5 Important Steps To Take When The Sex Stops In Your Relationship

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Jul 8, 2024
when the sex stops in your relationship

Hey buddy, have you hit that bewildering point where the bedroom feels more like a boardroom?

You know, when the sex stops in your relationship, and you’re left wondering if there’s a secret memo you missed?

Unfortunately, it’s a typical plot twist. One day, you’re the star of your romantic comedy. The next, you’re scratching your head, asking, “Did I accidentally sign up for a celibacy challenge?”

Sailing these waters alone can confuse, reject, and upset you.

I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone. And this isn’t just about a temporary dip in the libido stock market; it could signal something else.

In this guide, I’m sharing precisely what to do when the sex stops in your relationship. These steps will help you dodge the icebergs and return to the warm waters of passion and connection.

So, let’s tackle this head-on, shall we? After all, it’s about returning to where the sparks fly, not where the paperwork piles.

The Possible Reasons Why You And Your Partner Are No Longer Having Sex

Here are the main possible reasons why you and your partner aren’t having sex anymore:

  • Emotional disconnection
  • Stress and exhaustion
  • Physical health issues

Every couple’s sex life is different. We all have a distinct sense of rhythm and intensity.

More often than not, a lack of sex isn’t because of decreasing sexual desire or attraction. Usually, when there’s a decline in sexual activity, it hints at deeper issues that need to be addressed.

Anyhow, these three factors can prevent you from having a healthy sex life.

Emotional disconnection

Having no emotional connection can lead to sexless marriages and relationships.

Feelings of shame and guilt also contribute to emotional disconnection. It also prevents you from being able to communicate openly with your partner. This can cause further intimacy problems.

Now, emotional disconnection happens for several reasons. It can stem from some particular backgrounds and experiences. One common way this can happen is when you get too complacent in your relationship.

complacency can ruin the intimacy of any relationship

Stress and exhaustion

Stress and exhaustion happen pretty often. A long day after work can impact any couple’s sex life.

Being emotionally tired can add to physical exhaustion. The result? A lack of energy. This can lead to decreased sexual activity in a relationship.

When one partner is exhausted, sex is likely the last thing on their mind.

After a tiring day, the natural thing you’d want to do is rest. Over time, this can translate to a sexless relationship.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

Physical health issues

Physical health conditions like vaginal dryness may lead to painful sex. This stops you from how much sex you can have.

Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are huge sexual issues, too. They’re bad enough that they can make most men lose the will to stay sexually active. Some may convince themselves that it’s something they have no control over.

Certain medications might also have side effects that lead to little or no sex drive.

Follow These 5 Important Steps When The Sex Stops In Your Relationship

Here are the steps to take when the sex stops in your relationship:

  • Acknowledge your shortcomings
  • Empathize with your partner
  • Build intimacy without sex
  • Harness your masculine and feminine energies
  • Face any underlying issues

Knowing what steps to take is one thing. Applying them is another—and that’s where the real journey begins.

have sex with your partner again by following these five steps

1. Acknowledge your shortcomings

Taking full accountability requires a strong level of self-awareness.

Recognizing your shortcomings can be difficult and lead to feelings of weakness and shame. Still, it’s a necessary first step.

No long-term relationship is possible without being able to face reality.

Some men struggle with this. Shockingly, it’s more normal than you might think. Some men in their 30s and 40s or older have not completed the first step.

Sure, age can affect ejaculation.

When looking long term, sexual desire is usually driven more by emotional connection than physical attraction or hormonal activity.

But not accepting your flaws can prevent you from sparking and nurturing that emotional connection.

2. Empathize with your partner

A man in touch with his femininity will have a solid ability to empathize with others.

When having relationship check-ins, it’s not just about the words you say. Verbal communication is only a part of it. The other significant parts of a healthy check-in include respecting your partner’s emotions.

Is your partner opening up? If so, pay attention. Just listen. There’s no need to respond with logic. Just allowing her to open up can provide a sense of relief.

A healthy sex life with your partner isn’t always about how much sex you have. It’s also about your sexual connection and whether there’s a genuine bond.

3. Build intimacy without sex

Sex is a passionate and intimate act. However, it’s not the only way to build intimacy and strengthen your emotional bond.

