How to Spice Things Up In the Bedroom: 18 Sexy Tips

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Apr 11, 2024
spice up the bedroom

Ah, the grand old tale of marriage – where “I do” sometimes turns into “I don’t… feel like it tonight.”

Netflix and chill? No, maybe it’s more like Netflix and let’s just go to sleep. 

If that’s you, it means you’re in the middle of a plot twist in your love story. But don’t worry because I’m about to give you the director’s cut on how to spice things up in the bedroom. 

We’ve all been there: lying down, staring at the ceiling, and pondering over the lost passion like a bad episode of a daytime soap opera. 

Then eventually, you’re left with guilt and shame. That’s where you might ask yourself, “Why is this happening?” 

Or even if you’re not in that situation, perhaps you’re simply looking to make sex more exciting.

Regardless, I’ll share the secret recipe you need to make your own sex life a whole lot spicier!

man and woman wearing green bra getting touchy

6 things a woman can do to spice up the bedroom

Here’s how to spice up your sex life as a woman with your romantic partner: 

  • Pre-sex Shakti yoga flow
  • Lingam massage
  • Take control
  • Bring in the sex toys
  • Masturbate in front of him
  • Give him a tantric blow job

Do these and you can bet that you’ll have your man craving for more in no time!

1. Pre-sex Shakti yoga flow

Shakti in Sanskrit means power, energy, or force. It’s the divine feminine energy of the universe—although this magnificent force does transcend gender. 

Activating the Shakti energy within will help you to feel confident, sexy, and present, which is the perfect way to spice up your sex life.

2. Lingam massage

lingam massage techniques image

A lingam (penis) massage will help to activate your man’s sexual energy. It also helps with semen retention to make the fun last longer. 

Lingam is a Sanskrit term that implies that the penis is sacred— so this is no basic handjob.

Spice up your sex life by being sexually adventurous, and no doubt he’ll be a big fan of this erotic massage. By mixing things up, especially as the woman in the relationship, your partner will find this sexy dominance difficult to forget! 

Watch this video to learn how to perform a lingam massage.

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3. Take control

woman wearing black lingerie taking off her bra while man is waiting sitting up on the bed

Is there a new position or something on your sex bucket list you have always wanted to try? Or you’ve never had sex in the shower but want to give it a go?

Society conditions men to take the lead in the bedroom, so you can make things exciting by putting yourself in the driver’s seat for a night. Be naughty and bold— order him around to focus on your own pleasure. 

This is a fantastic way to spice up your sex life in long-term relationships.

4. Bring in the sex toys

various sex toys in different size and colors lined up on the table

Having a sex toy or two in the mix can bring so much fun and sexual satisfaction to your sex life. 

One article by Harvard Medical School even suggests using a vibrator for the following reason: 

“This device can help a woman learn about her own sexual response and allow her to show her partner what she likes.”

Sex positions that didn’t elicit much sensation in your body can suddenly become mutually pleasurable with a vibrator or bullet. Of course, ensure that the sex toys are premium quality and body safe. Your new Fleshlight or sex toy can also become a fun game. You can tease each other and surrender yourselves to the pleasure.

5. Masturbate in front of him

cropped woman in white lingerie teasing herself

Not only do men find women masturbating incredibly arousing, but it’s also a fantastic way to spice up your sex life by building sexual tension. 

First, tell him that he can’t touch you until you make yourself cum. Then, lock eyes with your partner as you pleasure your center. Your long-term relationship will feel fresh out of the box. 

6. Give him a tantric blow job

A tantric blow job is more than just sucking the sh*t out of your man’s cock like a lollipop. 

Unlike the regular blow jobs you might see on Pornhub, tantra blow jobs spice up your sex life twofold. Why? Because it involves a conscious element. 

There’s more emphasis on the intentions of your actions and embracing the spiritual intimacy that comes with the physical closeness of oral sex. 

And did you know? The giver can even experience throat orgasms when done correctly. Hence, it’s pleasurable for both the giver and receiver, to say the least! 

Lingam Yoga: Natural Penis Enlargement Course

Increase the power, stamina, and size of your lingam in a proven way with this unique, esoteric, and natural penis enhancement online course.

What can a man do to spice up the bedroom?

