Saving your marriage from divorce is not single-handedly possible through talking.
Every other article you’ll read online will tout communication as the #1 route back to a great relationship.
And this just isn’t the case.
I’ve coached thousands of men to reignite love, and have condensed their learnings into this article for you to strengthen your relationship in a way that doesn’t feel like you’re going around in circles.
Table of Contents
How to repair a relationship that’s worth saving?
Long-term relationships require a depth of understanding and acceptance that transcends your differences.
This will come across as highly controversial, but verbal communication is most likely not what will keep your relationship moving forward and forging commitment, tenderness, and intimacy.
Conversations often drudge up feelings of being hurt and shine a glaring light on all the things going wrong.
So to rebuild trust and create a healthy bond, here’s my unconventional but practical guide on how to repair a relationship.
How to repair a relationship in 14 powerful steps
- Connection > Communication
- Break up with shame
- Replace resentment with compassion
- Let sex heal and unite
- Submerge in their emotions
- Keep the heart-door open: Stay open and approachable
- Men: cultivate your masculine energy
- Women: boost your feminine energy
- Harness the power of trustworthy
- Implement the Power Love Formula
- Embrace impermanence for a healthy relationship
- Stop playing tit-for-tat
- Rediscover touch
- Gratitude
1. Connection > Communication
If one of you is hurt, the risk of deepening that wound by “clearing the air” is high as both partners have elevated emotions coursing through them.
That’s why it’s so important to find non-verbal ways to connect and begin to feel comfortable and loved around each other again.
These tantric meditations for couples hold unfathomable power in reigniting intimacy.
2. Break up with shame
Women often find it surprising that men find far less comfort in having a talk about their relationship than women. Inbuilt societal shame plays a significant role here and surfaces when a relationship is struggling.
Meanwhile, men feel that snags in the relationship are due to their inadequacies.
That’s why connection flourishes when the woman champions her partner and celebrates his successes.
3. Replace resentment with compassion
- Their depth, vulnerabilities, and uniqueness
- Your sense of understanding, grace, and patience
Appreciate their differences from you, and admire their qualities by letting your natural empathy surface. Giving your person that level of comfort and protection creates a hopeful future for the marriage.
4. Let sex heal and unite
Your lovemaking helps melt away petty grievances. There’s a reason why it’s called “joining as one”. It’s a chance to show respect, love, and presence. Here are tips if you’re struggling in a sexless relationship.
5. Submerge in their emotions
Romantic relationships heal when partners resolve to understand and accept each other’s emotions.
Become a submarine and submerge yourself in their emotional world. You don’t need to forget about yourself or avoid conflict. The key is acknowledging and caring about your spouse’s feelings, pain, and hurt.
6. Keep the heart-door open: Stay open and approachable
Continuing from the last point, relationships also require that partners work hard to remain honest and open— even through any trust issues or dealing with difficult topics.
The goal of conversing about your feelings is to feel connected. Giving your person a key to the door of your heart creates a much deeper connection than a thousand conversations ever could.
7. Men: cultivate your masculine energy
When a man is in his masculine energy, he can hold space for his partner, allowing her to feel understood, loved, and safe all at once.
How to enhance your masculine energy:
- Explore the 8 ways to develop your masculine energy.
- Practice this divine masculine meditation:
8. Women: cultivate your feminine energy
Feuling your divine feminine is an empowering journey that creates an effortless, graceful flow in your life. And once you realize the power of masculine and feminine polarities within a couple, there’s no going back.
How to enhance your feminine energy:
- Explore how to dial up your feminine energy.
- Spend time practicing this divine feminine meditation:
9. Harness the power of trustworthy
Radiating trust is not only sexy— really!— but also initiates change for the better in your life and with your partner.
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- Reliable: shows up for themselves and other people.
- Accountable: takes responsibility for their actions and emotions.
- Lives with integrity: upholds their moral ethics and principles (even when no one’s watching).
- Accesses vulnerability: creates intimacy at the deepest level by letting their spouse see all parts of themselves.
- Advocates: for the relationship and is sensitive to any areas of potential improvement.
- Honest: similar to trust, but also refrains from lies or secrets.
If you find these qualities challenging to access— don’t worry. Really, it’s great that you are aware, as too many people have blind spots on how they are in the world.
Unlearning and reprogramming the subconscious mind helps to install new patterns of being so you can be a trustworthy partner.
10. Implement the Power Love Formula
How to practice the Power Love Formula:
- Draw your partner firmly into your heart four times a day.
- Hug your partner six times a day for six seconds.
- Embrace positive thoughts about the bond you share.
- Commit to giving love freely and with compassion.
Note how things change and how your partner feels after sticking to this love-filled routine for a few weeks.
11. Embrace impermanence for a healthy relationship
It’s a cliche for a reason: nothing lasts forever.
When we embrace impermanence, we open ourselves up to significant changes and can let go of our fear and anxiety to become more fully present to the other person.
Let the relationship and your partner change– because it will happen anyway. Let go of expectations and step into the wonder and solace of appreciation.
12. Stop playing tit-for-tat
Do you do things for them out of obligation or to receive something in return?
The truth is that the intention is far more meaningful than the actual act or gift.
This quote sums up this sentiment perfectly “A relationship isn’t always 50/50. Some days your person will struggle. You suck it up and pick up that 80/20 because they need you. That’s love.”
For example, you could buy your partner a yacht expecting to receive something back. Or you could benefit the relationship far more by brewing their morning coffee— made just how they like it— when they’re running late for work. Being present for your partner puts an end to the games and having to one-up the other.
