‘Sacred sexuality’ and ‘tantric sex’. Two terms that are thrown about a lot in spiritual/yoga communities these days. That essentially equates to the same thing – making sex a sacred, holy act.
Throughout the ages, all of the spiritual traditions have hinted towards the sacredness of sex. Through sex and sensuality we can experience ultimate states of bliss, wholeness and joy.
Whatever the terminology being used – it all boils down to the same principle (and the opposite of what we see in pornography). Invoking the essence of God into your sex life. Or whatever you want to call it: the Cosmos, Universe, Divine Consciousness, erotic spirituality, etcetera. And then experiencing the all-round benefits it brings to your life. You can even use this kind of lovemaking to bring your most true desire into fruition.
If you’re into spirituality and yoga, you’ve probably heard tantric sex and mentioned a few times.
Whether you are intrigued or intimidated, I’m here today to tell you that it’s probably a lot more accessible than you think. Thanks to the rise of neo-tantra , tantric sexual practices are no longer reserved for those who are studying and practicing classical tantra .
Personally, I think that both neo and classical tantra have a lot to offer. This is why the methods, teachings, and guidance in my program contain elements from both areas.
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What is the difference between neo-tantra and classical tantra?
Let’s break it down.
Neo-tantra is a set of ideas, practices, and techniques aimed at improving sexual performance and moving sexual energy. It helps us go about our sex lives from a conscious, spiritual mindset. Neo-tantra can be practiced by anyone and requires no previous knowledge or experience. Practices within neo-tantra are both sexual and non-sexual – such as eye gazing, the microcosmic orbit, and asana from yoga. And encourages conscious sexuality. It is an excellent springboard for tantric sex for beginners.
Meanwhile, classical tantra aims to work with the subtleties of the energy body. In doing so, we manipulate and move energy through the chakra system. Most of the practices are non-sexual. Some of them can be used during lovemaking to enhance and heighten the love essence experienced by two partners.
The wonderful world of neo-tantra
Although some classical tantric practitioners scoff at neo-tantra and say it isn’t ‘real’ tantra, neo-tantra is a fantastic area of practice, and it’s also the place where most classical tantric practitioners start(!).
It’s open and available to anyone, anywhere, with any amount of experience and knowledge. You just need to come with an open mind, a willingness to learn, and expectation to come face to face with the unexpected.
Sure, there are some complex energetic techniques that take months or even years of study and regular practice to be able to master (such as those I teach my clients). But to feel and experience tantric sex on a beginner’s level is easy. It’s also what I am here to teach you today. Keep reading to find out a little more about what tantric or ‘sacred’ sex is. I will also tell you how it can heal in ways that reach far beyond our sex life, and give you 6 steps to implement it into your own lovemaking.
What is sacred sexuality, or ‘spiritual sex’? How is it different to regular human sexuality?
Sacred sexuality is based upon the notion that sexual energy and sexual pleasure has the power to change, heal and transform. Though adding the spiritual dimensions to sex.
Most people see sex as a way of connecting with their partner, a way to get laid, a dopamine hit, or simply as an act of procreation. Sex is of course all of these things. But in addition and unbeknown to many people, sex can also be a portal to transdimensional experiences and altered states of consciousness.
‘Altered states of consciousness’ I hear you cry?!
That’s right. Many people who practice sacred sexuality have reported reaching altered states of consciousness during and after sex. These people report similar feelings and experiences of Universal Consciousness as those who use psychedelic drugs.
With this in mind, sex is no longer simply an act of connection, love, and procreation. Similarly to within the teachings of Taoist philosophy and Mantak Chia, sex becomes something much bigger. And more transformative. Sexual energy now becomes a divine tool for sexual healing, overcoming trauma, self-realization, and a portal to experiencing oneness with God.
Neuroscience and the default mode network
You may be reading this and thinking it sounds far-fetched or ‘out there’. Fair enough.
… Science is actually proving the mechanisms that cause this Universally reported phenomenon.
The endless intricacies of the brain are under constant investigation by the fascinating sphere of neuroscience. A recent branch of neuroscience has looked into the Default Mode Network, also known as the DFN.
The DFN is a region of the brain that has been named the most likely physical location of the ego. It is most active when we are in states of thought, self-criticism, and self-reflection.
Increased activity of the DFN is linked to anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems.
This means that increased activity in the DFN can lead us to undesirable, low-vibrational states and emotions.
On the other hand, when activity in the DFN is reduced, the analytical part of our brain is switched off. This creates an internal noise reduction. A healing effect takes place. Those low-vibrational feelings of anxiety and depression fall away. We experience more pleasure.
