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How To Get A Girl To Like You: Dating Advice For Men

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Aug 11, 2023
how to get a girl to like you

Want to learn how to get a girl to like you?

Here, we cover EVERYTHING.

Explore online dating conversation tips, topics to avoid, chemistry-building techniques, and more, so YOU become the man that attracts women.

Mastering the art of dating can be complicated and, let’s face it, nerve-wracking.

That’s why we’ve created these surefire tips, so you have the confidence to stay out of the friend zone. Not only that, but you’ll be all she thinks about in her spare time.

So, let’s delve into the powerful dating advice I’ve crafted and refined from coaching hundreds of men over the years. 

How to avoid the friend zone

Learning how to talk to women in a way that keeps you out of the friendzone is a game changer.

The friend zone is a frustrating relationship status that should be avoided. However, if you know you’re already in one, or want to prevent it from happening in the future, here are the top three tips to avoid being friend-zoned.

1. Assess whether you’re Mr. Nice Guy

Take the people please quiz and find out if you are Mr. Nice Guy. From there, you can learn why you feel propelled to constantly go above and beyond for others. However, for now, know that all the girls out there are not looking for “pleasant” or “needy.”

2. Know your intrinsic worth

In all the dating advice for men out there lies a misconception that men must do all the work, and that’s just how it is.

And yet, women LOVE a self-assured man and are certainly not looking for someone with unhealed mommy issues.

You need to perceive your worth and behave accordingly. This is a crucial step in learning how to talk to women. And that involves not trying too hard and knowing that you have standards for a future partner. 

Once a girl realizes you’re a catch, she’ll begin to take notice of you.

3. Forget about the long game

Staying her friend will not lead to a relationship.

If you have a woman in your life, you’re extremely attracted to — tell her!

Let her know what a wonderful, unique, beautiful woman is. Maintain eye contact and wait for her response. Then, however it turns out, you won’t have wasted time trying to make something more out of a friendship that would never be more.

Again, knowing your worth, as we explored in the previous tip, will help you to see this as an opportunity to find someone new.

How to make a girl fall for you by flirting

man and woman talking happily on a breakfast

Here are four dating advice tips for men who are looking to up their flirting game:

1. Step into the hero archetype

A woman in the seat of her full feminine power will want you to be the main character in your story — not a sidekick. So, give her a chance to see your courage and aspirations. In fact, go a step further and study the four powerful male archetypes to wield your maximum potential.

2. Embody charisma

You’ll often hear that people are born with charisma.

However, I am a completely different man around women today after tapping into my masculine energy. This type of charisma is impossible to fake. It’s both a tangible and intangible allure of a man who is entirely at ease in his own skin.

3. Speak her (body) language

You won’t boost your success in flirting by memorizing cheesy pick-up lines. Instead, learn to decode female types of verbal and subconscious communication. Most guys haven’t a clue how to read a woman — yet the signs are both accurate and game-changing once you become attuned to them.

4. Appropriate touch is great

man flirting with a woman in a coffee shop

This is where you use your discernment as a man.

Is she leaning into you? Choosing to sit close to you? Maybe she’s already brushed off your forearm while laughing.

When mastering how to get a girl to like you, it’s crucial to read her body language.

And if she’s initiating touch, experiment with reciprocating that. For example, tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Lean in close and whisper so your lips touch the shell of her ear.

See how she responds.

Does she tense up or lean into your touch?

If she doesn’t look entirely comfortable with touch, she may be nervous, or it might feel too much too soon for her.

So, remember, touch is an integral part of romance and connection when it’s contextually appropriate.

What is the easiest way to attract a girl?

couple having a picnic

Start off by figuring out what’s charming about you.

What is it about you that women find attractive?

This may seem vain, but confidence and self-esteem are attractive. And confidence means knowing your worth. Charm can feel enigmatic — a lot of it comes down to excellent social skills.

  • Give her your undivided attention.
  • Make her feel like she’s the only person in the room.
  • Ask thoughtful questions.
  • Be curious and playful.
  • Show your vulnerable side.
  • Be helpful and caring.

Girls fall for men who are integrated – they can be serious yet playful, mysterious yet able to share their vulnerabilities, and strong yet caring.

How to skip the small talk and have a deep conversation with a woman

Small talk will not make a girl fall for you.

Here are the topics of conversation that will.

