What Is A Shit Test In Dating? 6 Things You Need To Do Now

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Apr 11, 2024
shit test

You’re on a date or at a party, talking to a woman you had the guts to approach.

Everything seems to be going well, smoother than a Frank Sinatra tune. Then bang. She hits you with a curveball like, “Are you always this nice to girls?”

Seriously, what the f*ck?

You feel like a deer that got caught in headlights.

You’re trying to figure out what went wrong or if she’s trying to play mind games.

After giving her a response with a baffled face, for some reason, the mood isn’t quite the same as it was earlier.

Welcome, brother, to the not-so-mysterious shit test.

The shit test is a ritual for more than just making conversation. She’s tossing you a challenge often disguised as a casual question.

The woman sometimes makes it clear nonverbally that she’s challenging you directly.

From your perspective, you might start to have second thoughts about her.

On her side, she’s testing the waters. Are you as cool as a cucumber, or are you just another flustered frog in the pond?

In this guide, I’ll explain everything you need to know to understand how the game is played. I’ll also go through the steps to overcome any shit test.

What Is A Shit Test?

A shit test is when a woman challenges you to see if you’re worthy enough for her.

After all, women seek a man who can hold his own, stand his ground, and handle the heat. She’s gauging your masculine potential to be a romantic or a sexual partner.

Failing her challenge can put her off and deem you an unworthy partner. I mean, she wants to see what you’re made of.

Those who pass the shit test do so because they have one sigma male and alpha male trait: high self-confidence.

Women want to be with a man who can take the lead and make decisions with full conviction. If she’s attracted to you, she’ll throw a shit test as a way to determine if you would be a good match for her as a man.

Most other guys bark with no bite. Shit tests filter out the real men from the betas.

Shit tests do not equal disrespect

insults on your personal life is different from a shit test

Disrespect and shit tests are two different things.

Blatantly insulting you isn’t a shit test. If the girl is straight up being rude and disrespecting you by making cold remarks such as the following:

  • You’re such a p*ssy who can’t come up with your own reasons, grow a pair of balls, mate
  • Talking to you is like talking to a child who hasn’t hit puberty
  • Clearly, you have mental issues—you should see a psychiatrist

As a man, don’t let it slide. Address her insult appropriately like an alpha male.

You can also determine the difference between a shit test and blatant disrespect based on her facial expressions and tone of voice.

Sometimes, she could catch you off guard and say something that comes across the wrong way.

A good example could be her saying, “Do you always eat that much?” It might sound rude, but she could just be curious. The disrespectful version would be, “You’re a fat f*ck, aren’t you?” And clearly, the latter isn’t a shit test—it’s an insult.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

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The Psychology Of Shit Tests: Why Women Throw Shit Tests At You

Every woman is like a unique puzzle with her mystery.

Most times, girls throw shit tests at you to see if you’re good enough to handle a little pressure. In essence, they’re assessing the following factors:

  • Confidence
  • Originality
  • Fun-o-meter
  • Compatibility

Another reason is to see if your actions match your promises. They’re figuring out if you’re the real deal or just aiming to score some points.

Why is shit testing good?

How on earth are shit tests good? Perhaps that’s your reaction.

The reality is that shit tests are not a bad thing. It’s a good sign.

She’s clearly into you if you get hit by a shit test. This is the moment to figure out if she’s a good match. Playing along with it will help you feel more sure of yourself.

Have your way with the words she says and face them upfront.

If you’re a ballsy type of person, you could make a joke out of it and laugh it off together. Or, if you’re like a Sigma male, you could make a playful, sarcastic remark or misinterpretation.

Why should you be concerned if you’re not getting any shit tests from women?

Are you not getting any shit tests? Well, it seems that she’s not sexually interested in you.

In other words, she’s not into you. If she’s not throwing any shit tests your way, it means she’s seeing you more as a buddy than someone to go all lovey-dovey with. 

So, no tests imply you’re chilling in the friend zone. If you’re aiming for more than friendship, it’s time to change.

How To Tell If Someone Is Giving You A Shit Test

read her actions to help determine if she is shit testing you

If she’s doing something to get a reaction out of you or trying to see how you handle things, you’re probably in the middle of a shit test.

But if you’re just having a respectful and easy chat, it’s a normal conversation.

Keep your eyes open and your senses sharp.

