Have you ever been confused by seemingly paradoxical female behavior and asked yourself the question, “What does a girl really want in a relationship?”
Then, this article about how to emotionally connect with a woman is a must-read.
You’ve heard it before:
“Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus.”
These are the words of relationship expert John Gray. John has written many books on love, intimacy, and relationships. I believe this to be one of the best relationship advice ever given.
Often, the biggest problem within intimate relationships is not a lack of willingness to meet each other’s needs, love, or mutual respect. It is a lack of understanding and poor communication. Both are relationship skills rather than personality traits, which means they can be built.
Men and women simply have differently wired hormonal systems. These systems work in different ways.
The tangible result of this is that we speak different languages. For a healthy relationship, we must learn to understand and decode the language of our romantic partner.
If we do not, what little things to us can feel like huge, gigantic, boulder-sized obstacles to them. This can cause them to feel insecure and unsafe.
When this is the case, arguments and little bickering can become incessant. With such frequent conflict, you can end up in a toxic relationship.
Understanding Women
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You cannot expect a harmonious relationship with a woman if you do not understand how their mind works.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a woman and felt confused by the inconsistency between her words and her actions?
You are doing everything she asks you to do, even though you would do anything to please your woman… Nothing is ever enough.
You feel like you’re smashing your head against a brick wall.
Exasperating, huh?
Luckily, there is a solution.
You simply need to understand her. You can meet her emotional needs once you know how her mind works. Women’s actions can seem confusing and counter-intuitive. This is simply because their brains work differently. There is always a pattern and a logic behind her actions. Once you understand these things, you can meet her emotional needs.
Meeting Her Emotional Needs
A woman whose emotional needs are being met is a happy woman. To a woman, having emotional needs met = feeling safe.
When she feels safe, she will be able to express herself. She can reveal her true feelings, uniqueness, and love for you.
Today, I will not tell you how to decode and interpret a woman. That is far too much detail and depth in one article.
Instead, I will give you the four most IMPORTANT things women need from a relationship.
You won’t need to worry much about decoding her when you can provide what's on the list. You will automatically be meeting her emotional needs and catering to her sexual desire.
Suddenly, the little things you do to annoy her won’t seem such a problem. You can have a healthy relationship, passionate, soul-shaking sex, and deep intimacy.
As I always say...
“happy wife, happy life”.
Sounds good? OK, let’s get into it!
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The 4 Most Important Things Women Want From A Relationship
1. Feeling Trust And Safety
What women want most is safety. For a woman to have a good relationship and emotional connection, she must feel she can depend on her man. Whether it’s a new relationship or years into a long one, romantic love is ALWAYS built on a foundation of safety, honesty, and trust.
How to make a woman feel safe?
The first and most essential step is establishing trust.
I have an article on how to build relationship trust here. It’s a good starting point and probably worth a read, even if you already believe yourself trustworthy. We all have blind spots, and most women can intuit an untrustworthy man from a mile away.
In addition to being trustworthy, you can help your girlfriend to feel safe by listening better. A woman needs to feel fully seen and fully heard. Try listening without interrupting or filtering her experience through your lens during the conversation.
A man who can do this feels like gold to a woman.
Another way of creating safety is to avoid talking too much about other women or a past relationship. Your current partner doesn’t want to hear all about your ex-girlfriend or your female colleague. Don’t express feelings of sexual attraction or emotion towards other women. This sounds like basic stuff – but so many men blindly fall at this hurdle.
Hearing over and over about a past romantic relationship may cause her to compare herself to previous partners, which will only create jealousy and insecurity.
2. Masculine Presence
Has your partner ever raised one eyebrow in annoyance at you looking at your phone during dinner or in the middle of a date?
Perhaps you have raised an eyebrow at THEM doing it.
If so, they/you felt ticked off because of a lack of presence.
The second most important thing women need in a relationship is presence. The degree to which presence is essential will vary from woman to woman. But even if they are not consciously aware of it, a woman will feel more safe with a man who is present.
When you give your partner your undivided attention, you establish a foundation for emotional intimacy. It is hard to be intimate with someone when you don’t have their full attention.
If a woman feels like she doesn’t have your full attention, she will feel taken for granted and ignored. And she may shit-test you to check that you're still a man by throwing you a challenge. She often does this unconsciously.
