In the 21st Century, we expect our romantic partners to fill an ever-growing list of roles. From best friend to co-parent and financial advisor, the demands are high and the job description is long. Today, I’ll give you a remedy for this common situation, via my professional guide on how to give a tantric massage.
Of all the tantric healing or tantric therapy modalities available, tantric massage offers the most significant potential when it comes to healing intimacy issues, repairing relationships, and revitalizing your sex life.
Table of Contents
What is tantric massage?
In tantra, massage differs from other forms of therapeutic massage in that it covers the entire body, including the genitals. By including genital touch and genital massage, sexual energy is spread throughout the rest of the body.
Tantric yoni massage and lingam massage are commonly believed to be ancient practices. But this is untrue. They are neo-tantric practices and thus are relatively recent. Although this does not detract from their importance or value. It can still heal intimacy issues and many other related problems.
A typical tantra massage would begin with a traditional massage, covering the whole body. This enables both parties to feel fully comfortable and fully relaxed. It would then move on to a yoni massage or a lingam massage.
Sometimes the receiver has an orgasm. Sometimes they do not. Orgasm is not the goal. Tantric massage is more than just a sexual experience. It is a holistic, full-body healing experience.
Is tantric massage the same as tantric sex?
A common misconception is that tantric massage and tantric sex are the same things.
This is completely wrong.
Although adhering to the same principles, tantric massage and tantric sex are vastly different practices, and usually are not merged.
What are the health benefits of tantric massage?
Since the birth of Tantra and Taoism thousands of years ago, followers of these traditions recognized the many benefits of this massage technique.
They fully understood the power of tantric massage to reach into and enhance aspects of all corners of life. This is why tantric massage, alongside tantric sex, has occupied such a prominent space in the traditions since their very birth.
Just a few of the many (many!) benefits of tantric massage are as follows:
- Healing emotional and sexual trauma
- Improved mental wellbeing – higher levels of satisfaction and happiness in everyday life
- Increased vitality and youthfulness via the spreading of sexual energy
- Enhanced ability to reach orgasm (for women)
- Greater orgasm control and even multiple orgasms for men
- Freedom from health problems – the Taoists even mapped out individual reflexology points located inside the vagina and around the penis
- Heightened love, intimacy, surrender, and trust between romantic partners
- Increased sensitivity to physical touch
- Stress relief and deep relaxation
- Greater sexual desire between partners and more frequent lovemaking
Couples committed to this practice bring healing to one another.
When two partners are submitting to one another in such a vulnerable way, the emotional connection reaches a new, unparalleled level.
How to give a tantric massage in 7 steps
These days, many people are choosing to receive yoni or lingam massage from a qualified practitioner. In doing so they can certainly receive a more technically correct massage. However, they can also miss out on a huge opportunity to connect with their partner and be about unparalleled levels of intimacy.
Imagine your partner lying naked in front of you, crying healing tears and trembling from head to toe as decades of trauma and tension that were stored inside of their genitals, finally depart. There is truly no other experience that unites a couple like tantric massage.
Below I’ll share the steps for how to give a tantric massage. These steps are unisex. That means that tantric massage techniques can be used to give an erotic massage to either a man OR a woman. So whether you are a guy or a girl, you can use tantra massage to establish deeper intimacy and give a sensual massage to your partner.
Step 1: Prepare the physical space
The very first step is to create a relaxing environment for your partner. As with a regular massage, you can light some candles, play soft music and even burn an essential oil.
Make sure that you will not be disturbed.
What kind of massage oil should I use for a tantric massage?
The most common is coconut oil. But you can also use jojoba oil, or any kind of (natural) oil, with a light, but not overpowering scent.
Whatever oil you use, make sure you have plenty of it to hand. You will be using it a lot! Then take a few deep breaths, and invite your partner into the space.
Sit in silence with each other for a few moments, breathing together.
Step 2: Remove the goalposts
Before you start an intimate massage or try any tantra massage techniques, you must set the scene properly. And with tantra massage, this means removing the goalposts.