Non-sexual physical intimacy can be expressed through simple acts. Holding hands, cuddling, and giving non-sexual massages are good examples.

Emotional intimacy is felt when both partners feel accepted, understood, and unjudged.

Healthy relationships aren’t all about sex. It’s about connecting souls, minds, and feelings.

A soulful relationship is one of the best things you can ever have, as summarized in my YouTube clip below:

4. Harness your masculine and feminine energies

Harnessing your masculine and feminine energies is all about embracing the different dynamics within your relationship.

You must wholeheartedly accept your being, which has two sides: the masculine and the feminine.

Every man will have a feminine side that they must nurture. You can channel your feminine side by getting in touch with your emotions. Pursuing creative hobbies is also an excellent way to ensure balance.

A healthy balance between these two forces can help you spark polarity. This paves the way for a spicy sex life once again.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

5. Face any underlying issues

Facing underlying issues head-on is crucial in resolving intimacy problems.

These issues can progress gradually. Most stem from childhood experiences or conflicts that you may not have let go of.

Here are some common examples of underlying issues to face:

It might be worth seeking professional help in this area. A therapist or men’s coach can help you overcome negative thoughts and feelings associated with sensitive experiences.

trauma and unresolved problems can stop couples from having sex

Is Nothing Working? Then, Consider Getting Professional Help

Have you tried everything, but nothing seems to work?

Then, it could be time to think about professional support. Sex therapists and intimacy coaches are worth considering.

Trying to fix the problem yourself when you’ve already tried for months or years may make the spiral even more vicious. An expert could lay out a roadmap on what you must do to overcome your shortcomings and improve the sex life in your relationship.

Rebuilding Emotional Connection Doesn’t Require Sexual Activities

Rebuilding an emotional connection isn’t all about f*cking like what you see in porn videos.

Focusing too much on the physical aspect of the relationship can lead to overshadowing the need for emotional connection. This makes the sex feel stale and mechanical. If you reach this point, the sex no longer becomes exciting.

That said, it’s essential to understand that sex and intimacy are two separate things.

There’s a connection between sex and intimacy. However, they’re not the same, as explained in my short YouTube clip below:

With that in mind, an effective way to rebuild intimacy without sex is by being fully present in the moment. Show up for your partner. Let her know that you’re committed to making her happy. 

It’s not always about being the stern alpha male. Sharing vulnerability and fostering greater empathy leads to mutual understanding.

Mutual understanding leads to respect, which turns into trust.

Open communication

No relationship succeeds without excellent and open communication.

Giving your partner the silent treatment is immature. You’re only letting her suffer. It’s not respectful at all.

Share your thoughts with your partner. Communicate both your needs and desires. Make the expectations clear. Have honest conversations about your concerns.

In some cases, good communication alone can help you bring back the spice and sex in your relationship.

However, before having these conversations, ensure you’re ready. Take a few deep breaths and prepare yourself mentally.

Vulnerability and trust

Vulnerability and trust are the pillars of building an emotional bond.

Being vulnerable with your partner means sharing your deepest fears, insecurities, and dreams. This helps foster greater empathy, understanding, and respect.

Conversations on areas requiring some vulnerability can build an emotional connection. Over time, this leads to cultivating a safe environment for both partners.

What If You’re Dealing With Sexual Health Issues That Affects How Much Sex You Can Have?

Common sexual problems include the following:

These sexual health issues can discourage you from initiating with your partner.

Now, here’s how you can go about overcoming these obstacles:

  • Consider natural solutions like tantra and lifestyle changes
  • Seek medical help
  • Explore alternative solutions in the bedroom

One profound way to tackle sexual issues is to reprogram your subconscious mind. Granted, it’s not easy. But it’s seriously worth it.

Consider natural solutions like tantra and lifestyle changes

simple lifestyle changes can improve your sexual function

You’d be surprised how simple life changes can make a huge difference. Most times, these will be the same things that your sex therapist might recommend.

I’m talking about exercise and cleaning up your diet. Add more veggies and greens. Drink more water—these things can make a difference when done consistently.

