Have you ever felt completely at odds with the person you present to the world and the man within? That’s what Robert Glover helps men tease out and rectify in the No More Mr. Nice Guy book.
So perhaps your day feels like you’re a two-legged lap dog seeking rewards in the form of praise and connection?
It’s a lonely, stress-filled way of living. Always on edge, seeking validation, making sure everyone else is happy and content before you can even consider yourself.
If you’re finally fed up with living like a lapdog— good!
Let’s turn that playful pooch into an alpha male with the methods and knowledge from the No More Mr. Nice Guy book. Lucky for you, we’ve condensed this book down to its essence — so let’s start the awakening.
Table of Contents
What does Mr. Nice Guy mean in three sentences?
Mr. Nice Guy or nice guy syndrome is when a man places his own needs last and fails to set boundaries. Yet, on the surface, he is kind and compassionate.
However, this is a sure sign of an unintegrated man, meaning from a tantric perspective that the masculine and feminine energies are out of balance.
Characteristics of Mr. Nice Guy
If you’re wondering whether this is a character struggle you currently have, it’s helpful to break down what actually is a nice guy. So here are the nine factors of nice guy men. He…
- Relentlessly gives: and feels uneasy when others try to give him care and attention in return.
- Ceaselessly fixes and cares: going above and beyond for people in his life to the point that he can’t focus on his personal development.
- Needs approval from others: in the form of compliments and acknowledgments, so he gets a fleeting sense of confidence as his self-worth is low.
- Avoids conflict: one of the most defining characteristics is his commitment to preventing conflict or disputes at all costs.
- Feels he must hide his “flaws”: he gives himself no leeway to make mistakes or be human.
- Represses feelings: he spends far more time analyzing rather than feeling and has to work hard to keep these locked-up feelings from escaping.
- Tries to be different from his father: if he had a turbulent, or downright awful, paternal figure in his life, he might be spending his adulthood trying to be as different from his old man as possible.
- Relates easier to women than men: he seeks the approval of women and berates other men, and perhaps sees himself as superior.
- Puts his needs last often: feels more comfortable caring for everyone else than meeting his needs.
Many nice guys are also people pleasers. So, take this nice guy quiz to determine if you need to fortify your boundaries.
The best 9 ideas from No More Mr. Nice Guy book
Here are my top picks of the best ideas to overcome being Mr. Nice Guy.
1. Banish the word “please”
Pleasing is such a bland word.
How much better would it sound if you could make women wet with pleasure or inspire people in your career with your talents and work ethic?
If your sole goal in life is not to rock the boat, then it’s impossible to get anywhere worthwhile.
So instead of looking to please people, become clear on the man you want to become.
What dormant qualities within are you looking to shake awake?
These could be confidence, power, leadership, assertiveness, courage, strength, compassion, or anything else. But moving away from the goal of making others happy will make you instantly more attractive to the opposite sex because great men put themselves first.
2. Set ironclad boundaries
Reclaiming your power starts by stepping into the fortress of your energy and defending it.
And it all starts with how you treat yourself.
Boundaries are a high form of self-love. By setting boundaries, you are purposefully directing energy in the world. You are also bringing the focus of your life back to yourself.
Boundary-setting can feel alien to men breaking free from the nice guy syndrome. However, if you feel frustrated with how your family, friends, or partner treat you, setting boundaries is how you will:
- Rebuild your masculine power
- Dominate in your career
- Focus on getting what you want.
3. Prioritize your needs
Let other people’s problems be their problems. That isn’t to say you have to be callous to have balance in your own life.
In this moment, if you’re to answer honestly, ask yourself how often in the day you put another’s comfort or needs above doing what you’d love.
Accepting how badly you may be treating yourself can be tricky, but becoming aware is a powerful tool to initiate change.
Here’s how to start shaking your need to look after others.
First, spend a day caretaking more than you already do. It will open your eyes to how much you push your needs to the bottom of the barrel. Awareness breaks patterns and helps you carve time for your interests and needs.
Next, spend a week putting yourself first.
There will be discomfort, and your mind will rebel against the novelty of valuing yourself. Anxiety will likely be high — but the rewards that lie beyond the fear are invaluable.
4. Reclaim your personal power
A problem-free life is a myth: it doesn’t exist. No More Mr. Nice Guy is an amazing book to become aware of how many men suffer in their family and love life, and also his work life, by staying small.
You may perceive yourself as weak, BUT —
You are not powerless.
