How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed And Please A Girl Sexually

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Aug 11, 2023
How to satisfy a woman in bed

One of the most common questions I receive from men over DM, private message, email and from my clients is how to satisfy a woman in bed. 

Perhaps you are a regular visitor to my page and whilst browsing the blog section, you clicked on this post. Perhaps you typed ‘how to please a girl in bed’ into Google. Regardless of how you ended up here, given that you are reading this article now, I think it is fair to assume that you are at the very least curious – and quite possibly really wanting to know – the answer.

What are you hoping the answer to be? A couple of techniques for how to give the best oral and have her body quivering with pleasure as she orgasms with your head between her legs? A checklist of the best ways and positions in which to f*ck her so that you hit all of her most sensitive spots and get her screaming? 

Unfortunately, satisfying a woman in bed cannot be reduced to simply technique. 

Sure, it’s important to know things like how to locate and stimulate the clitoris or the G-spot. 

This kind of knowledge will help you to bring a woman to orgasm, but it won’t necessarily satisfy her. Therefore, technique is not going to be the main focus of this article. It barely even comes into it.

In order to really, truly satisfy a woman in bed, you need to make sure that her mind, body and soul are properly nourished, fed and stimulated.

man on top of the woman while holding her hands above her head on a sandy surface

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus

It is said that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Whilst I do not entirely pertain to the notion that men and women are completely different creatures, I do believe that when it comes to sexuality, this statement holds a lot of truth.

For most men, the road to sexual satisfaction is simple and straightforward. As I am sure you can attest, most of the time, as long as we are f*cking and doing so regularly, with a woman who turns us on and with whom we have good chemistry, we are happy.

For a woman, however, the road to sexual satisfaction is more winding and with many twists, turns and obstacles. Learning to navigate this road is not an easy task and takes quite some determination, but like most things that are not easy, it is worthwhile.

In the following steps, I will carve out the pathway for you to undertake this task and learn how to feed your woman’s mind, body and soul between the sheets – every time.

As you are about to find out, it’s about so much more than just orgasms…

8 ways to satisfy a woman in bed

1) Create a container of emotional safety

More common in women than in men is a need to feel safe in order to be able to relax and fully open in a sexual context.

This doesn’t just mean that you make her physically safe. Hopefully, the woman you want to please knows that you are not going to abuse, rape, or hurt her. Despite knowing she is physically safe, she can still feel emotionally unsafe.

When a woman feels emotionally safe, she will be able to fully open to you. She will trust you enough in order to be able to explore her edges and her boundaries when it comes to sex and making love. 

Whatsmore, when a woman feels emotionally safe with a man, she will be able to fully embody and drop into her feminine essence

It is from this space of femininity and feeling held by the masculine that she is able to open her heart. Once her heart is open, she can switch off her monkey mind – the thinking part of the brain – and experience more pleasure.

When a woman trusts you and feels safe, she can truly surrender

The power of surrender

Once she has surrendered, this is where the magical, healing elements of sex can rise to the surface. Through sex, you can bring her to cry tears of joy or tears of pain as she emotionally releases what has been held deep inside for so long. 

Imagine looking into the eyes of your woman whilst you are making love to her and bringing her to tears through the medium of pure presence, trust, and love.

If you want to experience this, and for your woman to experience it, you need her to consider you a trustworthy man.

If she is in her head and feeling self-conscious or even unsafe, even just a little, she will not be able to enter this space. 

Bring her into the present moment and allow her to turn off her mind and turn ON her body by creating a safe container of trust. 

Emotional safety is really everything to a woman. This is why this is number one on the list. 

Once it is established, everything else can fall into place and you can both have mind-blowing, heart-opening sex, together.

woman covered with some flowers lying on the sand while the man is massaging her temple

2) Take the lead in the bed

If you have ever been in a relationship with a woman, or even just lived with one (your Mother included!), you will know that women are emotionally complex creatures. Much more so than men.

Mostly due to her hormonal patterns and the menstrual cycle, the emotional state of a woman is constantly and consistently fluctuating. Mood and habit-wise, on the light side they are dynamic. On the shadow side, they are erratic and unpredictable.

What many men fail to recognize, and something that I regularly remind my clients, is the fact that these states can be shifted and manipulated by the way in which you lead.

The way in which you lead and direct the lovemaking will influence your woman’s emotional state.

Make sex dynamic

How to lead, exactly..? 

Change it up. Keep things moving.

