21 Best Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend To Make Her Want You

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Aug 22, 2022
close up shot of woman embracing a man
We’ll start with this: poor communication is the death bell for relationships.

Excellent, deep, and playful communication creates

  • an incredible bond and trust,
  • unparalleled passion, and;
  • high levels of satisfaction and fulfillment.

We’ve compiled a list of romantic questions to ask your girlfriend that range from thoughtful to kinky so that you can satisfy your girlfriend sexually, emotionally, and practically.

Many articles will just throw the questions in a big list and leave you to it. However, in this post, we’ll talk you through the value behind these interesting questions and how you can use the response to refine and enhance your romantic relationship.

All relationship advice men consume is generally around the early stages of dating. This is your chance to build your connection and have you constantly on your woman’s mind.

Here, we’re exploring building intimacy and how to make your girlfriend want you. If you’re looking to keep your relationship healthy explore these relationship check-in questions to create lasting connection and trust between you and your lover.

To deepen intimacy, you have to deepen communication

It’s true that many women seek out the silent, broody type, at first. The mystery appeals to them. However, she will quickly lose interest if all that’s behind the quiet exterior is more silence. Tantra prioritizes quality of communication over quantity.  These deep questions will showcase your desire and respect for your woman. Life is busy, filled with routine, structure, and chores. Fortunately, these questions to ask your girlfriend will reignite passion and have her see you in a new light. And if you’re feeling frustrated at your girlfriend because of a rift in communication, remember that:  When a man becomes whole and intimate— his life, relationships, and his woman are transformed. Be the man who inspires his woman and leads the relationship towards its fullest potential. She is waiting for you to embrace your divine masculine, the inner strategist willing to plot the relationship towards success.

What are the best questions to ask your girlfriend?

This compiled list of questions to ask your girlfriend range from thoughtful to downright steamy. Essentially, the balance of questions helps to strengthen all sides of the relationship, to move you both closer to love and connection. Here are my 21 questions to ask your girlfriend to amp up the passion:

#1 Describe your ideal morning?

#2 What top five values do you desire in a man?

#3 Need a massage?

#4 Need a hand undressing tonight?

#5 Do you ever find it difficult to orgasm? How can I support you with that?

#6 How does it feel when I ______?

#7 What are your sexual fantasies?

#8 Is it hard for you to ask what you want during sex?

#9 What lights you up during sex

#10 Are you trying to distract me?

#11 What advice would you give yourself 5 years ago, understanding what you know now?

#12 What motivates you?

#13 What holds you back?

#14 What’s one thing no one else knows about you?

#15 How about we continue this conversation somewhere quiet?

#16 What’s your guilty pleasure?

#17 What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done?

#18 What do you like your partner to do for you when you’re sick?

#19 What song turns you on?

#20 Want me to be in complete control tonight?

#21 What can I do to make your life better?

1. Describe your ideal morning?

couple eating breakfast woman stares lovingly at man

Ask this fun question offhandedly and store it away; every detail.

Then one morning, out of the blue, carry out the itinerary. Seeing the smile on her face will have you wanting to do it every day.

And there are loads of variations of this cute question. Get to know her favorite:

  • sandwich combos
  • way to relax
  • favorite place to grab a coffee
  • road trip
  • movies
  • date night
  • authors

See how none of these are expensive. Thoughtfulness will always trump extravagance.

Even get to know the chores she despises so you can do them for her— just because. Or her favorite memory, so you understand what makes her smile.

Having all these tidbits of information means you can really treat and love her, and not with some generic bouquet of roses.

These actions create evolution within a healthy relationship. Couples mirror— when you love wholeheartedly, she will only want to do the same. Ultimately, these small, thoughtful check-ins create a bond that creates unbeatable passion, connection, and fulfillment.

2. What top five values do you desire in a man?

The rise of apps like Tinder has flattened dating to a photo and a short bio that few read before deciding on compatibility.

