Why Wont My Girlfriend Have Sex With Me? 15 Simple Steps To Solve This

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Apr 27, 2024
why wont my girlfriend have sex with me

No one likes getting blue balls in the bedroom and then having to rub one off because their girlfriend isn’t in the mood.

And honestly, that feeling sucks, especially when it’s been going on for a long time.

Now, you’re here because you’re asking yourself, “Why won’t my girlfriend have sex with me?” Firstly, kudos to you for not jumping to conclusions and ending up in some weird corner of the room.

You’re in the right place because this isn’t just any guide. It’s a guide that includes tantric techniques to help you bring back the sexual tension in any long-term relationship.

Get ready because I’m about to share 15 strategies to have your girlfriend looking at you like you’re the last slice of pizza.

Let’s get your sex life back on track, shall we?

Seriously, Why Won’t My Girlfriend Have Sex With Me?

There’s a myriad of reasons why your girlfriend isn’t down to f*ck. She also has her own life, meaning she may have baggage she’s dealing with that’s stopping her from getting in the mood.

Or maybe, just maybe, this is her way of telling you that something is missing.

Whatever the reason for your sexless relationship, it’s essential to get to the bottom of it and uncover the mystery. No one wants to play detective forever and never solve the case.

Or is it that your girlfriend does want to have sex with you but won’t?

It’s not always a case that there’s a missing piece to the puzzle. The reality of a sexless relationship could just be that your girlfriend is choosing not to engage with you. Her sex drive is there, except she’s not making it as easy as before.

If you find yourself in this situation, here’s what you should do:

  • Have an honest conversation
  • Listen carefully to her
  • Show empathy
  • Put in the effort

The key here is to have an open conversation with her to understand her needs and determine the underlying problem.

If you’re in this situation, allow me to go into more detail.

Has she ever spoken about the dirty things she’d love to do to you over FaceTime?

But then, when you meet, nothing happens. Or perhaps your girlfriend shows visible signs of sexual frustration, like daydreaming about sex, being irritable, or displaying a tint of intimacy.

Well, what gives?

In this scenario, she could be wanting to f*ck. Except, she chooses not to in the moment. This can be boiled down to three key factors, which we’ll discuss below.

she may not want sex because you are doing something wrong

Three Possible Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With You

Here are the three significant factors causing a sexless relationship:

  • Emotional
  • Physical
  • Psychological

Either of these is enough to cause the issue of you having to ask yourself, “Why won’t my girlfriend have sex with me anymore?”

And these are the same factors that can cause marriages to die out.

From emotional distance to hormonal balances, these factors tend to be the root cause of your girlfriend’s reluctance to have sex. Understanding each of these better can help you bring back the passion in your relationship.

Now, every woman is unique. Everyone has different experiences and histories. So, factors affecting one woman’s libido might not necessarily influence another’s.

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The emotional factors

Your girlfriend’s emotions can hold her back from wanting to get down and dirty with you. Negative feelings such as stress, shame, or guilt can seriously kill the mood.

In these situations, it’s essential to notice the subtle cues in communication. Respond to her emotions instead of going off on a rant and complaining. Validate her feelings and offer reassurance.

The physical factors

She could simply be too exhausted. Wanting to go straight to sleep after a long and hard day is usually the case. In fact, this one survey revealed that the top reason women weren’t in the mood for sex was that they were too tired.

Besides that, maybe she’s sick of the daily routine or facing health issues, lifestyle changes, or wonky hormones. Her body could be waving a flag, signaling, “I need a break.”

The psychological factors

Psychological factors usually stem from individual past experiences. Here are some examples of what could be holding her back:

Either of these is compelling enough to make her deviate from turning on the heat in the bedroom.

It’s also worth noting that it could be you as the guy who’s dealing with psychological factors that are putting off your girlfriend. An excellent example of this is when she has to deal with a male partner who’s struggling with mommy issues.

15 Steps To Make Your Girlfriend Want To Have Sex With You

fixing a sexless relationship isnt a one and done type of thing

There are 15 things you must do when you’re in a sexless relationship. This includes tantric techniques such as the following:

  • Draw out her natural feminine essence
  • Own your feminine side
  • Give her a sensual body massage
  • Harness your sexual energy
  • Take your love for each other to a spiritual level

You must commit to doing these regularly. Heck, it’s best even to apply these steps before any type of issue arises to prevent a sexless relationship problem in the first place. That way, you wouldn’t be in a position where you’re thinking about what went wrong in your relationship.

However, the sexless situation tends to happen because you both feel a little too comfortable with each other.

In other words, you’ve both become complacent. Therefore, the effort isn’t as strong as it was back in the day when you tried harder to get her attention.