When DFN activity drops, the non-stop chatter of the ego and all of the drama it creates is silenced. It is in this state of silenced ego that we can access mystical, transcendental ways of being. We can also access altered states of consciousness.
Whatsmore, research into psychedelic drugs such as ayahuasca and magic mushrooms (psilocybin) has clearly shown that these substances cause a drastic reduction in DFN activity. It is this drop in activity of the DFN that makes psychedelics mystical in nature, and gives them such potent healing properties.
The link between psychedelics and sacred sexuality
What is the link between the DFN, psychedelics, and sex?
Psychedelic drug users around the world report experiencing mystical states. Contact with the divine and an awareness of Universal consciousness are commonplace…
… These experiences mirror those of people practicing sacred sexuality.
This is because sexual energy and psychedelics have the same impact on the brain! Sex brings us into a trance-like state by temporarily reducing activity in the default mode network. Thus, the ego – the best friend yet simultaneously the worst enemy of all human beings – falls away. Without the constant harassment of the ego, our divine nature can rise to the surface. We can feel and sense the extraordinary. And come face to face with the Gods.
These experiences are not short-lived bursts of enlightenment, either. Many people report an afterglow effect – remaining in blissful, awakened states of being for days and weeks after.
Of course, the more often you practice sacred sex, the more of these peak experiences you will have. The more of these peak experiences you have, the more this magic spreads and weaves its way throughout the other areas of your life.
The great perk though, is that these states can only be glimpsed through psychedelics, but they can be accessed on a continuous level through sacred sexuality. How amazing is that?
Case study: how John experienced un-earthly states of consciousness through sacred sexuality
This leads me to think of my client John, who is one of many of my clients who have experienced these mystical states through my teaching of sacred sexuality. To make these mystical states more down-to-earth and less woo-woo, and I want to give you his real-life example of how this can work for a regular American businessman like John.
Before John and I started working together on his sacred sexuality practice, John was experiencing stale, stagnant relationships. He noticed a lack of passion for his wife and children. Despite deeply loving and caring about them, the enthusiasm was gone. He felt flat, sad, and disheartened.
John is a highly analytical man. He experimented with many different measures to try and bring the passion back to his family life. Despite his determination, he failed, again and again, to get to the root of the problem.
Thankfully, one day he stumbled across a YouTube video of mine. It deeply resonated with him. This video led him to a blog post I’d written about sacred sexuality and tantric sex for men. We spoke and eventually, John decided to work with me as part of my online coaching program, The Tantric Man Experience.
Through developing himself spiritually and practicing a more conscious sexuality, John had his experience of love and sex “totally flipped on its head”.
As a result, his relationship with his wife and children reached new heights – spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. Not only did John and his wife start having more sex, but their entire conception of what sex was – and what it meant – changed.
Reaching a ‘godzilla orgasm’ through synergistic sex and full-body orgasms
John felt the ripple effects in all areas of his life, including his work. Experiencing new levels of aliveness, he felt more certain of his masculinity. He felt more connected to everyone and everything around him. As the receptive one in the relationship, John’s wife also reported huge shifts. She felt like a more feminine woman with stronger erotic energy. Vibration responds to vibration. Emotion responds to emotion. As a direct response to the shifts that John was undergoing, his wife benefited hugely. Her inner Goddess was unleashed.
Speaking specifically of their sex life, John describes feelings of bliss, dynamism, and a synergistic play. In his own words: “Sex is no longer just intercourse. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be in order to reach that level of orgasm”.
As a result of his hard work and dedication to the path of sacred sexuality, John went from a novice to a pro in tantric sexuality. He is now able to have full-body orgasms and experience altered states of consciousness through lovemaking, but also on his own – simply by moving his energy. As a matter of fact, he now feels the orgasmic energy beaming from his crown chakra – “like Godzilla”.
6 Essential Steps For Getting Started With Tantric Sex For Beginners
Intrigued? If you want to get started with your own sacred sexuality journey, here are my 6 simple tips (taken from my program) to get you started with tantric sex for beginners. These essential steps are a must to experience the mystical states of sacred sexuality
Note: I don’t share all of my secrets here, for obvious reasons. My ultimate secrets are reserved for paid clients only, but these are definitely enough to start moving energy and get a feel for how tantric sex for men is experienced in the physical and energetic body.
The meaning of consecration is an act of offering up all of your actions and their consequences – good or bad – to the divine.
By giving away the fruits of your actions, you are removing ownership and allowing an omnipresent power to move through you.
