Depression And Sex: How Depression Affects Your Sex Life

Steffo Shambo

Updated on Sep 20, 2023
depression and sex

Have you noticed how sometimes feelings of stress, sadness, anxiety, or worry have affected your sex drive? That’s because an erection starts in the brain. To truly unleash your inner king, and achieve true sexual pleasure, your mind needs to be excited, relaxed, and at peace. 

Depression and sex are some of the most common issues men face that I am working with. The brain is the most powerful sex organ for a man. It sends the signals down to the penis and opens the flow for the blood to get there. 

If your mind is stressed, stress hormones are released throughout your body and block your erection. It’s the idea of “mind sex.” You can get turned on by hearing the ‘right’ word, seeing something arousing, or smelling a scent or aroma, without being physically stimulated. The brain is, in this sense, an erroneous zone.

Depression and sex drive are connected in various ways. If you’re suffering from depression, you might have noticed signs of sexual dysfunction or even performance anxiety. In this blog, I will take you through depression, how it affects your sex life, and what you can do to overcome it to experience true sexual freedom.

man and woman wearing white robes

How depression affects your sexual health

Depression is a common illness that is often socially misunderstood. There are various types of depression. Depression can develop in anyone at any point throughout their lives. Commonly, any kind of depression can affect one’s sex life severely. Men and women experience it in different ways, though.

How depression affects a man’s sex life

If a man is suffering from depression, he might experience one or more of the following:

  • Low self-esteem: Self-esteem is all about loving yourself, waking up in the morning, and liking who you are. It’s about building self-confidence as well as having a healthy sense of achievement. Low self-esteem deriving from some type of depression, might affect your life and give you fear of rejection by women.
  • Anxiety. Anxiety can become a burden for men both physically and mentally. Panic and fear can make it difficult for you to get aroused when a million thoughts are going through your mind. 
  • Losing interest in things you love. Activities that used to be entertaining are no longer of interest to you. Sex might also be one of those activities that you no longer find appealing. 
  • Feeling sexually distant from your partner. Depression leads to low self-esteem. This might be making you feel distant from your partner. This distance can be both physical and emotional.
  • Guilt. Are you feeling guilty because you think that you are unable to please women in bed? Guilt is a common sign of low self-esteem as well as major depression. 
  • Lack of energy. Issues such as relationship problems, pressure to perform, or an unhealthy, stressful lifestyle can lead to a lack of energy, a sign of depression.
  • You are unsure how to initiate sex. Your anxiety, which might be deeply connected to depression, overpowers you. You’re not sure what to do and how to initiate sex with your partner.
  • Delayed orgasms. It might take you too long to achieve a sexual climax, or maybe you can’t orgasm at all. Delayed orgasms are linked to depression and mental health conditions.
  • Premature ejaculation: Depression is one of the most significant factors affecting men’s ejaculation. Feelings of anxiety and stress caused by depression can often lead to premature ejaculation.


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Not everyone is experiencing the same issues though

Each person experiences depression in different ways, and the symptoms can vary. The more severe the symptoms, the more sexual problems you might be facing.

Research also shows that the use of antidepressant medication has a massive effect on people’s sex drive.  Antidepressants increase the amount of serotonin in your brain but create such a big spike which makes orgasms less easy to achieve.

man sitting naked on the corner of the bed in a dark bedroom

Depression and sex: how to overcome the sexual side effects

As I explained above, sexual arousal and desire start from your brain.  Our mind controls all sexual behaviors. They are the result of our various hormones as well as the sensory and nervous systems working together. 

The brain sends the signals and chemicals throughout your body for the blood to start flowing.  The blood then reached the penis, giving you the sexual arousal needed to perform. Depression works by disrupting the flow of those chemicals in your body and results in sexual dysfunction problems. This is why depression and sexual dysfunction are so connected to each other. 

How can you overcome the sexual side effects of depression, though? Getting over depression can be a long and challenging process. However, there are things you can do to start improving your sexual health and well-being.

5 tips to overcoming depression to improve your sex life

1) Engage in physical exercise. 

Trying out new physical activity types is a great way to reconnect with your body and start loving it again. There is no need to overdo it. A bit of walking, dancing, or a class at the gym will release those endorphins and improve your mood. 

2) Talk to your partner or someone you feel comfortable with. 

Try talking to someone you trust about your sexual issues caused by depression. Such conversations will help you release part of your burden and anxiety. Sharing your concerns with your partner will help ease the situation and move step by step towards the solution of the problem.

3) Initiate intimate contact.

Talk to your partner and try to initiate an intimate moment. It doesn’t have to be sex. Kiss, cuddle, hug, or hold hands. These non-sexual intimate moments will take away the pressure of an intense sexual activity. 

You can take your time and let those pure emotions run through your body. When the right time comes, you will be able to engage in sexual intercourse without performance pressure.

4) Release stress.

Stress and anxiety are two of the biggest causes of sexual issues, especially when suffering from depression. If you want to release stress, you can try meditation, exercise, listening to music, or writing in a journal. 

5) Try a tantric yoga practice. 

Tantra is not just about tantric sex. Tantra is an experience to empower men and help them connect with their partners and emotions. A tantric yoga practice will help you ease your mind and integrate consciousness into your daily life.

Is your partner suffering from depression?

If you think that your partner is suffering from depression, it’s essential to let them know you are by their side. 

Communicating about depression and sex is very important. Talking will help your partner unload their stress and anxiety. 

Another suggestion you could make is spending some time with a professional sex coach or tantra teacher. The depth and strength of your relationship together are linked to the quality of your sex life. It is critical to address your needs as a couple.

back view of a woman leaning on a mans shoulder

Healthy sex life is linked to your brain.

Depression and sex are connected in several ways. When you’re suffering from depression, your brain doesn’t let you think clearly. You worry about things, especially about getting an erection and satisfying your partner in bed. This leads to performance anxiety, and you end up getting into a vicious cycle.  

It takes time to heal the mind and bring it to a healthy place, where sexual issues don’t exist anymore. It is the brain that will help you unleash your inner king and your true self, both physically and mentally. 

This is exactly what my free training does. It helps men suffering from such issues control their minds and become the men they were born to be. This training will help you understand exactly how an erection starts from the brain and how your brain signals to your whole body that it is ready for sex. You will learn how not to let your brain overpower you but gain full control and live a healthy sexual life.

Watch my free training here to get out of your depression to improve your sex life.

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Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Men's Tantric Relationship Coach

I am the founder of The Tantric Man Experience™, a pioneering transformational coaching program for men. With over 1500 hours of certified tantra training in India and Thailand and 7 years of experience helping hundreds of men worldwide save their marriages and reignite passion in their love lives.

I have over 8 million views on YouTube and have been featured on VICE and Newstalk Radio for my life’s work - helping men unleash their full masculine potential.

My holistic FLT method seamlessly integrates ancient tantric philosophy with my modern expertise in relationships, sexuality, dating, and men’s health.

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