How To Ask A Girl For Her Number: 5 Easy Steps To Follow

Steffo Shambo

Published on Dec 18, 2023
how to ask a girl for her number

There she is – the girl that makes everyone else in the room seem irrelevant. Her smile lights up the room.

You muster the courage to initiate conversation, and it seems to be going well. The banter is flowing smoother than the espresso shots.

Then the moment of truth arrives, and your mind races faster than an F1 race car: what other way can you hang out with her unless you get her number?

And now you’ve landed on this guide: how to ask a girl for her number.

The reality is that there’s more to this topic than just knowing what to say to get her digits. It’s also about charisma, confidence, and answering whatever comes your way with the grace of a swan on a lake.

No more sweating over the question like a math test you didn’t study for. I’ll explain how to ask a girl for her number without being weird.

What To Do Before Asking For A Girl’s Number

Here’s what to do before asking for her phone number:

  • Establish a genuine connection
  • Make your intentions clear
  • Read her body language
  • Communicate nonverbally

Laying some groundwork is essential before knowing how to ask a girl for her number.

Connecting isn’t just about sharing a few laughs and finding common interests. It’s about giving the woman a sense of who you are and what you’re about.

Most men fail because they begin to act like someone they’re not.

A woman can sense when you’re not being authentic. Therefore, it’s why they throw shit tests at you to help them determine if you’re the kind of man she wants to be with.

And passing a girl’s shit tests begins with solid self-esteem and confidence.

In short, you must ensure that the vibe is immaculate to pave the way to successfully getting a girl’s phone number.

Important Note: Do you feel you need to feel better to ask her? The truth is, you don’t need to be perfect to attract a girl. Understand exactly why by watching my short clip below:

Establish a genuine connection

Think about a time when you hit it off with someone. What made that interaction special?

Before getting a woman’s number, you must be on the same page. Otherwise, a lack of connection makes her less likely to say yes.

Asking for her number is more of a byproduct of two people connecting. Seeing it this way can also help you ease the nerves and focus on laying a solid foundation.

Make your intentions clear

No one likes to feel like they’re getting played, neither would you.

So, make your intentions clear to avoid any misunderstandings to begin with. Doing so prevents you from being put in the friend zone.

Women appreciate honesty. Being straightforward can also give off a masculine vibe because you’re not afraid to express yourself openly.

A straightforward statement, “I enjoyed our conversation and would love to continue another time. Are you down to exchange numbers?”

Be direct. Not only is it practical, but it shows that you have a genuine interest.

showing no signs of sexual attraction leads to the friend zone

Read her body language

Her body language tells you if she’s excited to talk to you.

Is her body facing you? Or perhaps she doesn’t have an open body language. Is she turned away, almost like she’s looking for a retreat?

Before asking for her number, ensure she feels entirely comfortable around you. You can tell by the subtle signs she shows mid-conversation.

She will likely shoot down the ask if your minds aren’t in the same place.

Here are a few examples of what to look out for:

  • Is she laughing at your jokes?
  • Does she lean in when you talk?
  • Is she mirroring your actions and comfortable with physical touch?

These are positive signs she’s comfortable and interested.

So, gents, pay attention to her actions. She might even be leaving you with subtle hints.

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So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

Communicate nonverbally

Most women will leave nonverbal cues and hints.

Words are just one way to communicate. What’s more important than what you say is how you say it.

In other words, I’m talking about:

  • Facial expressions
  • Eye contact
  • Body language
  • Tone of voice

Nonverbal communication is a powerful way to build a connection and establish your interest.

Small gestures like lightly tapping her whenever you make a joke or holding firm eye contact can say a lot.

How To Ask A Girl For Her Number In Person

Here’s how to ask a girl for her number:

  • Get the timing right
  • Be calm, smooth, and relaxed
  • Have your phone ready
  • Casually ask for her phone number
  • Make a smooth exit

Besides asking for numbers, you could ask for their Instagram instead.

The easiest way to say it is like this, “Hey, I’ve enjoyed talking to you! Let’s trade numbers/Instagram for a drink/coffee sometime.”

Keep in mind that you’re just talking. No need to worry about what the future holds, like her exact expectations for a relationship. Just focus on the present.

Her giving you her Instagram or phone number isn’t a trophy. It’s a byproduct of two people connecting and hoping to see each other again.

1. Get the timing right

Timing is everything when it comes to asking for a girl’s number.

It’s not about catching her off guard. Nor is it about rushing to ask right after your pickup line or before she leaves.

Instead, it’s about finding a high point in your conversation—a moment where you’re both engaged and enjoying the interaction.

It could be after sharing a laugh, discovering a shared interest, or simply when the conversation flows nicely. This way, asking for her number feels like a natural next step rather than an abrupt interruption.

2. Be calm, smooth, and relaxed

always have a calm demeanor

Feeling a bit nervous is natural.