Set aside time to be with each other to establish a presence inside your relationship. And ONLY with each other.
If you are not living with your partner, then it’s easy. Please leave your phone in the car or your bag and forget about it. When you are with her, make her feel like the most important person in the world.
If you live together, the lines can become blurred, and things can be a bit more difficult. Schedule time when you both turn your phones off. Forget about the other aspects of life and just be with each other—even if just for an hour or two.
Presence during intimacy
Physical intimacy is another area where it is vital to have presence. During lovemaking, maintain eye contact to stay connected. Even if you feel naked, it’s difficult. Allowing another to see you in this way is an excellent practice.
Women need more in the bedroom than society wants to believe. When women are regularly satisfied by a man with presence, they experience new levels of ecstasy and bliss.
Not just during lovemaking, but also in their everyday life. This is something I see consistently once a man makes presence rather than technique the focus. And it compounds over time.
If you do not water a plant, it will wither and die.
Similarly, if you do not regularly worship her in the bedroom, the door will be closed.
Elevate the bedroom
If your sex life isn’t exactly fierce, establishing more presence can help your woman to feel more comfortable. Once she’s comfortable, she’ll be more open to trying new things.
Do you enjoy talking in the bedroom? Try to introduce it.
I have an article on how to elevate the bedroom here for more information. Give it a read if the sex inside of your marriage is feeling lackluster and routine.
Not checking out
There is one more significant implication of having presence. Having presence will allow her to believe that you won’t emotionally check out when things get rough. I call this engagement. It is a dedication to the relationship no matter what happens.
3. Love, Romance and Intimacy
Although these three may sound obvious, you’d be surprised how many men fall short.
During the initial stage of dating, he may make a great deal of effort to seduce her, including flowers, gifts, tremendous acts of service, and carefully planned dates. The woman falls hard and fast for a charming man.
Once he has secured her, the romance and much of the effort stop. The woman is left wondering where the boyfriend she fell in love with went.
This pattern is mainly due to the influence of dopamine on the brain and human (and, in this case, male) behavior.
Men are programmed to try very hard during the dating chase and then just……. stop.
This stop can feel abrupt, confusing, and hurtful to a woman.
So, if you want a successful, committed relationship, you have to override it. Keep making romantic gestures, building intimacy, and showing your love, even when you don’t feel it’s necessary.
Remember: her brain works differently from yours. Women need to hear, be told, and be shown non-verbally that they are loved and cared about.
To make a woman truly happy, demonstrate and reaffirm your love for her.
Building intimacy
If you are struggling with ideas for being romantic and building intimacy, here are some suggestions. I did say this article was going to be an instruction manual!
- Ask her about her past. Women love talking about their stories. Their hurts, successes, trials, and tribulations. When given time and space to do so, they feel seen and listened to. This is one of the most essential attributes women look for when picking a potential partner. No matter what stage of dating you are at – listen up and ask questions.
- Surprise her. No, I don’t mean turning at her doorstep unannounced. Surprise her with something that shows her you have listened to and understood her. If her favorite color is red, buy her a red dress. If she loves the outdoors, take her on a surprise camping weekend.
- Express the things that you love most about her. Like how her hair falls across her face as you cuddle just after you made love? Tell her. Is her eloquence more than any woman you have ever encountered? Let her know! Women love and need regular compliments to reaffirm that they are loved. So open your heart and tell her how amazing she is.
4. Commitment
Possibly more important than anything else on this list is commitment.
Other than those exploring non-monogamy or just wanting casual sex, it is safe to say that women want a man willing to commit to her and only her.
Nothing turns a woman on more than a man fully in from day one. Even in a very new relationship, commitment is fundamental. So, if you’re a man with commitment issues, consider working to overcome the root cause.
First impressions count. If she perceives you as shady and unreliable from day one, this will lead to mistrust later on.
Demonstrate your commitment to her by being accountable for your actions, showing up on time, and being honest. Always be straightforward about what you want. If you wish to get married, tell her. If you don’t want marriage – tell her that!
Regardless of the content, she will appreciate and respect your honesty.
Of course, don’t cheat. If it happens, tell her. Again – regardless of the hurt and pain, she will appreciate and respect you for your honesty. It is better to deal with the consequences of the ugly truth than to live an elaborate lie for both of you.
