How To Give A Tantric Massage (The Best Professional Guide)

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Jul 10, 2024
how to give a tantric massage

In the 21st Century, we expect our romantic partners to wear many hats 🎩:

  • best friend,
  • co-parent,
  • financial advisor,
  • and occasional therapist. 

The demands are high, and the job description is never-ending. 

Today, I’m here to share a delightful remedy for this modern conundrum with my professional guide on how to give a tantric massage.

Forget fancy dinners or extravagant gifts—nothing says “I love you” like a relaxing massage that heals your relationship.

Tantric massage is the ultimate technique for healing intimacy issues and reigniting the spark with your partner. 

Now, let’s dive in and learn how to give a tantric massage that might make you the new favorite hat in your partner’s collection! 🤠

What Is Tantric Massage?

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Tantric massage differs from other therapeutic massages because it includes the entire body, including the genitals. This approach spreads sexual energy throughout the body, creating a holistic experience

Many people believe that yoni and lingam massage are ancient practices. But this isn’t exactly true. They’re relatively recent neo-tantric practices mixed with some old Chi Nei Tsang. That said, this doesn’t detract from their importance. 

Despite ancient wisdom mixed with modern ideas, a tantra massage is valuable for healing all intimacy-related issues. 

A typical tantra massage starts with a traditional full-body massage to make both parties feel comfortable and relaxed. It then progresses to a lingam or yoni massage therapy.

Sometimes, the receiver has an orgasm. Sometimes, they don’t.

Regardless, orgasm is not the goal

Tantric massages are more than just a sexual experience. They’re a holistic, full-body healing experience. A tantric massage integrates your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. 🧘‍♂️

6 different types of tantric massages

  1. Yoni Massage
  2. Lingam Massage
  3. Dearmoring Massage
  4. Testicle Massage
  5. Nuru Massage
  6. Breast Massage


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The Top Benefits Of A Tantric Massage

  • Heal emotional and sexual trauma.
  • Improve mental well-being—experience higher levels of satisfaction and happiness in everyday life.
  • Increase vitality and youthfulness via the spreading of sexual energy.
  • Enhance your ability to reach orgasm (for women).
  • Greater orgasm control and even multiple orgasms for men. 
  • Freedom from health problems – the Taoists even mapped out individual reflexology points located inside the vagina and around the penis.
  • Heightened love, intimacy, surrender, and trust between romantic partners.
  • Increased sensitivity to physical touch.
  • Stress relief and deep relaxation.
  • Greater sexual desire between partners and more frequent lovemaking.

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How To Give A Tantric Massage In 7 Steps

Here’s how to give a tantric massage: 

  1. Prepare the physical space
  2. Remove the goalposts
  3. Consecrate
  4. Begin massaging the upper body
  5. Move onto the legs and inner thighs
  6. Massage the genitals
  7. End the massage carefully

Now, these steps are unisex. Therefore, the tantra massage techniques discussed can be used to give an erotic massage to either a man OR a woman.

So whether you are a guy or a girl, you can use tantra massage to establish deeper intimacy and give a sensual massage to your partner. Below, I’ll go through the exact steps to massage the whole body tantra style.

1. Prepare the physical space

how to give a tantric massage

Firstly, create a relaxing environment and ensure you won’t be disturbed. Light candles, play soft music and even burn essential oils. 🕯️

You can use any kind of (natural) oil with a light but not overpowering scent for your massage oil. The most common option is coconut oil, but jojoba oil is also good. But whatever oil you use, have plenty of it ready.

Once you’ve got everything ready, take a few deep breaths. Invite your partner into the space. Next, sit in silence with each other and breathe together for a few moments. 

2. Remove the goalposts

After setting the scene, you’ve got to get the mindset right. Otherwise, you won’t experience a genuine tantric massage. 

That said, an orgasm shouldn’t be your primary goal. That’s more like a side dish rather than the main course. 

If you have a specific goal, it detracts from the likelihood of it happening. 

And if tantric massage has a goal, it is relaxation and healing, not pleasure. Pleasure is a side effect, not the goal.

But really, the only goal is to create a safe space for your partner to drop into your body.

Since tantric massage is slow, it requires heightened awareness and communication. So, you must take your time. 

Clear your mind.

Allow you and your partner to relax completely. To help you both drop into the present moment, sit together hand in hand and meditate for 5-10 minutes. 👫

If there are set expectations, it can prevent your partner from reaching a full-body orgasm (yes, experiencing an orgasm throughout your whole body is possible!).