1. Be a man of the world

Listen to podcasts, read non-fiction books — develop awareness around topics. These don’t have to be about topics you find dry and dull. In fact, they shouldn’t be. Instead, you need to explore elements of this world that excite you.

Share these on your date and watch her reaction. It’s okay that you don’t share every interest, but in the early stages of dating, your best bet is to read her body language and see if she’s engaged.

2. Tap into your masculine energy

man with suspenders looking at a window

Your masculine energy is not simply your appearance — it’s a humble confidence in who you are. And confidence works wonders in creating a great connection. So, rather than worrying and thinking of cool things to say before the date, try these tips to tap into your masculine energy.

3. Use the deep conversation starter questions

Here are some questions that are guaranteed to draw the conversation deeper:

  1. What is your favorite thing about yourself?
  2. What does success look like to you?
  3. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?
  4. What is something you’re proud of accomplishing?
  5. Do you believe in life after we pass?
  6. Do you believe that everyone has a purpose in life? What’s yours?
  7. What’s your work-life balance like right now?
  8. How would you spend your time if money wasn’t an issue?
  9. Are excited or intimidated by a challenge?
  10. Do you have any philosophy or motto that you live by?

If you need more in depth conversation starters, read my article on questions to ask in dating or a new relationship.

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How to get a girl to like you and build chemistry

By now, you’ve gotten quite a few signs that she’s interested. Her body language is open and maybe even flirtatious. Here are the 14 ways to fan the flames of attraction.

1. Find common ground

couple resting on a root of a tree from hiking

Invite her to talk about her passions, and when one meets your own — dive deep!

It could be running, pets, Mexican food — anything at all — but finding common ground in the same things is the quickest way for you both to get excited together.

Women are turned on by passion, and if she sees your infectious enthusiasm about a shared topic – it’s not too far of a stretch for her to visualize that passion in other areas of life.

Just be sure you’re completely honest at this point. Otherwise, she’ll find it a huge turn-off once you spend time together and it turns out you only pretended to be into similar hobbies.

2. Go for subtle confidence

No one likes someone who flaunts their successes, looks, wealth, or ego around the place. Basically, being self-centered is not a good look.

Likewise, although women can find shyness endearing, it often leads men straight to being seen as just a friend.

So what does subtle confidence look like?

It’s good posture, steady eye contact, speaking clearly, and smiling. It’s a natural ease in your own skin.

This is why most men find women attracted to them after undergoing inner work and upping their personal development routine.

3. Active listening when she’s talking

asian couple talking in a cafe

While it’s on nearly every dating article aimed at men — that extra reminder can be helpful. Women want to be heard, not just seen. Talking incessantly about your own life is boring anyways — you’ve already lived it.

Active listening is an important skill to have on a date, as it shows that you are interested in the other person and helps build a connection.

Use nonverbal cues. Show that you are listening by nodding and smiling to show you’re engaged in the conversation. And mirror back what she is saying from time to time.

You’ll build that chemistry by being a good listener, and she’ll want to spend more time with you.

4. Call her by her name

Drop in her name occasionally — this is just the way to begin building a connection. However, don’t overdo it!

4. Speak from the real you

Genuine comments in a conversation with a cute girl. This comes back to self-confidence.

There’s no point in convincing a woman to build feelings for a persona you’ve created. Let her see your genuine reactions and thoughts.

Be the man who isn’t afraid to be authentic.

She’ll respect you a thousand times more than a man with a bravado shield in front of his personality.

5. Forget about one-upping

Many people, when dating, don’t even realize they’re doing this.

And then they’re surprised that the woman isn’t interested in seeing him again.

Here it is: when she’s talking or telling a story — don’t spend that time preparing to top her anecdote with one that’s even more entertaining, funny, or dramatic.

Leave that to other guys — what you’re going to do is pay attention and respond. Ask more questions about the story, and then maybe share a similar experience.

6. Your appearance matters

man combing his air while looking at the mirror

Here are five tips for giving a good impression through your style and appearance on a date:

1. Dress appropriately

Choose clothing that is appropriate for the occasion and the setting. Ensure your clothes fit well, are clean and wrinkle-free, and reflect your style. Dressing appropriately shows that you respect your date and take the event seriously.

2. Groom yourself

It’s essential to take care of personal grooming before a date.