The more unconventional route is to practice the art of Tantra. This art incorporates a spiritual element, and guess what? It can transform simple activities such as yoga into something more profound.

One example of a tantric practice to add to your routine is conscious breathwork.

Seek a men’s coach

Are natural solutions not working? Then, seek professional help from a men’s coach.

If a sex therapist hasn’t worked out the way you had expected, try something different. A men’s intimacy coach may offer a fresh framework different from what you’ve previously tried.

However, keep an open mind and be coachable for the best results.

Explore alternative solutions in the bedroom

Has the sex stopped because it lacked excitement and felt mechanical?

Try new positions and techniques. Add sex toys and fleshlights into the mix. Experiment with kinks and role play.

Sometimes, breaking free from your typical sex routine can be all it takes to bring back the passion. Spontaneity creates a sense of thrill. Having something new in the bedroom to look forward to may help you start having sex again with your partner.

What To Do Next To Pave The Way Toward A Fulfilling Sex Life

Alright, let’s talk about what you must do to pave the way toward an enjoyable sex life.

Here’s what to do:

  • Balance expectations
  • Prioritize intimacy and connection
  • Upgrade your sex game

I’ll go through each of these in a bit more detail below. Following these steps after the previous five steps discussed will help you ensure the sex doesn’t become dull again.

Balance expectations

think through what you say when trying to make expectations clear

Make the expectations clear. Recognize each other’s strengths and differences.

Understanding your partner’s sexual desires and needs will help you satisfy her. When the sex has stopped in your relationship, there’s a good chance that one reason why was because you weren’t on the same page.

Remember, communication is critical.

Prioritize intimacy and connection over sexual desire

Intimacy and connection should be a priority in any relationship. A caring and tender atmosphere can affect sexual performance and intimacy.

Don’t just focus on intimacy once the passion is fading. This should be an ongoing process. You should always prioritize building intimacy every day. Don’t settle just because you’re in a relationship.

Being complacent and not putting the effort in will decrease your sexual attraction.

Side Note: There are three particular things you can do that your woman will love. If you’re curious about what these are, watch my short video clip below:

Upgrade your sex game

Lastly, be bold in elevating your sex game.

The key here is to be open-minded. Consider alternative approaches to intimacy. For instance, focus on building a spiritual connection during sex. Unite each other’s souls and feel each other in complete oneness.

Conclusion: You Can Rekindle A Healthy Sexual Relationship With Your Partner

Now, you know what to do when the sex stops in your relationship.

Cracking the code on why the bedroom antics might be on a downturn isn’t always easy. But once you take the time to self-reflect and listen to your partner, you’ll realize what might’ve gone wrong.

All that’s left is to commit and show your partner that you’re still the same man she once fell head over heels for.

Regardless of how far apart the relationship seems, you’re likely much closer than you think.

Still, it’s normal to get in over your head. And that’s okay!

If you want the fastest path to transform your relationship, watch my free relationship training video. This will give you all the tantric techniques to rekindle the spark and keep the flame going in your relationship.

No more Googling about sex lives. Start taking action today!


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.


How long is too long without sex in a relationship?

It depends on the couple. There is no universal answer. If you haven’t had sex in so long to the point it affects your happiness and well-being, then it’s a sign that it’s been too long.

Can a relationship survive without sex?

A relationship can survive without sex for some couples. However, for most modern couples, a relationship might not survive without sex. If sex is a normal part of your relationship and it suddenly stops, there’s a good chance the relationship will fail. Whether the relationship survives or not depends on the couple.

When sex is gone in a relationship, what now?

It can feel frustrating when the sex disappears. However, don’t lose your cool. Instead, reflect on when things began to change. Talk to your partner and listen to her. Don’t respond with logic. Respond to her emotions.

Then, work on building intimacy again but without sexual activities. Doing things as simple as holding her hand and showing appreciation goes a long way. Moreover, focus on harnessing your masculine and feminine energies.

What happens when sex stops in a relationship?

When sex stops in a relationship, the intimacy and passion can fade. It’s typical at this stage to go from lovers to roommates. Good sex lives are meaningful. The consequences of a lack of sex for one or both partners include feelings of isolation, loneliness, and rejection for one or both partners.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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