What To Say On Tinder: Top 35 Things To Say To Attract Her

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Sep 18, 2023
what to say on tinder

Here it is: what to say on Tinder.

The thing is, dating apps are amazing tools — but that’s it.

And if you don’t know how to use them properly, it doesn’t matter what a great catch you are — no one’s going to bite! Meaning you’re not going to find the woman of your dreams.

After this article, you will be turning Tinder matches into dating success through message examples, conversation starters, and closers so that come Friday night you’re out with a beautiful woman and not scrolling on the couch.

11 steps to a scroll-stopping Tinder bio

Women are naturally particular when seeking a partner, and you can use this to your advantage. Most men will throw up a few group pictures from a lad’s holiday, throw in their height, job, and age — and call it a day for their Tinder profile!

man checking his phone before going to bed

Here’s what you need to know — women have the upper hand on Tinder. 

Tinder has no less than 1.6 billion swipes daily, leading to just 26 million matches. And despite the high selectivity of female users, women on Tinder actually match more often than men. The median female user receives around 2.75 matches per day, while the median male user only receives about 1.1 matches.

So, you can see how important it is to craft your Tinder bio before nailing down what to say on Tinder.

  1. Keep it concise: avoid writing an essay. Aim to keep it to around 4-7 sentences maximum.
  2. Highlight your unique qualities: ask a friend what makes you attractive (and remind them to leave out bland characteristics such as friendly, nice, thoughtful, and caring). Think about what makes you stand out from the crowd and showcase those qualities in your bio.
  3. Humor: writing something short but witty on your profile will help you stay in the game and catch a woman’s attention.
  4. Be specific: Avoid vague statements and, instead, focus on specific details about yourself that will help potential matches get a sense of who you are.
  5. Include your interests: Share your hobbies and interests so that potential matches can see if you have any shared interests.
  6. Be honest: Don’t exaggerate or make false claims in your bio. Authenticity is key.
  7. Use emojis: Emojis can help add personality and make your bio more visually appealing.

    what to say on tinder

  8. Avoid clichés: Don’t use overused phrases or clichés in your bio. Be creative and original.
  9. Show, don’t tell: Instead of telling potential matches how amazing you are, give them an example demonstrating your unique qualities.
  10. Proofread: Before posting your bio, proofread it for spelling or grammar errors. A well-written bio makes you appear far more attractive and intelligent.
  11. Spotify playlist: even if you’re not into the same bands and artists, it gives her a greater sense of who you are.

man listening to music on his headphones

Do pick-up lines work?

Let’s see what science has to say on the effectiveness of pick-up lines in getting a Tinder match.

A recent research paper published in Computers in Human Behavior involved a study with 237 young, straight Tinder users (aged 18-24). These Tinder users rated the opposite-sex profiles’ after being shown one of four pick-up lines.

  1. The first was a simple compliment, “You have a very nice smile.”
  2. The second was a funny but not-so-complimentary line, “Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?”
  3. The third was a combination of both humor and compliment, “Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see!”
  4. The fourth was a generic greeting, “Hey! What’s up?”

What’s fascinating is that the study showed that women responded better to pick-up lines that were either complimentary or humorous than the generic greeting.

HOWEVER, the pick-up line that combined both humor and a compliment did not receive a positive response from female participants.

So, when it comes to online dating, including Tinder, pick-up lines can be a fun and playful way to start a conversation with someone. And actually, if you’re going to go with a pick-up line, find a pretty hilarious, unique one. The problem with using one that’s been circulating Tinder for a while is it just comes across as cheesy.

Some people might appreciate clever or funny Tinder openers, while others might find them corny or unoriginal. It’s also important to remember that Tinder is a highly visual platform, so your profile pictures and bio are just as important as any pick-up line you might use.

If you use a pick-up line on Tinder, try to make it personalized and relevant to their profile or interests. And always be respectful and mindful of the other person’s boundaries and comfort level.

