What Is Sexual Polarity? The Secrets To Spark Attraction And Intimacy

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Mar 7, 2024
sexual polarity

Have you ever considered why some couples hit it off way better than others?

Even though one couple might have been together for years, they can keep their romance fresh. It’s almost like they’re still in the talking stage.

For other couples, it can feel like the romance is fading once they reach a certain point.

What makes all the difference?

It’s not dumb luck that makes couples successful. And it’s nothing to do with any sex technique or trick.

Here’s the answer: sexual polarity. 

Male and female energies will continuously attract. If you know how to apply the laws of polarity in your love life, you can keep the fire of attraction burning hotter than a summer BBQ.

This guide has a lot to unpack. I’ll share everything you need to know. Let’s not waste any more time and dive right in.

What Is Sexual Polarity?

Imagine two magnets with opposite poles drawing irresistibly toward each other—that’s sexual polarity.

In other words, opposites attract.

Sexual polarity refers to the connection between two opposite energies.  

In this context, we’re talking about feminine energy and masculine energy.

A feminine woman typically embodies feminine energy. Masculine energy is generally displayed by a masculine man.

Now, masculine or feminine energy isn’t confined to gender. Both of these forces are different yet complementary.

Let me put it another way.

An example of two opposing forces is fire and water, Yin and Yang.

Think of men as the fierce fire and women as the refreshing water.

Men bring the fire, and women bring the water. Together, they create something that’s neither—like steam, it’s transformative. There’s a connection between the two.

When a couple syncs up just about right, their energies merge. This synchronization transcends the ordinary. It can go into something deeply spiritual.

This isn’t just about keeping the flame alive but elevating it.

The next time you look into your partner’s eyes, remember that it’s not just about the heat of the moment. It’s about kindling that eternal flame that can light up your whole world.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

The origins of sexual polarity

Sexual polarity was born from ancient tantric teachings. Specifically, it was brought down from the teachings of Shiva and Shakti and the law of polarity.

But do you know how this term became more popular in modern society?

Well, it was because of none other than David Deida. This is the author of the revolutionary book, “The Way of the Superior Man.”

In David Deida’s book, he described sexual polarity without using the word tantra. Instead, he used the words feminine and masculine energy.

Moreover, David Deida focused more on how this applies to one’s relationships, sex life, and daily life.

Disclaimer: David Deida’s work is often misunderstood.

Some men take it that they must be completely masculine and emotionless rocks. They should never waver in front of women, even if she throws out insults.

That’s not the case, as discussed in an interview with one of my clients below:

How Does The Law Of Polarity Affect Personal Transformation And Self Development?

Remember that the Law of Polarity is a universal principle.

It states that everything has an opposite. These opposites are identical but different to an extent. It highlights the dual nature of all things in the universe. From light and dark to love and hate—there is a connection between two opposites.

The law of polarity is more than just a principle for relationships. It’s a powerful tool to fuel your transformation and self-development journey.

A man who understands how to apply the law of polarity will see growth faster. For instance, a man with balanced feminine energy and masculinity will have an easier time getting by in his love life.

In short, the law of polarity can boost personal growth by enhancing self-awareness and understanding.

Embracing masculine polarity shifts one’s mindset and can help foster resilience against life’s challenges.

everything in existence has an opposite

How Important Is Sexual Polarity In Relationships For Men And Women?

Sexual polarity is essential for a healthy relationship. Without this, the intimacy and passion would be little to none.

If a couple has no sexual polarity, there’s a good chance the relationship is broken or dying.

The biggest sign that there is no polarity is that you’re in a sexless marriage or relationship that feels colorless. You’re both just getting by with almost zero passion for nurturing your love for one another.

A man in touch with his masculine core will naturally bring out the femininity in his woman. But if a man isn’t aware of this, he won’t be able to draw out his woman’s natural energy.

That said, the solution to this isn’t to always work on developing your masculine energy.

I don’t recommend everyone to do this.

Why? Because there must be a balance between your masculine and feminine side. I could ramble on about this, but I best summarize this concept in my short YouTube clip below:

Sexual depolarization in relationships

Depolarization forces the sex life and attraction to dwindle. The spark eventually disappears.

