Decoding Female Types Of Verbal And Subconscious Communication

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Aug 22, 2022
side view of young brunette woman in protective ma

Today I’m going to tell how different types of verbal communication – and the oh-so-mysterious subconscious communication –  can massively boost your success in the dating and relationships arena. Are your chat up tactics not quite hitting the spot with the ladies?

Find yourself going round and round in circles with your partner? Then this article is for you! I have the secret sauce for you to communicate your way into any woman’s mind AND her heart.

Table of Contents

What if talking is not enough?

There are many types of verbal communication skills that can boost your dating success. Everyone knows that oral communication and communication skills are essential to relationships. And that they can have a profound impact on a troubled relationship.

But what if talking is not enough, especially at the beginning of a relationship?

When you’re getting to know each other, you may not feel as comfortable openly expressing your needs. Women may not want to tell you what they want, especially in bed. So how can you overcome this and many other verbal communication blocks?

In this article, we’ll cover different types of verbal communication. We’ll also explore the somewhat murky realms of subconscious communication, which is also referred to as non verbal communication.

Non verbal communication can help transcend cultural and language barriers. If your goal is to build a healthy relationship from the beginning, this will be essential. Subconscious communication overrides formal communication. Once mastered, it will give you all the clues as to what to do to help a woman be happy with your leadership and surrender to you.

There are so many reasons to work on your interpersonal communication skills. So what are we waiting for?! Let’s get started!

Part one: types of verbal communication

Before we look at non verbal communication (my favorite), let’s unpack the different types of verbal communication.

Types of verbal communication can appear in many forms as a part of everyday life. The following are just a few examples of types of verbal communication:

  • Written communication
  • Spoken word
  • Face to face communication
  • Public speeches
  • Small group discussions
  • Informal conversation
  • Written word

If you want to be understood, clear verbal communication is very important. Especially in the context of a relationship. A mistake we often make is to expect our partner to psychically predict our thoughts and feelings via telepathy.

Poor intrapersonal communication between romantic partners leads to unmet expectations. And unmet expectations, I would say, are the source of the most suffering for all human beings.

Improve your verbal communication, improve your life

If you can manage to communicate in a clearer manner, with a soft but firm communication style, you will have much more success. Your expectations are far more likely to be met.

This does not only apply to romantic relationships. It applies to every relationship with every person in your life. But especially to romantic ones, because they tend to affect us the most.

Therefore your life will be happier, and with less suffering. Do you need a more compelling reason to work on your verbal communication skills, and establish more effective communication?


Effective types of verbal communication: non violent communication

If you are wondering how to communicate better, NVC, or non violent communication, is a great place to start.

Non violence is the focal point of NVC. It is a very effective way of communicating your needs and feelings without making the other person feel accused, blamed or shamed. This creates greater empathy and understanding.

Some of the basic principles for non violent communication are:

  • Using ‘I’ statements, whilst avoiding ‘you’ statements
  • Explaining how the actions of another made you feel, rather than focusing on the actions themselves
  • Clearly identifying the needs that are to be met, in order to avoid the negative feelings

Non violent communication in practice: removing the ‘you’

I’ll give an example of using oral verbal communication in the style of NVC. The problem that you want to communicate is that your partner did not take out the trash before he went to work…

Instead of saying “you didn’t take the trash out again. You are so lazy, you never contribute to anything in this household and you take me for granted”.

You’d say: “Honey, I felt overwhelmed and disappointed when the trash was sitting outside of the house all day. I have a lot on my plate at the moment, and I would feel so much less stressed if the house were clean and tidy”.

In this example, we are amending our spoken language in order to make our words less incriminating, and less personal. We are also building intimacy and emotional closeness, which can diffuse tension during conflict.

mixed race couple in bed talking

This type of verbal communication is a skill. Learn and practice it.

NVC is highly effective verbal communication. There is plenty of helpful, practical information around if you are interested in learning more.

Part two: subconscious communication

What is subconscious communication or non verbal communication?

Subconscious communication is something that we do automatically. We do it without even thinking. That is, it takes place within the realms of the subconscious mind. Contrary to how it might sound, there is nothing ‘woo woo’ or psychic about it. It doesn’t involve breaking out a crystal ball and some telepathy skills. Instead, you just need to learn the language.

Man and woman with witch in seance

This type of communication comes from the body. It is in reaction to our environment and the people in it. Other terms for subconscious communication are non verbal cues and body language.

There are people who study subconscious communication and build a career around it. You don’t have to go that far. However, it is very helpful to know how it works when it comes to women, attraction and relating. 

Women are constantly speaking without saying a word. They are having silent conversations with you.

If you’re able to hear this silent language, you will have all of the information you need. Every bit of it.

This will help guide you in relating with her. When dating, it will help you understand where you’re at. In bed, it will help you to become a better lover. And in building a lasting relationship, it will also help you to fill in the gaps of what she needs from you to lead her.

Subconscious communication vs manipulation

This is not to be confused with manipulation. Manipulation will only get you so far. It works very well to trick women into being infatuated by you. But after that, there is nothing substantial or real to form a relationship around. So it always fails.