Even the bravest men on the front lines of battle are nervous. However, they never show their fear to those around or in front of them.

Confidence is key. Keep your cool, maintain eye contact, and let your interest shine through.

Don’t worry about how you look. Focus on the positives rather than the negatives.

It’s not about putting on a show or proving something. It’s about showing her that you’re comfortable with yourself and that you respect her comfort as well.

Maintaining a calm and relaxed demeanor is a classic Sigma male trait.

Being calm not only demonstrates that you’re a man of confidence, but it also makes her feel more chill around you.  

3. Have your phone ready

Having your phone ready is a simple but important step.

Be prepared and be respectful of her time.

When you ask for her number, simply hand her your phone and let her type it in. This makes the process smooth and easy for her. Plus, it’s a great opportunity for you to step back and give her a moment to think.

These minor details can make the process feel more natural.

4. Casually ask for her phone number or Instagram

Keep it casual. Ask for her Instagram or phone number confidently.  

You’re only asking for her contacts. It’s not as big of a deal as you might think.

No need for a drumroll or a grand announcement like you’re performing at a concert for the first time.

In fact, the less of a deal you make, the more comfortable she’ll feel.

Here’s an example, “Talking to you has been fun, and I’d love to talk more another time. Let’s exchange numbers/Instagrams so we can continue the conversation.”

there tends to be less friction when asking for her social media

5. Make a smooth exit

Don’t drag it on and get emotionally needy, or start showing her how desperate you are.

And once she’s agreed to give you her number, don’t make too quick of an exit either.

After she’s given you her phone number or Instagram, make a closing line. You can say something along the lines of, “Cool, I’ll text you soon. Have a great day!”

And after you’ve made your closing line, only then should you walk away.

The most important thing here is to leave on a high note. This leaves a positive, lasting impression and leaves you lingering in her mind, setting the stage for future interactions.

WATCH FREE TRAINING NOW

Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

How To Ask A Girl For Her Number Over Text Messages

Time to switch gears.

What if you’re talking to a girl on a dating app like Tinder or on social media, and you want to ask for her number over text?

Here’s how:

  • Never ask abruptly out of nowhere
  • Send a qualifying message
  • Clarify her intentions
  • Directly ask for her number

Are you not convinced that dating apps work? The data says otherwise.

Here’s what a survey by Forbes Health revealed:

“70% of individuals who met someone on a dating app said it led to a romantic, exclusive relationship”

True, asking over text might be trickier. You can’t read her body language or hear her tone of voice.

You might even misinterpret some of the things she says and vice versa.

To summarize, a closing sequence is better than an abrupt message.

An abrupt message would be asking out of nowhere, “Hey, what’s your number?”

A sequence means sending 2-3 messages that lead into the close. Here’s a good 3-part messaging sequence to structure the ask:

  • Qualifying message: “Do you ever have time free from work to actually have fun?”
  • Clarifying message: “So, what’s your view on drinks and banter with an attractive new friend?”
  • Closing message: “That’s perfect. My number is X, what’s yours?”

1. Never ask abruptly out of nowhere

Build up to the question. Never jump in out of nowhere and ask the girl her number.

Worse, don’t get straight into the dirty talk when you’ve barely gotten to know each other. Have some sexual self-constraint, get your head out of the gutter, and keep things casual.

Here’s an example sequence:

  • Start a conversation
  • Show genuine interest in her
  • Create a connection
  • Only then should you ask for her number.

The point is to make the conversation natural. Show that you’re actually interested in her.

Otherwise, asking her directly without building up the conversation makes it seem as though your only intent is to get her number.

Even if that is your intention, you’ve gotta be smooth!

2. Send a qualifying message

build the conversation up before asking to increase success rate

A qualifying message is to gauge her interest or availability.

You want to determine if she’s actually into you. A qualifying message helps you do so by giving her a chance to respond in a way that gives you a hint about whether she’s interested in hanging out.

If she replies positively, you can move on to the next stage.

3. Clarify her intentions

Read her vibe. Follow on from the qualifying message by adding more of a flirtatious comment to see where she’s at in terms of sexual interest.

As mentioned earlier, you could say something like, “What are your thoughts on grabbing a coffee on a Sunday afternoon with a new, attractive friend?”

A message like this makes it clear you’re interested. It also gives her room for a way out in case she’s not interested.

4. Directly ask for her number

Has she replied positively to the previous message?

If so, it’s time to go in for the kill. Ask her directly for her phone number to continue the conversation.

However, be casual and don’t see it as a big deal. Remember that it’s a byproduct of two people connecting.

You can say something like, “What’s your phone number so we can continue the conversation more easily.”

Keep it natural and low-pressure.

How To Handle Different Responses After Asking For A Girl’s Number

regardless of her reply always be relaxed and stay composed

Let’s talk about handling different responses.

