A few articles ago, I gave a technical guide for how to give your woman a tantric massage. In today’s article, we’ll look at the healing role of tantric massage, and see how it’s secrets can transform struggling relationships into blissful unions.
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In today’s world we expect our romantic partners to fill an ever-growing list of roles. From best friend to co-parent and financial advisor (Esther Perel)… The demands are high and the job-description is long.
Unfortunately, this means that our sex life can often take a back seat. The inevitable stresses of life mean that we carve out less time for sex. This can lead to tension and decreased intimacy between couples. Without sex and physical intimacy, our partner can feel like a housemate. Does this sound familiar? I’m betting that to many of you it does.
Thankfully, there are solutions to this common scenario. Every couple can keep the spark alive and maintain deep intimacy. All they need is the right tools.
Today we will discuss the most important of these tools: tantric massage.
Of all the tantric healing or tantric therapy modalities available, tantric massage holds the greatest potential. It can create incredible intimacy, repair relationships and revitalize your sex life. Read on to find out more about how the healing secrets of tantric massage can pull almost any relationship back from the brink.
What is tantric massage?
Tantric massage differs from other forms of therapeutic massage. Tantric massage covers the entire body. This includes the genitals. By including intentional genital touch and genital massage, sexual energy is spread from throughout the rest of the body.
A common misconception about tantric massage is that it is a modern practice. Yoni massage and lingam massage are actually ancient practices. They have long been established in Taoism, tantra and sacred sexuality practices. Yoni massage and lingam massage are sacred pillarstones of these traditions.
How is tantric massage carried out?
A typical tantric massage would begin with a full body massage. This enables both giver and receiver to feel fully relaxed. It would then move on to a yoni massage or a lingam massage.
Sometimes the receiver has an orgasm. Sometimes they do not. Orgasm is not the goal. Tantric massage is not usually a sexual experience. It is a holistic, full body healing experience. Although it contributes to enhanced sexual intimacy, it is not an overtly sexual practice.
The benefits of tantric massage
Since the birth of Tantra and Taoism thousands of years ago, followers of these traditions recognized it’s many benefits. They understood the power of tantric massage to reach into all corners of life. This is why tantric massage, alongside tantric sex, has occupied such a prominent space in the traditions since their very birth.
Just a few of the many (many!) benefits of tantric massage are as follows:
- Improved mental wellbeing – higher levels of satisfaction and happiness in everyday life
- Increased vitality and youthfulness via spreading of sexual energy
- Enhanced ability to reach orgasm (women)
- Helps to combat premature ejaculation (men). This enables a man to fully satisfy a woman in bed
- Freedom from health problems – the Taoists even mapped out individual reflexology points located inside the vagina and around the penis
- Heightened love, intimacy, surrender and trust between romantic partners
- Increased sensitivity to physical touch
- Stress relief and deep relaxation
- Greater sexual desire between partners and more frequent lovemaking
Couples committed to this practice bring healing to one another. Such an intimate act requires coming together intentionally in surrender.
Tantric massage allows for a new level of vulnerability. Hence the emotional connection can reach a new and unparalleled level. This often remains unspoken. There are no words to describe it. Both partners feel, know and recognize it deep in their hearts.
Modern-day science and tantric massage
21st Century science seems to be catching up to what the ancients knew long ago. It is now a commonly accepted fact that having a healthy intimate connection benefits physical health in a profound way.
Women especially have been shown to benefit. This is due to the vagina-brain connection. In her internationally famous book, Vagina, Naomi Wolf illustrates this beautifully. She cites many observations of women feeling more joyful when they were having regular sex and orgasms with their beloveds.
Again, ancient wisdom seems to confirm this notion. Taoism has long considered regular sex and orgasms as a way of drinking from ‘the fountain of youth’. Forget The Philosopher’s Stone, the secret to immortality can be found inside of your underwear!
Tantric massage is a very effective gateway to more regular sex and stronger orgasms. For this reason, it can be seen as a portal to a more blissful and joyful life.
The healing secrets of tantric massage for couples
These days, many people are choosing to receive yoni or lingam massage from a qualified practitioner. In doing so they can certainly receive a more technically correct massage. However, they can also miss out on a huge opportunity to connect with their loved one.
Tantric massage really comes into it’s own when it is used by couples.
Imagine your partner lying and vulnerable naked in front of you. They are crying healing tears and trembling from head to toe. Decades of trauma and tension that were stored inside of their genitals, finally depart. There is no other experience that unites a couple like tantric massage.
Below, I’ll share 5 healing secrets of tantric massage. These secrets can transform your relationship into the thriving, passionate, joyful union you always dreamed of… Don’t take my word for it though. Try it!
Healing secret 1: keeping the spark alive
Countless therapists, coaches and magazine articles teach couples to keep the spark alive in long-term relationships. It’s a tricky task. If it weren’t, this multi-billion dollar industry would not exist.
When you first met, you were at it like rabbits – as the saying goes. But after a few months or years, those honeymoon period hormones wear off. As time goes by you are having far less spontaneous f*cks on the kitchen table, and far more dull and monotonous sex.
To remedy this inevitable scenario, some couples choose to experiment. They dip their toes into kink, BDSM and bondage. Others invite a ‘unicorn’ into their relationship to spice things up. Sometimes it works. Other times it does not. Things usually revert back to their original state at some point.
After multiple attempts at reviving the spark, lovemaking can become an obligation and even a chore.
Tantric massage therapy returns sex and lovemaking to its highest possible expression. It is this way that the initial ‘spark’ that united a couple can return. The possibilities for lovemaking are infinite once again. The passion and ripping off of each others’ clothes returns. Yet this time, unlike during the honeymoon period, there is a great deal of intimacy, friendship and love. This makes the lovemaking even better and more solidifying for the relationship.