What Does A Girl Really Want In A Relationship?
The common thread here is that women need to feel cared about, loved, cherished, honored, and respected.
You will have a happy and healthy relationship if you provide her with safety, presence, romance, and commitment from the start.
These are the most basic yet underrated qualities of a truly masculine man who operates from his masculine energy.
A masculine man is solid. He is steadfast, reliable, and unshakeable. His deep commitment to his woman is visible from the outside. These traits also carry over into the bedroom.
If you give your woman the four things listed in this article, you will surely be on the path to masculine embodiment. Your relationships will improve, and you will experience more harmony with women.
The only issue is that it might not be coming from a true and authentic place. You can begrudgingly give a woman what she needs to make her happy and keep the peace, or you can give it from a place of authenticity, love, and willingness.
If you’re asking what women want or need in a relationship, there’s probably a good reason why. I’d guess you’re in a struggling relationship or marriage or single and struggling to find a partner. In which case, I’d recommend checking out my training here.
It contains five simple mindset shifts that can help dramatically change how you feel and behave in relationships. Once we change how we feel and behave, we can be better partners. It might just help you save your relationship or your marriage or attract a deep, meaningful relationship into your life.
All it takes is a few simple changes in your cognition.
Watch the training here – you have nothing to lose – and possibly everything to gain.
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Learn my proven 5-step method to build a lasting connection, rekindle your relationship, save your marriage, or meet the right partner.
FAQ
What does a girl want in a relationship?
Safety, presence, romance and commitment. Of course each individual will have more ‘boxes’, but almost all women want these things. They are Universal and essential to a happy relationship.
Why does a woman constantly need to be in a relationship?
This is a bit of a sweeping generalization. SOME (not all) women need to always be in a relationship. This is for the same reasons as men who can’t stay single for long. They are not happy in and of themselves. This kind of low self-esteem and dependency usually stems from childhood.
What if you feel that your girlfriend (or boyfriend) needs too much from you?
It is OK to have needs, but it is not OK to be needy. These are two very different things. If you feel your partner is needy, have a conversation with them about it. Be kind and gentle with your words. Needy people are generally sensitive and more susceptible to getting hurt than most.
What are 10 qualities women look for in men for relationships?
10 qualities women look for in a male partner are: honesty, reliability, kindness, empathy, chivalry, confidence, sexiness, presence, warmth, stability.
What are some secret things that women never tell men?
Women usually never tell men that they are sexually unsatisfied. They also tend to hide hurt feelings when they don’t feel listened to or seen. Women will open up to a friend about this kind of thing. But unfortunately it is hard for them to tell their man.
Why are some relationships so difficult?
Many people find themselves inside an unhealthy relationship despite having deep love for their partner. Difficulties can happen due to having fundamental incompatibilities. Conflicting views and beliefs are also often to blame. Despite strong attraction, such things can cause tension, arguments and lack of respect.
I'm an introvert, does that make any problems in the relationship?
Being introverted should not be a problem in romantic relationships. An introvert is someone who feels depleted by social situations and large groups. Introverts simply need to pick and choose the people they spend their time with carefully. Ideally an introvert’s partner would not be someone who depletes them.
Why do so many women want bad boys?
Women who like a bad boy usually have daddy issues. They are chasing the love they received (or most likely did not receive) from their father. Therefore they are drawn to rejection. They learned at an early age that rejection = love and this pattern often continues well into adulthood.
What does a healthy relationship look like?
A healthy relationship has open and honest communication. No defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism or contempt. There is sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy. Both partners have mutual respect and consideration for each others’ needs.
Are a woman's needs any different if she is a younger woman?
As women get older, they tend to focus more on things like safety and presence. A younger woman (like any young person) would not necessarily have the emotional maturity to know what qualities she wants and needs in a partner.
My past relationships have been failures. How can I make my current relationship better?
Firstly, the ‘failure’ of a past relationship only exists in your eyes. If you look with a positive lens, you probably learned a lot, even if the relationship ended in a lot of pain. In order to make your current relationship better, work on your communication. Better communication = greater understanding of each other’s needs. This is the key ingredient to have a healthy relationship.
