How To Have Self-Control Sexually: 20 Most Effective Ways

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Dec 4, 2023
How to have self-control sexually

Do you keep finding yourself in a tug-of-war match with your d*ck?

One day, you feel more like a hostage to your sexual urges. On another day, you feel more like a commander. What’s it going to be?

Your sex drive is pretty much a wild beast. All men must learn how to tame it. Otherwise, it’s a symphony of mass destruction to your personal development and growth as a man.

If you’re unsure how to have self-control sexually and keep losing yourself, welcome to the wild.

Well, temporarily.

Because in this guide, I’m unpacking the tantric techniques that are less “Fifty Shades” and more “Fifty Layers.”

By the end, you’ll escape the land of wild sexual impulses and enter the land of freedom, where you can finally start building the life of your dreams.

The truth is that if you can’t tame your beast, you’ll never be free.

And as harsh as that might sound, I’ll explain everything you need to know shortly. So buckle up!

Why Do We Have Sexual Urges?

Sexual desires are a natural part of human existence.

Seeing an attractive woman can awaken our sexual urges and senses. Let’s be real, guys. Many of us ask ourselves if we could see ourselves dating or sleeping with them.

Don’t feel ashamed because it’s a pretty normal thought.

These steamy feelings and sensations come from both biological and psychological factors. Understanding them can help you keep your cool in the face of temptation while exploring your sacred sexuality.

feeling horny and wanting to fuck is completely normal

The biological factors

The puppet masters of your libido are your hormones, neurotransmitters, and brain chemistry. These three factors fuel your steamy desires.

Moreover, your testosterone is the ringmaster and directly affects your sex life.

Now, your sex drive isn’t solely dictated by your hormones. The human body has a whole lot of different ways that can trigger the impulse of wanting to f*ck. It happens because of mother nature: our instinct as a male species is to procreate.

Why? Because procreating is a man’s biological purpose. It’s nature’s way of guaranteeing the survival and existence of the human race.

Have you noticed that men, after sex, typically say their heads may start to feel clearer? Or the more modern term you might’ve heard for this is “post-nut clarity.”

Well, it’s a real experience.

You might start to feel like you can think clearer after sex because everything stored up inside has now been released. After fulfilling your biological purpose as a man (which is to procreate), it’s almost like having a feeling that you’re relieved of your duty.


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The psychological factors

Your mental state significantly influences your most erotic and dirtiest desires.

I mean, everyone has sexual fantasies. We all think about having sex with someone we find attractive under certain scenarios, even involving some spicy bedroom activities like BDSM.

However, some factors can trigger your sexual urge:

  • Stress
  • Unresolved arguments
  • Getting too comfy with a partner
  • Unresolved trauma

As Spider-Man’s Uncle Ben famously said, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

In other words, letting your spidey senses of libido run loose can lead to hanky-panky and a whole lot of heartache. It’s distracting and can get annoying, especially when you’re out in public.

But before we get to the solutions, let’s establish something important.

Why All Men Must Have Sexual Self-control And Discipline

no sexual self control means being a prisoner to your sexual desires

Having no self-control or discipline almost means you’ll never achieve true freedom.

I know that sounds harsh. But hear me out. I say so because discipline is the actual means of freedom. Without discipline, you’ll never achieve your dream life since you’ll always be a slave to your impulses. Therefore, you’ll constantly be distracted.

And if you’re constantly losing to your impulses, you’ll never set out to achieve what you told yourself every other year. Or, at the very least, you’ll never reach it at the fastest possible rate.

Besides that, there are a few more reasons why you need to know how to have self-control sexually:

  • Improve your level of focus for longer a period of time
  • Pure decision-making without the influence of your second head
  • Activation of your untapped masculine potential

In summary, you need to master your sexual energy to become your best self.

To be more specific, I’ll dive into more detail of each benefit below.

A new level of focus

Sex is one of the best distractions there is.

Now I say it’s one of the best distractions since it’s so pleasurable. Resisting sex is so hard because it feels amazing. The thought of sex alone is enough for most of us to get aroused, tempted, and distracted.

That’s what makes sexual self-control even more important: your goals.

Sex could be the very thing that’s preventing you from making massive amounts of progress at an incredibly fast pace. After all, better concentration means stronger productivity.

Pure decision-making

All of the choices we make are influenced by a few factors. One of these factors can include sexual desire.