Women want to feel beautiful and valued. Complacency from their man can make them begin to treat you as just a friend. If it goes on long enough, it may make her question her appearance since she doesn’t feel appreciated.

Anyhow, fret not.

If you’re ready to get your groove back, then start applying each of these steps. She’ll want to start having sex with you again soon enough, and you’ll even take the pleasure to new heights!

1. Look back at where things might’ve gone wrong

Let’s take a quick trip down memory lane.

Rewind to the early days of your relationship. Recall the butterflies in the stomach and all the steamy thrill rides.

Now, think If there’s anything from the past that needs a minor fixing. Own it and do it. It can be fixed with a heartfelt apology or a sweet surprise.

Taking accountability is as straightforward as putting your hand up and admitting, “Yeah, I f*cked up. But I’m ready to own it, learn from it, and make sure it never happens again.”

Use each slip-up as a chance to grow into a better version of yourself by ensuring you never make the same mistake. However, don’t take this the wrong way and always see it as a valid excuse to mess up.

What matters is showing her that you’re capable of taking accountability and willing to become a better person for her. This is a significant first step to getting back on the road to having sex again.

2. Get your priorities straight

Kick out the bad habits and unhealthy addictions like the following:

  • Alcohol
  • Jerking off mindlessly
  • Smoking
  • Video games

These can be sneaky troublemakers affecting your mind and sexual performance. A lack of control and discipline in these areas may steal moments you could’ve spent getting intimate with your partner.

make it clear to your girlfriend that she is a priority

3. Draw out her natural feminine essence

Just as every man has a natural masculine essence, every woman has a natural feminine essence.

Two opposites attract. In love terms, we’re talking about sexual polarity.

You can draw out your girlfriend’s sexual desire and make her gravitate toward you by embodying your innate masculine energy.

Here are a few tips:

  • Embrace leadership by taking the initiative in your relationship
  • Build your self-confidence
  • Communicate with conviction
  • Be reliable when the going gets tough

4. Own your feminine side

A man’s feminine side is just as important to nurture as his masculine side. The key here is balance. Too much on either side can cause problems when looking at healthy relationship dynamics.

Men in touch with their feminine side look like this:

  • Takes care of his physical appearance
  • A strong listener who shows empathy
  • Able to “read the room”
  • Not afraid of showing compassion

Men often need to correct this. They associate kindness with weakness and don’t want to be seen as getting too soft.

Look, I get that James Bond, Thomas Shelby, or Leonidas might be figures you aspire to be like because of some of their alpha male qualities.

The truth is that embracing your feminine side can be just as attractive. Again, balance is critical here.

A man who lacks masculine qualities and is too into his feminine side brings you a soy boy, leading to problems such as not being able to take the lead.


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5. Always be emotionally available to her

Women are more emotionally expressive than men. Making yourself emotionally available to her is crucial for strengthening intimacy and connection.

However, you can’t be emotionally available when you can’t even confront your emotions. So, this does require a level of self-awareness.

You must accept your past, forgive yourself, and move forward.

Be there for her not just when she’s happy but when she’s stressed or concerned. Offer support and make it easy to provide a shoulder that she can cry on.

Create a safe and loving space for her where she feels comfortable. A lack of comfort can drive you toward a sexless relationship.

be her safe space where she can openly express herself

6. Have relationship check-ins

Go beyond the surface. Rather than just asking how her day has been, ask her something that feels more warm and genuine. For instance, ask her what’s made her smile today or what she’s been thinking about lately.

Having more thoughtful conversations opens the doors to relationship check-ins. She won’t be as defensive and much more likely to listen to you with an open mind.

That said, open communication is critical for any healthy relationship to flourish.

This also gives you the chance to discuss sexual preferences, like whether to use sex toys or if she should go on birth control.

7. Give her a sensual body massage

Who doesn’t love a good massage? Some of us have been working so hard lately that our muscles are too stiff and need to loosen up.

A sensual body massage can be the perfect step to reigniting the sexual tension in the bedroom. This could even lead to sex since hitting the right spots, like her erogenous zones, can make her horny.

8. Show your girlfriend that you appreciate everything about her

Another big reason she might not be in the mood is her insecurities.

When I say to appreciate everything about your girlfriend, I’m not just talking about the positives. I’m also talking about the negatives. This means fueling her with positivity by doing things like dishing out meaningful compliments and reassuring her.

The more you do this, the more comfortable she’ll be with you.

And the more comfortable she’ll be with you, the higher your chances of getting some action!

9. Harness your sexual energy

Harnessing your sexual energy means having total sexual self-control. This doesn’t just mean keeping it in your pants. It also means being able to redirect your sexual needs elsewhere.