To gain confidence in yourself, you need to shatter the distorted beliefs you have about yourself. Unfortunately, these stem from as far back as childhood for many men.
Here’s how to take the masculine role in a relationship to draw in dynamic passion and reclaim your power:
You are the only person who can lift yourself into a position of power — which is excellent.
Today, you can start the journey to cultivating, owning, and living in the seat of your masculine power.
5. Find conflict
As the author explains, you don’t need to hound the streets at night looking for a brawl at a bar.
If you avoid conflict, the only remedy is to find tension with another person and resolve it directly.
Over and over again.
You don’t solve relationship issues by skirting the problem or letting the frustrations out through passive-aggressive tendencies.
One of the major issues a people pleaser encounters is wanting to avoid any situations that might cause conflict.
Even if it’s to the detriment of his growth.
Face your demons by facing life. Feel fear. It means you’re dreaming big enough and stretching the limits of your comfort zone.
5. Own and develop your masculine energy
How do you define masculinity?
It’s not the hours spent flexing in front of a gym mirror or throwing your weight around in the boardroom.
These are traits of toxic masculinity.
Aligning with your true Self as a man is the most precise path to awakening your raw masculine energy.
However, with all the blockages in a nice guy’s shadow, many will need a mentor to take off the mask and be original in the world.
To be the guy that stops a girl in her tracks on her way to work to check you out, discover the secrets to augment your masculine energy in eight steps.
6. Get the love you want
Live your life just as your desire wants.
What does that statement do for you?
As outlined in No More Mr. Nice Guy book, if it makes you feel uncomfortable or you could never achieve that, then it’s time to look your desire square in the face. Owning your sexuality and desires doesn’t mean becoming a sex maniac or heathen.
He has to step out of the friend zone with women he finds attractive. In an interview with Glover, one of the key elements he explores is the importance of having a community of men so you can create a steady connection to your masculine energy:
The freedom of relishing passion in your life and meaningful relationships will fuel your confidence. Create intimate relationships alongside an incredible, wild sex life liberate a man from playing life small.
7. Overcome fear of and approach anxiety
In his self-help book, Robert Glover highlights a common factor of nice guy syndrome is the struggle of shame around sex and sexual desires. As a result, you might find, or else it exists subconsciously, that you will go to extraordinary lengths to avoid or distract yourself from feelings of sexual shame or fear.
You need to transform these fears to earn a woman’s attention and attraction.
It’s time to stop pretending who you’re not. You might think that portraying a different version of yourself will make you sexier. But women can sense inauthenticity or men who are not comfortable in their skin.
This is a big turn-off.
So here’s how to live your truth by overcoming fear and approach anxiety:
8. Catapult your sex life to new heights
Being a fantastic lover doesn’t happen overnight — learning positions to drive women wild is only the start.
Many men with nice guy syndrome will struggle with sexual hang-ups. It might feel daunting to step up and take a masculine role in the bedroom. Or fears of messing up trump feelings of pleasure and ecstasy.
Conversely, to be a better lover, you must stop focusing so much on being a better lover.
Instead, get into your own body, your pleasure. And feed off HER pleasure to build erotic passion as you ride the waves of sexual bliss with her.
Whether you’re single or not, set aside time to practice healthy rather than compulsive masturbation to:
- Figure out what turns you on,
- Explore feelings you might shy away around sex, and
- Remove goals and agendas from sex.
To get out of the pleasing mentality during sex. Glover writes, “As in nature, the greatest aphrodisiac is self-confidence.”
Glover highlights that when recovering nice guys STOP settling for mediocre sex, they take responsibility for positive action towards incredible connection;
- “They let go of the concept of being a great lover. They practice being clear and direct.
- They choose available partners.
- They don’t settle for scraps.
- They decide that bad sex is not better than no sex!”
Creating this level of lovemaking for you and your partner only accelerates your journey to stepping into the integrated man within.
Own your sexuality, your presence, and your masculinity. The impact this has in the bedroom is nothing short of phenomenal. It’s a lucky woman who has a partner fully in touch with his confident, masculine energy.
9. Create the life of your dreams
What do you want in love, sex, and life? Start believing that the woman of your dreams will enter your life once you start taking the reins.
Step into your warrior energy— actively create and pursue your dreams and for once, start getting your own way. You don’t have to bully your way into success— a large concern for many people pleasers. Instead, you need to be an assertive, aware person.
If you have a distorted self-image or self-sabotage, a masculine mentorship program is a critical turning point for many men. The training, techniques, and accountability get you out of dysfunctional cycles and open you to realizing your full potential and passion in life.