This includes showering, trimming facial hair, and styling your hair. In addition, keep your nails clean and trimmed. Use body soap as well as a subtle fragrance to smell good. Grooming demonstrates that you take care of yourself and pay attention to details.

3. Pay attention to hygiene

Bad breath, body odor, and other personal hygiene issues can be a turn-off for your date. Make sure to brush your teeth, use mouthwash, and use deodorant or antiperspirant. If you sweat excessively, consider bringing an extra shirt to change into during the date.

4. Women notice details

Small details like matching socks, cufflinks, and a belt can make a big difference in your overall appearance. Ensure everything from your hair to your shoes is neat and polished.

5. Wear comfortable shoes

Your choice of shoes can make a big difference in your overall appearance and comfort. Choose shoes that are comfortable and match your outfit. Avoid wearing shoes that are too casual or too dressy for the occasion.

6. Learn from her

couple playing the piano together

Women tend to be very aware of whether a guy is actually paying attention to her or just wants to f*ck her. Your body language signals how focused you are on the conversation.

Angle in towards her and ask her to expand on something she mentioned. Tell her how interested you are!

7. Curiosity and intelligence are sexy!

So is a willingness to try new things. By saying you’d love to know more about her interesting hobby and even fancy trying it out — you’re showing her how open and progressive a man you are.

8. Honesty is paramount

Listen, we know it’s tempting to try to please women by indicating that you share their views and preferences. This behavior is rooted in the desire to create a positive impression and build rapport with the other person.

However, when learning how to get a girl to like you, it’s important to note that blindly agreeing with someone on everything can actually be counterproductive in building a healthy relationship.

trust or truth in blocks

True compatibility and intimacy require a certain level of honesty and vulnerability, which can only be achieved by being authentic about your own opinions, preferences, and beliefs.

Furthermore, constantly trying to please someone by mirroring their views and choices can create a sense of pressure and anxiety. As a result, you’ll feel the need to constantly monitor and adjust your behavior to maintain her approval.

Ultimately, strive for a balance between showing interest and respect when learning h​​ow to get a gorl to like you.

At the same time, stay true to yourself. Be comfortable expressing your thoughts and feelings. Authenticity and mutual respect are the cornerstones of any healthy relationship.

9. Introduce her to a new experience

couple at the summit

Give her an insight into your life and bring her somewhere new to try something new and exciting. From then on, she’ll associate you with adventure.

By going the extra mile, aka not suggesting Netflix and chill, you’re demonstrating that you’re worth spending time with AND that you’re a league above all the other guys in the dating pool.


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10. Humility over arrogance

When dating, there’s a fine line between being humble and being proud of yourself.

While it’s essential to avoid putting oneself down, it’s also important not to come across as arrogant or overly self-promoting.

Being humble is attractive. It shows that you’re grounded and not overly confident. It can also demonstrate that you are open to learning and growing as a person. However, being too self-deprecating can give the impression that you lack self-esteem or are excessively critical of yourself.

man playing the ukulele at the back of the car while the woman is listening

On the other hand, confidence is attractive because it shows you have a healthy sense of self-worth and confidence. You’re also showing her that you’ve achieved personal goals.

When talking about yourself on a date, being authentic and honest is essential. If there is room for improvement in a specific area, it’s okay to mention it, but focus on the steps you are taking to improve rather than dwelling on the negative.

Overall, it’s essential to strike a balance between being humble and proud while avoiding extremes that could be off-putting to your date.

11. Ask her deep philosophical questions

black couple having a wine night at home

That doesn’t mean dredging up painful moments from the past. Instead, think more on the philosophical side.

Bring up the “what if” questions that float around in your head before bed.

I’ve seen too many men scratching their heads, wondering why they can’t get into a serious relationship. And it often comes down to the lack of integration of their masculine and feminine.

Show her the reflective side of you. She’ll feel special that you’re asking her opinion and intrigued by your depth of character.

12. Make her laugh

black couple sitting on a couch with blanket

Public service announcement: don’t use your bro humor with women.

They don’t appreciate lame jokes or being treated like one of the guys!

So what kind of humor should you be leaning towards?