Show her that you want her and deeply desire her. Be unpredictable. 

Instead of asking for permission, take action instead. Don’t be afraid to be assertive. Most women LOVE being dominated and are suckers for it. 

Pick her up, flip her over onto her stomach, and massage her. When you have massaged her for a while and you can feel that she is getting turned on and in the mood? Then you can go inside of her, either with her fingers or with your penis (of course, in order for this to be OK, some trust and consent have to be established first. Don’t try this with a brand new partner!).

Once you are inside of her and are having sex, be decisive, and take control. Keep checking in to gauge where she is emotionally and vary the speed, intensity, eye-contact, position, etc. accordingly. 

Lovemaking is quite like playing a musical instrument. You keep track of your partner. You keep tuning in and making small adjustments until the two of you combine to make the most beautiful music. Yes. Sex can be as much of an art form as it can be a vessel for pleasure. 

This will show your woman that you are a leader, a dominant, confident man who likes to take charge. Polarity will increase and again, she will be able to drop into her feminine essence, to be submissive and surrender.


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3. Understand what turns women on

Men are turned on quickly. Much more quickly than women. A man can get hard from simply seeing a girl in tight pants.

Like lighting a match, a man’s sexual desire ignites quickly but can also be extinguished equally as fast.

Women are more like a pot of water on the stove. Slower to heat up and slower to cool down. 

A woman thus needs TIME to heat up and become warm (and wet).

Unfortunately, a lot of men overlook or simply don’t realize this. They get turned on, their brain goes ‘OMG, SEX!’ and they dive straight into dessert without even sampling the starter or the main course.

Turn her on with sexual innuendo

Men are straightforward when it comes to sex, and this is related to the fact that we can get hard at the snap of a finger. If you want to become a master of how to please a woman in bed, you need to become a master of innuendo

Innuendo is your best friend when it comes to turning your woman on. Innuendo is subtle or not-so-subtle signs that sex is on the table or on your mind.

How to work with innuendo? Make sure to spend adequate time in foreplay of ALL kinds. What do I mean by foreplay of all kinds? I mean foreplay both inside and outside of the bedroom. Foreplay is sending sexy text messages telling you what you want to do to her when you get home. Foreplay could also be taking her out for a romantic meal and spending time talking to her and getting to know her more on a deep level.

One thing I say to my clients about foreplay is that it starts in the morning. 

Be flirtatious all day long. Grab her hips and pull her ass against you whilst she is cooking. Give her shoulder rubs. Text her to tell her she is sexy and that you are imagining her naked legs wrapped around her shoulders.

Make her feel sexy, beautiful, and wanted by you throughout the whole day. Your lovemaking will reach new levels. Trust me.

sexual innuendo plus presence equals mind blown meme

4. How to satisfy any woman with Mind Sex

Even if your tape measure says something else, the brain is the biggest organ when it comes to sex.

I’m sure I don’t even need to remind you that men are highly visual and can get turned on simply by seeing a woman’s naked body.

Women are less visual and tend to not get so turned on by a man’s naked body. This is why women’s general disdain toward ‘dick pics’ is a thing. It simply doesn’t turn them on.

This doesn’t mean they are less sexual. They are simply more mind-oriented. They are imagining and fantasizing much more than us men. This is why most porn addicts are men and why romantic fantasy novels fly off the shelves into the hands of women.

Armed with this information, you can use it to your advantage.

Work on building the sexual tension with your woman by slowly, subtly tantalizing and teasing her brain.

Also, a kind of foreplay, sometimes called mind sex, this kind of technique involves slowly taking the conversation towards a place whereby she associates it with something sexual. This kind of subtle innuendo will get her turned on and is used in novels whereby sex is merely hinted at. Opposed to this is porn, where sex is explicit and direct.

You can also utilize mind sex whilst you are working on bringing her to the point of orgasm. Start talking a little bit dirty to her, tell her how much you want to see and feel her come. You will watch her start to squirm and hear her moan even louder…

Have a special something 

Men who truly understand how to make love to a woman’s mind are incredibly rare. This is why those who do understand it are seen by women as having that ‘special something’. 

Women are highly turned on by intellect and intelligence in general. They think and fantasize about sex much more than we men realize. Before you even enter the bedroom, talk to her. Make her sides split with laughter, showcase the depth of your knowledge or your skills in a certain area. 

Cultivate that mind sex and get her hungry for you because of your BRAIN.

hand teasing the brain in black and white

5. Develop sensitivity in your hands

Most men go straight for the yoni when they are turned on (and then they wonder why she isn’t wet).