Now, I’ll be honest. Knowing how to harness your sexual energy is something that not every man can or is willing to do. Even though the rewards are priceless, not many men commit because they don’t know how to do it.

a disciplined man with self control is attractive

Transmuting your sexual energy can be used to increase bedroom satisfaction and pleasure.

Want to experience the magic? Here’s what you should do:

10. Take your love for each other to a spiritual level

No matter what stage a couple is at, they can always make their relationship spiritual at any point. Doing so allows you to become more intimate and understand each other beyond the surface.

When a sexless relationship stems from emotional or psychological factors, focusing on spirituality can be healing for both individuals.

11. Never talk to another girl about your relationship problems

Firstly, you don’t ask a fish how to catch fish. You ask the fisherman.

Reaching out for help and support is not an issue. But talking to another girl is where things can go downhill.

Discussing your troubled relationship with another woman can harm your relationship. Trusting another woman can make your girlfriend feel a sense of betrayal.

Moreover, the woman you’re talking to may not always understand it from a man’s perspective. The only exception here is if she’s a sex therapist or professional.

If you want third-party advice, your closest friend or family member will do. Even better, get in touch with a men’s intimacy coach.

12. Quit being a people-pleaser

Have clear boundaries for yourself. Don’t let people walk over you or try to do too much to seek their approval.

Being a people-pleasing person is simply unattractive, especially when doing it in front of your girlfriend. It’s also unhealthy when you’re doing too much for your girlfriend and disregarding yourself.

Find the sweet spot between your needs and your girlfriend’s needs. Strike that balance, and you’re in for a naughty ride.

You’re the main character of your own story. Therefore, set some ground rules and goals that you want to set out to achieve.

Take charge, be the hero of your narrative, and don’t let others hijack your script. If someone’s bugging you to do unwanted things, stand up and speak out loud.

13. Give her space when she needs it

Everyone needs some “me time” to figure things out and clear our heads. Your girlfriend is no exception.

Perhaps she wants to spend a night just to chill and relax. She’ll want to take a break when so much has been going on in her life.

After a long day at work or a draining event, sex is probably the last thing on her mind. Rather than pushing sex onto her, give her time to pick herself back up. Be empathetic and show her your support.

Once she’s recharged, she’ll naturally bring herself to you.

14. Keep improving yourself and becoming a better man

Your girlfriend fell in love with you because of who you are in the first place. What if you nurture that and become something even more, something bigger? It’s pretty clear that she would only fall head over heels for you again and again.

Self-improvement is the name of the game and always has been. It’s a lifelong journey.

You might be in a sexless relationship because your girlfriend is tired of doing the same old routine.

In other words, focus on becoming a better man. There will always be room to improve that you can work on. This also helps keep your love life exciting and encourages mutual growth.

If she no longer has to put effort into getting your attention, it’s game over. Sooner or later, it may lead to complacency, hence a sexless relationship.

your personal growth has infinite potential

15. Consider professional help from a tantric sex coach or therapist

Have you tried everything in this guide, but you’re still struggling? Bring on the sex experts.

A relationship coach or therapist is a reliable solution for bringing back the spark in the bedroom. They’ve got your back and can give you the private support and advice you need as an individual or couple.

One of the most prominent signs to consider outside help from an expert is when everything you’ve tried isn’t working. Being stuck in a sexless relationship for weeks, months, and years is only a painful experience that can affect your mental well-being.

How To Have A Better Sex Life With Your Girlfriend

Has she started showing signs of sexual interest again, and now there’s more intimacy? Good job!

Now, the next step is to have better sex with your girlfriend by spicing up the bedroom. Here are some of my top tips:

  • Perform oral sex and foreplay
  • Dirty talk
  • Give her energy orgasms
  • Get a bigger penis and pair of balls
  • Become multi-orgasmic
  • Be adventurous

These will elevate your sexual experiences in the bedroom, leaving your girlfriend with an insatiable desire for you.

So, let’s prepare to cook and intensify the heat.

Side Note: Every woman is different. Don’t be afraid to talk to her about her preferences and what she’s open to exploring with you.

dont treat sex like its another chore to do

Perform oral sex and foreplay

Oral sex is a great way to build up for the main event. In general, foreplay holds the key to a great orgasm, and it’s an opportunity to connect with her emotionally.

Look into each other’s eyes deeply, tease each other, and even give her a yoni massage.

Heck, she could also give you a gentle penis massage while you’re at it. Don’t rush, and enjoy every second you’re spending together in the moment.  

Dirty talk

dirty talk can get her wet before you even have sex

Regardless of what you may have heard from others, dirty talk works. However, it must be done right and come across naturally. Talk with your partner beforehand to know what she likes and dislikes.

