Do you crave a deeper connection with your partner? A relationship built on trust, intimacy, and shared growth? Over the years, I’ve helped hundreds of men transform their relationships with their women—from average, surface-level relating to deeply conscious, tantric relationships. And let me tell you, the transformation is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever witnessed.
For many, the word ‘tantra’ sparks curiosity but is clouded by myths around sex and polyamory. The truth is, tantra has nothing to do with how many people you’re involved with and everything to do with the level of connection, mindfulness, and spiritual growth you share with your partner.
If you’re new to tantra or want to understand its deeper meaning, check out my ultimate Guide to What Is Tantra for a comprehensive introduction.
In this article, I’ll guide you through the essence of tantra, debunk misconceptions, and show you how to create a conscious, loving relationship that aligns with your highest self.
"Tantra is the science of transforming ordinary lovers into soul mates. And that is the grandeur of Tantra. It can transform the whole earth; it can transform each couple into soul mates." - Osho Rajneesh
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Tantra and polyamory: why they don’t mix
The idea that tantric relationships are by nature always polyamorous is an assumption based on misleading information. Recently, tantra has become somewhat of a buzzword that is frequently used. Tantric intimacy is increasingly being discussed.
The label has been attached to things that don’t necessarily reflect its true essence. Nor do they grasp the amount of effort involved in being ‘tantric’. Many people who prefer to be in non-monogamous relationships claim to also be tantric. This is often because they are looking for a way to justify their lifestyle choices to those around them who may not understand, or disapprove of this way of relating.
It is essential to note that I am not criticizing open relationships here. Nor am I knocking tantric intimacy. I am merely pointing out the fact that tantra has mistakenly become synonymous with polyamory and tantric intimacy.
Polyamorous relating, tantric intimacy and tantric relationships do share some attributes. They require an open mind. They require an attitude that prioritizes personal growth over ego and top-notch communication skills.
Yet there is no need to be with multiple partners when you are in a tantric relationship.
When my clients mention that they are interested in trying polyamory? I remind them that it is easier to evolve spiritually when you are only committed to one person. That is – inside of a monogamous relationship. Relationships and marriage are not easy. They take time, attention, energy, and constant work. Many relationships struggle on a constant basis, even when there is deep love between two partners.
I say to my clients who are having issues with their partner and wanting to experiment with polyamory as part of a tantric relationship: if you can’t hold down one harmonious relationship, how do you expect to hold down several at a time?
What makes a relationship tantric?
In a nutshell, this is a tantric relationship:
- Shared commitment to spiritual growth.
- Setting intentions and meditating together.
- Engaging in tantric rituals and practices.
- Practicing yoga or tantra yoga.
- Balancing masculine and feminine energies.
- Transfiguring each other as more than physical bodies.
- Honoring intimacy as sacred.
What makes a relationship tantric is not about how many partners you can juggle at once. It’s not about how many dates you can squeeze into a week or about provoking your partner’s jealousy by socializing with others. These behaviors miss the essence of tantra entirely.
A relationship becomes genuinely tantric through the depth of your consciousness. It’s about bringing awareness, presence, and intentionality into every aspect of a relationship. The same consciousness that elevates your connection also transforms tantric intimacy, making it a sacred and spiritual experience rather than just a physical act.
Exploring Tantric Love and Sacred Sexuality
This includes the practice of energy transmutation, which involves sublimating life-force energy into higher forms of creativity, connection, and spiritual growth. By consciously channeling this energy, tantric partners cultivate a deeper bond that transcends physical pleasure and fosters both personal and shared growth and evolution.
Another key element of a tantric relationship is maintaining sexual polarity, the dynamic interplay between feminine and masculine energies. This polarity is essential for keeping passion and attraction alive, allowing the relationship to deepen emotionally and spiritually.
Tantric intimacy honors the sacredness of life-force energy and intimacy. An intimate connection between partners tends to be more mindful and prolonged. It recognizes the importance of having a shared spiritual practice. Practices like energy orgasms emphasize connection over ejaculation, transforming intimacy into a spiritual experience.
The relationship can even become a spiritual practice. You are both making a shared commitment to each other’s personal growth. Agreeing to use the relationship as a shared practice to evolve spiritually.
In a truly spiritual relationship, we hold unconditional love as our pillar-stone and our guide. As a reward, we get to receive more pleasure, experience our true nature (it’s more erotic and sexier than you think), and embark upon a journey of spiritual growth. Together.