And it doesn’t matter if the couple still lives together. What happens is that the relationship becomes platonic and sexless.

You might still love each other deeply, except there’s a difference.

The difference is that your love for each other sits on more of a friendship level than a romantic level.

If you want mind-blowing sex in your relationship, then this is a problem.

The fix? You must create a strong polarization with your partner again (and we’ll get into the essential steps for this shortly).

What The Masculine And Feminine Energies Look Like When Looking At Polarity

The feminine-masculine polarity within a relationship might seem complicated.

However, it’s pretty simple.

I summed it up in the visual graphic below. The left side focuses on the feminine and the right focuses on the masculine. Both of these are distinct in their nature.

masculine feminine polarity

The feminine energy

The feminine refers to the feminine partner. The core value here is emotional connection.

Now, in the graphic above, you’ll find the list of natural and shadow feminine qualities. You might even resonate with a few of these yourself.

On top of that, take note of the intimacy killers.

To summarize, the intimacy killer is when your emotions feel unseen. When a man disregards his partner’s feelings, the trust is damaged. The longer this goes on, the more the relationship continues to drown.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

The masculine energy

This refers to the masculine partner. The core value here is freedom.

You’ll also find the natural and shadow masculine qualities in the graphic mentioned earlier.

What’s interesting here to take note of is the intimacy killers. From criticism and manipulation to feeling shut down, a man’s masculinity can hit rock bottom when he loses his freedom.

To be specific, I’m talking about sexual freedom. And not in the way you might think.

To better understand sexual freedom, I suggest watching my short YouTube clip below, where I summarize this best:

How Does Sexual Polarity Work For Gay Men And Women?

Don’t think of this in terms of gender. Think of this in terms of the masculine partner and the feminine partner. In almost every relationship, there is one or the other.

Relationship polarity does not need to match the biological gender. Anyone can gravitate towards any of the two poles according to his or her own preferences.

In a gay couple, you always have a top and bottom. One is in the masculine giving role and the other is in the feminine receiving role.

So, gay people usually have a preference just as straight people.

However, we often see that gay couples tend to be more fluent in their roles than straight couples. Therefore, they may shift roles more often.

Regardless, the balance of masculine and feminine energies is key. No balance between the two leads to a decline in attraction and intimacy, irrespective of gender.

sexual polarity applies to everyone including gay couples

3 Essential Steps To Become A Person Capable Of Sparking Sexual Polarity

Do you want to become a person capable of sparking sexual polarity and going beyond just physical attraction?

Here are the first few essential steps to take:

  • Be someone who takes 100% accountability
  • Connect with your higher spiritual self
  • Confront your inner demons

It’s not enough to simply understand the concepts. Knowledge doesn’t give you everything. Applying the knowledge does.

Sexual attraction becomes easy when you can harness your innate energy.

Gaining full control over your masculine and feminine energy will lead to wonders when looking at a thriving relationship.

Important Note: For the full details on all five steps to becoming a man capable of sparking sexual polarity at will, check out my free intimacy training here!

1. Be someone who takes 100% accountability

Taking responsibility is important for both a masculine partner and a feminine partner. However, it’s twice more important for the man in the relationship.

Having the mindset shift where you own up to everything no matter how small is the first step to being able to spark polarity.

Without the right mindset, progress is little to none.

And the mindset you must have is one that takes 100% responsibility for every action you make. Understand and acknowledge the consequences of the choices you make.

This mindset shift is a top masculine trait.

Perhaps you’re wondering, “Surely everything that happens to you isn’t your fault?”

And yes, you’re right.

But the mindset shift can be a complete game-changer.

Now, I don’t want you to think that this is toxic. If you’re wondering why this isn’t, then I suggest listening to my short YouTube clip on this below:

2. Connect with your higher spiritual self

One of the most effective ways I suggest for connecting with your higher self is by practicing tantric yoga. This combines a range of elements from physical movement all the way to conscious breathing.

Here’s why delving into tantric yoga can help guide you toward deeper self-awareness and spiritual growth:

  • Embrace the holistic nature of tantra, yoga, and meditation. Channel your inner energy and prepare yourself mentally.
  • Move and bring out the energy from lower to upper chakras. This helps you steer clear of energetic blockages so that you can harness your sexual energy.
  • Recognize the balance of feminine and masculine energies within yourself. Reflect on the tantric principle of polarity to help achieve an internal balance.  