Whether she says yes, hesitates, or says no, handle her response like an alpha male and not an insecure beta. Show grace and understanding.

Regardless of her reply, it doesn’t define your worth or attractiveness.

When she’s interested and says yes

If she says yes and gives you her number, that’s great!

Now, getting her number is just the first step. You can text her within the next 24 hours or 2-3 days. Don’t text her immediately because it can suggest that you’re desperate or needy.

You can text her something like, “Hey, it was great speaking to you yesterday. What are you up to?”

When she hesitates

Don’t panic or get defensive when she hesitates.

A real man in touch with his feminine side will have the emotional intelligence to understand why she would hesitate.

You could use humor or enthusiasm to diffuse the situation and ease the tension.

For example, you could say something like, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to spam you with cat memes… unless you’re into that kind of thing.”

Show that you don’t take yourself too seriously and that you’re respectful of her comfort.

Most importantly, give her a bit of room and time to decide. Don’t pressure her.

If she’s still unsure and hasn’t done anything, you could offer to give her your number instead. This puts the ball in her court and gives her the control she might need to feel comfortable.

When she says no

Followed all the steps in this guide on how to ask a girl for her number, but did she still say no?

It can’t always be helped. Accept her decision gracefully and say something like, “No problem. It was nice speaking to you. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

Be respectful of her decision.

And hey, kudos to you. Why? Because you had the balls to approach and ask.

Asking a girl for her number takes courage. Unfortunately, most guys will walk away without trying.

What’s worse than the rejection is the uncertainty that lies since there’s always that possibility that she would’ve said yes.

There are many women out there. Countless. Plenty of fish in the sea for everyone. Move on and hold your head up high.

regret feels a lot more shit than rejection

Example Dialogue When Asking For A Woman’s Number

You: “I’ve really enjoyed talking to you. You have a good vibe, and I love your passion for art. We should exchange numbers so you can share more of your painting, and I could also share my terrible taste in art.”

Her: “Haha, sure. Here’s my number…”

You: “Great, I’m looking forward to it. I’ll text you later this week and plan that art exhibit meet-up that we were talking about.”

Her: “Sounds good, I’m looking forward to it!”

You: “Awesome, have a lovely rest of your day!”

Conclusion: Don’t Shy Away From Asking For A Girl’s Phone Number

Time to land this plane.

In this guide, we discussed how to ask a girl for her number. These principles work both face-to-face or over text on a dating app.

Getting a girl’s number might be as nerve-wracking as singing karaoke for the first time, but the pros outweigh the cons.

The next time you’re unsure whether to ask her for her number, count to three and just do it.

Otherwise, you’ll find yourself sitting in your room later wondering what type of love story you could’ve started. That uncertainty and regret do a lot more damage than getting rejected.

To maximize your chances of success to get a girl’s number, show her that you’re a man of substance. You’re not the same as the other countless men out there.

Moreover, make it clear you’re genuinely interested, not just another person playing the numbers game.

You can think of getting her number as a dance. Be bold and lead with your best foot forward.

But hey, if you step on a toe or two along the way, no sweat. You’re human, and that’s part of the charm.

Some of you are more of a go-getter than others.

If that’s you and you want to dive deeper into the art of attraction with a tantric dating coach, watch my free exclusive training video. This teaches you how to attract your dream woman naturally without relying on pickup lines.

WATCH FREE TRAINING NOW

Boost your confidence, master your sexuality, and find your purpose.

So you can reignite the passion in your relationship or attract your perfect woman.

FAQs

How do you ask a girl for her number without being obvious?

Play it cool and stay composed. Be transparent by directly asking her for her number. Leave the conversation on a high. Sugarcoating your intentions may lead to misunderstandings and even setting yourself up for the friend zone.

Do I ask her for her number?

Yes, especially if it’s a cute girl you’re romantically interested in. There’s no harm in politely asking a girl for her number if you approach naturally without pressuring her. Be positive and confident. You got this!

How do you ask a stranger for her number?

Start a genuine conversation with her first. Test the waters. See how she responds and if she’s giving you good signs. If the conversation progresses positively, you can casually ask the girl for her number. For example, “Hey, you’re a fun person to talk to, and I’d love to hang out. Let’s trade numbers for a coffee sometime.”

When a girl gives you her number without you asking?

It might be a good sign, depending on how the conversation went. If the girl offers her phone number without asking, she could be into you. Either that, or she’s comfortable enough with you because she sees you as a friendly person to hang out with.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

Steffo Shambo is the founder of The Tantric Man Experience. The #1 masculine mentorship program in the world, where he’s helping men master confidence, sexuality, & purpose to reignite the passion in their relationship or attract a meaningful relationship. He’s on a mission to spread a conscious sexual revolution for men worldwide so that they can show up as integrated partners, fathers, and leaders.

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