Here’s how to spice up your sex life in the bedroom as a man: 

  • Develop your sexual core
  • Yoni massage
  • Talk dirty
  • Set the mood
  • Take your damn time

Apply some of these sex tips and you’ll have your woman dripping from her p*ssy like Niagara Falls. 

You might also find that she’ll be wanting more. And a quick heads-up that after doing some of these techniques the right way, she may begin to initiate more sexual activities with you. 

7. Develop your sexual core 

Shiva is the divine masculine energy of the universe and can bring a man great inner strength and spaciousness. 

An effective way to develop your sexual core as a man is to practice these tantra yoga poses. These yoga positions will bring out your inner qualities of power, generosity, compassion, and complete presence. 

A fun sex life starts with both partners living their lives to the fullest. 

So, if both people constantly evolve for the better, you’ll perceive the same partner as twice more attractive.

8. Yoni massage

man running his 2 fingers on a pomegranate

A yoni (pussy) massage is all about giving. The magic of the yoni massage is that it doesn’t involve anything from the woman. 

When a woman knows that absolutely nothing is expected of her, she can totally release her pleasure. You will see and experience your woman in a way you never have. This intimate massage is a powerful way to connect spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Here’s my Yoni massage guide to give her a sensual healing experience.

9. Talk dirty

man on top of the woman on bed kissing her on the neck

If you want to ignite incredible tension with your lover, it’s time to invite dirty talk into your love life.

Good sexual communication keeps things exciting and awakens her sexual fantasies. Your words can make her want to pin you down to the bed and crave your touch. However, dirty talk is a skill. So, I’ve created a separate guide about dirty talk here.

10. Set the mood

candles lit with feet on the background

The benefits of setting the mood as a man are countless. Men often let the woman set up the space. That’s why it’s so sexy for you to take the time to honor your union by creating a sacred love nest. 

Some things to consider include:

  • Scented candles or diffusers
  • A hot and heavy sex playlist
  • Clean, crisp bedding
  • Foods such as cream or honey to lick off each other

A healthy, active sex life involves both people taking time to invest in ways to spice things up. 

Even though it takes relatively little effort, mood setting is an act of prioritizing your sex life. Not sure where to start? Use the sex moves here to drive her wild.

11. Take your damn time

woman wearing white oversized men shirt removing her red bra

Sometimes, getting out of a rut just needs changing the tempo. Slowing things down electrifies each kiss and magnifies every caress. 

Spice up your sex life by taking time to strip each other’s clothes piece by piece. Let your partner feel how attractive you find them in this moment.

It might sound boring to say, “Just slow things down.” But when the man finds deeper penetration through slow, rhythmic thrusts, you’ll experience just how hot it is to dip into a more leisurely pace. 

On an emotional connection level, this pace allows for more creativity and authenticity. 

There are no fancy techniques or shows of athleticism. Just two bodies intimately intertwined, slowly building tension to new levels. 

Knowing how to satisfy her in bed is an art. But get it right and just see how hot the night becomes! 

How to spice things up in the bedroom and bring back the excitement

Now, you know how to spice things up in the bedroom as a man or woman. Here are a few more tips to keep things spicy for more satisfying sex in the bedroom

  • Play with temperature
  • Use blindfolds
  • Eye gazing
  • Honest and vulnerable communication
  • BDSM and power play
  • Tantric de-armoring massage
  • Tantric sex positions

12. Play with temperature

image is focused on woman with an ice cube on her mouth

Temperature play is an erotic way to keep things interesting. It works by provoking arousal using the skin’s neuroreceptors.

Cold: Think ice cubes, strawberries, ice cream, whipped cream

Hot: Sex candles, melted chocolate, edible oil, warmed honey

You can also use stainless steel sex toys for hot or cold use. Rest them in cool or warm water for a minute. 

If you’re unsure what your partner prefers in the bedroom, it’s time for a quick relationship check-in and turning over to the chapter on sexual pleasure. 

Moreover, it’s important to be aware of your partner during temperature play consistently. You want to spice things up in the bedroom, not head to the hospital with burns!

13. Use blindfolds

man and woman in the bedroom playing around

Shutting down such a powerful sense during sex creates a whole new level of mystery in your sex life. 

When one partner is blindfolded, the other is free to explore their lover’s body. 

Playing with oral sex is a fun activity to partake in during this time. Or any sex position that once felt predictable will now feel new and fun once again.

