If you are a woman that wonder how to support men starting practicing tantra on the Tantric path, this is for you. But men should not shy away, it can be as beneficial for men to understand this.
One of the most appealing aspects of Tantra is the way it can elevate any part of life into a spiritual practice. And what more blissful spiritual practice could there be, than having extended Tantric orgasms?
Women are often short-changed when it comes to orgasms. A man with no training will last, on average, about seven minutes into sexual intercourse before he ejaculates, loses his erection, and has to stop, at least for a while. Women, on the other hand, take fifteen to twenty minutes at least to reach their full level of arousal. Too few men have learned how to extend foreplay for long enough to bring a woman to full arousal. For most women, penetrative sex with the average guy is brief and sometimes even slightly frustrating, even when it is emotionally close and otherwise very enjoyable.
Fortunately for the women of the world, the ancient secrets of Tantra have been rediscovered. One of the gems of Tantric teaching is the understanding that ejaculation is spiritually and physically damaging. Men on the Tantric path are seeking to escape their ejaculatory process altogether. If a man doesn’t ejaculate, he can continue making love indefinitely. When a woman is given an opportunity like this, she can finally experience her full orgasmic capacity.
There are many benefits to extending the duration of lovemaking.
More time in intimate embrace creates more emotional connection, more trust, and more intimacy.
The hormones which are stimulated create a feeling of well-being that can last for days. And there is a profound turning point when we experience having “enough” intimate connection – not being interrupted before we have been fully satisfied. We shift from living in a world of scarcity and struggle to a world which freely gives us everything we need, and more. The consequences extend far beyond sexuality, to every aspect of our lives.
How To Support Men And Your Tantric Man
A small number of women enter into a relationship with a man who has already mastered brahmacharya – control of the creative energy – and can manage his own sexual energy without needing any support from her.
A much larger number of women start on the Tantric path at the same time as their partner, or meet a man who has aspiration, but is not yet fully continent.
Your support is a vital component in his process of mastering sexual continence.
Brahmacharya is difficult
The neural pathways associated with ejaculation are deep and strong within weeks of puberty, and keep getting deeper and stronger every time a man ejaculates. To master brahmacharya, a man needs to create new neural pathways, and learn how to stay away from the well-worn neurological highway he has been riding his entire life.
It is such a difficult undertaking that most men, when they first hear the idea of ejaculation control, simply think it is impossible.
It is just unimaginable that he could take a different path when the “point of no return” approaches.
It is such a difficult undertaking that most men, even if they see the value in it, and want to try, quickly fall back into old habits.
Giving up ejaculation is more difficult than quitting smoking, or giving up alcohol. Support from those closest to us is imperative.
Support the commitment
When your man commits to mastering his sexual energy, go “all in” with him. Be his biggest cheerleader. Celebrate every small victory. Remind him that all big endeavors take time. If he gets discouraged, and wants to give up, gently ask him why he started on this path. Revisit all the good reasons he had for making the commitment. Show him how much you admire him for the effort he has put in, regardless of the results. Reassure him of your love and support.
We all have moments of doubt. Keep the faith for him when he wavers. He will love you for it.
Support the emotional process
Struggling to accomplish something difficult can be very disturbing, especially for men who are accustomed to being successful at most things that matter to them. We can find ourselves reliving painful emotions of frustration, humiliation, and inadequacy when we feel that we are failing again and again.
Be gentle with your man as he grapples with his failures. Don’t criticize, or ask how much longer this will take, or offer helpful advice about how he can do it better.
Hold him, love him, and ask what you can do to support him. Mostly, it will be “just be here”.
While he is practicing detachment from “success” and “failure”, you can be practicing unconditional love and acceptance of whatever is right now.
Support the energetic process
One of the keys to successful brahmacharya is managing the sexual energy as it accumulates. If a man doesn’t move the sexual energy upward to higher chakras, it will inevitably find a way to discharge itself through ejaculation, either during sexual activity, or in a wet dream.
A Tantric man needs to spend a fair bit of time doing sublimation practice – uddiyana bandha, inverted asanas, and so on. Encourage him to do this. Maybe even practice with him, so that he doesn’t get bored or frustrated with the sublimation practice.
Sometimes, he will need to stop during intercourse and do something to sublimate energy. These moments might be disappointing or frustrating, if you were on the verge of an orgasm, for example. Exert all your elevated spiritual ability at those times, to rise above your personal feeling in the moment, and to praise and thank him for stopping before it was too late.
If you have a certain level of awareness and control over energy yourself, you can do a lot to support the upward movement of his energy during intercourse. Run your hands up his spine, picturing the energy being moved in a wave in front of your hand. Feel the energy channels along his spine for any restrictions or blockages, and gently encourage those spaces to open. Be aware of any build-up of energy around the lingam and scrotum, and bring it to his attention, so he can move it upward.
Be continent with your own energy. A woman’s orgasm is very energetically powerful, and can tip a man into ejaculation if he is not careful. As the energy builds, make sure it is running up your spine, and not spilling from your system into his.
Contain your orgasms firmly at the level of the lower chakras, leaving more space for expansion from the heart chakra upwards.
When he is confident of his control, he will be able to merge with you energetically and enjoy your orgasms as much as you do. Let him control the timing of that merging. Be available, but contained.
You are a raging river – stay within your banks, and let him dip in just to the depth he can manage.
Support the physical process
There are physical aspects to the brahmacharya process, most famously the classic “blue balls” – a build-up of fluid around the testes.
Your man’s physical system will need to find a new equilibrium. Tantric massage can be very useful in helping your man restructure, both physically and energetically. A thorough massage of the entire pelvic area can release tensions and blockages, and give him better awareness and control of the whole area.
When you are making love, develop your own ability to hold completely still at a moment’s notice, no matter what is happening.
There will probably come a time when he needs to say “STOP!”
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Develop your awareness of where he is with his arousal. Get to know his breathing patterns, movements, and the subtle twitches around the lingam that indicate he is getting close. Sometimes, he won’t have the presence of mind to tell you to stop, and in those moments, if you can recognize the need, and stop anyway, he will be very grateful.
If he is very close, you can support him in holding off by applying pressure to his perineum, by squeezing the tip of his lingam between a thumb and two fingers, and by gently stretching his scrotum downward, away from his body. All of these physical movements help to suppress the urge to ejaculate.
Be open to other forms of lovemaking, such as oral sex and mutual masturbation, so that he doesn’t feel pressured to perform with penetrative intercourse for long periods right from the start.
And, most of all, show him that you are having a wonderful time, really enjoying your sex life together, and admiring and appreciating him for everything he offers. This atmosphere is the best possible environment for him to become the Tantric man who will give you full-body orgasms for hours at a time.
Do you have a man that is eager to learn this control, so you can have more intimacy and connection in your relationship?
Then recommend him to watch Steffo’s free training here.
Men's Relationship Coach
Steffo is the founder of The Tantric Man Experience, the #1 masculine mentorship program in the world. There he helps men in relationships reignite the passion to restore their marriages from the brink of divorce. And single men attract their dream women naturally with success. He's on a mission to guide men towards an intimate and meaningful relationship, and end the war with their sexuality, so they can finally become integrated men, fathers, brothers, husbands, and leaders in the world.
“It meant a paradigm shift in life.” – Patrik, Sweden
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