Ultimately, the key to success on Tinder (and any dating app or platform) is to be genuine, respectful, and confident in your interactions with others.

So while pick-up lines can be a fun and playful icebreaker, they’re not the only way to start a conversation and should be used wisely!

The top 10 conversation starters to impress her

man laughing at what he saw on the phone while sipping champagne

Before deciding what to say on Tinder, read her profile carefully. You already know that common interests or pinpointing what you find intriguing about her is the priority.

That’s why we’re staying clear of generic or cheesy pick-up lines for these Tinder conversation starters.

Another tip is to show genuine interest in her from the first message. You can do this by asking open-ended questions that encourage her to talk about herself.

Want to steer clear of asking a dull question? These examples of a Tinder first message will set you apart from other men who put zero effort into getting the conversation moving:

  1. Hi, I noticed we both like to travel. What’s the most exciting place you’ve ever visited?
  2. Hey, I noticed you’re a fan of [insert TV show or movie]. Have you seen the latest season?
  3. Hi, you’re a bookworm too! If there’s one book I need to read, what would it be?
  4. You look like you’ve been all over the world in your photos! What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
  5. Hiya — you must be busy, being a [insert their profession]. Besides this delightful app, what’s your favorite way to unwind at the end of the day!
  6. Hiya, what’s the most interesting fact you’ve learned recently? Today I learned [insert fun fact].
  7. Hey, I noticed we both love hiking. What’s your favorite trail?
  8. Hi [insert name], I love your profile picture! Where was it taken?
  9. Hey, I see we both enjoy trying new foods. What’s the best restaurant you’ve been to lately?
  10. Hey! You look like a total music junkie! What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to? Mine’s [insert favorite concert].

What should the first message be to get a response from an attractive girl?

man having videocall with a woman

Here are six steps to crafting great Tinder conversation starters:

  1. Personalize your message: Avoid generic greetings like “hi” or “hey.” Instead, try personalizing your message by referring to something in the person’s profile, such as a shared interest or hobby.
  2. Use her name: and use it sparingly. Every guy needs to know this — it subconsciously creates an emotional bond as she is more likely to feel comfortable talking to you.
  3. Evoke emotion: expressing yourself with the broad spectrum of emotions humans experience will make you intriguing and trustworthy.
  4. Be creative: Use humor or an interesting question to catch the person’s attention and stand out from the masses of profiles. Don’t be afraid to be a little playful or flirtatious, but be respectful and avoid being too forward or explicit.
  5. Keep it short and sweet: Don’t write a long essay for your first message. Keep it brief, but include enough information to spark a conversation.
  6. Be polite and respectful: Avoid being rude, aggressive, or pushy. Treat the person with respect and be mindful of their boundaries and preferences.

Remember, the most important thing is to be yourself and approach the person genuinely and respectfully. Good luck!


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

Top 20 Ways to attract her and keep conversation flowing

texting someone on a breakfast

So you’re on the right foot. You’ve sent your opening message, and it must’ve been a good conversation starter because she’s messaged back!

Looking for ways to keep Tinder conversations flowing? Here are some tips:

1. Keep things interesting

Ask open-ended questions that encourage more than just a simple “yes” or “no” response.

2. Share some fun and relevant stories about yourself

Give her a better sense of who you are (without going into your life story or trauma dumping!).

3. Don’t forget to sprinkle in some humor

This keeps the conversation light and engaging.

4. What caught your attention about her

Draw attention to it, comment on it, and ask more questions. Other guys often play it too cool, but a sure sign of confidence in a man is how he uplifts others around him.

5. Throw in a flirty compliment

woman wrapped in towel checking her phone

Make their heart skip a beat and show you have a sensual side.

6. Find common ground  

The whole point of dating is to find a connection, so find things you’re both passionate about and really get a conversation going.

7. Show genuine interest

Whether it’s in their hobbies, passions, or dream job. It’s a great way to get to know them better.

