‘How do I become a better lover?’ ……..
The question every guy asks himself at some point – how to be good in bed.
Unfortunately, there is no single answer to this question.
The truth is that there are many different things that go into being great in bed. It’s not just about learning the specific way to give head and bring her to orgasm, or things you can do with your c*ck to make her scream.
Those things are important of course. But you know what else is important? The energy you carry. Your attitude towards her. How you carry yourself on a day-to-day basis… All of these things impact a woman’s experience of and with you in between the sheets.
How to work on these things? You need to put your attention towards overcoming your sexual fears, being trustworthy, understanding what women want, and developing sexual confidence.
Another part of the answer to this question is to know what sex positions are best for her pleasure. That’s right – her pleasure. Although you may love doing her doggy style and achieve strong orgasms from this position, it’s not necessarily going to be the same case for her.
You need to learn – and then master – the positions which are likely to be the most pleasurable for her. These positions are more pleasurable because they hit the most sensitive, pleasurable spots for her.
In this article I will outline these positions in detail.
Table of Contents
- The trap of boring sex
- Happy wife, happy life
- Sexless relationships
- Check in with your intentions
- Initial guidelines for experimenting in the bedroom.
- Sex Positions For Her Pleasure
- The Cowgirl
- The Relaxed Cowgirl
- Split-Scissor Missionary
- Reclined Doggy Style
- Table Top With Angle Support
- The Seated Wheelbarrow
- Hail The Queen Face Straddle
- How to be good in bed and drive her crazy in between the sheets?
The trap of boring sex
Having the same type of sex over and over can get boring. Satisfying your woman can be difficult, especially if you suffer from low confidence, sexual dysfunction, and performance anxiety.
When these issues are present, spicing things up in the bedroom isn’t so easy. It will require time, energy, and most importantly – communication.
If you really want to satisfy your woman in bed you need to have an open conversation with your partner about what turns her on – and off. Women are complex beings and cannot be lumped together in one category. What worked with one woman you slept with in the past might not work for your current woman. This is why dialogue is so necessary.
Whether you’re interested in giving her mind-blowing orgasms, integrating sex toys into the bedroom, or simply having a little more sex in your marriage…
… It’s important for men to have the ability to satisfy their woman in the bed, not just out of his own ego, but for the quality of their relationship.
Happy wife, happy life
A woman who is sexually satisfied is more radiant, shining, and radiant in everyday life. Higher levels of estrogen in her body literally make her see the world as more beautiful and she glows from the inside out.
A woman who is sexually satisfied bestows upon you all of the greatest gifts of the Goddess. Those qualities that you found so precious and enticing about women in the first place will be right in front of your eyes.
So by learning how to be good in bed and becoming a better lover, you are not only doing her a favor. You are also doing yourself a favor. ‘Happy wife, happy life’. When your woman is sexually satisfied, your life will be blessed with her intoxicating feminine energy.
Let’s face it, a sexless relationship is no one’s idea of a good relationship.
A sexless relationship is usually a broken relationship. The lack of sex is a symptom of something that has gone very, very wrong.
If a relationship is sexless then it is closer to a roommate’s relationship – not passionate lovers. Of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with being roommates, but I don’t think it satisfies most people.
Check in with your intentions
When becoming a better lover it is important to make sure that your intentions are correct.
Your intentions should be to give her a better, more fulfilling sexual experience – not to boost your own ego.
If your intentions reside within the ego, being a “real man” or proving to yourself that you can conquer her then it will stain the whole sexual experience.
So don’t make her pleasure about your performance. This is not how we master the art of true giving. It is taking energy. And that is not the way of the tantric man.
The tantric man appreciates, devours, and worships. He gives without expecting to receive in return. But first, he needs to know precisely what to give.
Want to learn how to be good in bed? Well, the first step that lies ahead is a frank but compassionate and loving chat.
Initial guidelines for experimenting in the bedroom.
1. Talk about it.
It is imperative that you and your partner are both on the same page.
This means that both of you will have uncovered why such experimentation is needed and agreed wholeheartedly to do this.
This may feel uncomfortable to most couples at first as it entails a step (or leap) outside of the comfort zone.
To ease the discomfort, you can try making the discussion into a game. Grab a pen and paper each.
On your papers, write down how often you’d like to have sex and the new sex positions you’d like to try.
At the bottom, write down how often you believe your partner wants to have sex and the new positions they’d like to try.
Exchange papers, have a laugh, and start a discussion.
2. Setting up the crime scene
Before jumping into the action, make sure that you have prepared the space accordingly. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive.
A little goes a long way and small touches like silky, fresh bedsheets, feathers, or flower petals can have big impacts.
You can also incorporate objects that have a specific or sentimental meaning to your relationship – such as photographs or momentums from memories of beautiful times spent together.
Many love and sex gurus also suggest the use of chocolate. This is because it is an aphrodisiac due to its stimulation of brain chemical tryptophan – which is involved in sexual arousal.
Chocolate also contains phenylethylamine, a stimulant related to amphetamine, which is released in the brain when people fall in love.
You can also light some scented candles and play some soft music to enhance the mood. It is important in this preparation stage that you stimulate all of the senses for both you and your partner. Women in particular need foreplay, and not just the kind involving hands, fingers, and tongues.
Everything about the setting and the atmosphere you create is important and will contribute to her arousal and overall level of sexual satisfaction. So pick your dirty clothes up off the floor, make the bed and prepare the space for your Goddess..!
3. Get ready
Now is the time to prepare yourselves.
Have a shower or bath and wear some fresh and sharp underwear. Women value things like personal hygiene and if you or your breath are smelling of cigarettes or the garlic and pepper chicken you ate for lunch, it is a turn off. Not only is it a turn off in the moment, but it can signal an overall lack of care and consideration which will only serve to drive distance between you.