13. Rediscover touch
Sometimes you need to give a person space, especially if one partner is feeling hurt. However, rediscovering touch is one of the most beautiful explorations for a couple that has lost their sparks.
Here’s an example of ways to bring touch back into the relationship:
- Long hugs that settle and co-regulate your nervous systems
- Playful kisses
- Cheeky ass grabs while making dinner
- Slow dancing in the living
Of all the things you could do to make your partner feel desirable, touch is a potent behavior to heal. Take it to the next level by spicing up the bedroom.
14. Gratitude
A growing body of research and peer reviewed studies reveal gratitude’s positive outcomes in relationships.
Take time to show how much you appreciate the impact your loved one has in making your world more meaningful, fun, and fulfilling.
Through gratitude, you’re:
- Strengthening the shared bond,
- Improving both of your mental health states,
- Reducing the need for angry outbursts, and
- Maintaining closeness and affection.
There are plenty of ways to express gratitude without having to talk.
How to show gratitude non-verbally
- Make a habit of consistently expressing and showing love.
- Write a thoughtful letter or post it to make your partner smile and feel appreciated.
- Nothing shows thankfulness more than investing time in your partner.
Conclusion
So, we’ve thoroughly explored how to repair a relationship in these 14 steps. To deepen your understanding of rebuilding love, check out How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny.
Let us know which step worked best for you and your partner in the comments!
I’m Steffo, an advanced relationship expert for conscious men to live with unimaginable empowerment, success, and passion.
If you need more help enhancing your love life and feeling fully connected to your partner, you’ve come to the right place.
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Meanwhile, this masterclass is for the single man looking to find his dream partner.
FAQs
Can you repair a broken relationship?
If you want the relationship to survive, you have to choose to forgive. No matter how hurt you may feel, the healing can only start when you both commit to showing up for each other and working as a team.
It’s helpful to repair through quality time and building new, adventurous, and loving memories together. So rewrite the script and know each day is an opportunity to reignite the love you have for your partner.
How to repair a broken relationship?
Here are five steps to repair a broken relationship:
- First, show your love through your behavior and actions.
- Embrace quality time with your partner.
- Prioritize forgiveness and compassion over being right.
- Next, try to understand the feelings beneath the conflict.
- Finally, accept each other’s differences.
How to repair a relationship after cheating?
Steps in repairing a relationship after cheating:
- Acknowledge the hurt created through this breach of trust.
- The person who cheated needs to take responsibility for their wrongdoing.
- Both partners need to process their emotions and figure out how to find each other again.
- To truly move forward, forgiveness, respect, and loyalty are essential.
How to repair trust in a relationship?
Broken trust is not always easy to recover from in a relationship. However, it is doable if both partners are willing to grow from the experience.
Focus on making commitment and connection a priority. And be sure to listen to each other’s honest fears and hopes for a lasting relationship.
Know that trust is best conveyed through actions and not words alone.
Can a damaged relationship be repaired?
Yes. Many think you must seek professional help or a couples counselor to bring relationships back from the brink. The truth is healing in a marriage can happen in the small moments when you forgive, end the blame cycle and move back into love and compassion.
What are the 5 steps to fixing romantic relationships?
- Work as a team
- Stay out of the blame cycle
- Use touch to connect
- Cultivate your respective masculine and feminine energies
- Practice gratitude for each other
What are the signs of a broken relationship?
When the dominant feelings in the couple are:
- Resentment
- Mistrust
- Defensiveness
- Shame or;
- Fear
The relationship will never feel safe or exciting which hinders self-growth. How to improve your marriage without talking about it involves going back to basics and leaning into compassion, love, acceptance, and empathy.
Does giving a person space help a broken relationship?
It can. This is very dependent on the individual couple. And although everyone needs alone time for introspection and to lead their own lives, excess space can exacerbate problems.
When should I stop trying to save my relationship?
You may want to look at The Gottman Repair Checklist. This couples therapy intervention creates a list of tested repair phrases to help couples de-escalate and become better emotionally regulated.
This will give you a guide on where you are as a couple. Ultimately, your gut feeling is a powerful tool to use in these times. Does it feel right to continue the relationship? Can you hear any internal voice guiding you towards working on finding love for each other again or leaving or even staying friends?
The level of distrust and dysfunction is also crucial to keep in mind when considering whether it’s good for you or them to continue dating. For example, any evidence of abuse, including emotional abuse, is dangerous and safety needs to be taken into account here.
How do I emotionally reconnect with my partner?
Be their champion. Celebrate their wins, be there with them through the tribulations and dips in life. Secondly, do all you can to see their best qualities and find ways to show them how they light up your life. It doesn’t matter if you’ve recently started dating officially or are thirty years into a marriage.
Feel and share your excitement and passion for the future with your loved one. And above all, move past the past so you can truly enjoy the present.
Steffo Shambo
Men's Relationship Coach
Steffo is the founder of The Tantric Man Experience, the #1 masculine mentorship program in the world. There he helps men in relationships reignite the passion to restore their marriages from the brink of divorce. And single men attract their dream women naturally with success. He's on a mission to guide men towards an intimate and meaningful relationship, and end the war with their sexuality, so they can finally become integrated men, fathers, brothers, husbands, and leaders in the world.
“It meant a paradigm shift in life.” – Patrik, Sweden
“Life-changing experience.” – Antonio, Italy
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