Additionally, use this opportunity to set any physical boundaries if necessary. As mentioned in an article on Planned Parenthood

“Desire isn’t always a clear-cut “enthusiastic yes” or “absolutely no.” You might be totally attracted to someone and feel turned on, but still not feel 100% right about getting physical.”

So, ensure you and your partner are on the same page. Don’t just assume. 

3. Consecrate

how to give a tantric massage

Consecration takes place before a tantric massage. It’s part of the tradition, so sit directly in front of each other. Close your eyes. Hold hands. 

Then, say the following words out loud: 

“I consecrate this tantric massage and each of its fruits and results to the Divine Consciousness (or Lord Shiva). May the protective energy of the Goddess be here now. To guide us both in the right direction to give exactly what is needed in this moment.”

Alternatively, you can skip saying this. Instead, continue sitting in silence and breathing deeply together while setting an intention or affirmation. 

4. Begin massaging the upper body

white hand massaging the black womans back

You’re ready to start the tantric massage after setting the scene, getting into the right mindset, and completing the short meditation. 🧘‍♀️

Have the receiver lie face down on the bed.

Follow these upper-body massage steps: 

  • Start with the shoulders. Gently rub the shoulders, using circular motions to release tension.
  • Slowly move to the neck. Use your thumbs to apply gentle pressure along the neck. Avoid the spine. Massaging the shoulders and neck is critical because these are usually where we store the most tension. 
  • Stroke the arms from the shoulders to the hands. Use long, smooth movements.
  • Focus on the hands by gently stretching each finger. Massage the palms in circular motions. 
  • Use open palms to massage the chest gently. Avoid the breast area unless consent is given. 

Go gently with sensitive areas around the shoulder blades.

Ideally, you should connect through deep breathing as you do this. This synchronizes your touch, elevating the experience.

Side Note: Although a tantric massage involves massaging the genitals, remember that orgasm isn’t the goal. If you’re focusing on reaching an orgasm, you won’t get to experience a real tantra massage. 


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5. Move onto the legs and inner thighs

Here’s how to massage the legs, pubic bone, and inner thighs using the art of tantra: 

  • Start with light strokes yet again. Stroke the legs from the ankles to the thighs. Relax the muscles. 
  • Apply firm pressure as you move up the legs. Use your palms, knuckles, or fingertips to knead the muscles.
  • Add circular motions with your thumbs. Don’t go too hard, though. Be mindful of your partner’s comfort and sensitivity. 
  • Maintain a slow, sensual, and rhythmic pace. 
  • Vary between light brushing and deeper kneading for a pleasurable, sensual massage. 

You can also ask the receiver which part of their legs feels the most tense. Then, apply a bit more pressure to these areas. 

Additionally, pay close attention to the receiver’s energy. You will know when different techniques are working based on how they react. This can make a massive difference to the tantric massage therapy experience. Any tantric massage expert will also tell you to carefully read your partner’s body language

You’ll introduce erogenous zones shortly and prepare the receiver for the next step. 

6. Massage the genitals

If your partner is a man, begin by focusing on the testicles. 🍒

Be soft.

Lightly tap them, and even take some techniques from my article on self-testicle massage

Starting with his testicles allows him to get comfortable before touching his Lingam (penis).

After spending a few minutes focusing on his testicles, move on to massaging his penis. 🍆

More specifically, the shaft. Then, move on to the frenulum and head of the penis. 

As long as you’re lightly tapping and rubbing, it’s hard to go wrong with this. Try to stay out of your head. Don’t get consumed by technicalities and just enjoy giving pleasure. 

Mix up the speed, direction, and strength of your grip. 

You could also consider a prostate massage to unblock sexual energy 

prostate - the male g-spot

Another type of massage you could give to your man is a prostate massage. In other words, massaging the male G-spot

Massaging the prostate can even allow a man to experience multiple orgasms and move stuck or blocked energy. Plus, it’s something new. It’s another way to receive pleasure more passively than during penetrative sex. 

But if you’re going to massage his prostate, use plenty of massage oil! This is a sensitive area. Doing it wrong can be painful. 

When you put a well-oiled finger inside the rectum, go in slowly until you feel a round-shaped lump, like the tip of a nose. This is the prostate. 

Start massaging it gently, and continue until it becomes pleasurable. And if you want, this is a perfect time to start edging. 

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Genital massage for women (Yoni massage)

yoni massage hands on vagina

If your partner is a woman, you can focus on massaging her breasts after massaging her body.

This provides a nice segue into a Yoni massage, which focuses on her vagina.

More specifically, the outer lips, inner lips, and clitoris. 

Use your index finger and the squeeze and release method.

Most importantly, never force it.

Keep a steady pace. 

Start by massaging 1, 3, and 5 o’clock on the right wall.