14. Eye gazing

Moving on from temporarily removing the sense of sight, try intensifying your gaze. 

Eye gazing is an age-old practice in Tantra and for a good reason.

Sure, you might’ve seen your spouse hundreds of times already. But have you seen into her before—directly into her core? 

After all, the eyes are the gateway to the soul.

tanned woman with gray eyes looking directly

Eye gazing is wonderfully simple but very powerful. It works by simply looking deeply into each other’s eyes.

Few words can describe the beauty of this practice. 

Afterward, you will feel much closer to your spouse. Try eye gaze for ten minutes or even less. See how this practice opens the door for intimate, loving, and passionate sexual experiences.

Better sex starts with a deep moving connection. You have to feel close and safe with your partner. That’s where eye gazing keeps things hot. Explore eye gazing in a couples’ tantric meditation before sex. Or, you can play with deep sensual gazes throughout the night. Be prepared for a spiritual and sexual connection to your partner.

15. Honest and vulnerable communication

fully clothed man and woman smiling at each other in the bedroom

Vulnerability is a hot topic. Women are emotional beings, so showing vulnerability may feel natural. However, it can be difficult for men not in touch with their feminine side

Now, vulnerability can make sex feel so much better. Such openness requires us to take down all barriers and present ourselves with authenticity and integrity. 

We must drop the masks, pretenses, and projections, especially when communicating in a marriage or long-term relationship. These create false ideas about who we are and who we should be. 

By being honest in your communication, you’re setting up a space for your partner to meet, love, and accept you truly. 

man and woman in white tops teasing on their white bed

The next time you feel triggered emotionally by something your partner did or said, discuss it with them instead of ignoring it. For example, discuss new positions you’d love to try or a sex position that turned you on.  

Ignoring a problem will only build resentment and create distance. 

Difficult conversations are usually worth having and almost always lead to more emotional closeness. This emotional closeness is a precursor to great sex but so often gets eroded by the daily monotony of marriage. 

You could choose to have an honest and open conversation about the turn your sex life has taken. If you both conceive of it correctly and don’t become defensive, it can be an extraordinary chance to grow and move forward together.

16. BDSM and power play

Playing with surrender and control is a very erotic, sexy surprise for couples. What’s more, kinky sex can also be therapeutic. This kind of interaction can also build trust and mutual understanding.

handcuffed hands on the bed

If this is completely unchartered territory, you can experiment by using rope or a pair of handcuffs. 

Many women are hard-working and driven, operating from their masculinity to thrive at work and climb the career ladder. They can carry this same masculine energy into their home and their relationship. 

Of all the things a woman can do to spice up the bedroom, surrendering control in this way and fully trusting in the masculine is the most likely to drive her and her man crazy.

Lingam Yoga: Natural Penis Enlargement Course

Increase the power, stamina, and size of your lingam in a proven way with this unique, esoteric, and natural penis enhancement online course.

17. Tantric de-armoring massage

Tantric de-armoring massage is a holistic bodywork practice where you apply deep pressure to each other’s bodies. Breathwork and intense body awareness are also involved.

Besides building sexual tension, I’ve included this step because it releases trapped memories and feelings. This liberation allows you to recreate the sex life that you both want. 

When both partners clear away old patterns, you can both feel present and free in your sex life.   

Watch the video below to learn exactly how to perform this powerful massage:

18. Tantric sex positions 

Tired of the same old doggy-style position? 

Perhaps it’s because you’re just sticking in your cock inside her and mindlessly pounding her. Sure, it might be physically pleasurable. But to spice things up and take it a step further, introduce new conscious movements. 

In other words, try different positions like tantric sex movements. This is all about making love with intention, which can make the sex feel far more pleasurable. 

Is a healthy sex life important? 

Absolutely. Here are the top reasons why:

  • It can be a good thing to release sperm for your own physical health, such as relieving stress and balancing hormones.
  • Good sex allows both partners to connect on a deeper level and lead to stronger relationship trust and satisfaction.
  • Orgasms not only feel great physically, but they can also positively affect our self-esteem. 

No sex might even lead to her becoming an ex. 

When a couple rarely has sex, it can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. You might feel you’re no longer good enough to satisfy your partner sexually. This can take a toll on one’s mental health. 