Once both of you are in the bedroom, one way to connect with your partner is to offer a massage. A sensual stroke or kiss raises the sexual energy. You can also lick, give soft bites, or start with the sex toys – depending on what you have already discussed.
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4. The main event
You and your partner are now about to reap the fruits of your hard work.
While some men are not familiar with what positions are the most pleasurable for women, I have prepared some for you.
Of course, this is just a generalization of what positions work best for MOST women, but don’t forget to ask your partner about her preferences. After all, not any two women are the same, and what turns one woman on might not work for another.
Sex positions for her pleasure
1. The cowgirl
Yee-haw! This classic position is fairly easy to do.
The woman is on top in a control position while you lie down on your back. You can choose whether you relax or guide her. The woman straddles him in a kneeling position and rides his cock as if she’s riding a horse.
While on top, the woman can vary things up a bit by grinding rather than riding up and down. She can even get on her feet and squat to rev things up a bit and really f*ck you hard.
You may choose to relax, guide her hips or play with her breasts. The cowgirl gives the woman full control of her own pleasure. She can choose what turns her on the most in regards to the depth of penetration and clitoral stimulation.
2. The relaxed cowgirl
This position is a slight variation of the cowgirl. From the classic cowgirl, the woman leans forward and can kiss you; or she can rest on her arms on top of your chest; or lastly, fully fold on top of you.
This variation allows for more kissing, eye gazing, and intimacy, and increasing stimulation of the clitoris.
Alongside the above, you may now grab more of her ass and may choose to playfully slap it once or twice. Some women like this. Some less so. Some LOVE it. Find out which category your woman falls into regarding a little rough and tumble in the bedroom. Experiment with giving her what she wants!
You can also give more sensation to your woman by rubbing her back or lightly scratching it.
Finally, you can hug your woman in this position, bringing her closer and intensifying the intimacy.
3. Split-scissor missionary
This next position requires a bit of positioning.
Lie down next to your woman.
While laying supine, she raises the leg closest to you and the man pivots to the side of her, propping yourself up on your elbow and grabbing her thigh.
You can either drape the leg over your body or grab the thigh and push it towards your chest.
Then, wrap both of your legs on the other thigh furthest away from you.
From this position, you can thrust yourself into her. By raising your knee slightly, he’s able to thrust deeper and have a wider range of motion.
Rather than propping yourself up with your elbow, you may choose to grab her shoulders and pull downward for a more vigorous thrust. Whilst in this position, the woman is free to do whatever she wants with her hands.
4. Reclined doggy style
This alternative to the classic doggy style allows for deep penetration and at the same time more comfort than the original.
To get into the alternative doggy style position the woman lies flat on her belly with a full-sized pillow underneath her belly/hips.
Her body is able to completely relax without having to hold up the legs and arms. You either get on your knees behind her, or stand on your feet in the frog position (flexibility required), then grab her hips and thrust yourself into her.
You can decide the tempo and depth. Adjust the pillow underneath to get into a perfect angle for an amazing G-spot stimulation.
5. Table top with angle support
Although requiring some flexibility to pull off, this sexual position goes deep. It will create an amazing sensation due to the angle of penetration.
Have your woman lie on her back at the edge of a table or the bed with a pillow underneath her butt. Alternatively, you can invest in the sex pillow “the wedge” for a better angle.
Lift her feet in the air and penetrate her from a standing position beside the bed. This also works in a sitting or kneeling position while being on the bed. You can either hold her legs or her ankles or choose to let her ankles rest on his shoulders.
If you want to really make this position stimulating and sensual, you can kiss and caress her feet and legs.
6. The seated wheelbarrow
A chair is needed for this position; the more comfortable and bigger the chair, the better.
Sit on the chair while your woman sits on your lap facing away from you.
Then, have your woman spread her legs on the outside of your legs. She leans forward and supports herself with her hands.
She can ride you up and down or grind while you support her through her hips. This is a fun position but may tire her pretty quickly if she doesn’t have good arm strength.
7. Hail the queen face straddle
This position inverts the classic oral sex.
Lie down, then have your woman straddle herself over your face and riding your mouth with her p**sy. Her legs should be over your shoulders so that you can grab her ass and playfully slap it.
While in this position, enjoy yourself and go wild, exploring her with your tongue.
How to be good in bed and drive her crazy in between the sheets?
Remember, this isn’t just about you.
It’s about you and your woman.
If she indicates discomfort with the experimentation, respect that. However, you shouldn’t drop the point entirely.
Get in tune with her body language. If her body opens to do more of that, do it. If it closes – change it up.
If you find what really makes her squirm and moan and writhe with pleasure, continue doing that for a while – and then move to something else before you return to that very thing. This will tease her and build up the sexual tension until she goes over the top.
It’s very, very important that you understand that, as an adult, it’s your responsibility to take care of your own needs. That doesn’t mean forcing your partner through a process they don’t want to have right then and there, but it does mean following up about it later.
If you can get it right and delight her in between the sheets by learning how to become good in bed, she will pay you back with her radiance. She will paint your life with her exquisite beauty and happiness every single day.
If you have read through this article and think you could do with even more help with becoming a better lover to save your marriage from disconnection. Then you can check out my free relationship training for men. What are you waiting for? The relationship of your dreams could be right around the corner…
Men's Relationship Coach
Steffo is the founder of The Tantric Man Experience, the #1 masculine mentorship program in the world. There he helps men in relationships reignite the passion to restore their marriages from the brink of divorce. And single men attract their dream women naturally with success. He's on a mission to guide men towards an intimate and meaningful relationship, and end the war with their sexuality, so they can finally become integrated men, fathers, brothers, husbands, and leaders in the world.
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