Famous quotes from No More Mr. Nice Guy Book
“There are no perfect relationships. There are no perfect partners. Relationships by their very nature are chaotic, eventful, and challenging.”
“Life isn’t a merry-go-round, it’s a roller coaster. Life won’t always be smooth, it may not always be pretty, but it will be an adventure — one not to be missed.”
Conclusion
Look at any successful man in the world. They didn’t get there alone. An experienced, enlightened man believed in them and showed them the path to limitless growth. So believe in your potential and back yourself by finding an elite mentor to help you recover fully from nice guy tendencies and rediscover your balls!
You can read the full No More Mr. Nice Guy book here.
However, many guys who read this will still return to the old, ingrained, and unfulfilling habits.
And these are the habits that create a stressful, mundane, and monotonous life!
Unless you’re absolutely ready for change — I can’t help you.
If you want to stop pleasing your wife and being needy of her sexual attention and save your marriage from failing because of that — here is a free training to reignite the passion in your relationship.
And if you’re single and don’t want to be friends zoned on because you are too nice to her, then this free masterclass to attract love will create unprecedented shifts in your life and end your nice guy syndrome once and for all.
As a relationship expert, I teach men how to regain sovereignty over their inner kingdom by integrating modern and ancient practices.
So, here’s your portal to experience unparalleled shifts in your life with one of the best relationship coaches online.
FAQs
Take the No More Mr Nice Guy Quiz; how much of a people pleaser are you?
Taking a bird’s eye view of habitual patterns and unhealthy cycles can be challenging. That’s why taking this nice guy quiz helps you to see if you have nice guy tendencies. From there, you can see your blindspots and finally take action.
Should I read No More Mr. Nice Guy?
This is a well-written and very important book, and there’s a reason it’s a classic amongst men’s self-help books. However, this article means you don’t have to read the whole book.
If you’re a man who struggles with people pleasing and boundary setting, this article allows you to get the best out of the book.
What does No More Mr. Nice Guy teach?
In the first chapter alone, Dr. Glover reveals how guys suffer immensely internally by playing nice. Most people want to be perceived as decent and kind, but nice men build a persona around pleasing others at the expense of their own contentment and growth.
This book provides men with the tools to prioritize their own needs, excel in intimate relationships, and be a person capable of leading a remarkable life.
Where did No More Mr. Nice Guy come from?
Dr. Glover, a certified marriage and family therapist, wrote this great book in 2002. To say that this book has completely changed men’s lives is an understatement. Nice guys have become great men, improved their relationships and career, and learned to accept themselves wholly through the messages in this book.
What does No More Mr. Nice Guy mean?
Robert Glover coined this term and titled his bestseller with this phrase. It signifies the point in men’s lives when they no longer wish to hide their true selves in case they’re no longer accepted by friends and women. The book shows guys how a person can own their power and impress women by living their most authentic lives.
How many Mr. Nice Guys are there?
A study showed that at least 40% of men have people-pleasing tendencies. You’ll likely have at least a handful of friends, colleagues, or acquaintances that fall firmly into the nice guy category. However, no man needs to stay in this unfulfilling role. Instead, you can step into your power and masculine confidence with the right mentor, community, and support.
What is a nice guy complex?
A nice guy complex isn’t a desirable trait in men whatsoever. Instead, it refers to a sense of entitlement to sexual or romantic attention from women simply because he perceives his actions and behaviors as “nice.” These immature men often have irrational anger outbursts when they don’t receive the attention they’re craving and expecting.
How to stop being a nice guy?
This article gives you a roadmap to nice guy syndrome recovery. First, shift your focus from pleasing others to following your desires and dreams. Robert Glover mentions in his bestselling book, “Nice Guys often end up pleasing no one.”
No one benefits when you live inauthentically. If you want to stop being a nice guy once and for all consider applying for my mentorship The Tantric Man Experience.
Steffo Shambo
Men's Relationship Coach
Steffo is the founder of The Tantric Man Experience, the #1 masculine mentorship program in the world. There he helps men in relationships reignite the passion to restore their marriages from the brink of divorce. And single men attract their dream women naturally with success. He's on a mission to guide men towards an intimate and meaningful relationship, and end the war with their sexuality, so they can finally become integrated men, fathers, brothers, husbands, and leaders in the world.
“It meant a paradigm shift in life.” – Patrik, Sweden
“Life-changing experience.” – Antonio, Italy
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