Using relationship triggers to heal and grow
That way, when conflicts arise, or when we are feeling upset, angry, jealous, or triggered by our partner – we use our feelings as an invitation to communicate, express, grow and heal.
When we unconditionally love and are unconditionally loved, there are no expectations or demands. Unconditional love – as romantic as it sounds – is not easy to achieve. It is a constant practice of swallowing pride, compassion, empathy, understanding, and forgiveness.
Two partners who unconditionally love each other might well cause each other pain and suffering from time to time. At the same time, they understand that often it is our own wounding and trauma that actually causes the pain. It is not necessarily the actions of their partner. They also understand that sometimes we act out of and because of pain. There is compassion and understanding for all of the above, which leads to forgiveness, empathy, and acceptance.
6 Steps to Build a Tantric Relationship Guided by Unconditional Love
Do you want to bring more unconditional love into your relationship? Would you like to experience greater harmony and understanding between you and your partner? Do you want to start having more tantric intimacy and take your tantra practice to new heights?
If the answer is yes, here are six of my best tips for building a conscious tantric relationship:
Step 1: Do your inner work
Do you know yourself? Like, really know yourself?
Do you know what all of your needs are? Your wants, priorities, must-haves, deal-breakers, likes, dislikes, fetishes, turn-ons, challenges, shortcomings, and absences?
You would be surprised how many people don’t know these things. Yet they still enter into relationships. They expect their partner to understand and fully attend to each one of the above. How can they expect their partner to know them on this level if they don’t even know themselves?
Having self-awareness about what you do and do not want and need from a relationship is absolutely crucial. Once you have this awareness of who you are and your needs, you can communicate them to your partner.
False expectations can cause issues in relationships. Many people find themselves either trying to change their partner or with a partner trying to change them.
Know thyself first
When you know yourself, you are more able to stand solid and resist this kind of manipulation and change tactics.
Learn about who YOU are. You are certainly much more than your job title, your ego, your emotions, and your thoughts.
Nowadays, we spend so much of our lives working at a computer, scrolling social media, or mindlessly chatting with our friends on WhatsApp. All of this is fine. It is part of 21st-century human existence, but it doesn’t help us to know ourselves.
Get to know your own soul on a deep level by spending uninterrupted, undistracted quality time with yourself. Do the things that you love to do.
If you don’t know what they are, try some new things to get acquainted with your unique tapestry:
- Read an insightful book.
- Do a tantric meditation.
- Watch a thought-provoking movie.
- Walk in nature.
- Paint.
- Play music.
Practicing hatha yoga is an excellent way to connect with your inner self. Through physical postures, breathing techniques, and mindfulness, hatha yoga helps you quiet the mind, balance your energy, and gain deeper insights into who you are. These yoga exercises can also prepare you for deeper tantric practices by enhancing your self-awareness and grounding your energy.
Once you have come to know yourself better, you will be able to make more informed decisions when it comes to choosing a partner. You will be better able to identify and communicate your own desires. Trust me – a man who can communicate what he wants is really appreciated.
Step 2: Develop emotional intelligence.
This is a big one.
We are taught so much in school-related to academic intelligence. Despite this, we are never taught how to develop our emotional intelligence.
Why is this a problem? It comes back to communication again. If we aren’t aware of our own emotions, we are unable to communicate them effectively. And when we can’t communicate our feelings? Our partner might feel that we are disconnected, absent, or doing something we shouldn’t be doing – like cheating.
This creates distance and tension within a relationship. Especially if it goes unspoken. Both of you will be able to feel the pull from each other, but the reasons for why will remain unclear and unsaid.
Speaking as a man, TO an audience who are mostly men, I can attest that emotional intelligence is harder for men to acquire than for women.
Women are naturally more emotional creatures. We men, on the other hand, are conditioned and taught from a young age to swallow and hide our emotions. Tantric relationships recognize this difference and honor it.
Thankfully, it is possible to develop your own emotional EQ. You simply need to give yourself the time and space to sit with, feel into and identify whatever feelings are arising.
Tools such as meditation, journaling, and mindfulness are wonderful techniques for building emotional intelligence. The truth is that most of us spend our lives in a constant state of hurry and distraction. We barely give a second’s thought to how we are feeling inside. These practices force you to slow down. By doing so, you will automatically gain a deeper understanding of your feelings.
Step 3: Know and speak your boundaries.