Clouded decision-making often happens when talking to someone attractive. You might begin to feel yourself consumed by your desires. That’s why it’s common to choke on your words and struggle to communicate like you usually do with friends.

It’s true—your second head almost feels like another consciousness that lives within you. And that small, tempting voice is the same voice that distracts you from doing what you’re supposed to be doing.

One study from NCBI stated the following:

“In situations where there are strong sexually visceral cues, both men and women experiencing strong sexual arousal may have lower inhibitions and may experience impaired decision-making.”

Keeping your desires in check means making wiser choices. For example, using a condom in a one-night stand for safe sex and staying away from risky sexual behaviors with potentially serious consequences.

Activate your untapped masculine potential

A lack of sexual control is a barrier to reaching your untapped potential as a man. It’s stopping you from accelerating your personal growth.

To be specific, I’m touching on the topic of sexual transmutation.

Did you know that you can redirect your sexual energy to other outlets? You can release your sexual vitality into other parts of your life, such as career and self-development. However, this is only possible once you have mastery over your sexual energy.

What Are The Different Types Of Self-Control?

Three types of self-control can help you keep a handle on your sexual urges:

  • Behavioral self-control: This is the superhero that influences your actions. It’s all about keeping our physical actions from going wild.
  • Emotional self-control: Learning to manage your feelings and emotions. We must make an inner conscious choice to work towards overcoming all ups and downs.
  • Cognitive self-control: This allows us to live with a focused mind. It keeps us sharp and on track, helping us make “money moves.”

Each of these types of self-control helps you understand how to have self-control sexually. Take them as the road map for keeping your sexual desires in check.

How To Have Self-Control Sexually: 20 Steps Including Tantric Techniques

tantra can help you achieve full sexual mastery and control

Here are some of the top tantric techniques for sexual self-control:

  • Practice tantric breathing
  • Use your balls to breathe
  • Do tantric yoga poses
  • Practice semen retention
  • Master your sexual energy
  • Massage your testicles

If you want to know how to have self-control sexually, it also requires a level of self-awareness.

Whenever you find your thoughts creeping toward the direction of sex, stop and pause. Trace back to where those feelings came from so you know how to prevent it.

After all, the most effective way to control yourself is to prevent putting yourself in a position of temptation in the first place.  

1. Know your personal arousal level and your own sex drive

Make a mental note the moment you find your mind slipping into sexual territory. Next, ask yourself how that thought started to come to fruition.

Understanding your own levels of arousal and sex drive is a critical step to managing your sexual desires. Know what gets the beast you’re hiding in the dungeons under your trousers excited.

2. Quit watching porn

Here are some of the main reasons why being addicted to porn is a big problem:

  • Your brain rewires in an unhealthy way
  • Develop unrealistic expectations of sex
  • Reduce sexual satisfaction when you have real sex with a partner
  • Difficulties in holding a normal conversation without thinking of sex

All of which affect your social skills, sexual performance, and confidence. Quitting porn is an essential step to reducing sexual temptations and improving self-control.


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3. Have a dopamine detox

Some of the most common dopamine triggers include the following:

  • Alcohol
  • Drugs
  • Sex
  • Social media
  • Porn

A dopamine detox is where you reset your brain to control your desires and sexual impulses.

Sex addiction is a big dopamine trigger. If you struggle with self-discipline, hit the brakes on all activities that overstimulate the brain.

Abstain from sexual overstimulation and other activities that give you an instant dopamine hit, like scrolling endlessly on Instagram with all the OnlyFans models.

mindlessly scrolling for hours fucks up your ability to focus

Instead, prioritize delayed gratification to regain your ability to control sexual desire.

4. Minimize stress levels

Stress tends to lead to sexual temptation. This usually happens when one wants to escape reality because of all the problems they have to deal with.

Therefore, the feeling of wanting to escape reality can bring us to thoughts of sex.

Being stressed out is a significant reason for compulsive sexual behaviors. Sometimes, we wished life was as simple as literally f*cking our problems away. But that’s not how life works, which is essential to understand as men.

Why? Well, this classic quote explains it best:

“Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.”

There are other ways to manage stress besides resorting to compulsive sexual behavior. For instance, going to the gym to get a pump.

5. Set boundaries

know when and where to draw the line with people

Setting boundaries is a strategic move that empowers you to be true to yourself.