Here are the jokes that she’ll be in bed smiling about after the date:

  1. Find common interests — let’s say, for example, it’s fantasy. Have a dig at how nerdy you both are.
  2. Flirty jokes are great — they build her confidence when done well — just don’t go for anything too sleazy, i.e., stay away from complimenting her boobs or ass. This is a massive turn-off on the first couple of dates for most women.
  3. Create inside jokes — girls love when you jokingly whisper, “but don’t tell anyone” or “we’re taking this to the grave.” It builds a sense of “us” and is both endearing and charming.
  4. Use your face! A comical facial expression and a funny tone are often the key to people finding you humorous.
  5. Avoid insensitive jokes if you’re trying to make a girl fall for you.

13. Increase sex appeal with a slow smile

Taking your time to smile and being mindful of how you smile can make you appear more confident, approachable, and attractive. Smiling slowly and deliberately can also give the impression that you are savoring the moment, which can be a turn-on for women.

Overall, it’s essential to be genuine and natural when you smile and to ensure your smile is friendly and inviting rather than forced or insincere.

14. Go for genuine compliments

Most girls are excellent at sniffing out inauthenticity!

You’ll attract more girls when you give kind, meaningful compliments. If you’ve just met this girl, lean towards more subtle and endearing comments. Essentially, steer clear of “your ass is amazing.”

Here’s how to compliment a women and have her pay more attention to you:

1. Compliment her on something other than her looks

woman in orange sweatshirt touching her ear

It’s a sad fact in today’s world that women’s appearance is scrutinized. Telling her “she’s beautiful” isn’t just a threadbare, throwaway comment at this stage. It’s also insinuating that you’re only after her looks — like every other guy.

So you’re interested in this beautiful woman — here’s what you do:

Treat her as an individual.

For instance, compliment the sound of her voice, her confidence, and her energy.

Why does this work wonders?

You’re seeing into the deeper parts of her soul, her psyche. And you’re also showing that you’re intriguing in your own right for valuing qualities in people beyond looks.

2. Avoid empty compliments

You won’t get any bonus points for over-complimenting.

Women are impressed by actions over words.

So if you continuously drop compliments, she may feel like you’re trying too hard. Or even that you’re not totally genuine.

You might think that this is arrogant of her.

But the truth is, women are cautious of overly nice men for a reason.

Men who are extreme people pleasers often have an accompanying shadow side. A part of them that is unintegrated.

So, try to be laid back and throw in a few compliments rather than showering her with them.

And here are shadow work journaling prompts if you feel called to integrate and find wholeness within.

3. Compliment her light

A woman who really catches your attention is going to be one that lights up any room she walks into. Tell her that!

Give her a glimpse into how you view her — and her wonderful impact on this world.

Great boyfriend material starts with being supportive and encouraging.

These are the kind of compliments that will help her to see a possible relationship with you on the cards!

Topics to avoid to get a girl to like you

woman covering her face from the camera in the beach

By and large, these are the four topics that you’ll want to avoid during the early stages of dating and when learning how to get a gorl to like you.

1. Your exes

It doesn’t matter if you’re speaking fondly of them or tearing them down. Talking about your ex in front of a woman you’re attracted to is a dodgy business. Instantly, they’re wondering two things:

  1. Is he over her?
  2. Why did they break up?

That doesn’t mean that you can never talk about your ex — maybe later into the relationship, the conversation about exes might crop up. But at the beginning, you definitely want to steer clear of ex-talk.

2. TMI

TMI covers any conversation that involves oversharing private information—including how to comment on how hung you are!

And it’s natural when you’re nervous and get carried away with a story or veer into a topic that might not be appropriate for a first or second date. See if you can pause and breathe — the date doesn’t have to be non-stop chatter to be a success.

3. Trauma

Trauma can feel like a real bonding agent. However, it’s often much healthier to build relationships first from your true sense of Self and not the wounded parts of you.

If you trauma bond at the beginning of a relationship, the risk is that this becomes the default for you both.

4. Sports (maybe)

This can be a make or break when figuring out how to get a girl to like you. Unless she has expressed an active interest in a sports team or plays a sport herself — stay away from sports talk.

She may appear interested out of politeness, or maybe she’s really into you and is just happy to hear your voice.

However, come back to similar interests during dating, and you’ll have a much more engaging conversation.

How to get a girl to like you on Tinder or other dating apps

Here are nine steps on how to get a girl to like you and get off the dating apps for good!

woman swiping left on tinder

1. Read her bio

Find glimpses of her personality and message her with something that intrigues you, either in her bio or photos. When mastering how to get a girl to like you, it’s about being subtle when making her feel special. Once you find what lights her up — ask her more about it!