Instead of touching her genital area straight away when you are initiating sex, begin with other areas of her body. A woman has many erogenous zones. Take advantage of this! Start by caressing, kissing, rubbing, or licking her neck, her back, her inner thighs, or her stomach.

Even before you go down on her, gently lick her thighs in the same way you would do her clitoris. Trust me. She will go CRAZY and become extremely turned on.

Many women complain that their man is ‘out of touch’ with touch. Instead of gentle and delicate, over-eager hands can feel clumsy, fumbling, and rough. Over-eager hands send a clear signal to a woman that a man is in his head rather than his body and his heart.

Slow down. Stop your mind from racing ahead and be in the present moment. Sense every tiny, subtle sensation gracing your fingertips. Feel the curves, temperatures, and textures that you are exploring.

Feel her energy. Sense the electric current that is being created. Sexual energy is the most potent, powerful force on the planet. You simply need to become more sensitive to it. As with the most basic principles of any kind of energy work, you just need to slow down, get out of your head, and drop into the present moment.

If you have erectile dysfunction or any kind performance anxiety then I know getting out of your head when it comes to sex can be difficult. You can read my article on the subject if you need specific help in this area.

6. Wait until she’s begging for you to penetrate her

It is a sad fact that most women have some degree of sexual trauma. Often this comes from having been penetrated too quickly – before she was ready for it.

Most men don’t understand the fact that a woman can be both wet and NOT yet ready for penetration. Some women can be feeling a 3 or a 4 out of 10 when it comes to the level of arousal, yet still, be extremely physically wet. A woman simply being wet alone is not a sign that she is ready for you to go inside.

What can you do instead? Tease her. Women LOVE to be teased. Even though you really want to be inside of her, hold things back one step by rubbing the outside of her yoni with your penis. This will feel amazing for her. Soon she will be gagging to have you inside of her. You will become irresistible to her. You will feel the energetic pull from her yoni and she will quite literally beg you to fuck her, or she will tear you apart.

7. Don’t fuck her like a jackhammer

If you think women want the kind of hard pounding you have seen in porn, then I have some news for you, and I really hope you haven’t been fucking like this all your life.

It is a great shame that most people these days get their sex education from porn. It has programmed men to believe that this is how sex should be done, when in fact this is not the case.

A good lovemaking session should be varied. It’s OK to just want to f*ck her really hard and to do so once in a while. Sometimes that is what women want and need.

Most of the time though, if you want to please a girl in bed, you need to mix things up and keep the pace and intensity alternating.

Tune into her energy and her pleasure levels. Be soft, sensitive, and sweet when needed. Women feel a LOT from lovemaking. They are more emotionally and energetically receptive than men. Use sensitivity and intuition to tune in to what is needed at any one time. There are going to be moments when a hard pounding is the most appropriate thing to do. There are also going to be moments when caressing her, hugging her, kissing her, and connecting through eye contact is the most appropriate thing.

Does eye contact during sex sound unnatural or scary to you? If so, you might have intimacy issues that need addressing.

8. Make time to connect after sex

After the lovemaking is over, don’t simply roll over and fall asleep. There is nothing worse than a ‘wham, bam, thank you mam’ attitude towards sex and this can really hurt a woman.

Stay close to one another. Cuddle her, caress her, talk. Sex intensifies emotions and emotions intensify sex. Make the most of this state of heightened intimacy to be vulnerable. 

If you want to really make use out of this vulnerability, you can do a ‘lovemaking debrief’. Take it in turns to share what you liked the most and the least about the lovemaking and what you would like more (or less) of next time.


just woke up couple in their bed being sweet to each other

How to satisfy a woman in bed

I hope that from reading this article you realize that there is so much more to sex than simply just fucking. You need to nourish her mind, body, and her soul.

Sex is the most powerful force on the planet. Sexual energy can be used for so many things and women, in particular, are very sensitive to it.

If you can take away just one thing, let it be this – learn how to tune into and read a woman’s energy, and pleasing her will become intuitive to you.

Women are communicating through their bodies and giving out so many subtle and unsubtle signals all of the time. Once you can pick up on and interpret these signals, you will barely even need to think about it.

If you are intrigued by the ideas raised in this article and want to learn more about how to use sex, sexual energy, and intimacy to take your sexual performance and your relationship to the next level? You can watch my free training here.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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