What does it mean to be a conscious man?


What does it mean to be a strong, confident man who exudes the mature, evolved qualities of masculinity?

What does it feel like to be sexually empowered as a man?

It can be a lifelong journey to discover the answers to those questions.

Turning to the art of Tantra can help.

To go within and discover oneself sometimes requires help and inspiration from outside.

A push in the right direction.

A mentor or sexual empowerment coach could do it, a Tantric masculinity workshop or men’s circle could help—or, as old-school as it may seem, a book could be just what we need.


“A book is like a garden carried in your pocket.”  ~ Chinese Proverb


Inspiration and wise words are all great pointers, but they are merely that.

In the end, we men need to do our own work to discover the mature masculine aspect within.

No one can do it for us.

We need to reclaim the original wild man, the lost masculine archetype, or, as the poet and author Robert Bly metaphorically describes, the “hairy man at the bottom of the lake.”


Here are 9 book recommendations from my Tantric brothers in the Facebook group and me:


1. The Way of The Superior Man, by David Deida:

Good for: Confidence, spirituality, and sexuality.

This is the first book I ever read on the subject and a total must-read for all men. Considered a classic in Tantra and conscious sexuality, it is a confronting book that you will either love or hate. It has helped me, along with thousands of other men (and women too) to learn how to merge the two seemingly opposite worlds; spirituality and sexuality. How to live as a strong, confident man, as well as how to get a deeper understanding of your feminine side. Even before I was done with the book, I had already begun to make changes in my life, positively affecting me and my partner.

2. Iron John, by Robert Bly:

Good for: Understanding father/son relationships.

This well-studied poetic book is a pure masterpiece. It takes you on a journey of what it is to be a man through a metaphorical story of “Iron John.” It helped me understand the different male archetypes and how we are mentally disempowered by our remote and emotionally distant fathers. In today’s modern society we lack a real initiation rite into manhood and I would claim that this is as close as it gets when it comes to rites of passage in book form.

3. King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, by Robert Moore:

Good for: Understanding masculine energies.

Written within a Jungian framework, this books helps men to understand their own psyches by understanding the four archetypes of masculine energies. This has helped me incorporate and embody the conscious masculine in my daily life. It’s easy to oversee and be predominant in one of the aspects—but all four are equally important for a conscious man.

4. No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Dr. Robert A. Glover:

Good for: Understanding what women want.

If you are single because women choose jerks over you, this is the book for you. Women often claim they want the “nice guy” but then end up with the “macho guy,” when, in fact, they want neither: Women just want a conscious man. The nice guy syndrome is something I have suffered from before—trying to please others while neglecting my own needs, causing resentment, and lashing out in frustration at my loved ones. If you are dealing with your own mask of the nice guy, this book can transform your life.

5. The Multi-Orgasmic Man, by Mantak Chia:

Good for: Enhancing your sexual pleasure.

Did you know that men can also experience multiple whole body orgasms? This book amazingly unites the secrets of Eastern Tantric Taoism with the Western scientific mindset. Read it if you want to enhance your sexual pleasure and get tips and tricks on how to separate orgasm from ejaculation. I learned a great deal about working with the sexual energy in my body.

6. Cultivating Male Sexual Energy, by Mantak Chia:

Good for: Using energies.

Mantak Chia reveals the secrets of Taoist sexuality to the general public for the first time. We learn how to transform sexual energy through the “microcosmic orbit,” and how to use that energy to rejuvenate our bodies, minds, and spirits, propelling us into transcendent states of consciousness. This book is great to realize and understand that men not only have masculine energy but also feminine energy—both which are equally important and need to be in balance to experience a conscious masculinity.

7. Fire In The Belly, by Sam Keen:

Good for: Finding your purpose.

This author is a part-time poet, and a full-time deep, introspective thinker. It’s an early men’s book, but much of the content is still of relevance today. It’s written to inspire men to go on a quest of self-discovery, to discover their internal fire for life and their purpose. If you like thinking, if you’re wondering what it means to be a man, if you enjoy reading psychology, this is the book for you.

8. Keys To The Kingdom, by Alison A. Armstrong:

Good for: Improving relationships.

Alison A. Armstrong’s 15-year study of men takes you on a journey of discovery into the workings of men, women, and relationships. The simple-to-use insights can profoundly alter your relationships, not limited only to your love life but also relationships with your friends and family. Though it’s been written by a woman, we can learn a whole lot about masculinity from Keys to the Kingdom.

9. The New Manhood, by Steve Biddulph:

Good for: Understanding manhood.

This book has a specific mission: to guide men through the “seven steps to manhood.” The steps are:

1. “Fixing it” between you and your father.
2. Discovering the sacredness of your sexuality.
3. Meeting your partner on equal terms.
4. Being a true dad to your kids.
5. Learning to have real male friends.
6. Finding the heart and joy in your work.
7. Freeing your inner wild spirit.

There is a later edition that has been revised and updated to meet the needs of younger men, who are struggling with these issues in the 21st century.

Beginning to Master Conscious Masculinity

Don’t worry if a whole book in one day sounds daunting – if you are like me and are unable to do that, even just 5 or 10 minutes a day can make a difference.

If you’d like to read more about conscious masculinity and get more book ideas you can read the full article on Elephant Journal,  here: 9 Bad*ss Books to help us Master Conscious Masculinity.

Which other books have helped you transform the way you define yourself as a man in this world?

If you feel like a book deserves to be on this list, please post your suggestion in the comments below.

Finally, if you’re ready to fully embody what it means to be a conscious man, watch my free training for conscious men here.


Steffo Shambo

Steffo Shambo

Mentor at Tantric Academy

Steffo Shambo is the founder of the most reliable self-empowerment system on the planet, that has transformed hundreds of men’s marriages from all around the world. His specialty is helping men realize their full masculine confidence, intimate power, and depth of connection with their spouse.

“It meant a paradigm shift in life.” – Patrik, Sweden
“Life-changing experience.” – Antonio, Italy