Another buzzword: boundaries. Yes, the word might make you roll your eyes. But it’s essential when it comes to tantric relationships and intimacy.
One of the hardest things to do is to face the fear of speaking your own truth.
We get so caught up in how it will make the other person feel that we forego our own comfort or happiness for the sake of them. This often leads to feelings of violation, disappointment, and even resentment.
If certain language, behaviors, attitudes, or actions are not OK for you, it is important to express them to your partner.
If you don’t, you are depriving them of the chance to adapt and adjust.
This will lead to conflict. Another thing I always say to my clients… Human beings are not psychic!
Find out what your boundaries are and practice communicating them in a healthy, non-demanding way. Of all tantric techniques, speaking your boundaries is perhaps the most important.
Remember that relationships are a constant cooperation and require compassion and kindness. Use lots of ‘I’ statements, eg. ‘when this happens, I feel that….’
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Step 4: Prioritize the relationship over yourself.
It is also important to recognize that the relationship itself has needs. These are outside of and separate from the needs of the individuals in the relationship.
Today, it is constantly emphasized that we should value our independence. We are told to love ourselves and put ourselves first.
I personally believe this to be a flawed way of looking at things. Whatsmore, I believe it to be terrible dating advice.
This way of operating will eventually bring a relationship to its knees. Relationships are about cooperation and compromise. A relationship should emphasize selflessness rather than selfishness.
Who wants a selfish partner? Certainly, when it comes to lovemaking, we do not. If our partner is selfish and prioritizes their own needs, we will never feel satisfied or fulfilled.
Sooner or later, both partners putting themselves first all the time will lead to disappointment, hurt, and feelings of being let down.
Shift the priority and the focus from ‘what can I get from the relationship’ to ‘what can I give to the relationship’.
By doing so, you will paradoxically find that all of your needs are met.
Having a conscious relationship is about creating a third entity. You and your partner as one.
That third entity must be treated like a child. It must come first. The child must receive priority, attention, and utmost care.
When it does, the relationship will become conscious and above average. It will exceed both of your expectations and more.
Supporting your partner, starting with tantra, involves prioritizing the relationship as a shared journey, where both partners are equally invested in its growth and harmony.
Step 5: Be disciplined and take consistent action toward your goals.
One of the most essential elements of a spiritual relationship is that both partners have intentional direction and purpose in their lives. Unfortunately, fear holds many of us back from ever fulfilling our purpose.
Reaching our goals isn’t attained by sitting around and waiting for our goals to reach us.
Scoring any goal requires action.
Sometimes, the heart and the mind disagree with each other. Despite the heart's desperate desire for something, the mind intervenes and overrules. The mind’s fearful cries of ‘what if’ and ‘it’s not the right time’ stop us from having what we desire the most.
Usually, this is because the mind is worrying and fretting about the things that could go wrong. Even though they will probably never happen, the mind simply cannot let go.
This kind of thinking keeps us small. It keeps us trapped in a narrow-minded fear-based mentality. It stops us from reaching for our goals.
In order to reach those goals, we need to shift the focus to that of a wide-angle lens.
When our heart wants to do something (for example, make a YouTube video about something we’re passionate about), we focus on all of the good things it can do for us (share our passion with the world, inspire someone, express our creativity, help people) rather than the small number of unlikely, adverse outcomes (being laughed at or receiving a negative comment).
Do you feel that you are being held back from reaching your goals due to fear? If so, you may want to consider working with a coach or mentor for professional help in overcoming limiting beliefs.
Step 6: Heal any intimacy-related shame and emotional trauma
Even for those of us who (like myself) have been working on it for years, shedding sexual trauma and shame is a life’s work.
We are constantly peeling off layers of the onion skin. After all, sex has been shamed, demonized, and slammed within society for lifetimes.
Since childhood, we are conditioned and taught to hide our genitals from the world. We are told not to touch ourselves ‘there’ and that intimate interactions and ideas are somehow perverse.
How comfortable would you be talking about your love life with your parents? Probably not very. If this is the case, I would guess that you still have some sexual trauma and shame to shift.
Becoming comfortable in your own sexuality will open up so much in terms of your next relationship and the heights to which it can go.
When there is true sexual intimacy within a relationship, intimacy has the power to shape, change, and heal us. Transcendental intimacy can further this healing by allowing partners to connect on a deeper level, beyond the physical, fostering emotional release and spiritual growth. There are really no limits as to how far it can go.