Look out for those tricky situations, like when she brings up something controversial or does one of the following:  

  • Play hard to get
  • Ask you about your past
  • Talk about her exes
  • Mentions body count or intentions
  • Intentionally withholds sex

When she starts the conversation, she usually checks your interest level. And when she’s keeping it short and making you work for conversation, it’s all about testing.

How To Pass A Shit Test With The Perfect Score

Here are the steps to pass the shit test with the perfect score:

  • Never get defensive
  • Ignore and move on
  • Change the frame of the conversation
  • Intentionally misinterpret her
  • Take control of the conversation
  • Don’t force it

Passing the shit test with an A* is simpler than you might think.

Following these steps will help you seduce women by building the connection and sexual tension. You may even get lucky and head to the bedroom right after you’re done talking.

These are the exact steps that even the “hot guys” follow. And quite often, it’s not intentional – it’s because they’re full of self-confidence.

Side Note: Want to know a few secret methods to attract women like Christian Grey in the movie Fifty Shades of Grey? Watch my YouTube video here!

1. Never get defensive

The number one rule: never get defensive. 

Seriously, don’t take her too seriously.

If she gives you a shit test, the worst you could do is take it personally and start throwing shade. Not only does this eliminate your chances of getting in bed with her, but it also affects your reputation as a man.

What do I mean by that? You acting defensively and going out of line only tells her you’re insecure. 

Every attractive woman wants a man with solid self-esteem. Such a man who knows his values and is confident in himself won’t get easily offended.

Don’t get flustered because it only screams, “I’m insecure!” Instead, keep your cool and stay composed.

relax and dont over react like this

2. Ignore and move on

When she flings a curveball your way, sometimes the ideal response is to ignore her and move on simply. Or even walk away.

The point is to emphasize that you’re unbothered by what she said.

Similar to how your GPS automatically reroutes, disregarding her and moving on will allow you to keep on course to increase the sexual connection and intimacy.

So, carry on the conversation like it’s genuinely no big deal. Establish that you’re comfortable in your own skin.

However, if she makes a direct challenge, show that you don’t accept disrespect or constant bad behavior. At the same time, you must address it to prove you’re not insecure about yourself. We’ll go through specific examples of this later on in this guide.

3. Change the frame of the conversation

Here’s how to change the frame: exaggerate what she said to an extreme level of ridiculousness.

Depending on the shit test, replying with sarcasm can be the best response.

This breaks the barrier she’s put on by taking a lighthearted approach to something she’s trying to make serious. Show her that you’re not taking it to heart by taking whatever she’s said to an absurdly humorous degree.

Besides diffusing the shit test with humor, it also shows her that you’re not easily rattled. Plus, it tells her that you’re a fun guy to be around.

Here’s what a report by ScienceDirect stated:

“A sense of humor is part of the mechanisms involved in building relationships.”

Making her laugh goes a long way when building intimacy and relationships. 


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

4. Intentionally misinterpret her

Deliberately misinterpret what she’s said.

However, misinterpret her in your favor. Don’t do it in a way that makes you look clueless because this only shows you’re running from her shit test rather than facing it.

In this context, it works by twisting her words into a pretzel that suits your taste. Sarcasm and humor is the key here.

Turn the tide around by assuming what she said is something positive about you.

Here are some examples:

  • She says: “You’re old.” Then, you reply: “I’m flattered you like an elegant and sophisticated gentleman.”
  • She says: “Man, I can’t get over that shirt you’re wearing in the photo.” You reply: “Yeah, I kinda feel bad for others looking so attractive and drawing all the attention to myself.”

5. Take control of the conversation

Control the narrative and put her in her place (respectfully, of course).

Be in charge and guide the talk where you want it to go. You’re the captain, so steer the narrative in the direction you want to go. This could be your way of showing you’re ready for anything.

Own the conversation and make it clear who’s boss. Women love it when a man can take initiative.

6. Don’t force it

move the conversation forward naturally

Throughout her shit test, never force something into the conversation.

Don’t try to compliment her and escalate to asking for a date or her phone number. Doing this during a shit test isn’t the right timing.

Moreover, trying to take the conversation to the next level in the middle of a shit test can come across as cringe, which won’t turn her on.

At this stage, focus purely on overcoming her challenge. Worry about what happens next only after you’ve passed.

For example, if she says, “What makes you so special?” don’t reply with an escalation: “Let’s meet up so you can find out.”

