle Moments In The Bedroom

Let your girl orgasm first. 

Only 30% of women come during sexual intercourse. 

Savor and enjoy foreplay because it’s when she feels the most intense pleasure. Whisper dirty things in her ear, play with pressure around her clitoris. Take time to learn what she wants and encourage her to be vocal about her turn ons and what drives her to the edge. 

She Comes First by Ian Kerner is a must-read for any man looking to become a master in oral sex.

Make all the difference to her sex life by honoring her body first. After this experience, you’ll have her mind preoccupied with wanting more sex with you.

20. Learn subconscious communication to turn her on. 

Female With Curly Hair Whiling Away The Time In Be

Subconscious communication overrides formal communication. Once mastered, a man can read women’s cues and clues for her to be happy to surrender as he takes the lead.

Women continuously telling you through subconscious communication: 

Yes, do more of that, please.” 

And “no, please stop doing that” or “I don’t like that.”

Learning to read and decipher women’s subconscious communication will give you the knowledge to be in touch with her arousal.

Learning these body language signals gives you crucial knowledge in learning how to turn a girl on. So, you’ll be miles ahead of other men in anticipating her needs and desires during sex.

21. Become a tantric man.

And lastly, become a conscious tantric man. One who is conscious of his power, but also his weaknesses. 

In essence, he has integrated both his healthy masculine qualities with his healthy feminine qualities. This integration makes him strong and mature. 

And this is exactly what makes the tantric man so desirable. 

When you meet a man that has done the inner work to be able to expand his consciousness— you notice that about him. You will feel it in his presence. He is neither boasting nor needy. He is simply resting in his grounded confidence in who he is. 

When you send out that vibe, it is as attractive as honey is to bees. It’s the magic formula.


So now we’ve explored the most effective techniques to turn a woman on. 

I hope this have served as a reminder that if you want to rekindle a meaningful sexual relationship with your female partner, you have to make an effort to show interest and make her interested in you again. 

The key to having her wanting sex is for her to feel emotionally safe. That’s why it’s so crucial to turn her on both emotionally and sexually.

After diving into her desire for emotional connection, holding space for her, and even tips during sex, it’s time to try these at home for yourself. 

Let us know in the comments which step worked best for you and your partner!

If you need more help in enhancing your love life and feeling truly connected to your partner, then I have this free training for you to watch.

On the other hand, if you’re seeking to attract the woman of your dreams, this training will show you how to become desirable to women by becoming a sexually confident man.


How do I win a woman’s heart?

Winning a woman’s love and affection does not happen overnight. It takes showing up as the man you want to be in the world and in her life. For a woman to truly give her whole self up to a man, she needs patience, understanding, commitment, devotion, appreciation, and sexual fulfillment.

How to make a girl chase you?

ocus on harnessing and balancing the male archetypes as well as developing your mature masculine energy. This will increase your sex appeal and spark her desire to get to know you.

How to attract a woman sexually?

As we’ve mentioned in this article, sexual attraction builds long before physical foreplay. For example, send your partner sexy texts, or wrap her up in a hot kiss before leaving in the morning. These are surefire ways to turn a woman on.

What does turn on mean for a woman?

When a woman is turned on, they have reached a state of arousal. Generally, women’s arousal climbs through much more presence and intimacy compared to men. 

They need to feel mental, emotional, and sexual connection to surrender to her wild passion. In this article, we’ve explored plenty of ways for you to help your woman relax and release in your masculine energy.

What is the number one turn on for a woman?

Women’s biggest turn on is being understood. Only an integrated man is able to reach this point. And you simply cannot fake this level of presence, emotional maturity, and integration. Once you understand her mind and emotions, you will be able to provide for her needs.

Nothing is sexier for a woman than a man who satisfies her needs— in and out of the bedroom.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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