The Kama Sutra teachings remind us that intimacy, when approached with mindfulness and respect, can be a powerful tool for connection and personal growth. But when there are blockages, it cannot do its magic work.
One step I often give to my clients who are dealing with intimacy-related shame and emotional trauma is to stand in front of the mirror, naked, every day. You would be surprised by the number of people who are deeply ashamed of their own bodies. This is so damaging. To fully embody our own erotic nature, we need first to own ourselves as an erotic being. Accepting your naked body is the first step.
The next step would be to self-pleasure in front of the mirror. Do you think you could cultivate comfort, appreciation, and self-love while connecting mindfully with your own body?
If not, it might be time to start doing it…
Conclusion: Come back to unconditional love
After all of this, you may wonder what the point is of having a tantric relationship.
It really comes back to unconditional love.
Unconditional love makes the relationship stand a much better chance of withstanding the test of time. Unconditional love being present makes tantric intimacy much more achievable. This is because tantric intimacy is about presence, connection, and intimacy. Much more so than ‘regular’ physical intimacy.
Relationships are not easy. As the last year of the pandemic has shown us, life can sometimes throw considerable, unexpected hurdles our way. But when two people are fully invested and committed to their path of growth? There are a few obstacles that cannot be overcome.
Are you in a relationship that is facing obstacles? Would you like to learn more about how a tantric path can enhance your love life?
If so, you can check out my free training here.
If you’re ready to explore tantra and create conscious relationships, consider joining my Tantra Workshop or an immersive Tantric Retreat. These experiences are designed to guide you through practical and spiritual practices that deepen connection and intimacy.
FREE MASTERCLASS
Learn my proven 5-step method to build a lasting connection, rekindle your relationship, save your marriage, or meet the right partner.
Tantric Relationship FAQ
What is a tantric relationship?
A tantric relationship is a conscious partnership focused on presence, mindfulness, and spiritual growth. It blends emotional intimacy with practices that cultivate awareness, energy balance, and deep connection between partners. Tantra, in this context, is not about physical acts, but about transforming ordinary love into a sacred union based on trust and mutual growth.
Do tantric relationships require being polyamorous?
No. Tantra has been mistakenly linked to polyamory, but authentic tantric relationships can be entirely monogamous. The essence of Tantra lies in deep connection, communication, and energy exchange between two people committed to personal and shared transformation—not in the number of partners one has.
What are the core principles of a tantric partnership?
Key elements include self-awareness, emotional intelligence, open communication, healthy boundaries, and devotion to unconditional love. Partners support each other’s growth through mindful presence, compassionate dialogue, and shared energetic or meditative practices.
What are the five forbidden things in tantra?
The five forbidden things in the ascetic traditional tantra, known as the panchamakara or "five Ms," are meat, fish, alcohol, grain (cereal), and sexual practices (celibacy). However, in some tantric paths, these are symbolically used to transcend taboos and embrace spiritual liberation.
How is intimacy experienced in tantric relationships?
Tantric intimacy means deep, energetic, and emotional presence, rather than goal-oriented behavior. Partners focus on breathing, maintaining eye contact, and fostering a heartfelt connection to cultivate mutual understanding and harmony.
What is tantra for beginners?
Tantra for beginners focuses on simple yet powerful practices that anyone can start with to explore deeper connection and mindfulness. These include intentional eye-gazing, breathwork exercises, and slowing down during physical intimacy to fully experience each moment. Beginners are encouraged to approach tantra without focusing solely on sex but instead on cultivating presence, awareness, and a spiritual connection with themselves and their partner. These foundational practices pave the way for more advanced tantric techniques.
What is an example of tantric love?
Tantric love invites partners to awaken and harmonize all five senses, cultivating a deeper presence and unity. It’s not about focusing on the physical mechanics but about fully experiencing each moment with awareness and reverence. You can enhance your connection by feeling your partner’s energy through mindful touch, noticing their unique scent, appreciating their presence with your eyes, listening to the rhythm of their breath or voice, and savoring the closeness between you. When every sense participates with intention, the experience transcends the physical and becomes an energetic exchange—an act of shared mindfulness that heightens connection and emotional intimacy.
Can anyone practice tantric relationship principles?
Yes. You can begin by developing mindfulness, practicing honest communication, and learning to manage emotional triggers with compassion. Over time, these habits cultivate a balanced, loving, and spiritually enriching partnership that transcends conventional relationship dynamics.