The Most Common Scenarios For Women To Throw Shit Tests

There are three main types of ways that a woman will do the shit testing on a man:

  • Challenging your decisions
  • Putting you on the spot
  • Withholding affection or communication

Any of these will help her assess whether you’re emotionally ready and mature enough to take her on as a potential partner. How? Well, it’s just in a woman’s divine feminine power.

Women are more naturally emotional. Being naturally emotional allows them to detect a man’s aura and determine if he’s about it.

All the girls shit-test men because they seek a man who’s strong in all areas: physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Scenario 1: Challenging your decisions

Is she questioning every decision you make? Perhaps she’s pointing out every little thing you’re doing.

Now, she’s not doubting your skills or level of intelligence. She’s low-key checking your confidence.

When she challenges your choices, it’s like a sly way to see if you stick to your guns or are easily swayed. Take it as her little game to determine if you’re the kind of guy who can take charge and be assertive.

Scenario 2: Putting you on the spot to see if you’re insecure

Another common situation is when she’s poking fun at things that might make you unsure of yourself. In these cases, it’s certainly a test. Not to upset you but to see your emotional response.

Women put guys on the spot to understand their character and how they deal with the spotlight.

There’s no need to get serious. Don’t let it throw you off. Hit back with a grin or an intelligent response. Turn a stumble into a smooth move, and be calm.

Scenario 3: Withholding affection or communication

Does it seem like she’s intentionally holding back from showing affection or raising sexual tension?

Maybe earlier things were going well, but all of a sudden, she’s switched up. What changed?

Don’t panic. She’s testing the type of man you are and seeing if you’re desperate. She’ll decrease the warmth of the conversation to see how you react.

Now, why do women do this?

It’s a way to discover how to handle emotional ups and downs. Holding back a bit makes women want to see whether you’re calm, empathetic, or even confident enough to call them out on their bullsh*t to fix things.

Simply put, it’s a way for them to see if a guy can handle a moment of silence or distance without getting upset.

Examples Of Handling The Shit Test

you can pass shit tests without trying by not having any insecurities

It’s time to see how the shit test plays out in real life. Below, I’ll share two examples:

  • The successful response
  • The unsuccessful response

You might even be able to relate to this from personal experience. Or, from having one of your friends sulk about that woman he tried to get with.

If you want a quick video summary on how to act around women in a way they love, check out the short clip below:

Example A: The successful response

Alright, let’s start with a successful response.

Say she calls you out for being “too nice.” The perfect reaction is not to get defensive and try to prove a point that you’re not Mr Nice Guy. Then, the perfect response would be something like, “You’re right, I was just voted the nicest guy in the world. I’m expecting my trophy next week.”

A reply like that exudes self-confidence and shows you’re not insecure. It’s also pretty funny, which makes her laugh.

Remember, you’ve got nothing to prove to her.

Example B: The unsuccessful response

Let’s look at what a wrong answer looks like. A beta male makes it clear to her that you’re not the type of masculine leader she wants to be with.

Say she calls you out, “You’re always too nice.”

You’ve seen the successful response above. An unsuccessful answer would be, “I’m sorry, I’ll try to change. I’m just trying to be good to you. Isn’t that what you want?”

Damn. That type of reply screams beta male, insecurity, and a lack of assertiveness.

There’s a complete lack of confidence since you’re trying to justify yourself to her, making it clear that you’re putting her on a pedestal.

Remember that, ultimately, you are the prize.

How To Pass Shit Tests Over Text Messages And Dating Apps

Shit tests happen all the time, not just face-to-face but also on text, especially on dating apps like Tinder.

However, the principles are the same. The only difference is that she’s testing your vibe through text messages instead of in person. Some guys handle the conversation better over the phone than face-to-face and vice versa.

the benefit of shit tests on text is that you may have more time to reply

Stay composed

Like speaking to her in person, stay composed and keep cool.

Don’t show that she’s gotten under your skin. But then again, she wouldn’t have gotten under your skin in the first place if you were naturally confident and secure in yourself as a man.

Use humor or sarcasm appropriately

Humor and sarcasm can be your best friends. They diffuse the situation and show that you’re not easily rattled by what people might say about you.

However, sarcasm can also be a double-edged sword.

Sometimes, these can be lost in translation over text since there are no means of nonverbal communication.