8. Keep things playful

black man wearing floral shirt holding his phone

You don’t want to come across as dry or overly formal. Likewise, you definitely don’t want to appear immature with a cheesy pick-up line.

9. Share your favorite movies, music, or TV shows

Ask for their recommendations, and encourage her to dive into her favorite characters and plot twists.

10. Get to know her travel preferences

Asking about her favorite destinations and dream vacations is a great way to learn more about her personality. Is she a snowboarding queen, or a boho beachside goddess?

11. Talk about food and swap recipes

man baking

This is wonderful for carving yourself out as a modern man who isn’t looking for someone to mind him.

Women are drawn to independent men who have a passion for food.

Bonus: you can challenge her to a cook-off when it’s time to ask her on a first date.

12. Share some funny memes, jokes, or videos

In today’s world, memes are a sweet way to show someone they’re on your mind.

13. Don’t be afraid to show a bit of vulnerability

Share insight into your hopes, dreams, or fears with her.

Just remember, the key to a great conversation on Tinder is to be genuine, curious, and respectful. Keep things fun and lighthearted by finding common interests and topics you both enjoy.

14. Use GIFs

Kissing Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt GIF by myLAB Box - Find & Share on GIPHY

Jess Carbino, a sociologist at Tinder, suggests that users are 30 percent more likely to get a response from matches if they open with a GIF.

By opting to send a GIF instead of obsessing over the perfect opening line, you can showcase your unique personality and sense of humor.

GIFs have the power to instantly infuse a conversation with lightness and humor, making them a fantastic tool for moving beyond the initial small talk phase.

15. Share your ambitions and dreams

Sharing your ambitions and dreams on Tinder can be a great way to connect with potential matches with similar goals and aspirations. However, it’s important not to portray yourself as someone you’re not, and don’t exaggerate your achievements or aspirations.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

16. Be patient if you don’t expect an immediate response.

As we’ve explored earlier, women get many more messages and matches than men on the daily.

Truthfully, this can be overwhelming for someone working full-time and has hobbies and friends.

If real life takes a preference for her and she doesn’t get back right away, don’t necessarily take it as she’s not interested.

17. Be your most open-minded, open-hearted self

Compassion can get lost in need to be the smartest or funniest man she’s matched with that week.

Many girls are hard-pressed not to find deep attraction in a man at ease with his masculine and feminine energies. Take this masculine and feminine energy quiz to find out which is your dominant energy.

18. Share your favorite quotes or mantras for life

Whether it’s from your favorite movie or book, quotes, and mantras show that you live consciously. Speaking with depth invites your messaging partner to dive deep too. And this is where memorable conversations are made.

19. Be positive and upbeat in your messages

woman dipping the ice cream on a mans nose

When figuring out what to say on Tinder, know that being a lighthearted person feels refreshing on this app. So, if she gets excited, match this and respond with enthusiasm and encouragement.

20. And avoid negativity

We all have bad days. Days when everything seems to be going pear-shaped. Your Tinder match is not the person to console you; this is neither a road to getting a first date nor good conversation etiquette. So if you’re having a bad day see if you can laugh with her about it rather than giving out about the world in the chat box.

What is the best way to get a Tinder match?

  1. Have your profile fully filled out so that she can get a real sense of you from your bio.
  2. Include photos of your hobbies, and those with you and your friends (no semi-naked bathroom selfies!)
  3. End your bio with a fun call to action that compels her to match with you.

Tinder Message Dos and Don’ts

Here we have quick Tinder messages do’s and don’ts checklist that also acts as your cheatsheet to improving your Tinder prospects and landing a date with your dream woman:


  1. Start the conversation with a unique and personalized message.
  2. Use humor to make her laugh and feel at ease.
  3. Ask open-ended questions to encourage conversation.
  4. Show genuine interest in her life.
  5. Show that you’re a respectful, integrated man through your conversations.
  6. Compliment her sincerely and thoughtfully.
  7. Use correct grammar and spelling.
  8. Be yourself and be authentic in your messages.
  9. Keep the conversation flowing by sharing interesting stories or facts about yourself.
  10. Use emojis and GIFs to add personality and humor to your messages.