Granted, this isn’t exactly easy. It takes practice, dedication, and commitment. Get into a routine and practice consistently.

The more you do this, the closer you’ll come to awakening your inner self.

3. Confront your inner demons

Now, you’re ready to acknowledge your reality. The ups and downs of your entire life.

When I say confront your inner demons, I refer to the shadow. These are your blockages. The very things holding you back from getting what you want in life.

You see, sexual polarity requires us to be free. But this is impossible when you’re still chained in the dark by your shadow.

To be precise, here’s what you must do:

  • Identify and overcome your limiting beliefs
  • Unveil emotional challenges that hinder your next move
  • Resolve issues and sexual traumas 

Is It Possible To Restore Sexual Polarity When It Feels Like The Spark Is Gone?

Many wonder if it’s possible to breathe life back into a relationship when the spark has dimmed. Is it?

Whether you’re trying to restore feminine or masculine polarity, yes. It is possible.

The good news is that sexual polarity can indeed be restored. However, it doesn’t just happen out of thin air or dumb luck. You must invest time and effort into embracing your masculine and feminine energies.

Simply follow the three steps mentioned earlier.

Side Note: If you want the complete tantric guide and explanation to restoring the sexual polarity even when everything feels like it’s falling apart, keep reading until the end. I have just the thing waiting for you.

polarity is even more important when the trust is damaged

The Common Misconceptions On Polarity

Here’s the biggest misconception: sexual polarity is gender-based. 

Quite frankly, no, it’s not. That’s not true.

Think of gender as a descriptive quality within all human beings. A less confusing description in this case would be plus and minus or yin and yang.

Biologically, the feminine is represented on the left side of the body. This is also known as the ida nadi. 

In contrast, the masculine resides on the right side of the body (pingala nadi).

However, it’s a bit different when looking at the brain. The masculine side resides in the left brain hemisphere. Whereas the feminine side resides in the right brain hemisphere.

That said, feminine and masculine polarity can be sparked by any gender. The concept of polarity itself is not confined to a physical form.

Conclusion: Take My Free Course To Become A Man Capable Of Igniting Sexual Polarity Anytime, Anywhere

Congrats if you made it this far!

Now, you know the basics of sexual polarity and the importance of feminine energy and masculine energy. Apply everything discussed, and you’ll find yourself slowly attracting your dream love life.

That said, give yourself a pat on the back. Seriously.

Not many people are even aware of what sexual polarity is. Yet, understanding this concept can be a game-changer in every aspect of your life. Crazy, right?

Sign up for my free relationship training video if you want to take it further and go beyond the basics. It’s the fundamental course for mastering the art of love and unveiling the full potential of your masculine and feminine energies.

I’ll also say that my free course is not for everyone. After all, not everyone is willing or ready to commit to transforming.

If you know that’s not you, you’re the one I’m speaking to. Watch my free training, and let’s ignite your love life. See you on the other side!


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.


How do you create sexual polarity?

The first step is to take full responsibility for all of your actions. You cannot create sexual polarity when you’re ignorant and unaware of the reality of your situation. The second step is to connect with your higher self. Doing tantra yoga and conscious breathing can help you make that connection. Thirdly, you must confront and overcome your inner demons.

What does polarity mean in a relationship?

In a nutshell, polarity in a relationship is about the connection between the two energies. This is the masculine and feminine energy. A man grounded in his masculinity will naturally attract his woman’s femininity.

What is a lack of sexual polarity?

A lack of sexual polarity means that there is no connection between the masculine and feminine in a relationship. The man isn’t in touch with his inner core, and neither is the woman. This leads to decreased sexual attraction, bringing the relationship from lovers to roommates. One thing to also note here is that sexual polarity isn’t reliant on both partners to put in the work. When one partner transforms, the other will naturally respond.

What is the polarity of someone?

Polarity in someone refers to the spark between the two masculine and feminine energies. It refers to whether or not these two potent forces within a person are balanced. If so, you’ll be able to achieve masculine or feminine polarity. This is an essential factor for successful relationships and sexual attraction.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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