The only time to reconsider being sarcastic is when she’s throwing a curveball to do with genuine negative past experiences. Here are some examples:

Move the conversation forward

Don’t lead the conversation to a dead end. Keep moving the conversation forward.

If you’re texting her on a dating app, the aim should be to move the conversation somewhere else that’s more personal, like texting her directly through her number. And if you’re already in there, then the goal should be to move the conversation to real life by securing the first date.

However, as mentioned earlier in this guide, do not force it. Being too assertive may make her pull back from the conversation.

Examples Of Handling The Shit Test Over Text

Now, let’s look at how to pass shit tests.

Unlike most other men, the “hot guys” do well over the phone and in social interactions in general since they’re not concerned about giving no right answer. They just be themselves, not trying to justify anything or prove a point, as they know their own self-worth.

Let’s look below at the good and bad replies when dealing with a curveball.

Example A: The good response

She texts: “You’re always so busy.”

A good reply here would be something along the lines of, “Yep, saving the world is a full-time job. But don’t worry, I always have time for a quick text break.”

This is a good response because it’s clear you have priorities in life. A girl wouldn’t want to be with a man with no goals, dreams, or ambitions they’re working hard to achieve. Best of all, you’re adding a touch of humor.

Example B: The wrong response

Time to look at a sour reply. She texts: “You’re always so busy.”

The wrong answer is to respond with something like, “Well, I have a job. I guess life must be a lot easier when you don’t have to work your ass off.”

Hell no. This is not a good reply and one of many red flags. Even if she’s not working her ass off as hard as you are, one thing for sure is that after sending a text like this, your ass will be added to her block list!

Why Do Most Men Fail Shit Tests?

men usually fail because of their own insecurities

Many men fail shit tests because they treat them as an insult and take it way too personally. Or, they overexert themselves just to impress the woman. Either of these reactions will make you flunk the test.

Taking it too personally leads to being defensive, which does nothing more than scream insecurity. It also shows that you easily crumble under pressure. See it as wearing a neon sign that says, “I’m easily rattled!”

Then there’s the other type of reaction: trying too hard.

Over-complimenting is like bending over and getting pegged from behind by a woman. Boasting makes you come across as needy and seeking external validation from others.

Do you want to escalate things to a date or get her phone number? Then, never force a compliment or take things too fast with a lack of sexual self-control.

If she says, for example, “What makes you so special?”

Don’t reply with an escalation like, “Let’s meet up so you can find out.”

Above all else, just focus on passing the shit test first and naturally showing that you’re a man who has complete conviction in his values. After all, it’s primarily about having strong self-awareness alongside emotional and social intelligence.

Conclusion: Women Shit-test Men All The Time, And They Love It

It’s true. Women shit-test men all the time.

To be specific, women only shit-test men they’re interested in. Even though it might feel crap looking back at all the times you might’ve failed, you can rest assured knowing that those women showed a sign of interest.

Follow the steps discussed in this guide, and you can be sure you’ll pass your next test.

Despite that, I hate to break it to you, but you still probably failed a couple of shit tests in the past. Some of you may not have even experienced a proper shit test, or you misread the signs.

Do you never want to fail another shit test or even get shit tests all the time left and right because women are that into you? Then, watch my free dating masterclass infused with tantric techniques to become a highly desirable man.

You want to ensure you never trip up over your own laces or get caught lacking all without breaking a sweat.

These shit tests are all about self-confidence and unshakeable cool. They’re almost like pop quizzes in the school of dating. Nobody likes them, but ace them, and you’re the class hero.


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.


How do you know she is testing me?

The most significant way you can tell is when she switches up how she talks or behaves around you. Intuitively, you may feel that something feels off. Suddenly, in the middle of the conversation, it feels like the vibe is changing course. If you have this feeling, it’s a sign she’s testing you and putting on a curveball.

How do you pass a jealousy test?

Passing a jealousy test is all about realizing the underlying meaning of the test to begin with. If someone is trying to make you jealous, they’ll want to trigger a particular reaction. Don’t give them what they wish by handling it sensibly and understandingly. Be non-reactive and move on as you usually would.

Why is she testing me so much?

She’s testing you to determine your potential compatibility as partners. She would only be shit-testing people she has a romantic interest in. If she didn’t consider the possibility of getting romantically or sexually involved with you, she wouldn’t test you to begin with.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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