  1. Use generic messages like “Hey” or “What’s up?”.
  2. Use cheesy pick-up lines or overly sexual messages.
  3. Be aggressive or pushy in your messages.
  4. Be disrespectful or derogatory towards her or women.
  5. Use slang or text language that can be hard to understand.
  6. Pretend to be someone you’re not.
  7. Talk only about yourself and ignore her interests and hobbies.
  8. Send too many messages in a row or bombard her with messages.
  9. Use poor grammar or spelling mistakes.
  10. Share inappropriate or offensive content in your messages.

How to know when to ask her on a date?

curly woman lying on the couch checking her phone

Here are four signs that she wants you to ask her out:

  1. Her messages are filled with laughing emojis — signs that she’s laughing at your messages bodes well for asking her on a date.
  2. She’s replying quickly.
  3. You can see the start of an emotional bond forming.
  4. You drop a *hypothetical* date suggestion — and she is down for it!

Here are more ways to get a girl to like you in preparation for your first date.

How to ask a girl on Tinder out on a first date?

Here are five ways to ask a girl on Tinder out on a first date:

1. Be specific about the date

couple having a breakfast together

The first pitfall is asking if she’d like to meet up “sometime.”

No — here’s what we’re going to do instead.

Be brave and ask her if she’d like to do X and Y time. That way, you show that you’re able to take the lead.

 “Hey, I was thinking about checking out the new art exhibit at the museum next weekend. Would you like to join me?”

If she’s not free, try another time. After that, it could just be a sign that she’s not interested in a date, and you can free up brain space knowing that you’re not meant to be.

2. Make a playful joke and invite her out

Show her that meeting up with you in real life will be a lot of fun.

Here’s an example, but tweak it so that it fits around what she likes to do in her free time.

 “I’ve been told I make a mean margarita. Want to put my bartending skills to the test and grab drinks this Friday?”

3. Reference a shared interest and suggest a fantastic date

Listen to the woman when learning what to say on Tinder to get a date. Read back over her messages, what would she like to get up to on a date. When you read this template question, you’ll understand how this is a great option when you don’t know whether she’s interested in a date. This is the low-stakes way of asking a woman out.

 “I’m looking for a fun new restaurant to try out. Any recommendations? And maybe we could check it out together?”

4. The simple and straightforward method

Sometimes, simplicity is key:

“I’ve really enjoyed our conversations on here. Would you like to grab coffee or drinks sometime and continue getting to know each other in person?”

And, when the time comes to deepen intimacy with your date — here are 25 hot bedroom sex ideas. You’ll thank me for this!


what to say on tinder

So, by now, you have a thorough insight into the art of what to say on Tinder — from the opening message, do’s and don’ts, all the way to sealing the date and getting interactions off the app!

And maybe this is enough for you.

Or perhaps you want to be the man who women find irresistible. The kind of man who easily attracts women. If you want to boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and use your masculine energy to attract your dream woman — here is your free training.


What do you say on Tinder to be flirty?

Being flirty on Tinder is a fine line. Flirty subtly and be generous with compliments.

What should I text a girl on Tinder?

When messaging a girl on Tinder, give her a reason to message back. That’s why open-ended questions and curiosity within messages are so important.

How to impress a girl on Tinder?

Impress her with your masculine energy, your humor, and your sense of fun.

How to talk to girls on Tinder?

Talking to girls on Tinder requires a blend of confidence, humor, and humility. So be sure not to talk over the chat with your own stories — instead, learn about her and her interests.


Unleash the secrets of your inner fire of willpower, harness your sacred sexual energy, and embody healthy masculine energy.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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