You don’t have to do degenerate behaviors like going to strip clubs just because a couple of your friends keep nudging you to go. If you find yourself constantly being drawn into temptations by people, it’s time to start drawing the line.

Setting personal boundaries is like sketching your life’s map. Picture them as a protective bubble to ensure inner peace and balance.

Most importantly, setting boundaries is how you maintain respect for yourself and your relationships. Speak your mind and establish how far your limits go.

6. Pursue a meaningful goal

Women can’t be your only goal in life. There are other essential things that can really lighten your spark. Some of these goals could include something like:

  • Starting and running your own business
  • Pursuing a creative hobby
  • Building the body of your dreams

Having a meaningful goal to work towards keeps you busy, which helps reduce distractions as well as sexual thoughts. In turn, this allows you to hold a firm leash on your inner beast.

7. Build a routine

Routines form good habits. Good habits form a healthy lifestyle. A healthy lifestyle leads you to a more fulfilling self-development journey.

There won’t be as many times when you sit in the corner of your room, bored out of your mind, wondering what to do. Why? Because you have a schedule to stick to. Therefore, it saves your brain from wandering into sexual chaos.

More importantly, being able to stick to a routine develops discipline. Having a stronger level of discipline reinforces law and order when it comes to making sexual decisions.

It’s like putting yourself on autopilot because you already know what to do for the day without having to think about it too hard. Eventually, every day becomes an upgrade of yourself: more awesome, more sexual self-control.

8. Practice tantric breathing

Tantric breathing is an art.

In fact, it’s an ancient technique that helps you with sexual self-control and managing your energy levels. Whether you’re stressed or horny as f*ck, a few deep conscious breaths can help you get your head back in the game.

Not many people know of this technique. It’s so simple yet effective for being able to have self-control sexually.

If you’ve never heard of this, check out my full guide on tantric breathing here. Adding this to your routine will grant you better control over your impulses.

9. Use your balls to breathe

Breathing with your balls is another technique that not many men have heard of. It might sound quite funny to newcomers, and you might wonder if I’m being serious.

Now, testicle breathing is a way to redirect your sexual energy and focus on your masculine core. It combines everything by focusing your breath on your testicles as you inhale and exhale.

The immediate result is mental clarity. After a few deep conscious breaths, you’ll feel more energy.

10. Do tantric yoga poses

Physical movement is an excellent way to draw your attention away from the thoughts of sex.

More specifically, tantric yoga balances your sexual energy and helps you channel it. This way, you can clear your mind and be present.

Practice these poses outside with Mother Nature to keep yourself grounded. Over time, you’ll find yourself in a less horny state whenever your mind drifts off to sex and the land of temptations.

11. Drop down and do some pushups

pushups can help clear your mind when dealing with sexual thoughts

Starting to feel horny, and your d*ck is beginning to rise?

Drop down and give me 10, 20, 30, or however many you can do.

No, I’m not talking about 10, 20, or 30 strokes. I’m talking about doing pushups to regain your sexual self-control.

Whenever things get a little steamy, exert your energy through physical exercise rather than releasing sperm. This can help you shift your focus away from those naughty thoughts.

12. Try kegel exercises

Doing kegel exercises is a great way to improve sexual control and performance. After all, this type of exercise focuses on your sexual function.

Kegel exercises help strengthen pelvic floor muscles. Moreover, it helps with lasting longer in bed by getting better self-control over your own ejaculation.

13. Practice semen retention

Retain your sperm by abstaining from ejaculation. Doing so promotes self-control and conserves your sexual energy.

Applying semen retention to your daily life comes with numerous benefits. But unfortunately, this is a practice that science doesn’t take too seriously. Hence, there is limited research in this area, and the sources we can mainly analyze are other men’s personal experiences.

14. Nauli Kriya

As mentioned earlier in this guide, mastering your sexual energy is key. Not only is it essential for better sexual self-control, but also for mastery in the bedroom.

Now, sexual energy mastery is a whole other topic in itself. There are all sorts of tantric strategies involved that you can take to build your way up step by step. One of these steps includes Nauli Kriya.

Nauli Kriya is a purification technique that allows you to transmute sexual energy. Committing to this practice can help keep your temptations and dirty thoughts in check.

15. Try journaling

journaling allows you to pinpoint the triggers of sexual urges

Time to spill the ink. Your journal is your personal chatroom where you vent out all your thoughts and frustrations.