The typical goal for lovemaking is orgasm. But having this as a goal detracts from the likelihood of it happening.
After you have prepared the physical space for the sensual massage, discuss this idea with your partner.
Establish that an orgasm is a side dish rather than the main course. With this mindset, they will be able to relax more. And funnily enough, they may even experience a full-body orgasm!
Note: it could also be helpful in some situations to discuss physical boundaries at this point.
Step 3: Consecrate
Within tantra, consecration takes place before a tantric massage.
Sit directly in front of one another and close down eyes. Hold hands. Out loud, say the following words:
“I consecrate this tantric massage and each of its fruits to Lord Shiva”.
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Step 4: Drop into the present moment with your massage partner
If there is a “goal” of tantric massage, it is relaxation and healing, not pleasure. Pleasure is the side-effect, not the goal.
Tantric massage is slow. It requires heightened levels of awareness, connection, and communication. Therefore being in the present moment is paramount. Creating a safe space in which for your partner to drop into their body is the only ‘goal’.
This requires taking your time. It would be counterproductive to try to rush a tantric massage.
To help you both drop into the present moment, sit together hand in hand and meditate for 5-10 minutes.
Step 5: Full body massage
After the short meditation, you are ready to start the tantric massage.
Have the receiver lie face down on the bed. Take some coconut oil, or another kind of natural massage oil, and begin a whole-body massage.
Start by gently massaging the neck and shoulders. This is where we often store the most tension. Massaging your partner’s neck can stimulate blood flow to this region, and is usually incredibly pleasurable.
After the upper body, move on to the legs and inner thighs. This will gently introduce erogenous zones and prepare the receiver for the next step – genital massage.
During this step, you can also ask the receiver where they are feeling the tensest. Then apply more pressure to these areas. Go gently with sensitive areas around the shoulder blades. Pay close attention to the receiver’s energy. You will know when different techniques are working. And this will make a big difference to their enjoyment of the tantric massage therapy you are providing.
The overall aim of this step is for both the giver and the receiver to relax with each other. Energy pathways merge, and the energetic field becomes one.
Step 6: Genital massage: tantric massage techniques
Once you have completed a full body massage, you are ready to move on to the genital massage.
The key to this is to be slow, and not rush. Any tantric massage expert will tell you that you need to read your partner’s body language carefully, to know when it is time to move on to this sacred spot of their body.
Genital massage for men (Lingham massage)
If your partner is a man, begin by focusing on the testicles. By starting here, you can ensure that he will be completely comfortable before touching his Lingham.
Start massaging the testicles very softly. Lightly tap on them. You can take some techniques from my article here on self-testicle massage for men. Massaging the testicles may be something completely new to you. But for a man, it is an amazing way to receive pleasure.
Once you have massaged the testicles, you can move on to the Lingham.
Start with the shaft. Then move on to the frenulum and head of the penis. You can’t go far wrong with this, to be honest. Try to stay out of your head. Don’t get consumed by technicalities and just enjoy giving pleasure. Vary the speed, direction, and strength of your grip.
Prostate massage to unblock sexual energy
If your partner is a man, you can discuss the idea of a prostate massage beforehand. This involves an internal massage of the prostate, which is the male G-spot.
The benefits of prostate massage are many. A key method of tantra, it can allow a man to experience multiple orgasms and move stuck energy. It is also a wonderful way of receiving pleasure more passively than during penetrative sex.
Make sure you use plenty of massage oil.(!!!!) This is a sensitive area for men, and it can be painful.
Put a well-oiled finger inside of his rectum until you feel a round-shaped lump. This is the prostate. Start massaging it gently, and continue until it becomes pleasurable. If you want, this is a perfect time to practice edging, too.
Genital massage for women (Yoni massage)
If your partner is a woman, you can move on to breast massage after you have massaged the rest of her body. Breast massage will bring her into total relaxation. It should also stir some sexual energy inside of her. Hence providing a nice segway into yoni massage.