A king sees beyond beauty. Although physical attraction is important, he values the core of a person.

So, flip the script. Ask about her values. What’s her favorite thing about a man? What does she find mind-blowingly attractive?

Know this, and you can become the man who satisfies her completely.

3. Need a massage?

man gives woman back massage in bed

Feel free to deliver this one of those lighthearted, funny questions to ask your girlfriend.

However, if your woman’s had a long day, this really is a great way to help her relax and unwind.

Taking the time to knead out her shoulders, neck, and back isn’t only caring and thoughtful but intensely erotic.

Massage is an extremely romantic thing to do and doesn’t have to be fancy. So, get a good massage oil. Olive, coconut, and almond oils are all used in Ayurveda.

If you want her to feel extra special, whisper things about her that drive you wild in her ear. But, as always, it’s essential to carry out these acts of service without expectations. Otherwise, the relationship becomes almost a transactional affair. 

Scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours is not a sexy sentiment.

However, a woman who feels cared for and relaxed is far more likely to desire you than one who feels neglected and stressed.

4. Need a hand undressing tonight?

Flirty questions with an air of tension hit the sweet spot when ramping up a woman’s sexual urges.

Slowly peel off her clothes, keeping steady eye contact. Stroke along her body as you do so, switching between feather-light trails and firm grips.

By the time she’s naked before you, sleeping will be the last thing on both of your minds.

5. Do you ever find it difficult to orgasm? How can I support you with that?

First off, really listen to what she has to say. Give her your full attention. Show that her pleasure is important to you.

The important thing is to emphasize that there’s never any rush or pressure. Let her know your ego won’t be hurt if she doesn’t reach climax every time you have sex! Unfortunately, a lot of women will have at least one past relationship in which the man requires her to fake orgasms to satisfy his imbalanced ego.

Men often complain about women faking orgasms. What these men need to realize is the act of protection usually involved here. 

The immature man perceives her orgasm as the only way to know that his partner is enjoying herself. He can become frustrated, and even aggressive, with a sexual partner he can’t fully pleasure. He feels as though his manhood is in question by her body not responding the way he expects. 

Getting rid of performance pressure for her will make sex more liberating for both of you.

6. How does it feel when I _______?

african american boyfriend kissing girlfriend neck in the kitchen
Suggestive, vivid questions to ask your girlfriend give you the power to satisfy her in the bedroom

  • Kiss your neck
  • Stroke your nipples
  • Enter inside you

When initiating sex, women can sometimes find it less instantaneous than men to get in the mood.

However, what women do have is a colorful imagination.

Confidence is key here. Try saying from behind and leaning into her ear.

Give her a reminder of how good it feels to be touched by you, and her anticipation and lust for you will begin to build.

7. What are your sexual fantasies?

Dare questions to ask your girlfriend will entice your woman to reveal her dirty thoughts. They are exhilarating for her.

Initially, most women find expressing their response to be quite an embarrassing moment. So, give her time to reveal her turn-ons, and share a few of your own.

And maybe even mingle them together.

The result?

A night of fulfilling her sexual fantasies scorched in her mind for days to come.

8. Is it hard for you to ask what you want during sex?

Although times are changing, many women find it difficult to say exactly what they want during sex. Personal questions to ask your girlfriend, such as this one, will help you to see where you can assist her sexual growth.

The more comfortable she feels opening up to you about her sexual experience, the better those experiences become!

9. What lights you up during sex?

Get in touch with her sexual thrills. Learning your women’s sexual desires is essential. In the tantric tradition, communication in the bedroom allows the couple’s connection to transcend the relationship— to reach new levels of bliss and intimacy. Finally, this question exudes ultimate masculine confidence.

10. Are you trying to distract me?

This question shows your girlfriend just how much you desire her. Verbalizing this lust makes your woman feel powerful and confident. So, next time your woman is sauntering through the room, let her know just how distracting it is!


Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

11. What advice would you give yourself 5 years ago, understanding what you know now?

Any time you show curiosity about how your girlfriend perceives the world, she takes note.

Make the decision to learn more about her and what makes her tick. Too many men waste time finding smooth, cliche pickup lines to turn their girlfriends on.

A deep connection and knowledge of a woman’s life and thought processes make for greater intimacy. Of course, flirty and downright dirty questions have their place. However, there needs to be a balance. If you’re relentlessly trying to get into her pants with no intention or interest in finding out about her personality, she will kick you to the curb before long.

12. What motivates you?

cozy shot of couple holding hands beside rainy window

Your girl is likely used to external motivators. For instance, her boss sets her deadlines and targets. Perhaps, her gym instructor pushes her toward her fitness goals. However, what about her intrinsic motivation?

What gets her excited in life?

What does she crave to chase?

Women have intuition and wisdom in spades when they learn to connect with their divine feminine. Through this interesting question, you allow her to dream — to imagine her life — which is the first step towards igniting her intuition.

13. What holds you back?

Fear is a powerful emotion that can be tough to sit with alone, which makes this a good question. In essence, you’re showing your commitment to helping her reach her dreams.

Refrain from “fixing” everything. This will only frustrate her. Flipping off her fears as unimportant is an overly dominating approach and belittles the agency she has in her own life. Women are not damsels in distress. They don’t need saving.

Thank her for sharing her vulnerabilities and offering support, not solutions, if she opens up. She’ll figure it out. You wouldn’t have chosen her as a partner if she wasn’t strong.

14. What’s one thing no one else knows about you?

This deep question is incredibly alluring. Finally, a man voicing clearly his desire to know his girlfriend in a way that no one else does.

No one has a perfect life or past, so be prepared for whatever comes up and exercise great listening skills— another dead sexy trait in a man.

Also, know that a week into a relationship might not be the right time for this question. It may run the risk of coming across as overly possessive too soon. However, after a season or so, this question will intrigue her, confirming her boyfriend is a river that runs deep.

15. How about we continue this conversation somewhere quiet?

man whispers in womans ear on staircase

Whether you’re out at a restaurant or at a friend’s party— let her know how you feel about her in her sexy outfit.

Just because a relationship is established doesn’t mean it has to flatline. For example, you might think your girlfriend knows how much you appreciate her sex appeal. However, the more you show it through your actions and words, the more your woman glows.

Build her confidence and let her see the effect her radiance has on you.

16. What’s your guilty pleasure?

This is a good conversation starter and can become spicy depending on the scenario.

Lisa Diamond, a professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah, informs us that “Women don’t have lower sexuality than men. What they have are more variable patterns.”

Sexy, deep questions like this will have your girlfriend loosening into her own pleasure centers.

17. What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done?

lioness hunting through grasslands
Get your girlfriend to recall the wildest, weirdest thing she has ever done. Unleash her wild side— her lioness.

Of course, this is a sexually charged question to ask your girlfriend. And tapping women into their wild side gives them a chance to step into their full expression. To drop any fears of judgment and embrace the fun in their lives.

18. What do you like your partner to do for you when you’re sick?

This may seem a random question, but it creates a strong statement. Don’t be surprised if your girlfriend is taken aback by this caring, protective sentiment.

Women are raised to be relentlessly selfless and resilient. Their mothers prepare them for a world that expects everything of women.

When she’s sick, when she’s on her period— these are times for you to step up and be the man that cares for his woman.

These acts NEVER go unnoticed and build fondness and trust. As a result, she gets comfortable being vulnerable. And sex is the ultimate act of vulnerability— without trust, there is very little room for exploration.

19. What songs turn you on?

The craziest thing is that men will light candles. Buy flowers and chocolate. They spend time appealing to her sense of sight, smell, taste, and touch but forget about sound!

Hearing is our most primal sense.