Taking note of your impulses allows you to record all the temptations creeping within. And guess what? Once you know what temptations are recurring, you become more conscious of your own thoughts and feelings.

This is also where you get to have a second look at your own needs, which helps raise self-awareness.

16. Massage your testicles

Simply massaging your testicles will help you balance your sexual energy, promoting self-control.

Gently stroke your balls after applying a generous amount of oil. However, don’t go too hard! Proceed with caution. Only apply very light pressure. Remember, you’re dealing with the very thing that makes you a man.  

17. Get out of bed as soon as you wake up

Morning wood. Let’s talk about it.

Almost every morning, a man will wake up with a thick c*ck. A man’s testosterone levels are pumping the moment you open your eyes and slowly wake up. This makes you more prone to losing yourself to your sexual impulses and resorting to masturbation.

So, what do you do? It’s pretty straightforward. Get out of bed and make it a priority not to procrastinate in bed in the morning!

18. Take cold showers

Cold showers are another way to hit the reset button. It cools down both your mind and body, which helps lower sexual arousal.

Besides keeping your boner in check, a cold shower ensures you’re wide awake. It also relieves muscle tension. So, find yourself In an unwanted horny situation? Then hop in the shower and turn the temperature cold. You’ll break the spell of sexual desire!

19. Join a community of tantric men

joining a tantric community can help you surpass your limits

A community of tantric men fuels your personal growth tenfold.

Imagine being surrounded by men who are go-getters. It’s one of the most motivating things you’ll experience. Your environment itself can influence your success and whether you make it or break it.

When it comes to self-control sexually, joining a support group is beneficial for the following reasons:

  • Have other people hold you accountable, ensuring you’re making progress towards your goals.
  • Surround yourself with like-minded individuals who can help you accelerate your growth.
  • Boost your low self-esteem and improve your mental health.

20. Work with a masculine intimacy coach

Last but not least, consider working with a men’s intimacy coach. This is your ultimate secret weapon to shortcut the path to success naturally.

If you’re struggling with self-control sexually or you’re dealing with negative feelings associated with sex, a tantric intimacy coach can help you:

  • Identify the root causes of your sexual desires
  • Overcome sexual trauma
  • Manage your arousal with practical techniques
  • Support you personally on your self-development journey

Above all, it’s reassuring to know that someone’s got your back.

What Should You Do If You Relapse?

Relapses are a normal part of the journey towards learning how to have self-control sexually.

Everyone makes mistakes, even the greatest among the greatest. The only reason anyone achieves their ultimate goal is because they learned to climb over their mountain of failures. Success is not possible without loss.

If you do relapse, don’t beat yourself up over it. Learn to forgive yourself and understand why it happened to prevent yourself from making the same mistake twice.

Just like how Rome wasn’t built in a day, your sexual discipline won’t be achieved overnight.

Now, are you still struggling with sexual shame because of a constant relapse?

Or are you feeling conflicted between your desire for sexual indulgence and spiritual development?

If so, I highly suggest listening carefully to the video below:

Conclusion: Sexual Desires Are Normal

There you have it, folks. We’ve gone through the wild land of sexual desires and self-control.

Knowing how to have self-control sexually isn’t just about saying no to the midnight booty call or resisting the temptation to swipe right on every chick on a dating app. No, it’s more than just a short ego boost and feeling good about resisting short-term temptations.

Sexual self-control is about mastering the art of discipline and unlocking your full masculine potential.

For now, your sexual energy might look like a wild stallion—powerful but all over the place.

But with the proper training (yes, I’m talking about the tantric practices discussed), you can transform into an attractive beast. A man of substance that people can’t help but notice.

And here’s the best part: you don’t have to embark on this epic journey alone.

Dive into my free attraction training masterclass to harness your sexual energy and fuel your most ambitious dreams. You’ll become something else from the boardroom to the bedroom.

Simply knowing how to keep it in your pants no matter how horny you feel is an overlooked superpower. Managing sexual urges is a skill that allows you to achieve more than you might’ve imagined.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

Steffo Shambo is the founder of The Tantric Man Experience. The #1 masculine mentorship program in the world, where he’s helping men master confidence, sexuality, & purpose to reignite the passion in their relationship or attract a meaningful relationship. He’s on a mission to spread a conscious sexual revolution for men worldwide so that they can show up as integrated partners, fathers, and leaders.

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