When you consecrate, you sanctify or protect the act and all of its results. You are presenting yourself before God with humility and grace.
Whether you are about to make love, perform a tantric ritual or give spiritual teachings, it is always recommendable to consecrate:
- Sit with your eyes closed and your spine straight
- Announce (out loud) “I consecrate the fruits of what is about to take place to X” (Lord Shiva, The Universe, God, Universal consciousness, etc)
- Draw your attention to your crown chakra at the top of your head – imagine an orb of light resting there and try to really feel it
- Use visualization and connect with your energy body to expand the orb of light into all corners of the room, the house, and then the Universe. Feel your connection to and with everything
- When you do this successfully, you might feel a tingling or a warm feeling – this is good and means you have performed the exercise correctly. If you don’t feel tingling or warmth then this is OK. Don’t be discouraged. It can take time and practice to attune yourself to the subtleties of the energy body. Keep going!
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If you are living in the world right now, you’ve heard about the benefits of meditation. Meditation is proven to help us feel happier, decrease anxiety, and to focus better.
You might not be aware that meditation also helps us with lovemaking. This is because meditation brings us into the present moment. Presence and intimacy are of utmost importance in tantra and tantric sex. The best way to achieve this presence is to meditate.
Practicing meditation both before and after a tantric lovemaking session helps you to become aware of your body and the plethora of sensations within it – both physical and energetical.
When someone meditates for the first time after a lovemaking session, it can be quite eye-opening. Lovemaking is the most intense energetical exchange that two human beings can have. It is normal to feel a lot of different and unusual sensations!
You can meditate together after consecration for 5-10 minutes. With your partner, it is nice to sit opposite each other holding hands. To up the intimacy and physical contact, you can use the yab-yum position. In yab-yum, the man sits cross-legged and the woman straddles him, crossing her own legs behind his back.
Once you have experienced meditation after lovemaking (particularly after due to the energies that are exchanged) and heard the heart of your partner being against yours, you will want to do it again and again!
OK, I know it’s a buzzword in the realm of sex and spirituality. But it’s a buzzword for a reason.
Connection is an integral element of every sexual relationship. It is even more so in tantra. Tantra IS connection. In terms of sex, connection increases sexual intimacy and sexual intimacy increases connection.
Connection to each and every element and object and person in the Universe, but particularly to your partner.
Through practicing sacred sexuality and conscious lovemaking, you will feel much more deeply connected to your partner. Even if you have already been together for many years, your bond will strengthen and the relationship will reach new heights.
Connection and intimacy go hand in hand. In order to build up a connection, you need to come as you are and allow yourself to be completely seen by your partner – ‘worts and all’.
Things that stop you from connecting
Oftentimes during lovemaking, we practice self-restraint and don’t allow ourselves to be fully seen. We hold back in terms of noise, sounds, and movements. We cover ourselves with sheets or blankets or keep the lights off because we are afraid of being fully seen.
If you see yourself in my words here, know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are simply a by-product of all the shame society has placed upon eroticism and things of a sexual nature. Most people are walking around with a great deal of sexual shame upon their shoulders. It is completely normal.
But, if you want to really build a connection then you need to drop all of this sh*t. Drop the masks, the shame, the pretenses, and the expectations for who and what you need to be. Let go and relax into your fullest expression of yourself.
The best thing about dropping the pretense and being yourself is that it will encourage your partner (and any others in your life) to follow suit – the domino effect of authenticity!
Give your partner your full presence and you will receive theirs back in return. Don’t let your mind wander into thought and every day matters. We’ve all done it (myself included), but it’s not healthy.
Let your partner feel like this is the only moment that ever existed in time. All is now. All is here. All is love.
A key element of beginners’ tantric sex is Karezza. Karezza is gentle lovemaking which places emphasis upon the act itself, without the goal of orgasm.
When lovemaking is slowed down (“slow sex”), the friction is less intense. This enables you to feel your body and emotions much more strongly than when you are pounding away and trying to come.
What do you feel in your body and in all of your chakras whilst you are making love? Try redefining your definition of an orgasm. It isn’t just about those final few seconds of pleasure you experience after having sex. This is an inferior orgasm that depletes life force energy.
Focus on the experience as a whole rather than the goal. You will begin to feel wave upon wave of energy rippling up your spine.
Try to remain in this ‘flow state’, with all of your sensory gates open.
Once you have built up energetical sensitivity, you can practice this without intercourse. Simply by lying next to your partner and tuning into the energy you can experience so much pleasure.