We’re all born with an innate rhythm inside of us that wants to be expressed. We are the only beings on the planet to be able to move to a rhythm. And if sound is the most primal sense, sex is the most primal form of movement. And both rely heavily on rhythm.

So be sure to use music in your love life.

Having an arsenal of her favorite erotic songs to play at the perfect moment will build her arousal.

Note: as tempting as it is, try not to have these songs playing all the time, or they’ll lose their effect!

Here’s one of my favorite lovemaking songs that women tend to love:


20. Want me to be in complete control tonight?

This is one of the sexiest questions to ask your girlfriend. 

Whisper this question in her ear just as she’s about to head into work. She’ll be counting down the minutes to see you again. There’s nothing sexier than a self-assured man taking control of his woman’s pleasure.

When she arrives home, have everything you need laid out so that everything unfolds smoothly. Tell her all you have planned or keep it secret. Either way, observe the power that anticipation plays in a sexual relationship.

21. What can I do to make your life better?

Of all the questions to ask your girlfriend, this is the most romantic.

It shows your generous, selfless side. So often, it’s not even the acts that you’ll carry out that warm her towards you— it’s your willingness to always want to improve for her. To make her world a better place because you are there to support and protect her.

Questions to ask your girlfriend: summary 

Meaningful conversation creates connection, but there’s more to blasting your relationship to new heights of pleasure and intimacy.

If you’re ready to receive the knowledge to take control of your power as a man in your relationship- this free masterclass training is for you.

Whether you are a single man or need to reignite your relationship, I’ve compiled wisdom teachings alongside my vast experience as a relationship expert. In this masterclass, you will receive practical, refined, and truly life-changing steps to create new levels of intimacy and passion you didn’t think were possible before.


What can you chat about with your girlfriend?

The topic isn’t as important as the intent. Let the conversation flow but focus on really listening to her response.

Refrain from barging in with your opinions and making her feel small. With questions to ask your girlfriend, focus on connection, humor, and spark.

How do you talk deeply to your girlfriend?

Use these conversation starters to initiate communication with more depth. Heavy chats are not something to lean away from. On the contrary, the better you know and see each other, the more compassion and passion you both experience on a day-to-day basis.

How can you make your girlfriend smile?

Surprises are excellent for bringing out that radiant smile in your woman. So, keep her on her toes. Whether it’s small acts of kindness or organizing surprise getaways.

Of course, humor is another obvious and effective method.

And genuine compliments will make her day. Tell her how beautiful she looks in the morning sun. Even an appreciative stare will have her toes curling and her smile beaming.

How do you tease a woman with questions?

These 21 deep questions to ask your girlfriend create delectable tension and honesty. Building a sense of trust alongside anticipation will intrigue and excite your girlfriend.

What makes a woman fall for you?

In short, women desire men who are in connection and balance with their divine Masculine energy. A man that commands respect, is fair, alluring, and loyal will earn a woman’s love.

How do you vibe a girl over text?

Asking the right question for her is the first step. Whether you know her already or are messaging through a dating app, get a feel for her personality. There are no perfect one-liners that are going to attract women. Start by becoming curious about the woman on the other end of the phone and keep it light-hearted.

What questions make a woman happy?

Good questions to ask your girlfriend are the ones that take your woman by surprise. They are not the standard, uninterested, “how was your day?”. 

Instead, here’s a list of questions that will have a woman beaming with contentment at the deep conversations she enjoys with her partner.

Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Relationship Coach

Steffo is the founder of The Tantric Man Experience, the #1 masculine mentorship program in the world. There he helps men in relationships reignite the passion to restore their marriages from the brink of divorce. And single men attract their dream women naturally with success. He's on a mission to guide men towards an intimate and meaningful relationship, and end the war with their sexuality, so they can finally become integrated men, fathers, brothers, husbands, and leaders in the world.

“It meant a paradigm shift in life.” – Patrik, Sweden
“Life-changing experience.” – Antonio, Italy

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