What Are You Looking For In A Relationship? 20 Best Possible Answers

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Apr 11, 2024
what are you looking for in a relationship

What are you looking for in a relationship?

Have you ever paused out of nowhere in the most random moments to ask yourself that question?

If you’ve never pondered this love riddle, you might as well look for your soulmate with a blindfold.

Not knowing the answer is like walking into a barbershop and saying, “Surprise me!” and ending up with something completely off the mark.

So, put down that self-help book. I’ll cut right to the chase with the 20 best possible answers.

Discover what makes a potential partner tick and how to get through this maze. And here’s a hint, it’s not as complicated as you might think!

How to find out what your relationship needs are

It all starts with yourself. You might tell yourself you need a partner, yet you don’t know what your own needs are.

And that’s where we’ll start.

Here’s how to find out what you seek most in a relationship:

  • Self-reflect
  • Identify priorities
  • Set personal boundaries

Want your happily ever after? Then, take a bit of time out of your day for each of these steps.


Imagine stepping into a hall of mirrors, where each reflection reveals a different aspect of your romantic self. Well, that’s the power of self-reflection! By examining the following:

  • Past relationships
  • Your own life experiences
  • Thoughts and feelings

You’ll find the answers from the inside on what makes you tick in the love department. I will admit it takes some emotional maturity to navigate the dating world.

Your chances of finding the ideal romantic partner will decrease without emotional intelligence.

Identifying priorities

After some introspection, the next step involves listing what truly matters to you in a relationship.

Think about your core values, beliefs, and goals in life. What would you want to share with your future partner?

If the differences are too significant and you lack common interests, it may stop you from enjoying certain activities together.

A clear understanding of your priorities sharpens your focus on finding what we call “the one.”

It should be a person who aligns with your values to build a successful, long-term relationship.

Personal boundaries

Establishing personal boundaries is a protective barrier for your heart. Boundaries shield you from potential heartbreak and guide you toward a partner who respects and cherishes you.

The same concept applies to your potential partner, meaning you should respect your partner’s boundaries too.

Mutual respect is one of the core pillars of a serious, healthy, and committed relationship.

So, be honest and open about your needs and expectations. Love without boundaries is like a ship without a sail – it’s bound to drift aimlessly and eventually sink.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

20 best possible answers: what are you looking for in a relationship?

From emotional intelligence to shared values and goals, these key attributes build a successful and lasting partnership for those looking for a relationship.

When thinking about an answer, it should always link to your core beliefs and the virtues you value most in a potential spouse.

Anyway, we’ll now go through the best possible answers. Let’s get to the golden question, “What are you looking for in a relationship?”

1. Emotional intelligence

emotional connection is the man drive to a happy relationship

The best superpower in a relationship? Here’s the answer: emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is your way to ride out love’s stormy waters with grace and poise. In a nutshell, this is about being aware of your emotions.

However, recognizing and empathizing with your partner is just as important.

No relationship is complete without a strong emotional connection.

2. Shared values and goals

A partner with shared values is like a jigsaw puzzle. Some pieces fit together. Some won’t, no matter how hard you try.

That’s what it’s like when looking for a partner who shares the same core beliefs and goals as you do.

From how you spend your time together to your future plans, this is all determined by the foundation of your relationship.

In other words, your essence as a person. To find the perfect match, it’s key to have a partner who’s just as enthusiastic as you are about your vision in life.

Another way to think of it is like trying to find someone who is the perfect dance partner. You’ll need someone who moves at the same pace as you, in harmony and unison.

In the context of a relationship, we’re talking about moving in harmony to the rhythm of life.

3. Loyalty

No one wants to be with someone who sneaks around at night, hooking up with people left and right. Nor would anyone want someone who’s emotionally cheating on them.

Now that might sound obvious. But the reality is that loyalty is essential for any successful relationship.

You have to be able to trust your partner. Love without trust only drives troubled relationships.

A trustworthy and loyal partner is like a rock in the stormy sea of life. It’s able to withstand the hardest times.

With that in mind, nothing is more comforting than knowing you can always rely on your partner to have your back when you need someone.

4. Good communication

Healthy relationships are impossible without communication. At the same time, it’s also important to communicate nonverbally.

Bad communication brings conflict in a relationship purely because of misunderstandings. So, it’s not out of the ordinary to want someone who can express their needs and desires. Relationships thrive with open, honest, and thoughtful communication.

But, don’t be a douchebag by going nuts on criticism. Take into account your partner’s feelings.

The reward of good communication in a relationship? Both partners will be in sync like a well-tuned orchestra.

Each instrument will play its part and create a beautiful symphony of love and harmony.

5. Compassion

those who are compassionate tend to be happier in life

Nothing is warmer and cozier than a partner who holds you in their loving embrace.

Compassion goes a long way. The intimacy goes to another level when you see how committed your partner is to making you happy.

Being willing to compromise for one another is a beautiful thing in a relationship.