Likely, she’ll love to have the opportunity to talk about her passions. This is fundamental when learning how to talk to women online and ease into the conversation.

2. Play the” would you rather” game

Marisa T. Cohen, Ph.D. is a relationship coach and marriage and family therapist in private practice — and here’s what she has to say about the Would you Rather game for online dating:

“This can provoke a deeper level of thought and maybe a fun and creative way to get to know the person you matched with. You also may be surprised to find out that you both share a similar outlook and/or unique sense of humor.”

Here are some questions you can ask:

  1. Would you rather plan a holiday month in advance or get a flight last minute?
  2. Would you rather be by the sea or in a forest?
  3. Would you rather go a year without television or a year without music?
  4. Would you rather live in a city or the countryside?

3. Bond over the killjoys of online dating

Not a person on this planet loves online dating completely. While it can get people to a beautiful outcome of finding a long-term partner — many aspects of swiping feel downright off.

Breaking the ice can go like this: How are you surviving Tinder?

She’ll start to see you not as one of the cringy or overbearing men on online dating but as someone with confidence and his own life.

4. Conversation starters

This differs from in-person dating, where I’d advise steering clear of pre-planned topics. The truth is that online dating can be exhausting.

To prevent Tinder from taking over your life — have a couple of exciting conversation starters for online dating at hand to get to know her better.

5. Find common interests

Like meeting her in a restaurant, common interests help the conversation to flow freely. Mastering how to get a girl to like you can take a long time. Remember that it’s a marathon and not a sprint. So patience and showing you genuinely care about her life will help you to build closeness.

6. Compliment her humor

man looking happy while looking at his woman

Women love when they make a guy laugh so hard tears are running down his cheeks. Senior Reporter at Vox, Allie Volpe, explains why recognizing a date’s humor makes them feel good,

“Having an audience appreciate your humor has profound social benefits. Successfully landing a joke raises a person’s status while lowering the status of anyone who’s the butt of a joke. Those in on the joke also feel a greater sense of camaraderie.”

So before you send an equally hilarious quip to hers, let her know that she has you in stitches laughing.

7. Give her insights into your life

Tell her what you’re up to when you’re messaging back and forth, and you have to go.

Whether that’s cooking up a storm for you and your friends or heading to sports training. Whatever it is, tell her.

Because you have no idea how many men out there don’t do anything in their spare time other than watch Netflix.

Women are turned off by men who instantly message them back on dating apps.

In their eyes, these men are investing a lot of time in someone they don’t know, which indicates they’re perhaps not the most adventurous or have a healthy social life.

Of course, having hobbies and friends shows that you’re an exciting person worth getting to know better.

8. Ask her out

couple in a veranda drinking white wine

The whole point of online dating is to meet in real life and date! You’ve built the rapport and messaged over a week or two — now it’s time to ask her out.

A great way of asking a girl out will look like this:

“I’ve had so much fun chatting. Would you like to meet up for drinks this week?”

The important thing is not to be wishy-washy — show her your self-confidence. Suggest somewhere to go and offer a timeframe. If she’d like to go somewhere else — great! But offering a semi-solid plan is best.

9. But, avoid pressure to meet up

By all means, after a couple of days of messages— ask her out! However, she doesn’t feel she knows you well enough for that, so don’t push it. 

She’s laid down a boundary, and for anything to go anywhere, you have to show that you respect her first and foremost. It likely means she needs more time to see if there’s chemistry.

My dating advice for men would be that if time passes and she isn’t showing genuine interest in meeting in person, she may be on the site looking for compliments. If that’s the case, set your sights elsewhere is probably best.

Conclusion

You now have a grasp on flirting, building chemistry, online dating, and how to have a deep, meaningful conversation with a woman. In essence, you now know the basics of how to get a girl to like you.

But what if you want to turn this spark into something more?

What if you want your bond to develop into a mind-blowing connection, a great relationship, and an amazing life together?

These things don’t happen by chance. This dating advice for men will get you started, but a dating coach will guide you to get the girl and build a solid, passionate, sexy relationship.

I’m Steffo Shambo, a men’s relationship coach and founder of Tantric Academy. My goal and passion for years have been to see my clients succeed and achieve the best love life possible.

Looking to tap into your full masculine confidence, intimate power and finally get the woman of your dreams? Here’s my free masterclass to do just that.


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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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