From raunchy lovers to bickering roommates

black couple kissing on their bed

Are you reasonably happily married, love your spouse dearly but occasionally wonder where the spark went? 

Maybe you find yourself returning home from a long day at work to a husband or wife who irritates you. You feel aggravated and annoyed simply by their presence. Yet, at the same time, you can’t even put your finger on what they have done or are doing that annoys you SO much. 

Things never used to be like this. 

You used to chase each other around the house naked, f*cking like rabbits. 

You used to see and feel the lust in your spouse’s eyes as they sat on the barstool beside you. Then, mentally undressing each other, you couldn’t wait to get home, devour, and be devoured.

Now, you’re both unshowered, exasperated, and emotionally exhausted. Bickering about the dishwasher, or the trash, has become the norm. You knew marriage wasn’t going to be plain sailing. 

However, nobody told you it would be like this.

The trap of self-blame, shame, and guilt

couple arguing inside their home

Heartbreakingly and embarrassingly, there is now very little sex. 

You are sometimes left looking in the mirror (literally or metaphorically), wondering what is wrong with you.

Why do they no longer look at me with the same eyes or want to touch me in the same way anymore? You blame yourself. You criticize your physical appearance for not being attractive enough:

  • Could it be your weight?
  • Is there something wrong with your hair?
  • Maybe your partner doesn’t like the way you’ve been dressing lately?

Perhaps you can count the number of times you made love in the last six months on the one hand. But, on the other hand, you fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others you consider to be better-looking than you:

“If only I looked like him/her, maybe my husband/wife would find me sexy again. Maybe we would have a better marriage. Maybe we would be happy…” 

man and woman not talking and distant in the bedroom

You don’t want to become just another divorce or sexless marriage statistic

The truth is you once truly loved this person.

You decided to devote your lives to each other, for better or worse. You can so poignantly remember the look on their face and the burning emotion inside of your heart as you stood by one another exchanging vows. 

Nobody told you that your relationship would be like that of two bickering siblings a little later down the line.

Why Sex Inside Of A Marriage Can Lose Its Heat Or Disappear Completely

woman is piggyback by the man in the woods while kissing.

Here are a few of the top reasons why you might struggle to spice up your sex life in a marriage:

  • There’s a lack of communication between partners, leading to misunderstandings.
  • Both partners are simply busy with their jobs and are too tired when they get home. 
  • Stress plays a huge factor, and you’re more prone to stress the older you become.
  • Lower sex drive and libido can result in men ejaculating less.
  • Sex feels more like a chore rather than an act of love and passion. 

Many married couples find themselves in a sexless situation once they have been married for around one or two years. 

Throughout the entirety of the marriage, it is very typical for sex and attraction to fluctuate. Hormones and the ebb and flow of life have a part to play here as well.

How children, life stressors, and work can get in the way of spicing up the bedroom

When you factor things like children, stressful careers, mortgages, and complex family lives into the equation, it’s no wonder we can sometimes be left wondering where the passion went. 

Life is inherently full of stress. Sh*t happens. 

Arguing Couple In The Market

When stress levels are high, the sex drive goes down. Combine this with the natural hormone drop after the honeymoon period ends, and you have a prevalent scenario for married couples.

Sooner or later, the decrease in sex drive brings about a troubled relationship

One of the worst things about this situation is how much you might struggle to voice any of it to your spouse or friends. Instead, we feel shame, guilt, embarrassment, or all three. 

When you do get down to having sex, it is usually only one of you who is really into it. 

The other is just going along with it, not to hurt the other’s feelings. Even if they are not consciously or emotionally aware, the other person will feel it on some level. The rift will widen and, unfortunately, enter even murkier waters. 

Sex can be wild and racy, but it can also be a spiritual experience for couples

On the other hand, if there is sparse or poor-quality sex in a marriage, it can drive a wedge between two people. 

When external factors subsequently bring stress to the marriage, the strong bond required to make it through is often not there. As soon as a marriage becomes sexless, it enters extremely rocky territory and can dissolve altogether.

spice up the bedroom

The deception of the honeymoon period

Your sex life may not always stay the same as they were when you first met your spouse. 

The honeymoon period of a relationship is when you see your partner through rose-tinted goggles. Everything is sunshine and rainbows. The brain is awash with chemicals that are quite literally tainting your vision.