Multiple reports, including this one from NCBI, show that people are more satisfied in compassionate relationships. To be specific, here’s what it states:

“Self-compassion and compassionate love were linked with higher relationship and sexual satisfaction and lower sexual distress.”

6. Motivation

Don’t say you want to rely on your partner for motivation. If other people are your source of motivation, it can be a sign that you’re a people-pleaser. She’ll get dry in no time when you can’t take initiative.

With that out of the way, motivation in a healthy relationship means knowing someone has got your back. Someone who can help push you through difficult times.

A relationship built this way will drive inspiration between both partners. It encourages self-growth and personal development.

If she can motivate you to become the best possible version of yourself, it’s almost like blasting a rocket off into the stratosphere and reaching for the stars.

With a partner who motivates and inspires you, there’s no limit to what you can achieve together!

7. Spiritual connection

A spiritual connection is a divine thread that weaves its way through the fabric of your relationship. It transcends the physical realm by connecting you and your partner on a deeper, more profound level.

Now, you might read this at first glance and roll your eyes at the idea of spiritualizing a relationship.

However, it has serious positive effects when nurturing the intimacy and emotional bond with another person.

Using the secrets of tantra, most men I teach have seen results like the following:

  • Never dating anyone to going on multiple dates in 1 week
  • Unshakeable confidence
  • Making women naturally want to win their approval

You can read more about my client’s success stories here.

A serious relationship built on a spiritual connection is like a majestic temple. It stands tall and proud. More importantly, it’s a testament to the devotion between you and your partner. And it takes your love for each other to the next level.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

8. Self-awareness

Self-awareness is your own internal compass. It gives you a sense of direction through your own needs.

You might struggle to understand some of your own emotions and desires or strengths and weaknesses. A person with self-awareness can navigate through the ups and downs of complicated situations.

In a relationship, this means going through thick and thin together.

9. Personal growth

Just like a caterpillar transforming into a beautiful butterfly, personal growth is a fruitful pursuit for all human beings.

A relationship that encourages and supports personal growth in one another is like building your own garden of Eden.

It’s the perfect environment for both partners to blossom and thrive. You and your partner will explore and reach new heights together.

10. Authenticity

always stay true to yourself especially in relationships

Authentic relationships are where you and your partner can be yourselves. You’re not afraid to show your goofy side or sense of humor because there is no fear of judgment or rejection. After all, they’re your safe space.

However, you want someone who can give you an honest answer when needed. Otherwise, it only drives ignorance.

11. Kindness

Kindness is the sunshine that brightens even the darkest corners of your relationship.

Genuine kindness is attractive. You want someone kind to others. Someone who treats everyone with the same level of respect regardless of their job title or origin.

Kindness is fundamental in fostering love and understanding in romantic and family relationships.

A good sense of humor can also play a significant role in strengthening emotional bonds. Kindness brings about the same things that a sense of humor does.

A relationship built on kindness is also like a gentle breeze in a fruitful garden, carrying the sweet scent of flowers and the melodious songs of birds.

It fills your life with beauty and harmony. Such a harmless question might arise: what could be better than this?

12. Companionship

Having someone by our side makes life way more fulfilling. Companionship means having someone to experience life with.

Enjoying the company of your partner can be good for your personal health and happiness.

Side Note: There is a difference between enjoying your partner’s company and being emotionally dependent on them!

13. Appreciation

Everyone wants to feel valued. Not just for who we are but for who we aspire to be. A partner who’s appreciative is going to be content with life.

Happiness is a choice—and people who are grateful understand that. They’re not reliant on materialistic things like status and designer clothes for their happiness.

Those on the opposite end of the spectrum may show narcissistic tendencies.

14. Selflessness

a selfless couple is more likely to be able to resolve conflict

Mutual selflessness in a relationship is like an unstoppable force.

The gentle rain of selflessness nourishes the soil of your relationship because it allows you and your partner to overcome any obstacle standing in your way.

Whenever there’s conflict, the mindset isn’t to be who wins the argument. The mindset will be more like how can we overcome this obstacle together.

Selflessness allows partners to compromise for one another.

15. Family-oriented

A family-oriented life partner reflects their values. It shows that they care for the people closest to them and are committed to nurturing a healthy family.

This doesn’t mean people who aren’t family-oriented aren’t as committed. It just means that someone who is family-oriented puts more emphasis on spending quality time with loved ones.

16. Mutual respect and understanding

Find a partner who respects you for who you are. You are your own person, and your partner understands that.

Looking for someone respectful? Start by seeing if they’re willing to take a step back to understand where you’re coming from.

They should understand that you also have your own traits and won’t always be on the same page for every conversation you have.

Still, they’re respectful of who you are regardless. They don’t put you down or act condescending.

17. Spontaneity

being able to do fun things together keeps the spark alive

A serious relationship doesn’t mean you have to find someone who can’t have a bit of fun every now and then.

Being spontaneous from time to time gives your relationship a sense of adventure. It ignites passion and excitement, like being on a rollercoaster ride.

You both get to explore and experience new things for the first time together.