Through sacred sexuality, the doors of heaven are wide open to (both of) you. You just need to slow down to be able to see them.
Another cornerstone of all tantric practice is the sublimation of energy. In simple terms, sublimation is converting lower energy to higher energy.
When practicing tantric sex for men, this is something you will need to put some extra effort into. For a lot of women, on the other hand, sublimation might not have the same importance. Sublimation is quite a masculine practice. Therefore there are better practices which are more suitable for women.
When the heavy energy from the sacral chakra becomes too much, you need to move it upwards in order to feel lighter and continue. This has been likened to alchemy or turning lead into gold.
For beginners, the easiest method is to just stop the lovemaking at the peak. In tantra and sacred sexuality, we want to prolong sex for as long as possible. This is what leads us to blissful, transcendental experiences.
To assist with sublimation, vary and adjust your breathing pattern. You can try breathing much slower than usual or much faster. Make sure to breathe in and out of your abdomen rather than your chest. The key is to focus on your breath and to give it all of your attention. This diverts attention away from your lower chakras and orgasm – moving it to higher chakras and vibrations.
“If your eyes are opened, you’ll see the things worth seeing’ – Rumi.
Within both sacred sexuality and classical tantra, there is the concept of transfiguration. It can seem abstract in the beginning. Understanding it however is key when trying to enjoy the delights of tantric sex.
Transfiguration is to see beyond the physical plane. We witness the divine in everything and everyone.
A transfiguration practice can be performed as such:
- Light some candles in an otherwise dark room
- Sit cross-legged opposite your partner, holding hands
- Gaze into each other’s eyes for as long as possible, seeing past the physical person and into their spirit or soul
During this practice, expect the unexpected. If you can hold your gaze for long enough, your partner’s face will begin to transform. Some say that these different faces represent each physical form this soul has taken throughout its many lifetimes.
You may even start having visions of Shiva or Shakti during this ritual.
Combine sex and spirituality to heal the planet
On a global scale, the suppression of sex is being used as a tool for keeping humanity under control. Similar to the Governments’ control over the use of psychedelic drugs, sex is also ‘controlled’ by a vortex of shame, guilt, and taboo.
Together we can all incorporate a little more God into our sex lives. we can raise the vibration of the Earth and heal the planet together. When we heal and balance between our inner masculine (yang) and feminine (yin), we also heal sexual trauma. In this way we heal the conflicted relationship between men and women on a global scale. This is my ultimate wish.
My mission is to spread a sacred sexual revolution in the mainstream world. I want men to reclaim their sexual sovereignty with integrity and vulnerability. From here they will lead their women, family, and the world into more love and consciousness.
Curious to find out more? If you have read these tips and want to start to apply them in your only life today, click here to take my free masterclass for men and get a taste of what being a truly tantric man can bring you and your relationship. You can use this knowledge to attract your soulmate, find sexual union or to save your marriage from the brink of divorce.
What happens to your body during the practice of sacred sexuality?
During the practice of sacred sexuality, your physical AND energetic body merges with that of your partner. An energetic current flows through both of you. This can bring you into heightened states of consciousness and presence of the divine.
How do you practice tantra?
There are many ways in which we practice and experience tantra. Asanas from yoga, pranayama and sexual practices are all part of a tantric lifestyle.
What is sacred sexual healing?
Sacred sexual healing can be anything from an intimate yoni/lingham massage to a simple touch. Anything sexual is also sacred by nature. This is simply something that modern society has forgotten.
What is the most intimate act?
Sexual intercourse between two people is the most intimate act for human beings. There are other ways of experiencing intimacy. But they are emotional and intellectual.
What is sacred energy exchange?
Sacred energy exchange is the energy transmission that takes between two people during sex. When we make love, we take on some of the energy of the other person. We also give some of our own energy.
How do you become sacred?
We are all sacred. According to classical tantra, all life forms and materials on Earth are manifestations of consciousness itself. Consciousness is simply experiencing itself in different ways.
Can a person be sacred?
Yes. We are all expressions of God. Manifested and experiencing life in different forms.
Men's Relationship Coach
Steffo is the founder of The Tantric Man Experience, the #1 masculine mentorship program in the world. There he helps men in relationships reignite the passion to restore their marriages from the brink of divorce. And single men attract their dream women naturally with success. He's on a mission to guide men towards an intimate and meaningful relationship, and end the war with their sexuality, so they can finally become integrated men, fathers, brothers, husbands, and leaders in the world.
“It meant a paradigm shift in life.” – Patrik, Sweden
“Life-changing experience.” – Antonio, Italy