Manipulation is also something that I have a moral problem with. Neither my programs nor my personal ethos support manipulation tactics.

Whatsmore, subconscious communication necessitates attunement. Most people interested in manipulation don’t have the time or energy for attunement.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

Attunement to her subtle body language and non verbal cues

Becoming more embodied

Attunement is the practice of being in tune or reading and understanding your environment. This also includes people. Amongst the many interpersonal skills a human being can possess, it is an important one.

When you’re attuned to a woman, you are able to read the signs and signals she is giving you, without her using words.

In order to become versed in this silent language, you must drop out of your head and into your body. Once you are coming at things from a more embodied perspective, the internal chatter will quieten, and you will be able to hear, interpret and responds to her silent words.

Therefore, in order to practice attunement, you need to be more present in your body.

Self-analysis blocks attunement

It may surprise you to find out that men actually tend to be more stuck in their heads than women. At least when it comes to dating.

So much of a man’s masculine identity is tied up in sexual confidence, and his performance in the dating arena. This results in men being far more analytical and strategic than women when it comes to dating.

When on a date, a man is usually trying to figure out how he is doing.

In the bedroom it’s a similar story. If he is not worrying about erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, he is at least trying to work out what is turning her on.

This tendency towards self-analysis disconnects you from your environment. You cannot be attuned whilst disconnected from your environment, and from your woman, or your date.

You need to be present to be able to read her. The reading itself happens with your eyes. It happens with your body as it feels her. It happens with the energy she’s giving off.

We called it subtle before because if you’re not THERE with her in the moment, you will miss it. It could be such a small thing giving you a green light. The slight flicker of a smile at the corner of her mouth, or the most feather-light of brushes up against your arm.

You cannot hear the small yes if you are imprisoned inside the confines of your mind. The walls are just too thick. Her silent words can’t penetrate.

The ‘small yes’. Blink, and you’ll miss it.

Reading her bodily subconscious communication

Women are constantly using a wide variety of types of verbal communication. In contrast, they are usually only giving one of two types of subconscious communication. There is of course a great deal of nuance here, but in general, they are saying one of two things.

Is it a yes, or is it a no?

One is saying yes, and one is saying no.

The yes is alluding to openness. And the no is telling you she’s closing up. She is constantly telling you “yes, do more of that please”. And “no, please stop doing that” or “I don’t like that.”

beautiful woman with nose piercing

Feminine women, who are rooted in their feminine energy, open more as you become more attuned to them. The feminine is all about subtlety, suggestion and intuition. If you want to truly understand how and why this is the case, think of the kind of things that turn women on. Read an erotic novel geared towards women and you’ll see that sex and eroticism are merely hinted at; suggested. It is never explicit. Hence a great deal of communication with the feminine also takes place through subtlety.

And the more you learn to converse with her, the more she will open to you. It’s one of the biggest advantages of understanding this type of non verbal communication. 

Open = YES, closed = NO

So what exactly is saying yes and what is saying no? Let’s explore some important nonverbal cues so you know exactly what to look (or listen) for…

The most important nonverbal cue is whether the body is open or closed.

An open body, or a ‘YES’, is one that has her chest exposed. It’s a type of informal communication that is giving you a green light.

This is very primal. Animals do not like exposing their sensitive parts. Neither do we! We only expose them when we feel safe. We’ll talk more about the importance of safety below.

A closed body, on the other hand, is plastered with red tape from top to bottom. This is a body that is protecting its midsection. Generally, this will show you a collapsed body posture. Arms can be crossed over her chest. Her body can be contracted or frozen as well. If you are lying on the bed having an intimate conversation, and she says nothing with her mouth, but turns away from you and curls into a fetal position. Well… This is the most extreme form of a no. She doesn’t like what you just said. And is protecting herself.

Look at the feet

If you’re unsure whether her signals are giving you a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, take a look at her feet. The feet are the most obvious of all human body language signs. Subtle yet glaringly obvious when you’re attuned to this form of subconscious communication.

If her feet are pointed towards you, it’s probably a ‘yes’.

And the feet are pointing away from you, it’s probably a ‘no’.

Eye contact

woman with kiwis over her eyes

Also very important in subconscious communication is eye contact.

Pay attention to where her eyes are going. Are they looking to create more intimacy by staring into your eyes for prolonged periods of time? Is she unable to tear her gaze from your lips? These are signs that she is feeling deeply connected to you. The lips especially are a sign that she wants physical intimacy.

There is of course a flip side to this coin.

Are her eyes flying around the room? Is she easily distracted? Can you watch her eyes loosely following the movements of another person whilst she nonchalantly says “mmhmm” to everything that you are saying? If her eyes are not fixated upon yours, or at least intermittently coming back to them for brief periods (some people feel uncomfortable with long periods of eye contact), this is a sign of disinterest.

Other forms of subconscious communication

A few other things to consider are:

  • Placement of the hands: are her palms facing up, exposing her wrists? This is a sign of openness. The wrists are a delicate area and we only expose them to people with whom we feel safe
  • Hair: is she playing with it? If she is playing with her hair whilst talking to you, it’s a SURE sign that she feels attraction, and is inviting you in
  • Breathing: is it deep, slow and regulated, or is she holding her breath? Is she excited and breathing rapidly?
  • Lips: are her pupils dilated showing you that she’s aroused?