18. Patience

Patience is important for communication and resolving conflict. Being patient in a relationship also means you acknowledge the good things about your partner.

You understand that everyone has weaknesses, but you know it doesn’t define them, and it’s only a small part.

Having this awareness allows you to carve a landscape of love and acceptance.

19. Self-confidence

Your love story is more likely to succeed when you’re looking for a relationship to be happy with someone. It’s not the other way around, where you need a partner to fix you.

Getting into a relationship because you’re looking for someone to fix you isn’t fair to the other person.

Why? Because it creates an emotional imbalance in the relationship, where one person is more reliant on the other.

When one partner is insecure and full of self-doubt, the negative energy that dwells within will seep into the other partner.

20. Humility

Someone who’s self-absorbed may as well be in a relationship with themselves, right? After all, they don’t need a partner when their own company is better.

All jokes aside, humility means not letting your ego get in the way of admitting your faults or wrongdoings.

It keeps your relationship grounded and balanced, preventing it from becoming too self-absorbed or arrogant, where one partner thrives more than the other.  

What stops most men from attracting their dream soulmate

There are a few things that prevent men from attracting their dream soulmate:

  • Following a strict, rigid checklist
  • Settling for less
  • Bedroom performance issues
  • Lack of personal development
  • Dating apps  

Let’s examine the pitfalls that could be hindering you from looking for someone who’s a true match for you.

Rigid checklists and unrealistic standards

Some men obsess over finding the “perfect” partner, leading them to rigid checklists and unrealistic standards.

Having preferences is good. However, having strict preferences limits your potential to find a compatible partner who ticks all the right boxes.

They might even tick a few that you knew of in the first place!

What else do you need a partner for if they show no red flags? Keep an open mind when looking for someone as a potential partner.

Consider the qualities that matter in a relationship rather than focusing on the wrong person.

dont have expectations like this

Settling for less

This is the opposite of having rigid checklists and unrealistic expectations when looking for someone to be a match.

What tends to happen is that men never choose who they want to be with.

Instead of looking for someone, they let the woman decide. In other words, men don’t take initiative and leave the decision-making to the women.

So rather than being with who they truly want to be with, they’ll go for the easier option. This typically happens because there’s a lack of balance between the masculine and feminine energies.

Bedroom performance issues

Had a bad past when it comes to sex?

Some have had it bad enough to the point that it affects their confidence and daily life.

Not healing from past experiences hinders your ability to look for someone to be in a relationship with.

The fear of failure is amplified. Some may even feel like they’re not worthy enough to be looking for something like a romantic partner.

Lack of personal development

A lack of personal development is much like a car running empty. The absence of personal development means a lack of self-confidence and self-awareness.

This hinders your ability to attract your dream soulmate overall.

You can’t expect to attract your ideal woman when you lack confidence that you’re the ideal man in the first place.

Dating apps

Spent too much time on dating apps or social media?

You’ll probably see content of all sorts of things, like why you don’t need a partner or why it’s not worth pursuing women in this generation.

On dating apps, perhaps you keep getting left on read and barely getting any matches.

Listen, the content you consume becomes your energy. Many of us have become too desensitized to experiencing real physical attraction.

It could even be bad enough to affect our real-life interactions.

Finding love isn’t about swiping left or right. It’s about forging meaningful connections and building a solid foundation of trust.

Side Note: Want to see more success in your dating life? Check out this short clip here for quick tips to level up your dating game! 

The next step: attract your dream soulmate

Finding “The One” isn’t about creating a shopping list for Cupid or turning your dating app into a love-themed Pokémon Go where you simply say, “I choose you!”

Nope. It’s more like cooking your favorite dish because it requires the right ingredients and heat.

You also need the wisdom to know when you’ve made something truly delicious. Otherwise, you could discover a masterpiece yet not realize its value.

And the same concept applies to finding your soulmate.

So, what are you looking for in a relationship? If you don’t know yet, that’s cool. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, but the second-best time is now.

That said, I suggest spending some time pondering over it. When the time comes, you’ll be glad you thought about it.

Speaking about getting it done, I’ve got a masterclass that gives you the strategies you need to attract your dream partner.

You’ll learn to magnetize your soulmate without spending years in therapy or reading books that make you want to gouge your eyes.

Watch my exclusive training video to step up your love game. You’ll learn the ropes and how to tie them into a beautiful bow that even Cupid would envy.

Let’s finally turn that “it’s complicated” status into a “happily ever after.”


What are the 3 things to look for in a relationship?

The 3 must-haves in romantic relationships include love, trust, and passion.

These are the non-negotiables of a healthy future together with your potential partner.

What are you looking for in a partner?

I am looking for a kind, loyal, and empathetic partner. The list of traits to look out for can go on.

Ultimately, the best answer to this question depends on your own values.

What do you want from a relationship?

Emotional depth, genuine connection, and mutual respect are key factors for a long-term relationship.

I am looking for someone who shares the same values and helps you become the best version of yourself.

Laughter and open communication are must-haves, too. Life’s not as fun when you live too seriously.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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