Then move on to 7, 9, and 11 on the left wall.

Next, move on to the cervix.

Followed by the G spot and, finally, the A spot. 

two fingers in a grapefruit isolated on a red background top view

Take the yoni massage online therapy course

Anyone can learn to give themselves or their partner the best yoni massage. Do it right; it can be a healing tool for both of you. 

And don’t worry. It doesn’t have to be an awkward process. 

Why? Because I’m inviting you to learn from my trusted friend and teacher, Suriya.

She is one of the best Yoni massage therapists in the world.

Click this link here to learn about Yoni massaging and use my coupon discount code “steffo” for 20% off. This ultimate step-by-step guide explicitly teaches you how to give a Yoni massage. 

7. Close the tantra massage and integration 

Steffo and a woman facing each other meditating

End the experience with the same care and attention with which you opened it. 

Rub your hands together to create heat. Then, cup your partner’s genitals. Next, do the same with the belly, the head, and finally, the feet. 

Let the receiver know they can take their time to process and integrate their experience in silence before they sit up. Wait for them to do so. 

Then, sit cross-legged and hand in hand. Gaze into each other’s eyes. Give thanks to God for what has happened (or slowly close your eyes and breathe deeply).

Lastly, bow in reverence together. 🙏

Tantra Massage Therapy Is Not The Same As Foreplay

woman with white writing on her forehead given a head massage

Tantric massage therapy is not foreplay or lovemaking.

However, it can be done before foreplay and lovemaking (this can increase the likelihood of her squirting).

Many couples choose to separate their tantric massage session from their regular lovemaking sessions.

Others decide to take a break between the massage section and the lovemaking section of their intimacy.

This separation helps remove any goal-oriented mindset, allowing couples to appreciate tantric massage as a distinct and valuable part of their intimate life.

Tantric massage offers unique benefits that go beyond regular lovemaking.

It teaches us to care for our partners, understand their needs, and listen entirely.

These skills are essential for healing relationships, improving sex life, and deepening intimacy.

Being In Service To Your Partner’s Body Through Tantric Massage Techniques

tantra massage healing hands

Tantric massage is about serving your partner’s body, creating a unique dynamic of giver and receiver. 

The receiver can be selfish. You can relinquish expectations and simply receive without feeling indebted or guilty. This might be a first, but the receiver can drop everything. Know that all you are supposed to do is accept. 

This pressure release can transform the lovemaking experience and the very essence of sex. 

For the giver, it’s an equally enjoyable act. It also deepens trust and intimacy. With a tantric massage, you can see and explore your partner’s body in its raw and vulnerable state. You have been given utmost trust with their physical vessel. 

And only you get to see and experience your partner in this way. Exploring their body, with their bumps, lumps, scars, and curves, is a privilege and a delight.

Conclusion: Master Your Sexual Energy And Connection

These days, many people are going for yoni or lingam massages from qualified practitioners. 

Even though they might know how to give a tantric massage that’s technically correct, you’re out. You’re skipping the opportunity to connect deeply with your partner. A tantra massage allows you and your partner to experience intimacy more transcendently. 

Imagine your partner lying in front of you, naked and vulnerable. Picture him or her releasing decades of tension and trauma with healing tears and trembles. 

It’s an unforgettable experience that can bring you two closer than ever before. 

There is truly no other experience that unites a couple like tantric massage.

And if you want a love and sex life on a metaphysical level without always resorting to a tantric massage, watch my free relationship training video. You’ll learn more spiritual techniques to unlock a new spark with your partner! 

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Is tantric massage the same as tantric sex?

No, a tantric massage is not the same as tantric sex. Both adhere to the same principles, but their practices are entirely different. These are also usually separate—they’re not merged in practice. Tantric massage focuses more on relaxation and holistic healing through touch.

Although it involves the genitals, sex and orgasms aren’t involved. On the other hand, tantric sex involves sexual intercourse and orgasms. It also emphasizes mindfulness and building a spiritual connection. Both aim to deepen intimacy and are holistic, but their methods and objectives differ. 

How long does a tantric massage last?

A sex coach would typically say that an erotic massage lasts anywhere from 2 to 4 hours. But if you asked me, you have no set time to continue. You will know and feel when it is time to come to a close. A tantric massage is not a quick affair. In Tantra, massage cannot be hurried like anything involving the body. 

What type of massage oil should I use for a tantric massage?

A natural massage oil is your best option. Use something gentle and high-quality. Coconut and jojoba oil are good options. They’re smooth and light on the skin. More importantly, the scent is not too overpowering. Avoid synthetic or heavily scented oils, as they irritate and distract from the sensory experience. 

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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