Doing dirty talk wrong can come across as weird, creepy, or even cringe.

Some lines that people have said are entirely inappropriate. In this article from VICE, they summed up a few of the worst sex talk lines in bed that people have heard. Here’s an example:

“You have the body of a little girl… It’s like having sex with an underage girl, only it’s legal.”

God, no. This is completely inappropriate and pedophilic.

Do dirty talk right, and make sure what you say is, at the very least, appropriate.

Give her energy orgasms

There’s no need to worry about birth control or contraception here. Why? Because giving your girlfriend an energy orgasm doesn’t require sexual intercourse.

It requires tapping into her chakras by hitting the right spots, causing her to experience a blissful sexual experience. This feeling goes far beyond just physical touch.

Get a bigger penis and pair of balls

Naturally, of course. I wouldn’t suggest trying out solutions with high risk. We’re talking about our masculine essence here, and we wouldn’t want to risk damaging our sexual function!

Now, the truth is that size doesn’t matter. You can still make your girlfriend happy and sexually excited. Still, research shows that women like bigger d*cks. It’s more visually stimulating, after all.

Don’t lose hope because there are techniques you can use to get a giant pair of balls along with a more enormous cock.

Natural techniques include jelqing and exposing your testicles to the sunlight.

Become multi-orgasmic

Being a multi-orgasmic man can shift your entire love life with your girlfriend.

Are you wondering why? It’s because you’ll be able to last as long as you want in bed and enjoy multiple orgasms. Instead of doing what most other men do after sex, you’ll keep her satisfied and give her even more intense orgasms.

If you want, you can even stay up all night long, going at it!

Be adventurous

Keep exploring new experiences with your girlfriend in and outside of the bedroom.

Take her for a thrilling ride by being more daring and engaging in both of your wildest fantasies. Here are a few examples:

Start small and go one step at a time. Continuously sharing new sexual experiences keeps the excitement going and ensures that sex never feels like a routine. In other words, you’re guaranteeing a satisfying sex life with your partner.

add novelty to the bedroom for a more memorable experience

In A Sexless Relationship And Treated Almost Like Just A Friend?

Are you stuck in a rut and nowhere near how you used to be with your romantic partner when you started dating?

I feel you. It hurts seeing that she has little to no sexual desire.

A sexless relationship as a whole is a serious yet common problem for long-term relationships. A report by the Mayo Clinic even stated the following:

“Women’s sexual desires naturally fluctuate over the years. Highs and lows commonly coincide with the beginning or end of a relationship or with major life changes.”

That said, keep in mind that most women will experience a low sex drive at some point in their lives, especially when something big is going on.

Although it might feel like a sticky situation, dry spells in a long-term relationship don’t have to last forever. But going on for far too long without sex can take a toll on your mental health.

The good news is that a decline in your love life can be fixed.

Knowing about the causes is one thing, but actually going out to do something about it is another. And taking action is usually the most challenging part that most men struggle with.

Are you struggling with sexual dysfunction?

Another significant factor that could be preventing you from a fulfilling sex life is yourself.

Things may have even started to go downhill after the first date because you’re struggling with one of the following:

All of these can be huge cockblocks when it comes to getting laid or having oral sex.

If that’s you, there are tantric solutions you can add to your routine. On top of that, there are fundamental physical changes you can make to your lifestyle to improve your sexual function:

  • Quit smoking
  • Commit to having well-rounded and balanced diets
  • Exercise more often
  • Reduce stress levels
  • Get enough sleep


After implementing these strategies, you’ll go from asking yourself, “Why won’t my girlfriend have sex with me?” to “Wow, how did I get so lucky?”

We’ve discussed everything you need to know in this guide to rekindle the passion. But like any dish, there are top-tier classified ingredients that take things up a notch.

The missing ingredient I’m referring to is my free tantric relationship training video, where you’ll learn all the secrets to restoring a broken love story. This is mainly for you if your girlfriend isn’t interested in sex anymore, and it feels like your relationship is dying.

There’s no need to commit to months of loopholes by yourself or in therapy.

And remember, having sex again in long-term relationships isn’t all about having a bigger d*ck. It’s about diving deep into the emotional, physical, and psychological factors that might put your love life on snooze.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.


Why is my girlfriend not sexually interested in me?

The main reasons why your girlfriend isn’t sexually interested in you could be emotional, physical, or psychological. In some cases, it could be a misunderstanding. Rather than assuming, have an open conversation with her to understand her point of view.

Why does my girlfriend deny me sex?

It could be because of something you did, or she wasn’t in the mood. A deeper reason for a sexless relationship could be to do with a lack of emotional connection or personal issues.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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