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Healing secret 2: removing the goalposts
These days, sex is predominantly masculine. It’s goal-oriented. A little bit of foreplay followed by penetration until the man c*ms and bam, it’s over.
Tantric massage removes the goal element from lovemaking. This takes the pressure off and opens the door to unlimited pleasure.
For a man, this helps with performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction.
For a woman, she is able to still her mind, surrender and enjoy herself. Without the pressure of being expected to orgasm, she usually can!
These are only the physical benefits. On the emotional side, removing the goal element can enhance sexual confidence. It can also boost self-esteem. This leads to enhanced pleasure and deepened connection all round.
Healing secret 3: going slow
Tantric massage is slow. It requires heightened levels of awareness. Being in the present moment is paramount. Creating a safe space in which for your partner to drop into their body is the only ‘goal’.
This requires taking your time. It would be counterproductive to rush things. The more you slow down, the more you will feel.
The slower you go, the more you and your partner will be able to feel into the subtleties. Each area of tension. The cracks, crevices and intricacies of a body that is not your own.
Slowing down is a skill that copies directly over to your sex life. Many couples take sex far too quickly. A few slow thrusts and the man cannot control himself. He fucks her like a jackhammer. Inevitably he c*ms within a few minutes and the show is over.
When you slow down, you can look into your partner’s eyes as your bodies merge to become one. This kind of lovemaking creates an unspeakable bond between two people. It can only be accessed when you slow down and truly allow yourself to feel.
Healing secret 4: embodiment
Embodiment is another hidden secret of tantric massage. Both giver and receiver need to be present in their body. This will allow them to feel their way through the experience.
If you look at how sex is experienced by most people in society, it is through fantasy. This is the polar opposite of embodiment. Fantasy takes you to the head, not the body.
We have seen it so many times in movies and tv shows. Men and women ‘checking out’ during sex. They are imagining something (or someone) else is happening during sex in order to orgasm. You have probably done this yourself at least a few times, if not many. I know I used to check out during sex before I embarked upon the tantric path. It’s so common and accepted as totally normal. But when you think about it, it’s a real shame.
Through tantric healing massage we can return back to full bodily presence. By receiving pleasure in the here and now we can achieve stronger and even whole body orgasms, and states of blissful union.
Healing secret 5: being in service
In the end, the essence of tantric massage is for one partner to be in service to the other. This splits the experience in two directions. One is giving, the other receiving.
The receiver is (for once) allowed to be selfish. They are able to drop all of the expectations we humans normally place upon ourselves during sex (moaning, hand-jobs, giving oral sex, 69’ing, kissing, caressing, the list goes on). For once, all they are expected to do is receive. For many people, this is a first. It relieves a great deal of pressure. They can carry this feeling of no expectations forward into lovemaking. When there are no expectations, the very essence of lovemaking is changed. For women, orgasm is more available. Men can last longer due to being completely relaxed.
For the giver, being in full service to their partner is an equally as enjoyable act. With tantric massage, you are sitting in front of another human being. They are naked, exposed and raw. You have been given utmost trust with their physical vessel. Only you get to see and experience your partner in this way. Exploring their body, with all of it’s bumps, lumps, scars and curves is a privilege and a delight.
Tantric therapy vs foreplay
Don’t forget this kind massage is a tantric therapy! It’s not foreplay and it is also not lovemaking.
Many couples choose to separate massage and lovemaking.
Others choose to simply take a break in between massage and lovemaking.
This allows both individuals to separate the massage from a goal. It enables couples to value this aspect of their intimate life as its own entity. This entity has it’s own important benefits. These benefits transcend the realms of normal lovemaking.
The act of giving can teach us so much about how to take care of our partners. We can learn about their needs and how to listen to them. If we are to become better partners, the first thing on our to-do list is to become a better listener. The second is to learn how to attune to our partner’s needs. Tantric massage can help with both of these things.
Bringing the healing secrets of tantric massage into your love life
Don’t just take my word for it. You need to experience first hand the benefits of this tantric healing modality. This is the only thing that will convince you of the power of this practice.
A better sex life is only the beginning.
Tantric massage heals individuals and transforms relationships. You will uncover a completely new connection to your partner. A whole new realm of possibilities will lie before you.
If you want to find out more about the other ways in which tantra can help struggling relationships, you can watch my free relationship training here.
What happens during a tantric massage?
During a tantric massage, the whole body is massaged, including the genitals. Sexual energy is spread throughout the entire body. Sometimes the receiver has an orgasm. Other times, they do not.
How do you practice tantric massage?
Start with a full body massage. Then, move on to the genitals. Go slowly. Communicate with the receiver about what feels good and what doesn’t. Leave no area untouched. Explore all cracks and crevices.
What is the purpose of tantra massage therapy?
What are the origins of tantric massage?
Tantric healing massage dates back to the ancient traditions of tantra and Taosim. It has been around for as long as they have. This is few thousand years..!
How does a yoni massage help your physical and mental health?
A yoni massage can help traumas that were stored in the body for many years to depart. This can bring profound levels of mental and emotional healing. A yoni massage can help conditions connected to sexual trauma. It can also improve orgasm frequency and strength. More orgasms = better health!
Men's Relationship Coach
Steffo is the founder of The Tantric Man Experience, the #1 masculine mentorship program in the world. There he helps men in relationships reignite the passion to restore their marriages from the brink of divorce. And single men attract their dream women naturally with success. He's on a mission to guide men towards an intimate and meaningful relationship, and end the war with their sexuality, so they can finally become integrated men, fathers, brothers, husbands, and leaders in the world.
“It meant a paradigm shift in life.” – Patrik, Sweden
“Life-changing experience.” – Antonio, Italy