During the honeymoon phase, you live in a hazy love bubble of serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. 

As a result, it’s common to be besotted by and obsessed with your partner. 

couple holding hands while walking on the shoreline

Despite your partner’s flaws, they can do almost no wrong, even if they’re different from what you were initially expecting in a relationship

Serotonin and sexual desire are linked, so you tend to have more sex during the honeymoon period. It’s a biological and natural phenomenon that dies down when the honeymoon period ends – which it always does.

During the relationship’s honeymoon period, the increased adrenaline production stresses the body. 

Ever been in love and felt like you just stuck your finger inside an electric socket and flipped ‘on’? 

When newly in love, you are under the influence of powerful chemicals and high! 

So high that sustaining this state forever would be exhausting for the body. And so the honeymoon period always inevitably ends. 

The rose-tinted chemical goggles come off, and cracks appear in the relationship. You’ll start seeing your spouse’s flaws, and the sex may taper off.

All that being said, it doesn’t mean broken relationships are inevitable.


Now, let’s not beat around the bush—or the bedroom! 

When the sizzle in bed feels more like a fizzle, it’s a sign that you’re probably forgetting the seasoning. And hey, it happens to the best of us. You’re not alone. 

Fortunately, you have the power to turn up the heat. Using the steps discussed in this guide, you have what you need to know how to spice things up in the bedroom. 

If you’re reading this and have come to a realization that something is missing in your love life, then I’ve got just the thing for you. 

That’s right, I’m referring to my free exclusive masterclass that gives you everything you need to rekindle the flame with your partner. This is more than just giving you a bunch of sex techniques and a big pep talk. You’ll acquire the secrets of a spiritually fulfilling partnership.

To the ladies reading this and nodding, nudge your man to check out the free masterclass. You won’t regret it! 

I believe all love should be cherished, savored, and given a chance not just to survive – but thrive. Don’t you?


How do you keep things spicy in the bedroom?

It’s all about surprising each other, trying out new things, and being thoughtful. This requires sexual communication. You can experiment with different kinks, activities, and role-playing. Another way to keep things spicy is to build on your emotional connection to take the sexual intimacy to another level.

How can I spice up my bedroom talk?

Be natural. Make sure she’s open to the idea of bedroom talk. Then, communicate your desires and fantasies with vivid language. As you’re doing so, speak slowly and clearly with intention. Tell her how much you sexually desire her. You can also experiment to spice up your sex life by bringing up different kinds of scenarios that your partner is into.

How do you spice up a relationship when it gets boring?

Reflect on why your relationship is boring in the first place. Break the mechanical routines you’re both used to by doing new things. Prepare a surprise date, explore different positions, and try out new techniques in the bedroom, like a tantric massage. Whenever your relationship feels boring, reflect on your current routine and introduce novelty to the bedroom.

What does a sexless marriage do to a man?

A man can live and survive through a sexless marriage. However, it’s not surprising that a bad sex life can cause mental health issues to arise. Men may begin to feel anxious, depressed, and ashamed because they might feel like they can’t perform well enough in bed to satisfy their wife’s sexual needs.

What does a lack of intimacy do to a woman?

A woman will often suffer from feelings of loneliness, resentment, guilt, rejection, and inadequacy. Sexless relationships can take a toll on her self-confidence and may lead to issues related to body image. The lack of any sex life can bring these feelings to reality and leave her trapped in a sexual avoidance cycle.

How can I spice up my sexless marriage?

Work on building openness and connection. Fun cannot be underestimated in its ability to heal and bring partners closer. So combining connection and fun is a powerful way to reignite your marriage’s sex life. If you’re both feeling wound up around sex, try tantric sex moves to help reduce stress and anxiety.

How often should a wife please her husband?

“Should” is not a word we like to use at Tantric Academy as it implies pressure and love-making is best shared with pleasurable giving and receiving. Also, no husband wishes to experience sex and intimacy in the same way. If you’re learning to be present during love with your husband, perhaps consider seeing a certified sex therapist.

At what age do married couples stop being intimate?

There is absolutely no age limit on hot, steamy sex. Sex lives do not have an expiry date. Moreover, libido doesn’t have to decrease with age as long as you master your sexual energy.

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Increase the power, stamina, and size of your lingam in a proven way with this unique, esoteric, and natural penis enhancement online course.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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