Remember, these cues are all forms of subconscious communication. Just as there are many types of verbal communication, there are also many types of non verbal communication.

Most women won’t know that they are telling you this much with just their bodies. Meaning if you learn to decipher them, you are one step ahead of the game at all times. 😉

What non-verbal cues are you giving HER?

It’s not just about reading her non verbals. It is also vital to remain mindful of your own.

Are you giving her signs that you care about her by attuning to her? Do you respond to her closing down with attention, or are you closing down yourself in return? When you get a red light, do you storm on, full-steam ahead, as if it were a green? Do you TRULY respect her unspoken boundaries? Is your facial expression one of understanding or frustration?

All of the above are important questions you need to ask yourself. The answers will be evident within your subconscious communication.

At the end of the day, this is about leadership. However, a good leader understands and molds himself to the needs of the person he’s leading. In addition to types of verbal communication, he must also be acutely aware of his subconscious communication. Practice subconscious communication as you would a guitar. You can’t expect to pick up a guitar and start playing bossa nova the next day! If the act of men is to penetrate, can you also penetrate her heart?

Types of verbal communication and subconscious communication that make her feel safe

In essence, throughout all of your subconscious communication, women are deducing whether or not they feel safe. If you’ve read some of my previous articles, you’ll have learned about the importance of safety.

For a woman to open and surrender to you, safety is paramount. If there is no safety, most women can’t even orgasm. Not only that, but their actual verbal communication will be stunted. They can’t fully express their needs without safety. Nor can the two of you build relationship trust.

Subconscious communication is paramount

Understanding this need for safety, subconscious communication therefore becomes even more important. Much more important than understanding types of verbal communication. it is paramount when it comes to women and dating.

There could be many things women are not telling you in plain words. After all, it is very vulnerable to reveal intimate things about yourself and your feelings during the early dating phase. There could be many other reasons as well. Maybe she has a dismissive avoidant attachment style, or mommy issues, which can lead a woman to be more emotionally closed. You must learn to read her body language like a book. Over time, this will create safety, comfort and trust. And eventually, the feminine, in all of her glory, will open.

If you enjoyed reading this article, and learned something from it, you might want to check out my free trainings. I have been a men’s relationship coach for many years and have combined all of my best techniques in two free trainings. One is for men in a relationship, and one is for single men. Whichever category you fit into, my training will teach you everything in this article and MUCH more when it comes to relating with, and opening the feminine. It’s free, and it could just save your relationship, or land you your dream girl. If you have been considering hiring an online dating coach, it is definitely worth checking out. It will only take a few minutes of your time, and could seriously change your life.

Video: Learn subconscious communication skills to turn women on

Watch my video on how to understand women’s non-verbal signals



What is verbal communication based on?

Verbal communication is based on words and ideas.

What are verbal communication skills?

Verbal communication skills are things like being able to persuade and evoke an emotional response in your audience. The better your verbal communication skills, the more positively your audience will react to you.

What are the verbal types of communication?

They are interpersonal, intrapersonal, group and public.

What are some types of verbal communication?

Some types of verbal communication are public speeches, presentations, 1:1 conversations and group conversations.

What is the difference between verbal and nonverbal communication?

Verbal communication uses words. Nonverbal communication is more focused around body signals. It does not use any words at all.

What type of communication should I be using?

If possible, try to use non violent methods of communication at all times. This type of verbal communication creates empathy, and does not accuse the other person. Nor does it create a victim within the dynamic.

How do you read subconscious communication from women?

Focus on eyes, hands, feet and hair. There should be plenty of eye contact and she will be playing with her hair if she’s into you. The palms of the hands should be exposed, and feet pointing towards you. These all come together to make a yes!

How do you read a 'no' from a woman's body language?

A ‘no’ will be a closed body. Hunched shoulders, arms crossed, or being in the fetal position. All of these indicate an unhappy and/or protective woman, who is saying ‘no’ to you.

How do I become a better subconscious communicator with my woman?

In order to become a better subconscious communicator, you need to become attued. Drop out of your head and into your body. Notice her every subtle movement. When you become attuned, you can read her like a book with no words.

Why is subconscious communication important?

Subconscious communication is important because people, and women especially, tend to conceal many of their true feelings. Becoming skilled at reading subconscious communication will give you access to these feelings, without her saying a word.

Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Relationship Coach

Steffo is the founder of The Tantric Man Experience, the #1 masculine mentorship program in the world. There he helps men in relationships reignite the passion to restore their marriages from the brink of divorce. And single men attract their dream women naturally with success. He's on a mission to guide men towards an intimate and meaningful relationship, and end the war with their sexuality, so they can finally become integrated men, fathers, brothers, husbands, and leaders in the world.

“It meant a paradigm shift in life.” – Patrik, Sweden
“Life-changing experience.” – Antonio, Italy

free training

Latest Posts