After you have massaged her breasts, you can start with the outer parts of her genital area. This includes the outer lips, inner lips, and clitoris. Spend plenty of time on the clitoris. This will make it an extremely pleasurable experience for her. Then, you can move onto the inside of her yoni.
Tantra tells us that you need to ensure that you are invited into her yoni, rather than forced. Use your index finger and the squeeze and release method, which is detailed in this article I wrote on yoni massage.
Yoni mapping, G spot, and A spot
Once you have been invited and welcomed inside of her, you can map her yoni. Start by massaging 1, 3, and 5 o’clock on the right wall. Then move on to 7, 9, and 11 on the left wall.
Then move on to the cervix. Followed by the G spot and finally the A spot.
All of this is detailed much more closely in my above guide to yoni massage. You could even print out the article and have it by your side.
Step 7: Closing the tantra massage
When appropriate, take care to end the experience with the same care and attention with which you opened it.
Rub your hands together to create heat. Then cup your partner’s genitals. Next, do the same with the belly, the head, and finally the feet.
Let them know that they can take their time to sit up. Wait for them to do so, and then sit hand in hand, cross-legged. Gaze into each other’s eyes. Give thanks to God for what has taken place. And then bow in reverence together.
How long does a tantric massage last?
Tantric massages are not quick affairs.
A sex coach would typically say that an erotic massage lasts anywhere from 2-4 hours. And in tantra, massage, just like everything else involving the body, cannot be hurried.
There is no set time that you should continue. You will know and feel when it is time to come to a close.
Being in service to your partner’s body
In the end, the act of tantric massage itself allows one person to be in service to the other. This splits the experience in two directions: one as a giver, and one as a receiver.
The receiver is (for once) allowed to be selfish. They can drop all of the expectations we humans normally place upon ourselves during sex, and know that all they are supposed to do is receive. For many people, this is a first. It relieves a great deal of pressure, and they can carry this feeling of no expectations forward into lovemaking, which changes the very essence of sex.
For the giver, being in full service to their partner is an equally as enjoyable act. With tantric massage, you are sitting in front of another human being, naked, exposed, raw, and vulnerable. You have been given utmost trust with their physical vessel. Only you get to see and experience your partner in this way. Exploring their body, with all of its bumps, lumps, scars, and curves is a privilege and a delight.
Tantric therapy vs foreplay
Don’t forget, tantric massage is not foreplay and it is also not lovemaking.
Many couples choose to separate their tantric massage session from their regular lovemaking sessions.
Others choose to take a break in between the massage section and the lovemaking section of their intimacy.
This further allows both individuals to separate from any goal. It enables couples to value this aspect of their intimate life as its own separate and wonderful entity. This entity has its important benefits that transcend the realms of normal lovemaking.
Just as important, the act of giving can teach us so much about how to take care of our partners, and their needs, and to listen to them fully. If we are to become better partners, the skills of both of these aspects are instrumental to healing our relationships, improving our sex life, and deepening intimacy between couples.
Conclusion: how to give a tantric massage
If you follow the steps in this guide to give a tantric massage, you should have all bases covered.
By preparing the physical space and removing the goalposts, you are creating the environment for a deep and flowing experience. Next, you must consecrate.
Dropping into the present moment will merge your energetic fields. And the full body massage relaxes the body and mind further, and sets the space for the erotic part of the tantra massage.
As above, make sure you close in the same way that you opened: with care and great attention to detail.
Learning how to give a tantric massage should be a key tool in your toolbox when it comes to healing and transforming relationships.
Better sex life is only the beginning.
You will uncover a completely new connection to your partner. A whole new realm of possibilities will lie before you.
If you want to find out more about the other ways in which tantra can help struggling relationships or love life, you can watch my free relationship training here.
Men's Relationship Coach
Steffo is the founder of The Tantric Man Experience, the #1 masculine mentorship program in the world. There he helps men in relationships reignite the passion to restore their marriages from the brink of divorce. And single men attract their dream women naturally with success. He's on a mission to guide men towards an intimate and meaningful relationship, and end the war with their sexuality, so they can finally become integrated men, fathers, brothers, husbands, and leaders in the world.
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